Submission Information:
Series: Fire Emblem
Game: Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: The Color of Sunrise
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Libera (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5291)
[attachment deleted by admin]
I have never been so upset by the lack of a single letter, although I knew this day would come.
Why put m4 in different layers if they never overlap? It looks confusing when you see it in black and white without the finale coloring the layers. I guess it makes sense to leave it as is in m28
You didn't transcribe the grace note for the first 8th of m14 RH. Also in m18
Maybe nudge the composed by/arranged by down a bit? Up to you.
I don't normally do this, but the changes are so small I don't mind doing so. Address this and I approve. Great work.
Why hello there, Libera! Did you miss me?
What am I saying? Of course you didn't.
Anyhow, I have a few comments I'd like to add regarding this arrangement:
I agree with Maelstrom about the two layers in measure 4. I could understand notating it this way if you continued the upper pattern for the first two sixteenth notes of the last beat, but since there's a full eighth rest of silence, I don't think it's necessary to separate both voices so explicitly.
I don't hear the piano playing a D in the measure 10 left-hand chord. I know technically it is an Em7 because of the ostinato, but the simple lower triad voicing of the original gives it a much starker sound.
I hear the third beat chord in measure 12 as G-B-C-E.
Is there a reason you have an E in the left hand in measure 25 (third eigth note) instead of a B? Normally, I would assume this is to avoid the octave leap, but you have a leap of a 12th two measures prior, so I was curious.
As for measure 4, I don't think it's necessary to have two layers in measure 28. I remember you saying that you liked to write precise durations when there was no pedal, but seeing as you've already notated pedal usage quite clearly, I don't see why the dotted half note couldn't be written as a quarter.
That should be it; the rest seems rather accurate to me.
Please look forward to my being a general nuisance again. ;D
Quote from: Maelstrom on January 16, 2020, 06:29:13 PMWhy put m4 in different layers if they never overlap? It looks confusing when you see it in black and white without the finale coloring the layers. I guess it makes sense to leave it as is in m28
You didn't transcribe the grace note for the first 8th of m14 RH. Also in m18
Maybe nudge the composed by/arranged by down a bit? Up to you.
I don't normally do this, but the changes are so small I don't mind doing so. Address this and I approve. Great work.
All should be fixed now. On second thoughts you're right, I don't think separating those voices is really necessary (in both bars 4 and 28).
Quote from: D3ath3657 on January 17, 2020, 04:01:27 PMWhy hello there, Libera! Did you miss me?
What am I saying? Of course you didn't.
...
Please look forward to my being a general nuisance again. ;D
I appreciate that you've taken the time to have a look over my sheet, but I'd appreciate it even more if you weren't so passive aggressive with me about it. There's really no need for it at all. Anyway, onto responding to your points.
Quote from: D3ath3657 on January 17, 2020, 04:01:27 PMI don't hear the piano playing a D in the measure 10 left-hand chord. I know technically it is an Em7 because of the ostinato, but the simple lower triad voicing of the original gives it a much starker sound.
I'm pretty sure I can hear a D in there, and not a high one from the ostinato. It's possible that it could be in the backing synth that's quite faint, but I don't think there's any harm in outlining the harmony here in any case.
Quote from: D3ath3657 on January 17, 2020, 04:01:27 PMI hear the third beat chord in measure 12 as G-B-C-E.
Not so sure about that one, I'm still hearing it as A-B-C-E as I wrote it.
Quote from: D3ath3657 on January 17, 2020, 04:01:27 PMIs there a reason you have an E in the left hand in measure 25 (third eigth note) instead of a B? Normally, I would assume this is to avoid the octave leap, but you have a leap of a 12th two measures prior, so I was curious.
There's both there. This piece is actually (as far as I can tell anyway) an octave piano line on top of a full piano part. I kept the left hand as-is for the original full piano part (taking the E rather than the B). I could include the B as well (in the right hand or as a dyad in the left hand) but I felt like it was complicating things too much and that a simpler approach was the best idea here. It certainly doesn't affect the harmony in any way.
Quote from: Libera on January 17, 2020, 05:12:14 PMI appreciate that you've taken the time to have a look over my sheet, but I'd appreciate it even more if you weren't so passive aggressive with me about it. There's really no need for it at all.
That was my attempt at humour. I guess I'm still not up-to-date on how to act like an actual human being.
The mothership requires further investigation.
Quote from: D3ath3657 on January 17, 2020, 04:01:27 PMI hear the third beat chord in measure 12 as G-B-C-E.
Quote from: Libera on January 17, 2020, 05:12:14 PMNot so sure about that one, I'm still hearing it as A-B-C-E as I wrote it.
Hm, I'm actually hearing BCEG (G on top).
Other than that:
- The grace note in m. 14/18 changed the default beaming (which I assume you're going for like the LH/everywhere else)
- How about a filling in the harmony a bit more in the RH in beats 3 of m. 21 and 24? Elsewhere in the section you have 4-note chords on beats 1/3. (Specifically I'd suggest E in m. 21 and G in m. 23.)
- Thoughts about pushing the dim./piano in m. 27-28 back a bit? The octave melody in the original doesn't quite die down, and I think a dynamic contrast for when the 16th notes come back in would be more fitting here.
Everything looks great!
Quote from: Latios212 on January 18, 2020, 10:31:55 AMHm, I'm actually hearing BCEG (G on top).
Huh, there's actually more going on than I noticed originally. The A is there, but it's throughout the bar rather than starting on beat 3 and since it's in the melody anyway it doesn't really need to be there. I've also added the higher G.
Quote from: Latios212 on January 18, 2020, 10:31:55 AM- The grace note in m. 14/18 changed the default beaming (which I assume you're going for like the LH/everywhere else)
- How about a filling in the harmony a bit more in the RH in beats 3 of m. 21 and 24? Elsewhere in the section you have 4-note chords on beats 1/3. (Specifically I'd suggest E in m. 21 and G in m. 23.)
- Thoughts about pushing the dim./piano in m. 27-28 back a bit? The octave melody in the original doesn't quite die down, and I think a dynamic contrast for when the 16th notes come back in would be more fitting here.
Good ideas, all changed and the new files should be up.
Cool! Approved :)
Vertically speaking, the RH and LH notes look pretty cramped and get uncomfortably close to clashing with each other in m13-19. Perhaps increase the vertical spacing between the two hands and decrease the space between systems to compensate? (I do find the space between systems to be rather large at the bottom of page 1/throughout page 2.)
Quote from: mastersuperfan on January 18, 2020, 02:07:51 PMVertically speaking, the RH and LH notes look pretty cramped and get uncomfortably close to clashing with each other in m13-19. Perhaps increase the vertical spacing between the two hands and decrease the space between systems to compensate? (I do find the space between systems to be rather large at the bottom of page 1/throughout page 2.)
I'm really not sure it's as bad as you claim, but I've adjusted it a little.
Well, to be honest, I don't have much to say about this one, except that one thing I say a lot...
You should put slurs on those grace notes.
This isn't a place where I think the visual clarity is needed (it's just one melodic line to follow in the right hand), so I don't think they're necessary or warranted. Not sure what I can say here that I haven't already said on this subject but hopefully it's fine without.
Quote from: Libera on January 19, 2020, 02:29:37 PMThis isn't a place where I think the visual clarity is needed (it's just one melodic line to follow in the right hand), so I don't think they're necessary or warranted. Not sure what I can say here that I haven't already said on this subject but hopefully it's fine without.
Yeah, fair enough lol, I just like putting slurs on them. I
accept.
This submission has been accepted by Static (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4960).
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