NinSheetMusic Forums

I will be arranging the following music tracks:

• "Red Streamer Battle" - Paper Mario: The Origami King [Original] (https://youtu.be/BIHCjBmDSg8) (Submitted)
• "Rainbow Across the Skies" - Kirby and the Rainbow Curse [Original] (https://youtu.be/IyXSpA1PKr8) (Submitted)

Nice streamer battle sheet! Notes and formatting all seem alright at first glance. The main thing I would suggest is going through the sheet to finetune some notelengths and staccato articulations. There are a lot of places where the note is played shorter or longer than your sheet. Some examples:
-m1: Staccato's on the eighths
-m2-4: Staccato's on the R.H. eighths on beat 2 and 2.5
-m6: eighth note E in R.H. on beat 3 should be dotted (no sixteenth rest), last eighth note needs staccato
-m8: Sixteenth note E in R.H. on beat 2.5 should be staccato eighth
-m9: Staccato's on R.H. A-C dyad, G, C (and technically last G, though it's less practical with the second voice there) on beats 1, 2.5, 3 (and 4.5). The first note in the L.H. needs a staccato as well (and thus be eighth + sixteenth rest. I'm not personally against dotted eighths with staccato, but you don't have that anywhere else in the sheet). I'd also write the sixteenths + sixteenth rests in beat 3.25 and 4.25 as a staccato eighth, but either could be fine I think. If you plan to change it, there are other places where this figure happens (like in m3 and m20)
I think you'll be able to figure out the rest as well!

Some other things I noticed:
-m3: The L.H. octave F on beat 4.25 should be an E# (like in the R.H.)
-m8: Last sixteenth rest could be lower to be in the staff like normal.
-m27: The first R.H. C could use a cautionary accidental natural.
-m38, 40 and 42: I'd write the Bb's in the L.H. as A#, like you did in m41, so you don't have extra naturals on the B afterwards.

Thanks for checking the sheet! I seems to overlooked the note lengths and articulations in my arrangement frequently. I have fixed them now, as well as the other mistakes mentioned.

This is for Rainbow Across the Skies

Formatting

• Copyright should be https
• m22 half note should be flipped
• m27 rest should be in its default position
• m33 flip the tie here so it's pointing upwards and away from the 2nd layer
• m37 you start and end slurs on the same note here and it looks a little weird imo; I think it would just be better to end the first slur on the last sixteenth note of measure 36
• m43 flip the tie in the first layer

I think all of the collision and misaligned stuff (e.g. the mf and the cresc hairpin in m36) are a result of the musicxml import, but the stuff I mentioned are things you could change for future reference. I think the mp in measure 3 should have parenthesis around it too, but I don't think that would export properly

Notes

• m2 RH there are some additional notes here, albeit at a quieter volume
• m3-10/11-18 there's some piano chords playing and I think it's worth trying to incorporate that into either the LH part or the RH whenever there's nothing playing (e.g. measure 6); if you'd like to keep m3-10 a little more sparse on purpose, then that's okay
• m9 LH beats 3.5 and 4 sound like D and G (up an octave from the low one) instead of B and D
• m18 beat 4 there's a glissando you could include here, although if you omitted that then that's fine
• m25/26 RH the slurred part sounds like it should have an 8va
• m31 LH unsure but beat 2 sounds like two eighth notes where the first one is a G3 and the second is a G2
• m36 RH I think it would be nice to include an A here
• m47 beat 4 the guitar part here sounds like two eighth notes (F-E)
• m49 I think you should rework the accompaniment here because the LH chords are too muddy. One thing you could try is adding more of the harmonies to the RH and leaving only power chords in the LH side. I also think that it would be better to keep the octaves consistent while only writing additional harmonies at the emphasized parts instead, and you could even write accents there to really bring it out
• m52 RH beats 3-4 I think it sounds like there's only a Bb on beat 4, so the Bb you wrote on beat 3 should be a G and the C on beat 4 could be a Bb
• m53+ LH why did you include 5ths for measures 53/54 but not the rest?
• m58 RH there are some missing harmonies you could add here

Taking another (more detailed) look at the Red Streamer Battle!
-Intelligent Systems should be added to the copyright info.
-The tempo marking is a bit big: the text size should be 12
-m.1 L.H.: The D octave should be a C octave
-m.2: Move up the segno marking so it doesn't cover the accent.
-m.6 R.H.: The staccato on beat 4.5 should be above the notehead (the different layers don't matter anymore at this point in the bar)
-m.8 R.H.: Beat 2.5 E should still be a staccato eighth (instead of the 16th + 16th rest)
-m.9 R.H.: Same as m.6 with the staccato on beat 1.
-m.10 R.H.: Again, staccato on beat 4.5.
-m.14: Maybe this part can use a mf dynamic marking, because it's a bit more subdued than the melody parts? If you do, don't forget to also put forte again at m. 22. Same in m.30, but then you'd need to remove the mf in 38 or change it to mp.
Also, move up the sixteenth rest on beat 2.5 so it's in the same position as in m.16.
-m.22: If possible, move the notes on beat 3 a bit to the right, so the stem of the flat on the Bb doesn't hide behind the stem of the D# before it.
-m.24 R.H.: You could add a courtesy accidental to the F# on beat 1.75. Also, beat 2.5 should be a staccato 8th (instead of a 16th + 16th rest)
-m.25 R.H.: G on beat 2.5 is missing a staccato
-m.39: There's no G on beat 4, just an eighth rest.
-m.43 L.H.: The last F should be the same as in 39, so a 16th + 8th rest
-m.45: The D.S. marking should be bold.

That should be all from me I think, nice work! These are mostly just very fine details.

Sorry for the late response. I was quite busy from irl stuff, so I might have neglect this for too long. Now that I'm less busy, future update should go more quickly from my side.

Rainbow Across the Skies

• I uploaded the .musicxml file instead of the .mus file originally, oops! The (updated) .mus file is now uploaded
• I heard the bass plays a quarter note in m31 beat 2
• I heard the guitar note at m47 beat 4 as a slide down instead, so I keep that as a quarter note
• I don't think there is a way to flip the tie direction in Finale notepad? The ties remain unchanged for now
• The other stuff mentioned should be accounted for in the new version

Red Streamer Battle

• There are a few things that I can't fix by using Finale Notepad, namely the tempo text size, location of the segno marking, and the font style of the D.S. marking
• I would like some more opinion on the dynamic between the melody and interlude part, so I have kept the dynamic markings as is for now
• The other stuff mentioned should be fixed

Fixed the notepad stuff for Red Streamer Battle, which is now approved!

Double-post for my feedback on Rainbow Across the Skies:
-All dynamic markings (except the forte in m37) should be nudged to the left a bit, so they're centered under the first note of the bar. If you want the mp on beat 3 in between brackets, I can do that for you! It does look a bit weird to have a mp two bars after the first mp, but it also makes more sense after the repeat, so I guess either's fine.
-Is there a reason you used a repeat marking here instead of the D.S. you used in Red Streamer Battle? I personally usually prefer D.S. for bigger jumps like this.
-m1: The start of the 8va could be nudged a bit to the left, so the 8 of the 8va starts before the first note. Also, I in the R.H. in beat 4.5, I hear F# on the bottom voice instead of A.
-m2: Is the second layer in the R.H. here the echo from the first bar? If so, I'd suggest a F# instead of a D on beat 3.5.
-m6 L.H.: The A on beat 2.5 should be tied to the one on beat 3.
-m13 R.H.: The ties on beat 1.5 should be flipped, fixed that for you already.
-m17-18 R.H.: I hear this in this part:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/891023705436729354/unknown.png
The resolution to C# in beat 3 of m18 is a bit faint, but I can hear it somewhere. If you agree, I'll probably have to fix some stuff with the ties too, as it's a bit messy.
-m20.: The grace note on beat 3.5 in the R.H. should be a D# (instead of a D). Also, the G in the L.H. on beat 4.5 should be an octave lower, or did you raise it an octave for easier playability on the chord on the next bar?
-m23 L.H.: The C# on beat 4 should be a B.
-m24 L.H.: I hear a high A on the bass on beat 1.5 too.
-m25: Again, the 8va could start a little bit more to the left.
-m27-32: Maybe it'd work a bit better to have filler chord notes in the R.H. rather than the L.H., as that's usually how pianists play chords + melodies. It also sounds less muddy than having them in the L.H. Here's an example of how that'd look:

Spoiler

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/891028011720274000/unknown.png

[close]

Maybe you could do the same thing with the chord notes in m19-25, but those are less muddy as is.
-m31 L.H.: If you chose to put the chord notes in the R.H., you can move the E on beat 3.5 up an octave like in the original.
-m32: I didn't show this in my example image, but there's a piano chord on beat 2 here too.
-m36: I'm not sure if you need the mf and hairpin here, if you just lengthen the poco a poco cresc in m33 to the end of the system.
-m50 R.H.: I think an E instead of an A would work better in between the octave on beat 1.
-m53: Instead of moving the dynamic marking to the left here, maybe it's better to center this on the second note, as the first note is still from the forte melody line.

Red Streamer Battle

• m1 beats 3-4: This chord is a D7#9, normally spelled as D-F#-A-C-Fn. I would add the F# to the LH (with a courtesy sharp) and change the F# in the RH to Fn.
• m5/21/37 is the same chord, I'd move the D in the RH to a C, and the lower F# to Fn. Maybe also add an A in the middle.
• m9 RH: Both ties should be flipped, and the C on beat 3 should be staccato, as should the 8th notes on beat 2.5/4.5.
• The 8th notes on beat 2.5/4.5 of m12-13 also sound staccato.
• m14-17 RH is missing a middle trumpet voice on those hits:
• m14 RH beat 3.75: There's a B here between the G and D.
• m15 RH beat 3.25: There's an A# under the C#.
• m15 RH beat 4.25: There's a B under the D.
• m16 RH beat 3.75: There's a B under the D.
• m17 RH beat 3.25-4.25: All chords have a Bb (not Bn this time) under the D.
• m18 RH beat 2.25: This 8th note should be a 16th note + 16th rest like in m20.
• m20/37 RH beat 4.5: The tenor sax still plays a G on these 16th notes, it doesn't split into harmony here.
• m22 RH: Flat sign is touching the note before it, you can adjust it with the Note Position and/or Accidental Mover Tool.
• m25/29 RH: The 8th note in the melody on beat 4.5 of m25 and beat 2.5 of m29 should be staccato.
• m26 RH beat 1.75: The flute goes up to G here (16th note, matches with Layer 2).
• m28 RH beat 3.75: The G in Layer 2 sounds like it's held longer.
• m29 RH beat 2.5: I think the flute plays the B above that G here, but it's hard to tell.
• m30/32 RH: The 8th notes should be 16th notes+rests, and the 8ths on beat 1-1.5 of m32 should be staccato. The lower voice is also different here than in m34-37. Throughout beats 2-3, all the lower notes should be G, like this:
  (https://i.imgur.com/pSTWABo.png)
• m38-41 RH is missing some sax hits you could put in the RH. Up to you though, I don't think they're necessary.
• m42-43 RH: Both pairs of chords are missing Ds in the middle.
• m44 RH should be an Fmaj chord, but it's missing the third (A).
• m45 RH is another D7#9 chord, I'd recommend the RH chord being F#-A-C-Fn like in previous measures.
• Bassline stuff:
• m6 LH beat 2: This 8th note should be moved up an octave.
• m8 LH beat 3: This quarter note should be a dotted 8th-16th rhythm like in the RH.
• m9/27 LH beat 2.5: This 8th note should be F instead of C, and it sounds like two 16th notes to me but you can leave it simplified.
• m12/28 LH beat 1.5: The D should be an octave lower.
• m12 LH beat 3: This sounds like four 16th notes to me, I'm assuming you just simplified it, which is fine.
• m13 LH beat 1.5: I'm not hearing the first 16th note here.
• m15/19/31/35 LH beat 3: I hear another 16th note right on the downbeat here.
• m22 LH beat 1.5: I hear this note an octave higher.
• m37 LH beat 4: I don't hear this figure, it just sounds like the bass slides up for the entire duration of the half note. If anything, it sounds like there might be a single 16th note D right at the end of the measure on beat 4.75.
• m42 LH beat 4.5: When the bass enters, it actually plays the D down an octave, jumping down from the B instead of going up. The piano still goes up to D, so you can leave it if you want.

Responses on Rainbow Across the Skies:

Quote from: Bloop on September 24, 2021, 11:46:08 AMIf you want the mp on beat 3 in between brackets, I can do that for you! It does look a bit weird to have a mp two bars after the first mp, but it also makes more sense after the repeat, so I guess either's fine.

Please do!

Quote from: Bloop on September 24, 2021, 11:46:08 AM-Is there a reason you used a repeat marking here instead of the D.S. you used in Red Streamer Battle? I personally usually prefer D.S. for bigger jumps like this.

Not really. I used repeat barlines there in a very old draft of the sheet, and I didn't change it since. Please help me change the repeat marking to segno/D.S. markings.

Quote from: Bloop on September 24, 2021, 11:46:08 AM-m2: Is the second layer in the R.H. here the echo from the first bar? If so, I'd suggest a F# instead of a D on beat 3.5.

I decided that the echo doesn't fit in the arrangement so I removed them instead.

Quote from: Bloop on September 24, 2021, 11:46:08 AMAlso, the G in the L.H. on beat 4.5 should be an octave lower, or did you raise it an octave for easier playability on the chord on the next bar?

Yep it's for easier playability.

Quote from: Bloop on September 24, 2021, 11:46:08 AM-m31 L.H.: If you chose to put the chord notes in the R.H., you can move the E on beat 3.5 up an octave like in the original.

I moved the E on m29 beat 3.5 down an octave instead, since that's what I heard in the bass line.

Quote from: Bloop on September 24, 2021, 11:46:08 AM-m36: I'm not sure if you need the mf and hairpin here, if you just lengthen the poco a poco cresc in m33 to the end of the system.

My intention there was to emphasize the key change by a faster dynamic change. But on second thought, I think the 16th note runs already serve that propose, so I followed the suggestion and change the section as such.

Nice! I fixed the D.S. and brackets for you, as well as a rest that was a bit too high in m32.

Quote from: Rubikium on September 26, 2021, 03:10:00 AMI moved the E on m29 beat 3.5 down an octave instead, since that's what I heard in the bass line.

I do really hear it as an octave above though, are you sure you hear it go down?

On Rainbow Across the Skies:

Quote from: Bloop on September 26, 2021, 07:53:58 AMI do really hear it as an octave above though, are you sure you hear it go down?

I'm positive about that.

---

On Red Streamer Battle:

Quote from: Static on September 25, 2021, 03:57:15 PM

• m22 RH: Flat sign is touching the note before it, you can adjust it with the Note Position and/or Accidental Mover Tool.

I don't think either tool is included in Finale Notepad, so please help me fix that.

Quote from: Static on September 25, 2021, 03:57:15 PM

• m29 RH beat 2.5: I think the flute plays the B above that G here, but it's hard to tell.

After listening again, I believe the flute repeats the previous note (a D note) there.

Quote from: Static on September 25, 2021, 03:57:15 PM

• m13 LH beat 1.5: I'm not hearing the first 16th note here.

Does the same problem appear at m29 LH beat 1.5? The bass part sound very similar between those two places.

Quote from: Static on September 25, 2021, 03:57:15 PM

• m15/19/31/35 LH beat 3: I hear another 16th note right on the downbeat here.

I only hear drums on those downbeat. May I ask what notes did you hear?

Quote from: Static on September 25, 2021, 03:57:15 PM

• m37 LH beat 4: I don't hear this figure, it just sounds like the bass slides up for the entire duration of the half note. If anything, it sounds like there might be a single 16th note D right at the end of the measure on beat 4.75.

That figure is played by a electric guitar-esque instrument originally. I took that part and adapted it to fill in the beat since the beat feels too empty otherwise.

Red Streamer Battle

Quote from: Rubikium on September 26, 2021, 10:56:53 AMAfter listening again, I believe the flute repeats the previous note (a D note) there.

I still hear kinda hear a B there a little more than the D, but I hear the D too so I guess that's fine.

Quote from: Rubikium on September 26, 2021, 10:56:53 AMDoes the same problem appear at m29 LH beat 1.5? The bass part sound very similar between those two places.

No, I heard the E in m29. Checking that part again, I am hearing the E in m13 now as well, it's just a bit less pronounced.

Quote from: Rubikium on September 26, 2021, 10:56:53 AMI only hear drums on those downbeat. May I ask what notes did you hear?

A low D, in all those measures. That note is slapped rather than plucked, so it has a more percussive sound, but I still hear the pitch there.

m36-end look the same as before. I had some additional feedback for those measures.

Also, do you have a recording or source for the Battle Clear fanfare? I need to check that too.

Quote from: Static on September 26, 2021, 11:40:37 AMA low D, in all those measures. That note is slapped rather than plucked, so it has a more percussive sound, but I still hear the pitch there.

Ah I see. Added.

Quote from: Static on September 26, 2021, 11:40:37 AMm36-end look the same as before. I had some additional feedback for those measures.

Oops I overlooked them. Now fixed

Quote from: Static on September 26, 2021, 11:40:37 AMAlso, do you have a recording or source for the Battle Clear fanfare? I need to check that too.

Here you go!

After a (very) short discord talk, I'll approve Rainbow Across the Skies: the E in the L.H. on beat 3.5 of m29 will be moved up an octave in a later fix (don't forget it though :p)

Red Streamer Battle
The rest of the changes look good! Here's some stuff for the fanfare:

- There should be a bass pickup before it. Adding a measure would be fine since it's an optional ending anyway, and you could even make the added measure a pickup within the piece (i.e. be a 1/4 bar with the time signature hidden).
- Adding an E to the chord on beat 2.75 might be a good idea, since it's a Cmaj chord there.
- The melodic line you have transcribed is the sax voice, which I also hear as the main voice. But the first note should be a D (below the staff) instead of B; the B is played by the flute.
- The bass starting on beat 3.25 goes down, not up. It doubles the RH.

I can help you with the accidental stuff in m22 and the time signature stuff after the rest of the changes are made.

Quote from: Static on September 27, 2021, 06:43:42 AM- There should be a bass pickup before it. Adding a measure would be fine since it's an optional ending anyway, and you could even make the added measure a pickup within the piece (i.e. be a 1/4 bar with the time signature hidden).

Adding a measure in Notepad changes the system spacing to default, so it needs to be adjusted back. Also, I would like to add a hidden 1/4 time signature but can't do so in Notepad. Please help me fix these.

Quote from: Static on September 27, 2021, 06:43:42 AM- The melodic line you have transcribed is the sax voice, which I also hear as the main voice. But the first note should be a D (below the staff) instead of B; the B is played by the flute.

Since most of the other streamer battle clear theme has that B note in the melody, I would like to keep that in. So I added the D note under the existing B note.

Red Streamer Battle
Changes look good, made those last few edits for you and am now accepting.

Feedback for Rainbow will come shortly...

Rainbow Across the Skies

• m2 LH: The arpeggio marking could be moved a bit closer to the note, it's almost touching the rest. Actually, it might be better to just move that dotted 8th note to the right just a bit.
• m13 RH: Layer 2 stem is touching the LH notes.
• m17 RH: The lower flute voice continues here:
  (https://i.imgur.com/uvF8kZT.png)
• m29/31 LH beat 3.5: The E should be moved up an octave. Bloop already mentioned 29, but it happens in 31 as well.
• m31 RH: The saxes split into harmony here, similar to the flutes in m11 (the lower voice is F#-G-A-A, I believe). You could write that out if you want, probably sacrificing the 2nd Layer to do that, or just leave it.
• m50 RH beat 3.5: You're missing a melody note (E) here.
• m53-58 RH: The 8th notes in this brass melody are noticeably staccato compared to everything that came before it, might be worth notating that.
• The slurs at the top of Page 3 are quite close to the top margins/text, but there's room to move all the systems down.

In the project folder, you'll find a fresh copy with all the formatting changes made. You should be able to make the rest of the edits I think, but if you need help lmk

Done all the remaining edits mentioned, except that I left m.31 as is.

Great, I'll accept now!