Submission Information:
Series: Touhou Project
Game: Touhou 15: Legacy of the Lunatic Kingdom
Console: PC
Title: The Moon as Seen from the Shrine
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: BlueKirby (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6676)
[attachment deleted by admin]
this one's nice and short, figured i could get another arrangement in while the other one waits in limbo (dw im not mad or even remotely upset at all, take y'alls' time please!!)
This looks really good! Here's my two cents on this:
- Have you tried experimenting with pedal use? Not only would it add more depth to the sheet but it would also help imitate the synths better, and it would be possible to play the F#6 in m23 on beat 1 rather than beat 5.
- Speaking of m23, I think the F#6 would be better written in another layer. I also question the E# in the LH, it seems a bit odd to suddenly have a triad there when the rest of the time it doesn't play any.
- I'd also remove the E#4 in m24, I can't hear it being played in the original, and it would provide more coherence with the F#6 played in the measure prior.
- The rest of the stuff is Finale-specific, I'm not sure how easy it is to solve in notepad so me or an updater could sort it out for you once everything else is ready. Just some stuff like system spacing, text placement and other minor adjustments. If it's possible in notepad, I'd revise your system spacing. If you want to keep everything on one page, I'd recommend 4-4-6-6-4 measures per system, from top to bottom, rather than the 4-4-6-7-3 that you have now. Makes the sheet look more even :)
..aand that's it from me! I like how you simulated the snare hits by adding more detailed chords to your sheet. Maybe they could be used to fill the empty space where there are sustained whole notes? Up to you ;D
Quote from: XiaoMigros on April 04, 2022, 10:17:50 AMThis looks really good! Here's my two cents on this:
- Have you tried experimenting with pedal use? Not only would it add more depth to the sheet but it would also help imitate the synths better, and it would be possible to play the F#6 in m23 on beat 1 rather than beat 5.
- Speaking of m23, I think the F#6 would be better written in another layer. I also question the E# in the LH, it seems a bit odd to suddenly have a triad there when the rest of the time it doesn't play any.
- I'd also remove the E#4 in m24, I can't hear it being played in the original, and it would provide more coherence with the F#6 played in the measure prior.
- The rest of the stuff is Finale-specific, I'm not sure how easy it is to solve in notepad so me or an updater could sort it out for you once everything else is ready. Just some stuff like system spacing, text placement and other minor adjustments. If it's possible in notepad, I'd revise your system spacing. If you want to keep everything on one page, I'd recommend 4-4-6-6-4 measures per system, from top to bottom, rather than the 4-4-6-7-3 that you have now. Makes the sheet look more even :)
..aand that's it from me! I like how you simulated the snare hits by adding more detailed chords to your sheet. Maybe they could be used to fill the empty space where there are sustained whole notes? Up to you ;D
fixed/changed/whatevered pretty much all of this. i think.
Chatted over Discord a little, we fixed up spacing so that the pedal lines didn't intersect with the footer, and adjusted the space between certain staves so they weren't too condensed.
Quote from: XiaoMigros on April 04, 2022, 10:17:50 AMI'd recommend 4-4-6-6-4 measures per system, from top to bottom, rather than the 4-4-6-7-3 that you have now. Makes the sheet look more even :)
I think this could be improved on a bit further - the distribution of space is currently more squished on the third and fourth systems. I'd suggest 4-5-5-5-5 to make it more even. You lose the neat system breaks between sections, but this piece is straightforward enough I don't think that's a big deal... (let me know if you want help editing it)
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/962783288844509254/unknown.png
- The composer/arranger text are too close
- I would suggest removing the top note for each chord in m. 1-8 because of the overlap with the right hand.
- The melody actually continues playing G# on beat 1 of m. 2/4/6. There's a bit of dissonance in the original between the melody G# and the A in the bass
- The second and third melody notes in m. 8 are B# and C# instead of C# and D#.
I'll come back for the rest (m. 9-end) afterwards to avoid putting too much in one post :P
Quote from: Latios212 on April 10, 2022, 11:44:32 AMI think this could be improved on a bit further - the distribution of space is currently more squished on the third and fourth systems. I'd suggest 4-5-5-5-5 to make it more even. You lose the neat system breaks between sections, but this piece is straightforward enough I don't think that's a big deal.
Ah yeah I have a tendency to overprioritise splitting sections like that.. the attachment looks really neat the way you suggested!
Quote from: Latios212 on April 10, 2022, 11:44:32 AMI think this could be improved on a bit further - the distribution of space is currently more squished on the third and fourth systems. I'd suggest 4-5-5-5-5 to make it more even. You lose the neat system breaks between sections, but this piece is straightforward enough I don't think that's a big deal... (let me know if you want help editing it)
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/962783288844509254/unknown.png
- The composer/arranger text are too close
- I would suggest removing the top note for each chord in m. 1-8 because of the overlap with the right hand.
- The melody actually continues playing G# on beat 1 of m. 2/4/6. There's a bit of dissonance in the original between the melody G# and the A in the bass
- The second and third melody notes in m. 8 are B# and C# instead of C# and D#.
I'll come back for the rest (m. 9-end) afterwards to avoid putting too much in one post :P
for the first one, can't really fix that. Notepad Moment:tm:
anyways fixed (or at least tried to), but for the last one i actually realized that its slightly different from what you said and fixed it (the note on beat 2.5 is D#)
Sorry for the wait! Here's feedback on the rest, and a file (https://www.dropbox.com/s/tv11c1k8umdcd1o/The%20Moon%20as%20Seen%20from%20the%20Shrine.mus?dl=1) with the margins/text spacing edited.
- Similar to the beginning, I'd suggest removing the upper C# in the left hand in m. 11-12, 15-16, 19-20, and 23-24 due to the right hand needing to sustain the C# from the previous measure
- In the right hand chord in m. 11-12, 15-16, and 19-20, I don't think the En should be there - it doesn't sound like a minor chord. Currently a bit split between suggesting making it an E#, or just removing it.
>read feedback
>do it on musescore
>export all the files
>replace files
>realize that i completely missed the top link on the post
>have to re-export everything after fixing it in Notepad:tm:
anyways
Quote from: Latios212 on June 02, 2022, 03:11:56 PMSorry for the wait! Here's feedback on the rest, and a file (https://www.dropbox.com/s/tv11c1k8umdcd1o/The%20Moon%20as%20Seen%20from%20the%20Shrine.mus?dl=1) with the margins/text spacing edited.
- Similar to the beginning, I'd suggest removing the upper C# in the left hand in m. 11-12, 15-16, 19-20, and 23-24 due to the right hand needing to sustain the C# from the previous measure
- In the right hand chord in m. 11-12, 15-16, and 19-20, I don't think the En should be there - it doesn't sound like a minor chord. Currently a bit split between suggesting making it an E#, or just removing it.
removed those extra notes, hoping i didnt accidentally mess anything up because brain tired
Looks good, just the C# in m. 23-24 needed to be removed. I got that updated for you and also replaced the old .musx file in the submission.
Approved!
Looks good to me! I don't have anything to add so I'll accept
This submission has been accepted by Static (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4960).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot