Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario 3D World
Console: Wii U
Title: Bowser's Highway Showdown
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: amc (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5519)
- m1-2: I don't hear the accents in the LH here. Also, wouldn't it make more sense to include G5 instead of D4 at m2 b2?
- I think it would be helpful to add more articulation to the melody.
- m7 & m15: I hear b1.75 as C. On top of that, maybe there's to include the difference in suspense between these two measures, since they are not identical in the original?
- m21-24: Before the accented notes in b24, I would recommend moving the top line down an octave. This would help highlight those accented notes more nicely, as the original has an ascent there as well.
Updated, sorry for delay.
-m1-2: I hear some other notes in beat 2 and 3.5 in the L.H., but it's a bit hard to make out. I think it's first F, then D in m1, in m2 it seems to be jumping up to the range of the R.H., so you could double some other notes there
-m3 and on: The root power chords here are palm-muted, maybe you could remove the top note (so the top Bb's in m3 for example) so the full power chords stand out a bit more?
-m5 and on: Maybe you could add some staccatos to the shorter melody notes?
-m11-12: I think I hear this melody an octave higher.
-m15: I hear Db's on beat 1 and 1.25, and an F on beat 3 in the R.H.
-m19-20: Same thing about an octave higher. Also, you could add some of the notes of the lower line on beat 1, 2 and 3 (so not the sixteenths in between)
-m21-26: The R.H. notes seem mostly staccato to me, at least not tied over into beat 3.
-m22: I don't think the courtesy accidentals on beat 4 in the L.H. are that necessary, it's been a little bit since the previous flats, and the notes next to them do have the flats which will show that the ones before don't.
-m35: The optional ending here has the low Bb in the R.H. doubled in the L.H., maybe you could delete one of those?
Just gonna give this a bump, are you still around to make changes?
Bumping again, are you still around to keep at it with this submission?
Updated. Sorry for the late response school was kicking my butt
No problem! Thanks for making time, but it seems you uploaded the wrong sheet..
Omg I'm sorry lol, I don't even know how that happened. Updated.
Sorry for my somewhat late reaction too! I'm almost ready to approve, just a few tiny things:
Quote from: Bloop on December 31, 2022, 05:37:54 AM-m3 and on: The root power chords here are palm-muted, maybe you could remove the top note (so the top Bb's in m3 for example) so the full power chords stand out a bit more?
It's been a while, but I think originally you had all these chords as root+5th+octave, right? You could add back the octave on beats 2 and 4 (and 4.5), like the Db power chords in m3 for example, as these aren't palm-muted. It was to differentiate between the accentuated chords and the unaccentuated ones.
Some staccato thingies too:
-m23, 25 and 26: You're missing a staccato in the R.H. on beat 1.5
-m30: You could add some staccatos in the R.H. here too, on beat 2 and 3 (not 2.5 and 3.5)
Updated.
Great, then I'll approve!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174785795522560/BloopActuallyApproves.png
This is looking good! I only have a few things to add:
- I hear triads in the RH in m2, there's a B and C not present in your sheet at the moment
- m18-19: The high synth plays dyads here, maybe you could include some of that lower harmony here?
- m25: I can barely hear the D in the RH chords at beat 3.5, I think the low D would be better off as a high Ab
- m30: What do you think of leaving out the bottom notes in the RH here? That would allow for smoother legato like in the original. Speaking of legato here, do you think it's worth adding slurs to this section?
- I see you added your own ending to the sheet. There's absolutely no problem with that, but it would be great if you could label it as such (I'd recommend 'Optional Ending', 14pt, bold).
- No officially confirmed composer for this one, but the game's internal music filenames point towards Toru Minegishi being the composer. If you don't feel like going off of those, then you should credit all 3 composers: Mahito Yokota, Toru Minegishi & Yasuaki Iwata.
- Hearing m1/2 LH a little differently:
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/771605789495394314/1131797903564877925/Finale_NotePad_itkk9OVSdb.png?width=958&height=128
I changed the drum fills (tremolo in m1 and ending 16ths in m2) to Fs since that's the previous bass note.
Quote from: Bloop on December 31, 2022, 05:37:54 AM-m1-2: I hear some other notes in beat 2 and 3.5 in the L.H., but it's a bit hard to make out. I think it's first F, then D in m1.
I hear these, but since the bass is also hitting an F on beat 2, I think putting the D on beat 3.5 into the RH might make more sense here to avoid a random extra LH note (hence my omission in the image). Feel free to keep it in the LH if you want though. - The main repeating LH pattern in m3-m20 sounds a lot more staccato to me in the original, specifically all of the 5th dyads.
- I think when Xiao said the melody could use more articulation (correct me if I'm wrong Xiao), they were talking more about notes that should be staccato, as opposed to adding accent marks. Personally, I don't really hear the melody of the original having any especially strong accents besides m1-2 and m24, and all the other places you've added them are already naturally stressed by the meter, so I think you'd probably be fine leaving them out.
Quote from: Radiak488417 on July 20, 2023, 09:26:32 PM● I think when Xiao said the melody could use more articulation (correct me if I'm wrong Xiao), they were talking more about notes that should be staccato, as opposed to adding accent marks.
Yeah that's right, I think adding some phrasing to the melody with slurs and staccato will help give it some structure. Looking over this again and I also don't think that accents are necessary, through good use of slurs/staccato they'll become redundant
Bump for arranger, have you had time to look over this? We're so close to being done, just before the one year anniversary too...
poke poke
It's been a year, so I'm going to archive this one for now. Please resubmit once you're available to respond to feedback!
This submission has been deleted by XiaoMigros (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6725).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot