Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Paper Mario
Console: Nintendo Wii
Title: Dimentio, Charming Magician
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Bloop (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1023)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Looks pretty good!
A few things (I'll check the notes when I get on my computer):
- Clashing dynamic/slur in M. 10.
- Piano markings need removed.
- After getting rid of the piano markings, maybe diminish the margin space to give some more room for the piece. Seems a tad cramped as is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jMFV55kTi8
aaaand done!
Looks really nice, but you've got the old url
The alignment of the very first mf bugs me too :P
Should probably be Composed by Naoko Mitome and Chika Sekigawa rather than just a comma?
Sounds awesome!
There are lots of places in the first seven measures where you can cut down on the visual clutter by combining layers or at least hiding some rests. I would suggest combining the LH part of measures 2 and 4 into one layer, and hiding the layer 2 rests in the RH so the layer 1 stems can be flipped back into the staff. You could also combine layers in the RH for other places where they play the same rhythm, which would clean up the slurs and staccatos a lot.
Quote from: Th3Gavst3r on April 12, 2016, 11:05:59 AMLooks really nice, but you've got the old url
Woops, looked over that!
Quote from: Th3Gavst3r on April 12, 2016, 11:05:59 AMThe alignment of the very first mf bugs me too :P
i guess that's legit
Quote from: Th3Gavst3r on April 12, 2016, 11:05:59 AMShould probably be Composed by Naoko Mitome and Chika Sekigawa rather than just a comma?
I actually prefer using a comma, it saves space and stuff.
Quote from: Latios212 on April 12, 2016, 11:14:47 AMThere are lots of places in the first seven measures where you can cut down on the visual clutter by combining layers or at least hiding some rests. I would suggest combining the LH part of measures 2 and 4 into one layer, and hiding the layer 2 rests in the RH so the layer 1 stems can be flipped back into the staff. You could also combine layers in the RH for other places where they play the same rhythm, which would clean up the slurs and staccatos a lot.
I notated it this way because I like to make clear that there are different voices in this song, instead of just a cluster of notes. I do admit that it went a little overboard, though, which resulted in the sheet being a bit less clear. Fixed that
Quote from: Bloop on April 12, 2016, 12:03:31 PMI actually prefer using a comma, it saves space and stuff.
You could use an ampersand.
Quote from: Bloop on April 12, 2016, 12:03:31 PMI notated it this way because I like to make clear that there are different voices in this song, instead of just a cluster of notes. I do admit that it went a little overboard, though, which resulted in the sheet being a bit less clear. Fixed that
Haha I'm sorry if that sounded like a mandate. It was meant to imply "you should review this and see what's best!"
Quote from: Sebastian on April 12, 2016, 12:05:28 PMYou could use an ampersand.
but mooom i don't like ampersaaands, they're uglyyyy
Quote from: Latios212 on April 12, 2016, 12:06:33 PMHaha I'm sorry if that sounded like a mandate. It was meant to imply "you should review this and see what's best!"
Don't worry, I did take it that way. Maybe I'm just a bit too obsessed with making every melody clear (which is not a good thing in SPM music because there are like 100 melodies playing at the same time)
The intro is a two octave arpeggiated gmin7 chord, the first octave being in 32nds the second being in 64ths. The bass is sustaining a G.
Aaand updated. Thanks! I forgot that little arpeggio even existed.
If I ever get enough free time I might go super annoying voicing perfectionist mode so be warned
-Measure 14, Beats 3-4, RH: You have your eighth notes beamed in groups of two here, where everywhere else is beamed in groups of four. I'd suggest keeping it consistent throughout. The same thing happens in the last two beats of measure 9 in the left hand, but I'll stay quiet about that one because I think it looks better this way. If I was you, I would make them all beamed in groups of two, not four, as it might look overall better that way. That being said, it's up to you and the way you have it now isn't wrong.
-Unless I'm wrong, only key signatures get a double bar line. Time changes do not.
Fixed! I only changed the grouping in bar 14, as that was mostly an accident. I always use double barlines before time signatures, so I didn't change that. I think there isn't really a universally set way on when to use double barlines anyway.
let's-a-bump
Ok. Now that I have time to analyze it in depth. Here is some feedback.
- I would suggest formatting M. 1 in this fashion (pic). Also, this is totally optional, but when I have a bunch of dynamic markings (like you have throughout the first couple measures), I try to line them up like this (pic).
Spoiler
(https://www.dropbox.com/s/1kr4dldvitiq7er/Screenshot%202016-05-16%2021.11.19.png?dl=1)
- In M. 2 & 4 (left hand) beat 1. I would make the quarter notes eighth notes - eighth rests. They are the same note length as the other eighth notes in that measure and it'd look cleaner in my opinion.
Spoiler
(https://www.dropbox.com/s/j4cdqcrp6arhs4j/Screenshot%202016-05-16%2021.27.18.png?dl=1)
- In M. 3 (left hand). The eighth note G on beat 2.0 has a F natural grace note right before it. Same with other measure like this one.
- In M. 4 you have a dynamic clashing with the notes.
- Also in M. 4 (right hand), I would suggest something along the lines of this. It'd resemble the original much better. You're also missing a B natural on beat 4.
Spoiler
(https://www.dropbox.com/s/ljoqpew1ewhjktm/Screenshot%202016-05-16%2021.38.10.png?dl=1)
- M. 14 (left hand). Same as with M. 2 & 4.
- Also in M. 14. Left hand beat 4.5, that should be a C. Right hand beat 4.5 should be a Db/C#.
- Titles need center-aligned.
Great work with this piece! SPM music is always a challenge :P
Quote from: Sebastian on May 16, 2016, 06:46:17 PM- I would suggest formatting M. 1 in this fashion (pic).
- In M. 2 & 4
- In M. 3
- In M. 4
- Also in M. 4 (right hand)
- M. 14 (left hand).
All done!
Quote from: Sebastian on May 16, 2016, 06:46:17 PM- Also in M. 14. Left hand beat 4.5, that should be a C. Right hand beat 4.5 should be a Db/C#.
I think the left hand is also a Db, actually. I changed the right hand to a Db, along with the B to an Ab.
Quote from: Sebastian on May 16, 2016, 06:46:17 PM- Titles need center-aligned.
Were they not? Hm. I moved them a bit to the right.
Quote from: Bloop on May 17, 2016, 11:32:56 AMAll done!
I think the left hand is also a Db, actually. I changed the right hand to a Db, along with the B to an Ab.
Were they not? Hm. I moved them a bit to the right.
Awesome. Looks good.
EDIT: Actually, go ahead and move the second and third diminuendo/crescendo down 3 button presses.
i finally fixed this guuys it took me so long cuz it was so haaaard
lol
Thanks!
We'll see what the others say.
This submission has been accepted by Bespinben (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2510).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot