Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Yoshi's Story
Console: Nintendo 64
Title: Games of Happiness
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Bloop (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1023)
[attachment deleted by admin]
[attachment deleted by admin]
(man, these Yoshis must be high on something...)
Good sheet! Just a few things
- Needs a dynamic
- Any reason why the chromatic run doesn't continue in m. 8 beat 1?
- Up to you, but I'd just remove the parentheses around the natural at the beginning of m. 7.
- m. 12, I'd suggest writing the chords differently than m. 5. The harmonies are a lot more subtle and the melody emphasizes the C instead.
- m. 16 beat 1 should be G instead of F#.
- Watch where the slurs end (on the staccatos) in m. 18-19.
- Move the first eighth rest in m. 20 up a notch so it's not right on top of the lower layer.
- Flip the slur downwards between m. 23-24.
- m. 24's top layer is a bit more weird this time. Maybe write in the minor second intervals?
- Missing the end quotation marks in the title, and the https in the URL.
- Also, I'd recommend moving the systems together a bit on pages 2-3 so that you can lower them down from the header a bit more. (And lower the slurs on the last page accordingly.)
Also, wow that's a nice throwback to SMW2's Flower Garden in m. 28-31! I'm surprised to see it since there doesn't seem to be much cross-referencing between the games, at least that I know of.
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PM(man, these Yoshis must be high on something...)
- Needs a dynamic
- Up to you, but I'd just remove the parentheses around the natural at the beginning of m. 7.
- m. 12, I'd suggest writing the chords differently than m. 5. The harmonies are a lot more subtle and the melody emphasizes the C instead.
- m. 16 beat 1 should be G instead of F#.
- Watch where the slurs end (on the staccatos) in m. 18-19.
- Move the first eighth rest in m. 20 up a notch so it's not right on top of the lower layer.
- Flip the slur downwards between m. 23-24.
- Missing the end quotation marks in the title, and the https in the URL.
- Also, I'd recommend moving the systems together a bit on pages 2-3 so that you can lower them down from the header a bit more. (And lower the slurs on the last page accordingly.)
Fixed!
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PM- Any reason why the chromatic run doesn't continue in m. 8 beat 1?
I believe the cut-off point would be a bit too sudden if it stopped suddenly a quarter note later. Ending after two bars seems like a clear division between the first and second two bars. Also, the timing of that chromatic is quite weird because of the 15 over 8 polyrhythm, so it would be quite hard to notate that for another quarter note.
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PM- m. 24's top layer is a bit more weird this time. Maybe write in the minor second intervals?
I don't really like how that sounds, as the weirdness is not as subtle in a piano arrangement. It'd also be quite hard to play, especially the quick octave jump on the 2nd beat. I think the fact that it's an octave higher than the original theme makes the difference between them clear enough
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PMAlso, wow that's a nice throwback to SMW2's Flower Garden in m. 28-31! I'm surprised to see it since there doesn't seem to be much cross-referencing between the games, at least that I know of.
I actually never noticed that, I figured it was a reference to something but I didn't know what it was. Now I'll never unhear it lol
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PM- Up to you, but I'd just remove the parentheses around the natural at the beginning of m. 7.
I meant removing the parentheses, not the natural! The natural is important :P
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PM- Missing the end quotation marks in the title, and the https in the URL.
These still need to be updated.
Quote from: Latios212 on August 07, 2019, 04:51:53 PM- m. 24's top layer is a bit more weird this time. Maybe write in the minor second intervals?
Quote from: Bloop on August 08, 2019, 02:40:51 AMI don't really like how that sounds, as the weirdness is not as subtle in a piano arrangement. It'd also be quite hard to play, especially the quick octave jump on the 2nd beat.
I do think that including it only on the top three notes (beats 2/3/4) would give it a good amount of punch without overdoing it or making it difficult. Up to you, though.
Last things from me: the lower eighth rest in m. 24 is a notch too low. And just something to consider, but perhaps flipping the last note in m. 13 RH to imply it leads into the upper layer in the next measure.
Everything else looks good!
Quote from: Latios212 on August 10, 2019, 04:29:18 PMI meant removing the parentheses, not the natural! The natural is important :P
oops misread it
Quote from: Latios212 on August 10, 2019, 04:29:18 PMThese still need to be updated.
oops probably undid it
Quote from: Latios212 on August 10, 2019, 04:29:18 PMI do think that including it only on the top three notes (beats 2/3/4) would give it a good amount of punch without overdoing it or making it difficult. Up to you, though.
Ah yeah, that sounds pretty good actually. Done that ^^
Quote from: Latios212 on August 10, 2019, 04:29:18 PMLast things from me: the lower eighth rest in m. 24 is a notch too low. And just something to consider, but perhaps flipping the last note in m. 13 RH to imply it leads into the upper layer in the next measure.
Fixed!
Awesome! :D Approved
Parts of this remind me of the Mario Paint soundtrack...
- The game title and composer/arranger text should all be the same size.
- There's enough room on the 1st page to not have the title/composer/arranger info squished at the top.
- m12 beat 3-4 should look the same in the RH and LH.
- The slur in m18 RH is touching the staccato it leads to.
- Maybe it's just me, but the 2nd page looks weird having less systems than the third. Maybe it would look better if they were spaced farther apart so the bottom of the last system on page 2-3 are more even.
That's all I got, nice sheet.
Fixed!
Everything looks good, so I'll accept now.
This submission has been accepted by Static (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4960).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot