Submission Information:
Series: Mario Kart
Game: Mario Kart Wii
Console: Wii
Title: Luigi Circuit/Mario Circuit
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: XiaoMigros (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6725)
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Helped XiaoMigros with conversion on this one~ (only fixed up the visuals, haven't checked the arrangement yet)
yeaaaaaahhhhh boiiiii
Super glad to see this sheet, excellent work on it!
Overall, a fine arrangement, but watch out for rhythmic and harmonic accuracy here. It's a short, but deceptively tricky tune to arrange. There are always several different synth and organ voices playing, so you have to be careful discerning between them.
- The track title should be "Luigi Circuit/Mario Circuit", without the spaces around the /. Ryo Nagamatsu should be added as a composer (title/composer info from here (https://vgmdb.net/album/29638)).
- You're missing some kind of note to play LH an octave lower.
- m1-2 RH should be an octave lower.
- m1 RH beat 2: There's not really a rest in between these notes, so I'd just write the first one as a dotted 8th.
- m1 RH beat 4: The first two 16th notes should be Bb-Eb.
- m2 beat 3-4: I'd recommend writing the A chord here as an 8th tied to a quarter, since I think it's easier to read, but also because it matches the other times that rhythm is used (m6/14).
- m7 RH beat 1: Courtesy sharp would be nice here.
- m9 RH beats 3-4: These chords are a lot crunchier in the original. The first two are B-E-Fn, third is D-E-G. The progression here is G13 to A7sus4.
- m11-18 RH: Not every note here has harmony underneath, and some of the harmonies you have are incorrect. Here's what I'm getting:
- m11 beat 2 is F#-Cn, 2.5 is just A, 4.5 is A-E.
- m12 beat 1 is D-Fn, 1.5 is Cn-En, 2.5 is just B.
- m13 beat 2 is F#-Cn, 4.5 is A-E (beat 2.5 does have an E unlike m11).
- m14 beat 1 is D-Fn, 1.5 is Cn-E, 2 is A-D, 2.5-2.75 is Fn to A (no harmony), 3-4 are harmonized in thirds. In addition, the 8th notes on beat 4-4.5 should be staccato.
- m16 beats 2-3 are harmonized in 6ths, beat 4 has no harmony.
- m17 beat 1 is D-F#, 1.75 is A-D; beat 1.75 should not be tied, it's played short; beats 3-4 should be an octave lower and they should be the same chords as m9 RH beats 3-4.
- m18 should have a similar contour to m10, and it's harmonized in 4ths.
- There are some additional notes from the organ part that I'd recommend adding too, since it helps give this section a more full sound. I'm only including notes that aren't doubling other synth melody/harmony notes, and line up with the melody's rhythm (so no 2nd Layer stuff):
- m11 beat 2: D
- m12 beat 2.75: B and E
- m15 beat 2: E; beats 3-4: D to E to B
- m16 beat 3, 3.75: D
- m19-34 RH: Since all previous 8th notes were played staccato, and this section introduces some longer ones, I'd recommend adding slurs/tenuto markings where appropriate. It never hurts to be clear with articulation when you want something performed right without having to refer to the original recording.
- m19 RH beats 3-4: The rhythm is incorrect; it should be offbeat 16ths.
- m20 RH beat 1.75 is short and shouldn't be tied, and the quarter note on beat 3.5 is actually two staccato 8th notes.
- m21 RH: The rhythm you have here is also incorrect; the Fn-E slur is repeated another time, and the melody moves up in 16th notes on beat 4.5.
- m21 RH: I'd recommend using A as the lowest note in the chords, since the underlying chord here is Bbmaj7, not just Bb. The 16th notes on beat 4.5 also have harmony underneath (E to F#).
- m22 RH: Beat 1/2 should be 8th rests, while beat 1.5 is A and beat 2.5 is F#-D (the top D is one octave lower than what you had before). The pickup into m23 is just E-F#.
- m23 RH beats 3-4: Rhythm should be the same as m19.
- m24 RH: Beats 2-2.5 should be staccato, and beat 3.75 should be short.
- m24 RH Layer 2: Beat 4 should be F#, not Fn.
- m26 RH beat 1.25 should be Bb, beat 1.5 is a Db-Eb dyad, beat 2 is Db-F, 2.5 is Eb-G, 2.75 is En-A.
- m27-34 RH is missing harmonies throughout (or has incorrect harmonies), and all the 8th notes on beat 3.25 are short and should be 16ths.
- m27/29 RH beat 4.5 should be tied over to the next measure.
- m29/31 RH beat 1 should be long, not staccato.
- m32 RH beat 2: The D is not rearticulated here, instead the D on beat 1 is held through.
- m33 RH beat 2 should just be two 8th notes.
- m34 RH beat 1 should be longer.
- m35 beat 2 should have a staccato quarter note D. Beat 4.5 should only have E.
- m36 beat 2.25 should only have D, and beat 4.5 should be C# instead of Cn and not have an A underneath.
- m37 beat 1.5 should only have D, beat 4.5 should only have E.
- m38 beat 2.25 should only have D, beat 3 should be long, and beat 4 should only have C# (not Cn).
- Bassline stuff:
- One thing you might wanna consider here is taking most of the bassline up an octave. Even though it's very low in the original track, a synth bass has a very different timbre than the extreme low end of a piano. On piano, this bassline sounds very percussive and the pitch is often unclear, particularly in m19-onward. I'm leaving it as-is for this revision, but perhaps someone else can weigh in here.
- I also noticed you moved around some of the octave placements in order to keep everything playable, which sounds good as you have it. There are some specific spots that I think should be adjusted though, which I'll mention below.
- m3-18: Any time there's a bass note on beat 1, it should be a long quarter note.
- m4, 6, 10, 12, 14 18 beat 2 & m8, 16 beat 3: These staccato 8ths should all be dotted 8ths.
- m7, 15 beat 3.5 should be a quarter note.
- m10, 12, 18 beat 2.75 should be tied to an 8th note on beat 3.
- m13: This should look exactly like m4.
- m16: This should look exactly like m8.
- m19 beats 1-2: The note lengths are the opposite of what you have: long-short-long.
- m21 beat 2 should be a dotted 8th.
- m20, 22, 24 beat 2.75 should be tied (also a courtesy natural would be nice here).
- m25 beat 2.75 should be Bn (it sounds like it starts on Bn and bends down to Bb). Beat 3 should be a quarter note.
- m27-38: All of the 8th notes here should be staccato.
- m28, 31, 32, 33, 34 beat 1: Should be long.
- m28 beat 2.75: Should be tied to beat 3.
- m30 beats 1-2: Should be long.
- m30 beat 4.5: Missing a G here.
- m31, 32, 33 beat 3.5: The octaves for the As are swapped here; m31/33 goes up to the higher A while m32 goes down.
- m32 beat 4 should be a 16th-16th-8th rhythm (D-A-D).
- m34 beats 1-2: It should be Bb-Cn-D instead of Cn-C#-D. Beat 3 is just a single note (D) on beat 3.75.
- m36 beat 1: The first note starts a bit early, on beat 1.25.
- m38 beat 3 should be long.
- I'd recommend adding some dynamics. The opening is f for sure, but then it settles down a bit at m3 (I'd mark this mf). Then m17 could be mp and crescendo into m27, which could be f (this is the climax of the piece, functions almost like a chorus section), and finally mp at m35.
- I think this looks better with a 4-5-4 system distribution, instead of 5-5-3. I changed it, but if anyone disagrees feel free to change it back.
As requested, the changes have all been made and the new files have been uploaded. I
approve.
Some of the changes (particularly with regards to articulations and dynamics) are more subjective, so if you disagree with something let me know.
-I opted to actually remove the 8vb markings altogether, as I find the low D's and even more so the low A-Bb-B range too muddy for basslines in piano arrangements. Moving the bass up an octave fills up some empty frequency space in as well. I kept m1-2 L.H. as it was, but notated in its original octave. There are a few spots where the original goes down an octave, so I included those octave jumps (for example, the G's and A's in m6, the B's in m7 and the last A in m8), but I kept others as is, so the jump wouldn't be too big (for example the G's in m4 being a 12th away from the D before)
-m6: I hear D on beat 2 instead of Fn in the R.H.
-m11: I hear a B on beat 4.5 in the R.H. instead of an A.
-m34: Deleted the G on beat 2.25 in the R.H., as it's not restruck in the original and is quite uncomfortable to play at this speed.
-m35 and 37: Added a C# in the R.H. on beat 4.5
-m36: F# in the L.H. on beat 2 should be on beat 1.75
-m38: Added an A in the R.H. on beat 4.
Made those changes and uploaded the files, and asked Static to recheck my edits as well ^^
Looks good to me, I'm hearing all the changes you wrote. Bass also sounds good
I edited one 8th+16th rest to a dotted 8th rest as well (in m34 L.H.), re-uploaded files and accepted!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174892746108988/BloopApproves2.png
This submission has been accepted by Bloop (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1023).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot