Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart
Console: PlayStation 5
Title: Ode to Nefarious
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Fantastic Ike (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=3403)
[attachment deleted by admin]
An older sheet of mine that still held up pretty well on revisit. I think the problem child of this arrangement is gonna be m8-15, just in terms of balancing melody with accompaniment. I can probably get rid of the melody somewhere, since it's doubled up in that section, but I didn't want to do anything drastic. But yeah, just a fun track that doesn't take itself too seriously (plus it'll be the first sheet under our PS5 tag!)
Wow, this is a cool one. Very Elfman like as you identify, and quite tasteful in its cheesy sci-fi villain aesthetic.
Format/Doc•Developer Insomniac Games missing from credits
• If you play around with spaces a bit you can make the two composers fit on one line. I don't think it's a requirement we're asking for but thought I'd point it out considering I know sometimes the text tool can be fussy and want to put new words on a line below. But up to you.
•V small but wanted to note the key is Bb minor, as opposed to Db major. Same number of flats, but wanted to note that given Finale was showing Db!
• I like your choice of expressive text - might I suggest putting the direction at m6 though given that's where the feel starts? Could just have the tempo marking at m1, maybe include the text Nefarious (lol) if you want?
• m24 make this either mf or f. m26 should be f at least if m24 is mf
• m27 sforzando seems less appropriate here, either do cresc. from an f up to ff on beat 4 of m27. But m28 seems better as forte (f)
Notes•m5 LH this chord is B minor. Same as In The Hall of The Mountain King... if you want to keep the chord in this range (as opposed to bass Bn notes), F# is on top, D, then B on bottom. Also you could put a fermata on these notes if you wanted.
• I'm not sure a pedal between m4-5 is really merited here either, because you're already holding these notes as whole notes, unless your intention is to carry the low notes in m4 over? That would be a reason to keep
• You also could move the 8va a bit, move the end line a bit to the left so it's not terminating right at m6.
•m6 and elsewhere beat 4.5 (8th note currently) sounds shorter than full length. Either add staccato or make it a 16th note followed by a 16th rest. Make sure to get the m28 and on redux of this part as well
• m6-7 RH the F at the bottom in beat's 1-3 is not present in this part, but there is a Db between the F and Bb. On beat 4, the movement is Dn-Db-Dn
• I know in m7 RH the A's are supposed to be the bell, I think it would be better left out, but it also isn't restruck after beat 4.0
• m8-15 as you id'ed this section could sound more consistent The LH drops off a bit and loses some of the oomph of previous 2 measures currently. I would say follow this example of what I wrote out for m8-9 as a potential idea for what to do for this section. The idea is to keep the intensity and consistency of the rhythms set up at the start of the m6 section, but to also give the melody room to breath. Play around with this a bit... ultimately the idea is that the melody should be in the RH, maybe not with the lower layer of melody notes and shuffling the pitches that made up the top RH layer here and to create a workable LH part that keeps that same 8th+2 16th's pattern.
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/bflKyl7.png)
• also just to note for this section the beaming is incorrect in the submission in first half of measure: the dotted quarter on beat 2 should be a quarter tied to an 8th note
• m10 lower RH beat 4.5-4.75 is Db and Eb. Also beat 1 of next measure is Fn not Gb
• Kind of similar to your Tekken Tag Team 2 sheet I'm not hearing the middle pitches in m16-23. Doubled Octaves from m16 on, but no middle notes.
• m25, the RH is Bb-C-Db on beat 1
• the LH/drum part is all 8th notes, beat 1 is Bb-Db and beat 2.0 is an E down an octave from beat 2.5
• m26 add some accents on these notes at least, very heavy brass. And no C's on beat 4
• m27 keep the key it's technically Gb minor, but m28 is C# minor (you have as E# major, same accidentals). Just move the double line and key change forward a measure
• m28 LH beat 2 no reason to have a tenuto?
m38-39 same deal as m16-23, not hearing middle notes between octaves. Given they're in the original, you could add an octave down of the notes in m38 and m39 RH, while removing the middle pitches (ex. G#, D#, Bn, and Gn).
• m39 RH top layer make sure the first note is Cn not C#, and the last note is An not B#/Cn
• m38 and m39 the B#'s should be Cn
• I think m39 works a little better in the LH if it's An notes as opposed to C's.
• m40 you could have a middle C# in the RH as well to give this final note more oomph (it is present in original as well)
Quote• I'm not sure a pedal between m4-5 is really merited here either, because you're already holding these notes as whole notes, unless your intention is to carry the low notes in m4 over? That would be a reason to keep
Yeah, I wanted to keep the pedal bass notes going but notating that seemed a bit tricky
Quote• m8-15 as you id'ed this section could sound more consistent The LH drops off a bit and loses some of the oomph of previous 2 measures currently. I would say follow this example of what I wrote out for m8-9 as a potential idea for what to do for this section. The idea is to keep the intensity and consistency of the rhythms set up at the start of the m6 section, but to also give the melody room to breath. Play around with this a bit... ultimately the idea is that the melody should be in the RH, maybe not with the lower layer of melody notes and shuffling the pitches that made up the top RH layer here and to create a workable LH part that keeps that same 8th+2 16th's pattern.
Yeah I'm just gonna strip this wayyy back. We can work out nuances from there.
Quote• Kind of similar to your Tekken Tag Team 2 sheet I'm not hearing the middle pitches in m16-23. Doubled Octaves from m16 on, but no middle notes.
Ah gotcha, I have trouble hearing a lot of non-chord-tonic pitches so sometimes I just guess lol. Bad habit of mine
Quote• m28 LH beat 2 no reason to have a tenuto?
Ah right, I was trying to signify that this was part of the melody. Should I just use that dotted line to do that instead?
In general, I kind of worry that my sheets sound a bit hollow so I cram them with more stuff than I need haha. But this is an older sheet of mine so I'm not too broken up about all these changes. I think that's everything
Really sorry about the wait on my reply did not intend to go this long between responses. Was having some back and forth over how to address some things.
QuoteYeah I'm just gonna strip this wayyy back. We can work out nuances from there.
This section is much better now, but I would also take a step from here, and reexamine some other parts of the start of the Elfman section. m6-7 seems a bit too heavy now in comparison, which is something I think I saw as a potential thing but might not have expressed. In the LH perhaps move the F up an octave, and remove the lowest Bb, though maybe leave beat 1.0 and entirety of 4 intact as is to demonstrate the drum/added brass hits here.
m16-23 is another section to revisit. I struggled a lot as far as what would work best here because there definitely is a bit of a shift in the feel from what was going on in the previous section... end of the day I like mostly what exists. The LH lower layer though I think would work best if it continued the same LH rhythm pattern as the previous 6-15 sections, in order to keep the driving feel. So add the 16th's on beat 2 and 3 as they are in 6-15.
For m28-35 the same beats could be added to the LH to keep the feel consistent with earlier sections.
Some more specific stuff:Quote• m6-7 RH the F at the bottom in beat's 1-3 is not present in this part, but there is a Db between the F and Bb. On beat 4, the movement is Dn-Db-Dn
This bullet, to clarify I'm hearing something like this for the RH
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/NjRMbED.png)
. Not hearing the bottom F you currently have.
• m26 widen this system or at least move the forte down so it's not going through other elements
• m38 LH the B# should be Cn like the RH.
QuoteI think m39 works a little better in the LH if it's An notes as opposed to C's.
Also resurfacing this point, I think the A that occurs in m39 should the LH here. You could also put an E between the A's.
• m39 RH first note is a C, so restrike the C. I think get rid of the whole note and tie, just make the top layer the only RH layer here would work best. m39 could look something like this
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/ONwqqGn.png)
I think that's everything. Maybe one or two sections that are a little awkward but compromises had to be made.
Also lmao this game was supposed to be a PS5 exclusive and now they're porting it to PC
• m36-37 RH beat 1-3 notes are G#-E-C#. I would change the spelling of the notes on beat 4 like this as well (maybe remove the bottom note of 4.75 tho for difficulty):
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/1wOFaf8.png)
• m35 I think the double sharp F should just be Gn here.
• Move m35 up to the system above it currently so m36-37 aren't scrunched after the edits in this post.
• few things to note for m36-37 LH. I don't hear this sound effect on beats 1.0-1.5 in m36. Maybe beat 1 in the LH could be a double C# as there is that low synth part doing C#
• Was having a bit of a hard time making out m36. Give that a try again as I don't think the pitches currently present are what is there. I will give another listen as well because I need to change the audio pitches with Audacity to hear it more clearly, but please take a first go at it. It's very tough to make out sound effects like this
• Here is m37 LH as I currently hear though:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/UK6FXCR.png)
• I think you missed my bit about m38 and m39 LH (Do you prefer the way you have it?). I do want to say something which is don't feel like you have to rush to make these edits, because I think in the process you are missing some of my comments. My time between responses has been a little higher lately (higher than I'd prefer) so there's no rush, but it my feedback can move along faster if everything is addressed each time, whether through responses acknowledging a disagreement or just being fixed.
Quote• Was having a bit of a hard time making out m36. Give that a try again as I don't think the pitches currently present are what is there. I will give another listen as well because I need to change the audio pitches with Audacity to hear it more clearly, but please take a first go at it. It's very tough to make out sound effects like this
And yeah this was a sticking point. I'll definitely take another crack at it but the initial philosophy was "make it sound coherent and good over 'accurate'" because they're more for texture than actual 12-tone temperament. Will try again
Quote• I think you missed my bit about m38 and m39 LH (Do you prefer the way you have it?). I do want to say something which is don't feel like you have to rush to make these edits, because I think in the process you are missing some of my comments. My time between responses has been a little higher lately (higher than I'd prefer) so there's no rush, but it my feedback can move along faster if everything is addressed each time, whether through responses acknowledging a disagreement or just being fixed.
I usually double check to make sure I have everything. In this case for m39 LH I actually preferred the held note (pedal) as opposed to the restrike with different chords but I didn't mention it before. Apologies for not conveying that, I'm not great with communication lol. I'll try not to rush
I think we're good now! Updated.
• Sorry for going back a little on this but I think for beat 4 in m6 write the Dn as an Ebb. It would be best to preserve the RH three notes as voices moving in parallel as opposed to the current writing.
Since the key signature is Bbm, writing a Cbm triad makes the most sense musically. The chord moves chromatically between the tonic and the flatted 2nd of the scale, and you don't need any additional accidentals to cancel out when the Bbm chord comes back. But since Cb-Ebb-Gb is kind of a pain in the butt to read, the case could be made to write it as a Bm triad (Bn-Dn-F#) instead just so the triads themselves are easier to read. We recommend writing the Ebb/Cbm though.
In general, I would give the accidentals another pass. m15-16 for example, the LH is descending from F to En to Eb... However given this is in Bbm will want to write En as Fb.
On the subject of key and matching accidentals more as well, check the LH for instances like m17 and 21 where you have written Bn instead of Cb.
• In m7, the top note for 4.0 is a Bb, 4.5 an An, and 4.75 a Bn.
• The LH in m7 4.75 could be a little lighter - listen to the original, as it sounds like an Fn on top. Maybe write like this?
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/njdL7oq.png)
• m25 LH actually hearing this slightly different from before:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/WUvglC0.png)
• m28 you could add a lower octave G# just to start the lower layer
• m29 RH beat 2.75 hearing En between the C#'s
• m30 RH I don't think the bottom F# in layer 2 and the LH beat 2.75 D is necessary? This is basically doubling the same notes already covered in the second layer of the RH.
• m31 For layer 2, the beat 2 dotted 8th is a E and beat 2.75 is a G#
• m32 RH layer 2 beat 4.5 is a Dn
• m33 try separating the 2 RH parts into two separate layers. The B#/Cn is held longer on beat 4 for example so would be good to show that.
• m34 RH: beat 2 I don't hear the F# in the bottom layer, and it doesn't really go well here. I think best way to do this would be Bn quarter note in top layer, and maybe write current top layer down an octave in second layer. Perhaps this is how the RH should look for m34-35:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/I0HSKXb.png)
• m38 you could make this dynamic forte or fortissimo (to emphasize previous two measures dynamic change a little more). Is the line under the RH m38-39 intended to be a pedal? If so, it should be like m4-5's symbols for consistency.
• m38 LH B# should be Cn.
Couple last minor format things:
•There is a bit more extra space on bottom of page 1 than probably necessary could drag the top system down (thus all systems) a bit so the measure systems fill out more of the page.
•you could align the systems on the last page a little more with page 3 in height (can ignore the notes/actual stuff on page, from my editing file):
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/hGpIpq7.png)
Think that's everything! I looked over the accidentals but kept a lot of the chromatic approach notes the same.
Put m33 in two layers...I think it's technically "right" but let me know. Those last two beats look a little strange but I think that's the way you're supposed to do it. For m34 I also kept in the lower D, since I think that'd fit more considering the last note was also in octaves.
Hopefully we're getting close with this sheet! I think it's improved a lot.
Yes there's been some major improvements to this sheet so far. Still have some stuff I want to address but getting closer.
Measures 16-23, I did some more playing around on an actual piano, and the LH is a bit much with the baseline and melody . I think it would be better to continue the LH of the previous section, but going one of two ways with the RH:
1) Keep the RH as is. With the LH losing the main melody, it will sound even more different from the original, but it will offer variation rather than repetition.
2) Make the RH the same melody part as the previous section. This is more repetitive, but you won't drop the melody as a result. If you want, I think you could add a second melody octave (where applicable/possible to do on piano I.e not multiple 16ths in a row) to have some variation from the previous section.
Sorry to backtrack a little here, but this makes the sheet much more consistent.
I'm not in love with either option, but kept the same RH pattern as before. Updated
Quote from: Fantastic Ike on July 12, 2023, 08:52:45 AMI'm not in love with either option, but kept the same RH pattern as before. Updated
Yeah this is unfortunately not a very easy to balance section. But having the LH try to do the melody and carry the rhythm from the previous section in a meaningful way does not work. I also tried weaving the melody and this part you've gone with for the RH and it doesn't work great either.
Do have a few more things to address as well:
• Pretty minor but you could have the 8va move a little to the left in m24 and terminate a little closer right after beat 4 in m26. Would look a tad bit cleaner. I'm basing this off of a slide presentation Latios gave like 2 years ago for reference:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/YrVbx23.png)
Quote from: Kricketune54m29 RH beat 2.75 hearing En between the C#'s
just noticed this was missing
• m33 system looks a little cramped still, maybe increase system width to 1.08"
• m36 RH beat 4.75 actually not sure there's a G in there, think it's just the C's (this will be a lot easier to play)
• m36 LH same as before move the 8va a little more to the left so it's visually either slightly before just aligned with the 2nd layer half note (no need to move the end bracket though).
• m40 the rests in the lower staff are distributed incorrectly, it should be quarter and half rest like the upper staff.
• Page 4's systems 2-3 could move a little higher so they visually line more with page 3's
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/3NchTP5.png)
Sure thing, think everything should be good now.
Quote from: Fantastic Ike on July 24, 2023, 09:08:55 AMSure thing, think everything should be good now.
Late notice on my part, but the same 8va change could also apply for m5. I will not make that conditional to
approval though, so feel free to update that before the next feedback :)
QuoteLate notice on my part, but the same 8va change could also apply for m5. I will not make that conditional to approval though, so feel free to update that before the next feedback :)
Oh right, took the liberty to do it myself beforehand but forgot to let you know. If you still think it needs to be moved more I can do that too
Yeah, reference the ppt image from my 2nd most previous post should look a little more like that.
Sure thing, updated.
I might need to get back to this for some specific note checking and arrangement suggestions, but I've been kinda putting that off because I haven't been able to get in the right mindspace yet, sorry about that! Here's some stuff mostly about enharmonic spelling though.
-m3: I hear the Bb's on beat 2.75 and the Db's on beat 3
-m4-5: The chord here should be Cbm (Cb - Ebb - Gb), for the same reason as why it's like that in m6.
-m7: The chords in beat 4.25 and 4.75 in the R.H. in its technically correct form would be Bbb-Db-Bbb and Cb-Eb-Cb, but that wouldn't read very nicely. Maybe instead of An-Db-An you could do An-C#-An, and instead of Bn-Eb-Bn you could do Cb-Eb-Cb? That way the chromatic enclosure of the melody (that is, the An and the Cb being a half step below and above the resulting note Bb) still work, but look a bit more recognizable as well.
-m9 and 19: The An's here should be Bbb's for the underlying Gbm chord (Gb - Bbb - Db)
-m15: Either the Bn and Gn in the R.H. on beat 1 and 1.75 should be Cb and Abb, or the L.H. within beat 1 should be En-Bn-En. The chord is Em (E - G - B) or Fbm (Fb - Abb - Cb). I think my preference would go to Em though, as it reads a bit better and it kinda acts as resolving to Fm (although it goes down a half step too). In that case, the Fb in beat 2.75 of the R.H. might work better as an En too, since it resolves up to the Fn. Same in m23
-m20: I don't hear the Fn on beat 2 in the strings, only in the brass. I can hear the strings still holding the Bb from beat 1.
-m21: The An in the R.H. on beat 4 should be a Bbb, chord again is Gbm.
-m27: The An's in the R.H. on beat 1.5 and 2.75 should be Bbb for the above reason too. However, I think you could get away with writing this whole bar in sharps and naturals instead, to get the player warmed up a little for the sharps in the next bar. The chords here don't follow any traditional harmony, so you can use some freedom to write the chords a little more naturally (so F#m, G#m and Am)
-m34: You could add courtesy accidentals to the D# on beat 1, since they come right after a Dn in the previous bar.
-m35: The A# on beat 1.75 should be a Bb (Gm chord, G Bb D), and the Gn on beat 2.75 might work better as a Fx (like how in the Bbm section it was En going to Fn)
-m36-37: Chromatic scales should still follow the accidentals of the key signatures, as using flats when there's already set sharps is a bit redundant. Going from C# down to C#, enharmonic spelling would be C# Cn B Bb A G# Gn F# Fn E D# Dn C#. Like this, you only need to show the naturals (and the flat for the Bb). I suppose some #'s will have have to be appear when the scale restarts halfway through the bar, but it's still easier to read as sharps then too as they're more easily recognized as notes from the tonality (C#m).
-m36: In the R.H., the Cn on beat 4.75 should be a B#.
-m39: There's some more instruments starting in this bar, that play an Am chord and crescendo into m40. Maybe you could do something like this to imitate that:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/1139259022730596422/image.png
-m40: Maybe you could add a staccato to the C#'s here?
I think I explained every enharmonic spelling suggestion, but a lot of it comes from the weird harmony in this piece: there's a lot of minor chords outside of the tonality, that are a bit weird to see in Bb minor especially. If the piece was written in A minor, a lot of these would make more sense, but in Bbm there's a lot of chords that need flats flattened further, which causes a lot of double flats to appear. There are some places where you can take some liberty writing it differently, but unfortunately those aren't always possible without getting it more confusing.
It's a doozy but it should all be updated.
Quote from: Bloop on August 10, 2023, 11:09:31 AM-m9 and 19: The An's here should be Bbb's for the underlying Gbm chord (Gb - Bbb - Db)
Oops sorry, I meant m11 and 19! In m11 and m19, the L.H. An's should be Bbb's too. In m9, the Bbb should be an An again.
Another way to look at this measure btw is to see it as F#m instead, which would make the notes F#, An and C#, but both work.
Now for the actual note checking/arrangement choice part:
-m6: I hear an An in the R.H. on top of the Cbm chord on beat 4.75. You could write this An as Bbb too, so it looks more like a Cbm7 chord.
-m7: In beat 4, I hear the R.H. chords going Ebm-Dm-Fbm. Ebm is Eb, Gb, Bb, Dm is Dn, Fn, An, Fbm is Fb, Abb, Cb: I'll have you choose how to distribute these in the R.H. The top notes you currently have are correct, so those can stay ^^
The new chords sound a little bit weird with your current L.H. though, but I can't really make out what's happening in the lower range. Maybe you could have it play the same notes as the top notes in the R.H. (so Bb, An and Cb)?
-m8: The melody starting in this part sounds a lot deeper and epic in the original than just a single line in the middle of the piano. Maybe you could add octaves on top? Also, you can add parentheses at the Bb's in the L.H. that play the same note as the R.H.
-m21: I hear En on beat 1.75 in the R.H., instead of Bb. The Bb is from the brass part, the En is in the strings.
-m24-26: I personally don't think you necessarily need the 8va in the L.H.: the low F is still fairly readable in context.
-m26: I think you can add an octave below the R.H. notes here too for extra power
-m27: Maybe you could add some more chord tones in the R.H. in the first layer? As long as they don't go below the second layer.
-m28: Maybe instead of having the L.H. pinky play the ostinato, you can move those notes up an octave for the thumb? I think that's a little easier to play, and a bit more consistent as well considering the first part of the song. Also, in the R.H., I hear the A in the second layer on beat 4 already (instead beat 4.5)
-m29: You could delete the low C#, G# and C# in the R.H. beat 1.75-2.75, as that makes this part a little bit easier to play: in this section, you usually have both melodies playing in single notes instead of octaves, so it makes sense to leave out the octave here too I think.
-m30: Is the Dn in the L.H. there to follow the 2nd layer melody? I think it's better to just keep the L.H. on the B, as it's a bit awkward to jump up to the Dn and immediately go back down for the octave.
-m32: Same thing as m28, the Dn in the R.H. should start on beat 4, not beat 4.5
-m33: I hear something like this in the two voices in the R.H.:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/1140709279846899803/image.png
I think it makes sense to write it out without any octave doublings here too, like in m29. In the L.H., you can keep the L.H. as C#'s too at beat 1.5
-m36: I hear a D# and Fx on beat 4.75 as well in the R.H.
-m37: The three chords at the R.H. on beat 4 should be something similar to m7 beat 4, except modulated to C#m. The chords then would be F#m, E#m, and Gm.
-m36-37: I'm not really sure if I like how that chromatically descending electronic sound is incorporated here: on piano it feels very out of place to play, and it sounds pretty out of place as well. Especially the latter half of m37 is pretty weird to play. Maybe you could just decide to go with arranging the L.H. similarly to m6-7?
-m38: You can add a lower octave C# to the L.H. in beat 1 for more depth.
-m39: Maybe you can add a pedal marking on beat 4 of m38 to the end of this measure, and add some dynamic markings as well to imitate the crescendo? Also, all notes in the R.H. should have their stems flipped downwards.
-m40: This ending chord sounds like it should be a bit deeper: maybe you can add an octave below the R.H., and move the L.H. down an octave as well?
Quote-m7: In beat 4, I hear the R.H. chords going Ebm-Dm-Fbm. Ebm is Eb, Gb, Bb, Dm is Dn, Fn, An, Fbm is Fb, Abb, Cb: I'll have you choose how to distribute these in the R.H. The top notes you currently have are correct, so those can stay ^^
The new chords sound a little bit weird with your current L.H. though, but I can't really make out what's happening in the lower range. Maybe you could have it play the same notes as the top notes in the R.H. (so Bb, An and Cb)?
Stacked the RH notes and put the LH in octaves.
Quote-m27: Maybe you could add some more chord tones in the R.H. in the first layer? As long as they don't go below the second layer.
Put it in minor triad voicing, don't think it's much more complex chords than that.
Quote-m36-37: I'm not really sure if I like how that chromatically descending electronic sound is incorporated here: on piano it feels very out of place to play, and it sounds pretty out of place as well. Especially the latter half of m37 is pretty weird to play. Maybe you could just decide to go with arranging the L.H. similarly to m6-7?
Yeah, this got out of hand. I didn't like how it was sounding tbh, lol.
Quote-m39: Maybe you can add a pedal marking on beat 4 of m38 to the end of this measure, and add some dynamic markings as well to imitate the crescendo? Also, all notes in the R.H. should have their stems flipped downwards.
Whoops, had this in my Musescore file but not Finale.
Also took the liberty of changing pedal marking in beginning to match the end.
Think that's everything!
You still forgot these:
Quote from: Bloop on August 14, 2023, 11:26:25 AMIn m11 and m19, the L.H. An's should be Bbb's too.
And forgot/didn't respond to this:
Quote from: Bloop on August 14, 2023, 11:26:25 AM-m39: (...) and add some dynamic markings as well to imitate the crescendo?
-m26: Because of the lower added octave, you can keep this bar in the bass clef and switch to treble clef in m27.
-m27: The parenthesized natural on the lower C on beat 4 isn't necessary to be parenthesized anymore, since it's actually natural-ing the C# from beat 2. The top one technically doesn't need a natural sign, but it might be nice to keep the natural (without parentheses) for clarity. Also, you can move beat 3 to the right a bit, so the sharp of the R.H. D# doesn't clash with the An on beat 2.5
-m29: I probably could've worded this better, but I meant only the bottom notes in beat 1.75-2.75, not the middle notes, so like this:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/1141337106757722234/image.png
Aside from that, it's all good! Some of these, as well as one or two points from previous feedback, feel a bit sloppy/preventable: if you ever look at feedback and think "i don't know why they're saying this, this looks pretty weird", feel free point it out and we can either explain our reasoning or fix our own mistakes ^^
QuoteAside from that, it's all good! Some of these, as well as one or two points from previous feedback, feel a bit sloppy/preventable: if you ever look at feedback and think "i don't know why they're saying this, this looks pretty weird", feel free point it out and we can either explain our reasoning or fix our own mistakes ^^
I'm sorry, and I'll try to do that in the future! The main issue for me is just forgetting. Even after double/triple checking it's a long and arduous process converting from Musescore, so some things that I already did get left in the cracks. Updated.
Quote from: Bloop on August 14, 2023, 11:26:25 AM-m39: and add some dynamic markings as well to imitate the crescendo?
With this I actually meant a starting dynamic like the mp you have and just a crescendo hairpin :p With "to imitate the crescendo" I meant imitating the volume swell in the original, not leaving out a normal hairpin in favor of multiple dynamic markings. I had this in my original picture as well btw:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/1139259022730596422/image.png
That's officially the last thing though, haha
That...makes more sense. Haha
Updated. I know this sheet has been difficult, but glad we're nearing the end it seems
Not nearing the end, 'cause we're already there! I'm ready to accept now! :D
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174892746108988/BloopApproves2.png
This submission has been accepted by Bloop (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1023).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot