NinSheetMusic Forums

Quote from: BlueKirby on May 28, 2021, 12:39:05 PMthere are a few things that might be off... (note placements, rhythms, potential missing notes)

• m5-12, 37-44 LH: The chords are wrong here, they should match the RH. Move the lowest notes down one step (like C#-E-G#-C#), and change some of the accidentals (A# in m5 should be Gx for example).
• For the part above, I also hear beats 1.5-2 and 3.5-4 (the last three 8ths in each beam) an octave higher. You might have decided to move them down because of the formatting, but there's more space now (see the file below).
• The RH and LH on beats 3-4 of m6 and 10 should have matching accidentals. Middle layer would work better as Eb to preserve the M6 intervals in the RH.
• The LH on beats 3-4 of m8, 12, 40, and 44 should match the top layer in the RH.
• I hear the accompaniment at m13-27 a lot differently to what you have written down. Beat 1 should be mid-range chords also, and beat 2.5 should be shorter. You don't have to include the 16th note run, but having the LH chord held with the RH doesn't really match the original. Here's what I'm hearing:
  
  Spoiler

  (https://i.imgur.com/qiyd4rG.png)
  Now this is an exact transcription (at least to my ear) of the piano part. I don't think the 16ths are that hard to play since there's not much hand movement, but you could simplify it to this instead:
  (https://i.imgur.com/WBFSG51.png)
  The main point I want to make here is that the chords should have some space between them, and that they don't extend into the bass range (at least not in this section).
  

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• In m13-25, I would also suggest spelling the Cx minor chords as just Dm. m13-24 makes more sense this way because of the i-bii-i-#vii-i progression (chromatic neighboring tones of the tonic). You can keep it as Cxm in m26 if you want since it goes up chromatically to D#m, but if you do, the An should be Gx - however I would prefer if this stays as Dm (see one of my next points).
• The two points above also apply to m45-60, but in Eb minor instead. The Fb minor chords should be spelled with Abb instead of Gn.
• Have you considered writing the Eb minor section in D# minor? It fits better I think with the C#m, F#m, and G#m sections.
• Going off of the above, consider spelling all those #i chords as bii chords, even when they move up chromatically. I think it makes the sheet much easier to read.
• m28: There should be a B under the E (and m68 should likewise have a C# too). You might also want to add in another voice a 4th below the top voice on beats 3-4 of both of these measures.
• The melody at 29 has quite a few errors. For example, here's what m29-32 should be:
  
  Spoiler

  (https://i.imgur.com/hnDkCHx.png)
  Note how the lower voice isn't always present. It serves mostly to accent those offbeats in m29-30. There are a few note discrepancies as well (E on beat 4 of m31 should be E# instead of En). In the file linked below, I have m29-32 fixed for you, but take a shot at the rest. m69-92 is mostly the same (there are few slight differences that I can go over with you later if you'd like).

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• I would consider using only power chords for the LH in m29-32 and 69-92. Having the full chord at such a low register results in a muddy sound that (imo) isn't reminiscent of the original. The RH melody does a fine enough job harmonizing the bassline on its own to not require additional LH notes.
• You might also want to think about accenting the melody with the LH like this:
  
  Spoiler

  (https://i.imgur.com/mNsnlEW.png)
  Completely up to you though, your LH accompaniment (rhythmically speaking) is perfectly OK.

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• (De)crescendos should not touch barlines.
• Indicating that the repeats should be played on repeats is not strictly necessary for VGM, since (at least I think) it's assumed that the full sheet represents one entire loop of the track unless otherwise indicated. No harm in keeping it though, but you don't need to. Regardless of that, the D.C. text should be bolded.
• (saving this for last bc it'll affect the your measure numbers): m37-44 repeats another time with the trumpets added. I just copy/pasted it for you, but you should think of some way to differentiate those extra 8 bars from the ones before it (octaves, dynamics, etc.). Edit: To clarify, I know you already had a repeat written there - but I just think you should find a way to distinguish it rather than just a plain repeat. At the very least, you could include a dual dynamic marking (mf-f) to indicate it should be forte on the 2nd pass. If you do this, I can reformat the sheet later to accomodate the removed bars.