Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
Console: Xbox
Title: Aboard The Ebon Hawk
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: JediMaestro (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5988)
Hey nice! Although you probably wanna revisit your measure spacing and general layout. The last page only has one measure and it's squashed near the top.
Quote from: Fantastic Ike on May 31, 2022, 05:08:36 AMHey nice! Although you probably wanna revisit your measure spacing and general layout. The last page only has one measure and it's squashed near the top.
I was unhappy with the measure spacing going onto the second page as well, but nothing immediately stood out to me as far as moving it down to the previous system without it looking squished. I'll give it a try though.
Maybe try having less measures per system? You might be best having the last system on page 1 move down to page 2 as well, the systems are all kind of squishing against each other.
Updated the PDF. I tried 3 measures on each system and spaced them out a little more. That leaves two measures on the last page, but any more than that, and I think the bottom of the first page starts to suffer. If it looks good, I'll also update the mus/musx files accordingly.
(Oops, I just noticed the system at the top of the second page is clipping into the title header. I will change that too)
This was surprisingly hard to hear, but here goes:
- In m5 I hear the first two beats of the harp differently, they sound like they are both playing triplet quarter - triplet 16th.
The line you inserted preceding beat 4 is relatively unclear (to me at least), assuming it's telling the player to play the lower A with their right hand, there are better ways to write this:
Cross-staff notation example
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/844835144242298910/986383784314306640/unknown.png
- m1: the mp marking should be centered between the staves.
- m6: if you write the oboe line with the stems pointing up and the rest with stems pointing downwards, you can move the oboe's rests above the notes, which would look cleaner.
- m8: the two half rests in the RH can be written as a whole rest
- m9: The C on beat 3 would be better written in the lower layer, to show the continuation of the part.
The right end of the hairpin should be adjusted so it doesn't collide with the barline. - m11: I hear a pair of Fs and pair of As preceding the C/Db 32nd notes.
I also feel the rhythm isn't quite right here, I hear a slight ritardando towards the end of the measure, but what you have as 32nds sound like half the length of the eighths.
The forte marking should be centered under the notes, and the hairpin should be adjusted slightly so it is level with the one in m10. - m12-13: If some rearranging is done, crossing hands can be avoided
b1.5 in the LH of m12 can be written as a dotted 4th.
the lower layer rests on b1 in m13 can be written as a dotted 8th. - b1 of RH m14 is not reachable (and I can stretch my hands quite well). You can either add a roll or leave out the Cb
- The fermata is displaced to the right in your PDF export, if you're not already using the Print to PDF tool rather than the native export function then I'd give that a go.
I would recommend using the NSM template file (https://www.dropbox.com/s/617huonz3luxheq/NSM%20Template%202019.mus?dl=1) in the future if not for this sheet as well, your footer URL doesn't quite match the guidelines, and you page 2 header is positioned oddly and missing a quotation mark.
As for the page layout, page 2 is looking a bit empty. I recommend having 3 systems on page 1 and 2 on page 2. Be as generous as you want giving the systems space between each other, particularly on the last page. Something like this might work:
Page layout suggestion
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/844835144242298910/986389233520480306/unknown.png
Because you have so much space available, you can add more space inbetween staves, so the dynamics are less cramped. Systems 2-4 in particular are tighter currently than they could be.
Lastly, I think while the key is obscured it is in Dm/F from the start (m4 hints at it). The piece sort of fades out of it towards the end again but it's probably fine to keep it in one flat throughout. I also didn't bring up enharmonic spelling in my points above, as a lot of it will need redoing if my key verdict is correct, but even the parts that wouldn't be affected by the change need looking through. If you want any help with that (what to look for etc.) let me know.
Quote from: XiaoMigros on June 14, 2022, 03:10:04 PMThis was surprisingly hard to hear
Yeah, I'm not sure why (maybe because it's a live chamber orchestra playing in a somewhat echoey space), but it's hard to make out a lot of the specific notes, hence why a lot of my notes are more creative interpretation than accurate transcription lol. I will take a look at your notes and try to fix the things you pointed out!
Any progress on this?
I'll archive this for inactivity, feel free to resubmit again when you're around!