Submission Information:
Series: Undertale
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: Lost Girl
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: mastersuperfan (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=3561)
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Took a lot of liberties with the 16th notes in the B section on this one... I think it works better than just having the melody there.
everyone's on that sweet sweet deltarune grind huh
I definitely think you're missing a few notes in the left hand between m9 and m14, at least based off of me following your arrangement with the original. It sounds almost as if the left hand follows a similar pattern with the right hand's lower notes but in an octave or harmony closer to Octave 3 (i.e. F3/G3/A3/etc.). Maybe even also a fifth is involved in the whole note's Octave 2 section. Even if it's not quite there, I do think it's warranted enough for the piano as a better sound while performing it. This section just feels too quiet after the first beat in each measure otherwise.
Also I don't really see this track being played at pianissimo. Maybe mp, even mf would be fair. It's not that quiet of a track. Solemn, sure, but not quiet.
Lastly, probably separate the layering of the right hand so the repeated back and forth of the chords are separate from the more individualistic notes that play between them. That way it's a bit clearer to read.
Edit: side note, maybe try comparing the track to the original by setting the playback sound to an EPiano rather than just a vanilla piano sound? Could give a better tonal comparison that way.
Edit 2: also I think this is how m15 is written, in part due to the echo / reverb (if this image doesn't load, basically make the third B4 into a sixteenth that follows with a sixteenth A4):
(https://image.prntscr.com/image/XkpET2ONQRm46Gsz2x0OzQ.png)
As far as the B section goes, like Playful said, I'm hearing the LH very differently. Here's what I'm getting for m9 and m10, for example:
https://imgur.com/a/E4cRQBT.jpg (https://imgur.com/a/E4cRQBT.jpg)
I left out the 16ths because I'm not hearing them super prominently. IMO it sounds a bit too busy with them written out, but it's up to you if you want to include them.
Quote from: Radiak488417 on September 22, 2021, 08:06:05 PMAs far as the B section goes, like Playful said, I'm hearing the LH very differently. Here's what I'm getting for m9 and m10, for example:
https://imgur.com/a/E4cRQBT.jpg (https://imgur.com/a/E4cRQBT.jpg)
I left out the 16ths because I'm not hearing them super prominently. IMO it sounds a bit too busy with them written out, but it's up to you if you want to include them.
Yeah this is definitely sort of the thing I'm hearing in the left hand. Actually here's what my take would be on how the B section should look like, more or less:
(https://image.prntscr.com/image/uLaLfmHwSOKyDA23ieqnWg.png)
Also slight addendum: change the A part to mp, and the B part to mf. I noticed after listening back that the volume of the track definitely increases during the B part.
There was some discussion of this one over Discord, but long story short I've chosen to keep the sheet mostly the same. I don't hear any of those notes in the LH in m9-14 and even if they were there, I strongly dislike the sound of it in the sheet because the low register is too prominent in a piano arrangement. I did cut down some of the 16th notes, and I added a mp to m9.
Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 29, 2021, 12:49:57 PMThere was some discussion of this one over Discord, but long story short I've chosen to keep the sheet mostly the same. I don't hear any of those notes in the LH in m9-14 and even if they were there, I strongly dislike the sound of it in the sheet because the low register is too prominent in a piano arrangement. I did cut down some of the 16th notes, and I added a mp to m9.
I agree with MSF here and that adding more to the left hand would make it sound too bottom heavy. I think the way the sheet is written now is a good depiction of what my ear is drawn to listening to the track at full speed with headphones on.
I just have two things for consideration:
- In each measure from 9-14, there's another dyad on beat 4.75 that matches the one on beat 4. It's a bit quieter so maybe you're thinking of it more as an echo to omit, but it is a pretty noticeable strike to me. Up to you on whether you want to include it.
- In m. 15, the E could easily be taken by the left hand. This would also prevent the need to force the top layer to stem upwards when there's empty space below it.
Quote from: Latios212 on October 05, 2021, 08:24:47 PM- In each measure from 9-14, there's another dyad on beat 4.75 that matches the one on beat 4. It's a bit quieter so maybe you're thinking of it more as an echo to omit, but it is a pretty noticeable strike to me. Up to you on whether you want to include it.
Yeah, I had this earlier but removed it with the other sixteenth notes. I added them back, but only as single notes to avoid too many restrikes and to prevent them from being too noticeable.
Quote from: Latios212 on October 05, 2021, 08:24:47 PM- In m. 15, the E could easily be taken by the left hand. This would also prevent the need to force the top layer to stem upwards when there's empty space below it.
Having practiced this one a lot, I actually find it substantially easier to play the E with the RH, even (especially?) with the sixteenth note on beat 4.75 added back in. The RH is just in prime position to play both notes, whereas I find it a bit awkward to position the LH ready to play that note when it's so close to the RH. But... it is fine to play either way, and I agree that moving it to the LH does make it look cleaner (and consistent with m7), so I changed it.
Quote from: mastersuperfan on October 06, 2021, 06:35:14 PMYeah, I had this earlier but removed it with the other sixteenth notes. I added them back, but only as single notes to avoid too many restrikes and to prevent them from being too noticeable.
That's a good compromise :)
All good by me!
With regards to m9-16, I like the way you did the RH by adding in those echo notes, but some of them sound wrong to me:
- m10 RH beat 1.5: Should be B instead of G.
- m13 LH beat 1.25: F# should be G.
- m14 LH beat 1.25-1.5: sounds like F#-D instead of D-G.
- m10-12 RH sounds like it should have two 16ths as well (on beats 1.25-1.5), like in m13-14.
I would also strongly suggest adding the LH part that Radiak showed, particularly that downwards line in m10/12/14. It doesn't get in the way of anything and adds to the vibe here, at least imo.
m1-8 look good btw
Quote from: Static on October 09, 2021, 03:59:09 PM- m10 RH beat 1.5: Should be B instead of G.
I initially wrote it this way to avoid re-striking the B, but I changed it anyway (also in m14).
Quote from: Static on October 09, 2021, 03:59:09 PM- m13 LH beat 1.25: F# should be G.
- m14 LH beat 1.25-1.5: sounds like F#-D instead of D-G.
- m10-12 RH sounds like it should have two 16ths as well (on beats 1.25-1.5), like in m13-14.
I didn't transcribe those notes to specifically match the echo notes in the original, but rather for the rhythm. I used one sixteenth note for m10-12 and two sixteenth notes for m13-14 as a way to distinguish the two phrases and give the section some progression.
Quote from: Static on October 09, 2021, 03:59:09 PMI would also strongly suggest adding the LH part that Radiak showed, particularly that downwards line in m10/12/14. It doesn't get in the way of anything and adds to the vibe here, at least imo.
We discussed this at length already—I'll be keeping it as is.
Files updated!
Makes sense to me, then. I'd still probably prefer to see that LH part there, I didn't think it was really that overpowering/bottom-heavy when I tested it out.
But nonetheless, it's fine as it is too. Accepted
This submission has been accepted by Static (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4960).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot