Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario Odyssey
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Bonneton
Instrumentation Piano Duet
Arranger: amc (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5519)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Hello, asm! This appears to be your first arrangement. Good job! I'll listen to it soon. One thing, I don't believe it says it anywhere, you need to reply with a YT link of the song.
Tell me if it's the wrong song.
As someone who has listened to this song for
hours on end, it appears to be right to me. A couple things [I may edit this post later if I find more things.]:
- This appears to be written as a Duet, but you selected "Solo Piano". Duet that are on one piano fall in the Duet category iirc.
- At the bottom where it has the Copyright information, you need to write "https://NinSheetMusic.org/" underneath. (Without the quotation marks, of course.)
That appears to be it for now, but I'm sure the Updaters will be more helpful.
Hello
Thank you for your help. That is the correct song.
Wow, really nice job! Here are a few things I'm noticing while I'm looking over it right now:
- Composer is Shiho Fujii (http://nintendo.wikia.com/wiki/Shiho_Fujii) as far as I can tell
- The wavy lines for the rolled chords often need some extra space. Consider padding the respective measures with a bit of extra space in front (using the measure tool).
- Not really sure what happened, but the staccatos seem to be misaligned (pushed to the side) when using multiple layers
- The heights of some of the 8va lines need to be adjusted - in m. 33 it's overlapping the notes, and in several other systems it gets really close to the beams and I'd suggest moving it up a bit.
- URL should have proper capitalization, as mentioned above
- I'd recommend reconsidering the need for a few of the courtesy accidentals in some places - like measure 4's Cn in the right hand (which comes 4 measures after the previous chromatic ascent; this is redundant in m. 56 as well) and the B natural in m. 49 (which directly follows the key change).
- Also, stick with the title on your sheet (just "Bonneton") for your submission title as well.
Quote from: Latios212 on January 13, 2019, 06:04:09 PMWow, really nice job! Here are a few things I'm noticing while I'm looking over it right now:
- Composer is Shiho Fujii (http://nintendo.wikia.com/wiki/Shiho_Fujii) as far as I can tell
- The wavy lines for the rolled chords often need some extra space. Consider padding the respective measures with a bit of extra space in front (using the measure tool).
- Not really sure what happened, but the staccatos seem to be misaligned (pushed to the side) when using multiple layers
- The heights of some of the 8va lines need to be adjusted - in m. 33 it's overlapping the notes, and in several other systems it gets really close to the beams and I'd suggest moving it up a bit.
- URL should have proper capitalization, as mentioned above
- I'd recommend reconsidering the need for a few of the courtesy accidentals in some places - like measure 4's Cn in the right hand (which comes 4 measures after the previous chromatic ascent; this is redundant in m. 56 as well) and the B natural in m. 49 (which directly follows the key change).
- Also, stick with the title on your sheet (just "Bonneton") for your submission title as well.
Wow.... how did I miss all that?
First things first, things only really work around here if you respond in the submissions thread to feedback that is given. It lets the updaters know that the files have been updated, and also what your response to the feedback was. If you could do that, we'd really appreciate it.
Secondly, I've had a little look through your sheet and have a few things to say (mostly concerning notes).
-The top line in bars 5-7 sounds different to me. I'm getting this instead. And there's something similar going on in bars 21-23.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/536662585810878475/unknown.png
-The chord in bar 10 is C7, so those Bs in bar 10 should be Bbs.
-The contour of the Pri. left hand is off in bars 13-14. The E on the fourth beat of bar 13 is an octave higher (and the subsequent three beats also.)
-Missing E -> D# movement in the semibreves in the left hand of Pri. bars 19-20.
-Misplaced slur in the left hand of Sec. bar 16.
-Missing h in https.
-The tempo direction at the start of the piece is a little close to the 8va. (In fact in general the first page is kind of short for space, but there's not a whole lot you can do about it without moving a whole system off of it. Also that 8va should probably start a little more to the left to better cover the notes. It's not ambiguous, it just looks a little awkward where it is.
-By any chance do you use finale v26? Because all of the articulations are in weird places when I load up your musx.
-The snaps on the final system don't seem particularly founded in the rhythms of the original at that point. Maybe add a different sound of percussion on beats 1/3 in that section to fit with the original better?
-In the second section beginning at bar 29 you're missing the movement in the bass before the octaves. For example (starting at bar 29):
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/536669472006733874/unknown.png
-Beats 4 in bars 47-48 in the right hand of Pri. aren't part of that voice; they're part of the voice you've written into the left hand of Pri. so you should move those notes into the lower staff. Also the staccatos in the right hand of Pri. in that section (bars 45-51) don't feel particularly appropriate to me. They sound like full length crotchets.
-I think you're missing a Gn in the chord in bar 27. (Not actually 100% sure on that one though.)
I'll probably need another look through this later, but that's all I'm getting tonight.
Quote from: ShyYoshiGuy on January 13, 2019, 06:16:26 PMWow.... how did I miss all that?
Looking through sheets isn't the easiest thing in the world; I wouldn't worry about it.
Hello
I apologize for not responding. I have updated all of the things you have asked me to. And yes, I am using Finale v26.
Thank you.
Hey, sorry for the wait. Finishing up the check now.
- A in m. 6 and m. 22, Pri, RH should be A#.
- Similarly B's in m. 10 Pri LH should be Bb.
- Lower layer in m. 24 Pri LH should be flipped down like in m. 8.
- m. 38 sounds like a Gb chord to me, mind double checking the F in the top staff to see if that isn't a Gb? (Also spelling the LH as Gb instead of F#)
- Check the last chord in m. 47 - Pri LH sounds like it could just be a F#-C# dyad.
- m. 48 LH - beat 4 should be the same as beat 2. I'd also suggest writing the G# on beat 3 in the LH instead of RH.
- Backslash at the end of the URL (https://www.NinSheetMusic.org/).
That's all, great job!
Hi
I've updated the arrangement.
Nice, I was just thinking about this piece today.
A few minor things:
- I'd advise moving the composer and arranger lines down a little bit so that the "Composed by" isn't on the same line as the subtitle ("Super Mario Odyssey"). I also think that the composer and arranger lines are a little bit close together vertically.
- Finale tends to start its 8va's wayyy too far to the right... so I would advise dragging the left end of the 8va's in m5, 13, 21, 29, and 52 a little more to the left so it totally covers the first note. (The one starting in the pickup measure is fine.)
- m40 arpeggio sign should be moved a bit more to the left; it's almost touching the flats as is.
- Courtesy accidentals might be nice for A natural in m37.
- It might(?) look nicer if the half rest in m52's primo right hand were hidden. Up to you.
- m13 and 14 in the secondo part feel a bit awkwardly written to me. In particular, on beat 3 of each measure, the left hand is jumping up to where the right hand already is to play a note. Maybe take the top note of the LH and move it to the RH instead? If it's notated this way to show voicing, though, then you can leave it as is if you like.
- I'd remove the staccato on beat 4 of m36, in the primo right hand. Since you're holding a half note at the same time, you can't really play that quarter note staccato. Same goes for the parenthesized note in m37, but the parentheses already make it clear that the left hand takes precedence, so you can keep or leave the right hand staccato as you like.
That's all I've got—nothing much, just ironing out the finest details. I think this one's about ready! Nice work.
I've updated the arrangement.
Nice! Just this last thing that seems to have been missed:
Quote from: Latios212 on April 02, 2019, 04:32:50 PM- m. 48 LH - beat 4 should be the same as beat 2.
and then I
approve :)
This is pretty impressive tbh
and it's also done
accepted
This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4119).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot