Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: OneShot
Console: PC
Title: My Burden Is Light
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Francesca Minasi (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=8245)
Sorry to keep you waiting on this particular one. I was having a bit of trouble listening and feeling a tempo pulse, but wanted to leave some feedback to start
With the tied whole notes (second layer of the bottom staff), they are a bit mistimed for when they come in. For example:
• m1 the Gb doesn't quite come in till beat 2.
• m3 the Ab doesn't start till beat 2
• m7 beat 2
• m13 the Gb doesn't time till beat 3
Overall give these a listen again as to where they are falling. I know it probably is a little hard to tell (it was for me as well given how the low notes sort of cresc. into existence), but I would place the notes where their pitch comes into "audible volume" as opposed to where it might start (lmk if this needs further explanation)
• Why are there parentheses on beats 2 and 4 of m3, m15, and m21? is that as optional notes? I guess it's confusing because that shouldn't be hard to reach with either hand. Are they the Ab's that are down an octave originally, as to not collide with the held note?
• On this as well, I am hearing a pitch that is parallel below each current top layer note of the bottom staff. Picturing what I'm hearing for first measure:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/ZCl1bXi.png)
Did you leave out these notes to make this easier overall?
QuoteSorry to keep you waiting on this particular one. I was having a bit of trouble listening and feeling a tempo pulse, but wanted to leave some feedback to start
No worries! I know it's a lot to work with.
QuoteOverall give these a listen again as to where they are falling. I know it probably is a little hard to tell (it was for me as well given how the low notes sort of cresc. into existence), but I would place the notes where their pitch comes into "audible volume" as opposed to where it might start (lmk if this needs further explanation)
The explanation was very clear. I originally timed most of the low bass notes on beat 1 because I thought that it would be a good way to represent when the
synth instrument would actually initiate the crescendo. But of course, that's not possible on piano...
QuoteWhy are there parentheses on beats 2 and 4 of m3, m15, and m21? is that as optional notes? I guess it's confusing because that shouldn't be hard to reach with either hand. Are they the Ab's that are down an octave originally, as to not collide with the held note?
I guess I heard them a little different back when I wrote the arrangement... You're right, though, there's no reason to keep them.
QuoteOn this as well, I am hearing a pitch that is parallel below each current top layer note of the bottom staff
Oh, no, I didn't notice those at all, I guess my ear just interpreted as one big sound in the original... I'm having a lot of trouble hearing the pitches, are they all perhaps thirds like you showed in the first measure?
QuoteOh, no, I didn't notice those at all, I guess my ear just interpreted as one big sound in the original... I'm having a lot of trouble hearing the pitches, are they all perhaps thirds like you showed in the first measure?
Yep from what I can tell, all thirds.
I tried doing the below image to see if there was a way to use some of the deeper notes in the original track, and maybe you tried as well but there's a few places like m12 or m21 where the parts for the LH and RH where you'd have to put a quarter rest for the current LH to work as a bottom RH layer to work even with the pedal. I think adding some depth to the low notes could help capture the original a lot more; but if you don't find it to be feasible (also involves swapping the current top LH layer between RH and LH at times) I'm fine with the arrangement as is
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/Ws0clpU.png)
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/PZkkVpa.png)
• Checked the time signature, it's actually 125 bpm
• Did you mean to keep the Ab's I had pointed out? I hear them down an octave (and they could work with my new LH/bottom staff suggestion) but your reply makes it a little unclear on if they should still be in the sheet.
• m10 RH beat 5.5 is a Db, m11 is also a Db instead of C
• m11 and 23 LH beat 4 the low Ab changes to a Db
• m20 RH hearing beat 1.5 as a separate C 8th note up an octave from the C on beat 1
• m22 RH beat 1 sounds like a quarter note value Ab, and I don't hear a grace note
• m23 RH dotted quarter note, this sounds like a Db
QuoteI tried doing the below image to see if there was a way to use some of the deeper notes in the original track, and maybe you tried as well but there's a few places like m12 or m21 where the parts for the LH and RH where you'd have to put a quarter rest for the current LH to work as a bottom RH layer to work even with the pedal. I think adding some depth to the low notes could help capture the original a lot more; but if you don't find it to be feasible (also involves swapping the current top LH layer between RH and LH at times) I'm fine with the arrangement as is
Great idea! This has been implemented, however I kept the single pedal notes in those parts where the melody comes in, so that it doesn't get too unnecessarily complicated potentially for the right hand to play two voices at once.
QuoteChecked the time signature, it's actually 125 bpm
Fixed.
QuoteDid you mean to keep the Ab's I had pointed out? I hear them down an octave (and they could work with my new LH/bottom staff suggestion) but your reply makes it a little unclear on if they should still be in the sheet
What I meant in my earlier message was that the parenthesis weren't necessary, not the notes themselves. I transposed them down an octave now, though.
Quotem10 RH beat 5.5 is a Db, m11 is also a Db instead of C
Fixed!
Quotem11 and 23 LH beat 4 the low Ab changes to a Db
I can't seem to find the Ab that you're referring to here?
For the 8th C note, Sorry, were you referring to beat 2.5?
Quotem22 RH beat 1 sounds like a quarter note value Ab, and I don't hear a grace note
Fixed, I was mainly trying to imitate the distortion effect for the grace note.
Quotem23 RH dotted quarter note, this sounds like a Db
Fixed!
Really like how you ended up doing the new LH sections! Just a couple points on those though, the bottom ties like at m3-4 and m15-16 should be flipped down like they are in other measures.
QuoteWhat I meant in my earlier message was that the parenthesis weren't necessary, not the notes themselves. I transposed them down an octave now, though.
Okay got it. I was not hearing Ab4 in the spots I was pointing out though that's all.
QuoteI can't seem to find the Ab that you're referring to here?
Oops mistype, meant the Gb. That lower layer Gb I hear in the original drop down to a Db.
Quote(in reference to m20) Sorry, were you referring to beat 2.5?
Oh I was actually referring to 2.0, 2.5 is right with the Db 8th, but hearing a separate C 8th on 2.0
Some more stuff:
• quarter rest in m1 LH is a little low for some reason
• mp dynamic could go right a little in m1 as well to center under beat 1 notehead
• could increase the spacing between systems a little bit - mainly looking at how the con pedale seems almost like it applies for m5 beat 3.
• m5, m17 RH beat 3, I listened again and hearing C on bottom instead of Db.
• m9 LH and m21 for this top LH layer I think I'm hearing something along these lines: Ab is on bottom for beat 2 and 3, and no high Ab from what I can tell
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/Z7TyP2O.png)
• m10 and m22 the whole note in the LH should line up with the Ab in the RH, and m24 the bottom LH layer Ab should technically line up with the beat 2 above it - Tools -> Advanced Tools -> Special Tools -> Note position, and then right click, reset to default position for this note. Finale might get a little picky with both layers, so it might take a few tries to get it to look correct (m10 fixed pictured)
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/WmfJNbw.png)
QuoteReally like how you ended up doing the new LH sections! Just a couple points on those though, the bottom ties like at m3-4 and m15-16 should be flipped down like they are in other measures
It's fixed, and I'm glad you like it!
QuoteOops mistype, meant the Gb. That lower layer Gb I hear in the original drop down to a Db
Oh I was actually referring to 2.0, 2.5 is right with the Db 8th, but hearing a separate C 8th on 2.0
Fixed.
Quotequarter rest in m1 LH is a little low for some reason
mp dynamic could go right a little in m1 as well to center under beat 1 notehead
could increase the spacing between systems a little bit - mainly looking at how the con pedale seems almost like it applies for m5 beat 3
Fixed, and I also separated the first system a bit from the others so let me know if that's acceptable
Quotem5, m17 RH beat 3, I listened again and hearing C on bottom instead of Db
m9 LH and m21 for this top LH layer I think I'm hearing something along these lines: Ab is on bottom for beat 2 and 3, and no high Ab from what I can tell
m10 and m22 the whole note in the LH should line up with the Ab in the RH, and m24 the bottom LH layer Ab should technically line up with the beat 2 above it
Fixed!
Just a few more things
• m11 LH first layer, the Db can be flipped down on beat 5, and similar to some of the measures I brought up last time, these notes can be aligned with the second layer for beat 4.
• m22 similar, flip LH 1st layer beat 4 down
• And m23 LH the Gb in the 1st (lower layer) layer goes down to a Db on beat 4 like m11. Just make sure it's flipped correctly too!
Quotem11 LH first layer, the Db can be flipped down on beat 5, and similar to some of the measures I brought up last time, these notes can be aligned with the second layer for beat 4
I fixed the beaming, but it doesn't seem like using the Note Position function to realign the notes changed much.
Quotem22 similar, flip LH 1st layer beat 4 down
And m23 LH the Gb in the 1st (lower layer) layer goes down to a Db on beat 4 like m11. Just make sure it's flipped correctly too!
These have also been fixed. Thank you
So sorry, did not mean to drag this out. But after working on another sub that also had some nonstandard time signatures, I think there is a bit of a beaming review needed.
For 5/4 time, the strong beats typically are 3+2 or 2+3. I think for this, go with 2+3 (subdividing 2 beats, then 3). Here's m2 for example:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/KRCAiLq.png)
And for 7/4 time, I think dividing measure by 3+4 beats makes sense, here's m17 for example:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/a9TuhYb.png)
Please check all 5/4 and 7/4 measures, and both layers (some layers are correct currently) as they will need to have some beaming fixes. Might be some additional layer alignment needed after this is done, just as a heads up. For a further explanation on how this subdivision of beats/beaming according to meter works, please see this post and my comment regarding 7/4 time. https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=12701.0
QuoteSo sorry, did not mean to drag this out. But after working on another sub that also had some nonstandard time signatures, I think there is a bit of a beaming review needed
No worries, I know how it works. The files have been updated. There are instances in m10, m21 and m22, though, where the quarter note of layer 2 overlaps with the dotted half note of layer 1. What should I do?
Quote from: Francesca on October 22, 2023, 02:08:37 AMNo worries, I know how it works. The files have been updated. There are instances in m10, m21 and m22, though, where the quarter note of layer 2 overlaps with the dotted half note of layer 1. What should I do?
You could do something like this for m10, for example:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/ozK0kCk.png)
Shifting the held notes to the left. Alternatively, you could remove the Ab's from the second layer; obviously if you're pedaling, restriking the same pitch is a little different from restriking a held note when you're not pedaling, but you could remove the restrikes in the second layer to clear things up for all the spots you mentioned, as well as m12.
I do want to point out though, between your last revisions and now, seems like some things got messed up. m11, m20 and m24 for example the RH 2nd layer notes shouldn't have their stems flipped down at any point, and spots like m3 the quarter note in the LH tied to a half note could just be a dotted half note (I know I just explained about strong beats and such for 5/4 and 7/4, but for 4/4 time normal note grouping would still apply). Give the sheet a look through just in case for other instances as well.
• For m6, the ties and notes should be flipped like this:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/f69PL9U.png)
• Did you mean to have a tie at m24 RH beat 4? The whole note
I tried shifting the held notes to the right. Does that work?
QuoteI do want to point out though, between your last revisions and now, seems like some things got messed up. m11, m20 and m24 for example the RH 2nd layer notes shouldn't have their stems flipped down at any point, and spots like m3 the quarter note in the LH tied to a half note could just be a dotted half note (I know I just explained about strong beats and such for 5/4 and 7/4, but for 4/4 time normal note grouping would still apply). Give the sheet a look through just in case for other instances as well
I have done so and these have been fixed.
QuoteDid you mean to have a tie at m24 RH beat 4? The whole note
Nope, that's also been changed.
Thank you
Measure 10 the tie could be a little more to the notehead and less through the other notehead, but it's a minor update so I will
approve this, just make that fix prior to the next feedback round
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/i72pMrr.png)
QuoteMeasure 10 the tie could be a little more to the notehead and less through the other notehead
Fixed. Thank you.
I only have a few comments about the notes itself:
-m6, 12, 18 and 24: I hear Ab-C on beat 2 in the voice in thirds (instead of F-Ab)
-m7 and 19: Maybe instead of putting this first beat in the L.H. already, you could keep beat 1 in the R.H. and move it to the the L.H. from beat 2 on. It feels like a more natural place to switch hands.
-m11 and 23: It's a bit stretchy for the L.H. to get to the F-Ab dyad, maybe you could move that one to the R.H.?
About the time signatures, this piece is definitely something weird, haha. I can kinda see where you got these time signatures from, but I think changing time signatures each bar makes it harder to read. There doesn't seem to be a strong downbeat, so I think you can use some freedom and put it in one time signature only. The loop is 30 beats long and seems to be divided into two sections of 15 beats (considering where the held note and two 8th notes fall). This would mean each section could be three bars of 5/4 or five bars of 3/4. I think three bars of 5/4 (3+2) makes the most sense when looking at phrases, but five bars of 3/4 is easier to read. Maybe try these things out and see if you like it!
Quote-m6, 12, 18 and 24: I hear Ab-C on beat 2 in the voice in thirds (instead of F-Ab)
-m7 and 19: Maybe instead of putting this first beat in the L.H. already, you could keep beat 1 in the R.H. and move it to the the L.H. from beat 2 on. It feels like a more natural place to switch hands.
-m11 and 23: It's a bit stretchy for the L.H. to get to the F-Ab dyad, maybe you could move that one to the R.H.?
These have been fixed. I did some cross staffing on m11 and m23 so let me know if that works.
QuoteAbout the time signatures, this piece is definitely something weird, haha. I can kinda see where you got these time signatures from, but I think changing time signatures each bar makes it harder to read. There doesn't seem to be a strong downbeat, so I think you can use some freedom and put it in one time signature only. The loop is 30 beats long and seems to be divided into two sections of 15 beats (considering where the held note and two 8th notes fall). This would mean each section could be three bars of 5/4 or five bars of 3/4. I think three bars of 5/4 (3+2) makes the most sense when looking at phrases, but five bars of 3/4 is easier to read. Maybe try these things out and see if you like it!
It looks much cleaner now, thank you! I decided to go with 5/4 - 3/4 doesn't really help with such irregular time.
Mostly some formatting stuff left:
-m7 and m19: Make sure there's a quarter rest in the top layer in the L.H. on beat 1
-m9, 11 and 23: The first note in the L.H. is quite close to the barline, make sure to move both layers a little a bit to the right so the dyad aligns with the note in the R.H.
-m11 and 23: The Db's in the L.H. should have its stem flipped downwards. Also, I didn't mean moving this dyad up to the R.H., but the one (currently) in m10 and 22 on beat 4. Make sure to add a quarter rest in the L.H. and flip the stem of the R.H. note above it upwards too there.
-m18: The octaves in the L.H. should have its stem flipped upwards.
-m24: Because of the fixed L.H. beat 2, the L.H. has to stretch quite a lot here too, so you can either move this dyad up to the R.H. (make sure to add a quarter rest in its place in the L.H.), or you can move the Ab up an octave.
Quote-m7 and m19: Make sure there's a quarter rest in the top layer in the L.H. on beat 1
I've added the quarter rest.
Quotem9, 11 and 23: The first note in the L.H. is quite close to the barline, make sure to move both layers a little a bit to the right so the dyad aligns with the note in the R.H.
Let me know if what I did works- some of the opposing layer notes have to be beside each other not to collide.
Quote-m11 and 23: The Db's in the L.H. should have its stem flipped downwards. Also, I didn't mean moving this dyad up to the R.H., but the one (currently) in m10 and 22 on beat 4. Make sure to add a quarter rest in the L.H. and flip the stem of the R.H. note above it upwards too there.
Ah, I see! I've made the changes. Should I hide the 2nd layer rests in the upper staff?
Quote-m18: The octaves in the L.H. should have its stem flipped upwards.
-m24: Because of the fixed L.H. beat 2, the L.H. has to stretch quite a lot here too, so you can either move this dyad up to the R.H. (make sure to add a quarter rest in its place in the L.H.), or you can move the Ab up an octave.
I've made these changes too. Thank you
Just two tiny things and then it should all be ready!
-m8: The Gb in the L.H. on beat 4 should be flipped downwards (I missed that before I think, sorry about that!)
-You could increase the distance between staves in the last system, so the quarter rest and note in m24 beat 2 aren't too close to each other.
Quote-m8: The Gb in the L.H. on beat 4 should be flipped downwards (I missed that before I think, sorry about that!)
-You could increase the distance between staves in the last system, so the quarter rest and note in m24 beat 2 aren't too close to each other.
No worries! I've made the changes- thank you for the feedback.
Great! Then I'll accept!
This submission has been accepted by Bloop (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1023).
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