Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Hamtaro: Ham-Ham Heartbreak
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Hot Spring
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Altissimo (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=3843)
[attachment deleted by admin]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoMVQ6Ql4RM
Nice arrangement!
M.16 RH: You could have glissando or some grace notes to imitate the slide.
Good idea. I decided to use grace notes rather than a gliss because I felt it would be easier. Updated.
Bump
bump
Cool sheet! Pitch accuracies aside, let's dive in:
-Small thing, but I would move the tempo marking a little higher and a little more to the left. More above the time signature. Eh.
-I'm seeing clashing accidentals. Measure 2 we have overlapping staccatos, and on a similar note, in many cases your staves are so close together that the staccatos are a little too close to each other for my liking.
-RH, Measure 2: I would flip the stem for the first note since there's no second layer by that point as far as the phrase is concerned.
-Some accidentals should be on the other side of the noteheads from where they currently are. Clearest example is the RH of the last measure, where you have that lonely staccato on top of that one note where all the others are underneath. Measure 8 RH is another place I would be tempted to put the accidentals underneath the noteheads just cuz that's where the slurs could very well go. Though when I think about it most critically, either way is technically correct. (Either being either the way I said, or the way you currently have it)
So yeah, space it out between hands for lines 1-3, and between lines 2 and 3. Let's start with that.
EDIT: You bumped literally as I was typing this all out rofl
lmao what are the odds
anyway i think you mean "articulations" not "accidentals" but i got what you meant, updated
Quote from: Altissimo on September 07, 2016, 07:08:28 AManyway i think you mean "articulations" not "accidentals" but i got what you meant, updated
^Aye, that lol
bump
Measure 1, beat 4, RH: Consider adding grace notes or a glissando to emulate the original.
Measures 3 and 7, beat 1, RH: Stems flipped the wrong way
Measures 2 and 8, Beats 1.5 and 1 respectively, RH: Missing eighth rests.
Measure 24, beat 2, RH: Stem flipped again.
should be fixed
glissandos get proper playback by using a method olimar suggested to me, using tied notes
bump
Last things:
Measure 6-7, RH: I'm not hearing the tie across the barline. I'm hearing rearticulation.
Measure 16, RH: Here we have another slide. Again, while you don't have to implement it, I'd suggest a gliss.
Measures 11 & 19, RH: Might I suggest courtesy accidentals for the Bbs on beat 1?
Measure 24, RH: I'm not sure why but I feel like these Bbs should be an octave lower. Perhaps just fits the context of the arrangement better, despite the original having it an octave higher. I think this is a timbre thing.
Measure 3, RH, Beat 3: I feel like I'm hearing a C with this F but if someone else could verify, that would be cool.
Measure 4, RH, Second Layer: Something seems off with these notes but I'm not able to put my finger on it. Again, I request another opinion on this one. The top note doesn't change though. Only the harmony.
Whole intro bit: Regarding specifically measures 2-3 and 6-7, here's more or less what I'm hearing for the second layer in those spots:
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1147.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo555%2FJDMEK5%2FCapture_7.png&hash=6cef2f005c8b4f3379e144eedbc47a539e324304)
If another updater could take a look at this as well that would be fab. Rn I gtg so I'm going to have to leave it there for now unfortunately but I'll follow up soon.
Good things said, JD. I just want to say that I agree with most points you made and would like to add the following:
-The Bb's written in 24 are the correct sounding pitch, but I think they sound weird because the contour of the line is disrupted; the preceding section is sounding higher than the Bb's, so it goes down to them rather than up to them in the original. I think personally it could be either one in this arrangement though; it's not too big of a deal.
-The C you recommended in measure 3 I would suggest to be a Bb.
-Your ear was leading you in the correct direction for measure 4! The G natural to Ab movement is correct, but I would erase the F to G and substitute them with a Bb above the G to Ab (on both notes). This is how the original sounds.
I think i fixed everything. updated
Almost there - just some visual things:
- Bottom tie from m. 2-3: for consistency, flip to match 4-5 and 6-7?
- Staccatos out of place in 8
- Consider combining layers in 6 like in 2
- What's the quarter rest doing there in m. 4?
- Flip beat 1 LH in 3 and 7
- Incorrect rhythm grouping in last measure LH
- Is beat 1 RH in measure 9 rearticulated? Not really hearing it but if that was intentional that's cool.
Additional recommendations:
- I'd recommend a tenuto in beat 1 on measure 11 (and 19 and 21) to indicate that the beat 1 note should be sustained.
- Maybe tinker with measure distribution a bit since the last two measures are unusually wide. Could shift one measure from the previous system down, or whatever else.
Quote from: Latios212 on October 08, 2016, 07:38:39 PMAlmost there - just some visual things:
- Bottom tie from m. 2-3: for consistency, flip to match 4-5 and 6-7?
- Staccatos out of place in 8
fixed
Quote- Consider combining layers in 6 like in 2
in order to do that, because of the gliss, i also had to change measure 6 so that layer 1 was on the bottom and layer 2 was on the top. it's either that or leave it as is because the gliss doesn't go between layers so pick ur poison
Quote- What's the quarter rest doing there in m. 4?
it wouldn't go the fuck away no matter what i tried that's what
Quote- Flip beat 1 LH in 3 and 7
- Incorrect rhythm grouping in last measure LH
- Is beat 1 RH in measure 9 rearticulated? Not really hearing it but if that was intentional that's cool.
sure fixed
Quote- I'd recommend a tenuto in beat 1 on measure 11 (and 19 and 21) to indicate that the beat 1 note should be sustained.
mkay
Quote- Maybe tinker with measure distribution a bit since the last two measures are unusually wide. Could shift one measure from the previous system down, or whatever else.
k done
updated
Just pooping in to say...
Quote from: Altissimo on October 08, 2016, 11:18:42 PMThe gliss doesn't go between layers so pick ur poison
I'm fairly certain you can have smart shapes go between layers. Try it.
>pooping in
anyway i did try it last night. it didn't work.
worked this morning fsr idk
updated
It's good. I just added a staccato to the LH in m22, and made it a 8th note.
Accepted.
This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4119).
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