Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: THE WORLD REVOLVING
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: ThatHiddenCharacter (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5110)
[attachment deleted by admin]
I CAN DO ANYTHING!
However:
- Polka stuff usually has chords on the offbeats, and that is in fact the case here, as played by the accordion (and sometimes trombones). Your arrangement is just comprised of single notes for that part and it's a little underwhelming.
- There's also a bunch of harmonies wrong here and there but I'm not going to go through that on the forums because that's super tedious (so I DM'd you on Discord lol).
- The tempo marking is too close to the notes.
- There's also a lot of squished in stuff that could be remedied by shrinking the staff sizes (and maybe spreading everything differently).
Quote from: WaluigiTime64 on November 14, 2018, 03:38:22 PM- There's also a lot of squished in stuff that could be remedied by shrinking the staff sizes (and maybe spreading everything differently).
I've just been spending the past while working on that myself. Behold my new and improved measure distribution!
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/512413914437386251/unknown.png
This keeps all first and second time bars on the same system which is much easier for reading and also keeps everything to less than six measures per system. I also shrank the staff size to 6mm but it still works at 6.5mm if you prefer that (I just think this is a little neater.)
Updated files.
Few notes from me, looking at it:
- the tempo marking "chaotic" description is clever, but it needs to be a bold type. If you need me to do that, just ask
- ^^ same note applies to the D.C. at the end (why is it an "al Fine"? Help me out here)
- composer credit should be labeled as follows: Toby "Radiation" Fox
- I'm only 90% sure this is right, but beamed grace notes should be notated as 16ths and shorter (right, updaters?)
- I don't know if slurs are your fancy, but they could really bring out your intended articulation and spruce things up a bit
I like what you have going here; really good stuff
Quote from: LeviR.star on November 14, 2018, 07:24:55 PM- I'm only 90% sure this is right, but beamed grace notes should be notated as 16ths and shorter (right, updaters?)
I've only ever seen them as 8ths, I've never been told off for having them as such before, and they're the default for Finale. But I'd definitely rather have an updater's opinion on this than just us.
As for everything else, I'll take care of it as soon as possible.
Quote from: LeviR.star on November 14, 2018, 07:24:55 PM- I'm only 90% sure this is right, but beamed grace notes should be notated as 16ths and shorter (right, updaters?)
Quote from: ThatHiddenCharacter on November 15, 2018, 10:16:35 AMI've only ever seen them as 8ths, I've never been told off for having them as such before, and they're the default for Finale. But I'd definitely rather have an updater's opinion on this than just us.
Yes, I'd advise you to use 16ths.
Elaine Gould, Behind Bars, pg. 153
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/512784165431672844/unknown.png
I would suggest using actual sixteenth notes instead of grace notes.
Quote from: mastersuperfan on November 15, 2018, 07:33:06 PMI would suggest using actual sixteenth notes instead of grace notes.
Wah mentioned something like this to me on Discord, and I think it makes more sense in the context. I'll do that and everything else when I get the chance. (Probably tomorrow.)
I've updated the files.
Quote from: LeviR.star on November 14, 2018, 07:24:55 PM- I don't know if slurs are your fancy, but they could really bring out your intended articulation and spruce things up a bit
I can never really use slurs right, so I typically avoid them unless I know it's a situation that either needs them or that I can use them right in.
Sorry for my absence over the past few days, I've been a little busy. Anyway, I'm around now so let's do some feedback woo.
Wow I really like the measure distribution, it looks great!-The G#s in bar 4 should be Gn like the previous bar. Possibly this was just an error when inputting the notes.
-I don't think the off beats change with the bass in bar 4. But I can see why you might want to have what you've written. Let me know your thinking here.
-A lot of the repeats are a little close to the staves, especially the final one with the D.C. I'd move them all up a bit just to give the notes some more room to breathe.
-You're missing an En in the minim in bar 8.
-Bars 9-10 are interesting. I'm hearing the harmony a little more complicated than you've written in, and I think there's more of a build up. Obviously there's some degree of subjectivity as to how to voice everything, but:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/515669935884599306/unknown.png
is what I can hear.
This isn't exactly how I'd do it myself, but I tried to make as few adjustments to your version as possible while making it.
-The off-beats in the left hand are seem quite low to me and give a much more heavy feel than the original in my opinion. I understand that you probably wanted the notes on the beat to be at the correct octave, but I feel like we're losing more than we gain here. There are two solutions I can see.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/515671429233115136/unknown.png
Solution 1 on the left and solution 2 on the right. I'd recommend solution 2 as it's far easier to play, but solution 1 is the more accurate of the two.
-Missing D# and then A# under the top line in bar 27.
I think that's it for now. It's quite short, but there's a lot of stuff in this one! I'll give it another look when you've updated the files.
Quote from: Libera on November 23, 2018, 03:49:55 PM-The off-beats in the left hand are seem quite low to me and give a much more heavy feel than the original in my opinion. I understand that you probably wanted the notes on the beat to be at the correct octave, but I feel like we're losing more than we gain here. There are two solutions I can see.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/515671429233115136/unknown.png
Before I make any edits or update the files or anything, I'd like a second (or third or fourth, etc.) opinion on this. Personally, I think it's better the way I already have it, but if most people agree with Libera, then I'm fine with changing it.
At this kind of tempo the large jumps would be far more difficult than keeping everything within one octave so I'd advise against that. I think the way it's currently written reflects the character of the original better than an octave up, in which case it lightens the sound a bit too much to me.
That said, I would recommend moving it up an octave in m. 17 and 25.
Also, I would recommend only having the staccatos on the offbeats. There should be some considerable weight on the on-beat bass notes.
Sorry for taking so long, but I've updated the files with the edits.
Quote from: Libera on November 23, 2018, 03:49:55 PM-I don't think the off beats change with the bass in bar 4. But I can see why you might want to have what you've written. Let me know your thinking here.
This still. The other edits look good!
Alright, fixed it. Files updated. (I must've accidentally looked over that when reading the stuff.)
Updated with some minor formatting fixes from Levi at THC's request. I approve.
m7:
Spoiler
(https://files.catbox.moe/9hxd23.jpg)
Not to kill your hypermeter or anything, but the 2nd repeat on the top of the 2nd page is actually 2 measures, not one. m25 is actually different the second time around.
fix this and I approve.
Alright, fixed.
Two things from me before we finish up here:
- Small detail, but everywhere you have a first/second repeat, shift the numbers 1 and 2 to the left and make sure there's a period after them. Also give the D.C. just a bit more room.
- The second page is far more dense than the first. Consider redistributing the measures to space the music more evenly (although this messes up the section change at the page break, so do as you wish - this is just my suggestion).
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/534187227534852117/unknown.png
Quote from: Latios212 on January 13, 2019, 05:52:43 PMand make sure there's a period after them
Odd, there had been periods before, I don't know what happened to them, I haven't edited the text at all. Well, that's been fixed as well as everything else you said (and another problem with one of the repeats I noticed and fixed). Files have been updated. Sad that I just missed the update, though.
Looks good!
This submission has been accepted by Latios212 (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4344).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot