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NinSheetMusic => Submission Center => Submissions => Topic started by: Zeta on May 10, 2019, 06:46:44 AM

Title: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeta on May 10, 2019, 06:46:44 AM
Submission Information:

Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby's Epic Yarn
Console: Nintendo Wii
Title: Halberd
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4766)
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on May 10, 2019, 06:50:16 AM
The repeated section is intentionally repeated instead of written out with the extra harmonies to make it easier to play and to save space
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: LeviR.star on May 10, 2019, 11:11:12 PM
I was hoping you'd submit this! I really like this sheet, excellent work.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on May 11, 2019, 12:23:09 AM
Thank you! It's about time I did it since I've been meaning to do it for a while now...

Also, I noticed that I forgot to update m5 so I went ahead and got rid of the 2nd layer and changed some notes
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Dekkadeci on May 11, 2019, 05:31:16 AM
I don't know why, but I tried opening your .mus in Finale Notepad 2012 and I kept getting dissonant tubular bells/chimes-like sounds instead of piano.

Actually, I also checked your MIDI and it also sounds like (less dissonant) tubular bells/chimes. As a result, I can't confirm whether your accompaniment sounds accurate, especially its low notes.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on May 11, 2019, 06:33:36 AM
It's fixed now!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Dekkadeci on May 11, 2019, 08:38:25 PM
Yup, sounds fixed now!

Dunno whether it's just Finale Notepad 2012, but the staccatos on the left-hand B flats in Bars 23-26 are touching their respective notes in the .mus, regardless of whether the music is playing. (When the music is playing, the stems of the notes with tremolos flip upside down, to the detriment of readability.) On Page 3 of the .mus, the staccato of the left-hand G flat of Bar 30, the staccato in the right hand and the staccato and accent of the left hand of Bar 34, the last staccato of the right hand of Bar 35, the staccatos of both G's of the right hand of Bar 37, the staccato of the right hand of Bar 38, the staccato of the D and the tenuto of the right hand of Bar 39, the tenutos of the right hand of Bar 40, and all articulation markings of Bars 41-42 also suffer from the same problem.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Libera on May 11, 2019, 08:54:15 PM
Yup, sounds fixed now!

Dunno whether it's just Finale Notepad 2012, but the staccatos on the left-hand B flats in Bars 23-26 are touching their respective notes in the .mus, regardless of whether the music is playing. (When the music is playing, the stems of the notes with tremolos flip upside down, to the detriment of readability.) On Page 3 of the .mus, the staccato of the left-hand G flat of Bar 30, the staccato in the right hand and the staccato and accent of the left hand of Bar 34, the last staccato of the right hand of Bar 35, the staccatos of both G's of the right hand of Bar 37, the staccato of the right hand of Bar 38, the staccato of the D and the tenuto of the right hand of Bar 39, the tenutos of the right hand of Bar 40, and all articulation markings of Bars 41-42 also suffer from the same problem.

It's finale v26.  The newest version of finale has some fancy articulation placement scheme that corrupts when opened in older finale versions.  It's not a big deal though, since people with v25 (like me) can reset them all very quickly.  I will do that with this sheet before it is accepted, but since it will corrupt again any time Zeila edits the file, there's no point me doing that until the end of the process.  You will notice this exact same problem on other submissions by people who use v26.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: mastersuperfan on May 16, 2019, 09:23:03 PM
Wow, this sheet is amazing.
Overall, I love it! Really looking forward to seeing this one accepted.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on May 17, 2019, 11:46:31 PM
Wow, this sheet is amazing.
  • I would extend the 8vas in m17 and m31 a tiny bit to the left to cover the first note entirely.
Thank you! Done, and I even changed the other 8vas

  • I think there are some right hand harmonies in m15-16 and m31-32 that are missing.
If you're talking about the piano chords, I opted to go for the piano/xylophone melody part + the bass instead. I'm not hearing any harmonies that correlate to the melody part though if that's what you meant

I implemented the other stuff, and also changed the copyright url to https and added staccatos to the eighth notes in m41
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: mastersuperfan on May 19, 2019, 11:32:03 PM
I would also move the sign in m11 to be directly over the double barline. It's a little shifted to the right as is.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on May 20, 2019, 11:09:59 PM
Thanks! I modified it
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Libera on June 29, 2019, 10:49:50 PM
Generally speaking (aside from the v26 articulations) the way this is laid out looks fine to me.  My main concern is the notes, which I've checked through carefully up to bar 19 and this is what I found:

-Missing F# in bar 1.
-Left hand bar 5 second dyad missing An and I think the final chord should be an octave higher.
-Left hand bar 6 the single D on beat 2.25 sounds like an A to me.
-In bar 6 the chord on beat 2.5 should have an An in it and also is kind of awkward to play as written with the left hand crossing over the right.  It might be worth shifting the octaves there to make it a little more intuitive.
-Beat 4 in bar 6 sounds like the dyad should be a semiquaver and then followed by a Bn quaver, rather than what's written.
-Sounds like there's an E on beat 1 of bar 7.
-Missing F# on beat 4.25 in bar 8.
-Bar 9 beat 1 missing B below the C.
-Bar 9 beat 3.75 missing G and possibly a C above the A as well and I don't hear the C below in that chord.
-Bar 9 left hand beat 4.25 missing an A above the C.
-In bar 10 the left hand sounds like it's moving between 3 octaves rather than 2, but admittedly it's kind of hard to make out.  I think as well as the ones you've written in there's also some super low Bns (the lowest on the piano).  Mind taking another look at it?
-Bar 10 beat 1 missing an F# in the right hand I think.
-Kinda sounds like there's a RH Eb on beat 3.25 in bar 10.  Also potentially an F# on beat 4 as well.
-I hear the G on beat 1 of bar 11 an octave lower.
-I'm hearing something a little different for the left hand in bars 11-14.  On the fourth beat of every bar I think there's two semiquavers followed by a quaver rather than just two quaver.  It's fast so it's kind of hard to tell but I think the low note is the second semiquaver and the first is the same octave.
-Missing an A on beat 1 of bar 13.
-There's a lot going on in bars 15-16 that as-is your arrangement fails to capture.  It's clearly impossible to include everything, but adding some of the harmonies from the piano chords to the right
hand notes would go a long way to getting the feel a bit closer.
-Beat 1 of bar 17 should ideally have an Ab in the bass since it's an Ab maj7 chord.
-I'm not convinced on the notes at all in bar 18: I'm hearing Bb-C-D on the first chord rather than Gm and the rest I similarly am not hearing the same.  Mind taking another look at this bit for me?



Before I go on to check the rest of the piece, would you mind having another check through the notes in this piece for me (especially bars 19 onwards)?  I admit that's it's pretty hard to hear at times what's going on but I'm confident we can get a pretty solid level accuracy by the end of this.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on June 30, 2019, 06:08:44 PM
Thank you for the in depth check! Idk why I didn't notice these things on a second check but I guess that means I should let things sit longer before checking again

-Left hand bar 5 second dyad missing An and I think the final chord should be an octave higher.
In addition to that, I moved the C in the second dyad up an octave. I also left the E in the final chord down an octave because it might be awkward to play the E in the RH after that

-In bar 6 the chord on beat 2.5 should have an An in it and also is kind of awkward to play as written with the left hand crossing over the right.  It might be worth shifting the octaves there to make it a little more intuitive.
I modified both the RH and LH at that part

-Sounds like there's an E on beat 1 of bar 7.
It sounds like this also applies to measure 3. And I think there might be a B in m7 too

-Bar 9 beat 3.75 missing G and possibly a C above the A as well and I don't hear the C below in that chord.
I purposefully moved the C down an octave because it sounded like the melody part was stressed and it seemed like it would be harder to apply that in the sheet music, but I can change that if it works better. I left it as is for now (after adding the G)

-Bar 10 beat 1 missing an F# in the right hand I think.
I'm hearing a low RH Eb instead

-Kinda sounds like there's a RH Eb on beat 3.25 in bar 10.  Also potentially an F# on beat 4 as well.
I think there's an Eb on more than just beat 3.25, but I'm not very confident about the end result. I also don't hear an F# here either

-I'm hearing something a little different for the left hand in bars 11-14.  On the fourth beat of every bar I think there's two semiquavers followed by a quaver rather than just two quaver.  It's fast so it's kind of hard to tell but I think the low note is the second semiquaver and the first is the same octave.
After taking another listen it sounds slightly different than that, but again it's hard to hear so I could be wrong

-Missing an A on beat 1 of bar 13.
It kind of sounds like it's leftover from the previous measure, but I added it anyways

-Beat 1 of bar 17 should ideally have an Ab in the bass since it's an Ab maj7 chord.
I ended up just moving the chord to the RH, Ab included

-I'm not convinced on the notes at all in bar 18: I'm hearing Bb-C-D on the first chord rather than Gm and the rest I similarly am not hearing the same.  Mind taking another look at this bit for me?
Some of the notes sound the same, but otherwise I changed it up a bit

Before I go on to check the rest of the piece, would you mind having another check through the notes in this piece for me (especially bars 19 onwards)?  I admit that's it's pretty hard to hear at times what's going on but I'm confident we can get a pretty solid level accuracy by the end of this.
It took a while, but done. Here's a list of what I changed in m1-19 aside from the other stuff you mentioned:
I also changed some stuff in m19+, like adding and changing some notes in the repeat section as well as modifying the bass part at the end

edit: just realized I exported the pdf to the wrong location, so the original update w/ this post had an outdated version
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Libera on August 03, 2019, 11:52:31 PM
Really sorry about the wait on this one, I just kept telling myself "I'll do this tomorrow" or "I'll do this next weekend" and I never got round to it.  But anyway, here I am now with the whole thing fully note-checked (or at least as good a job as I can do note checking this.)

-Bar 16 beat 3 it sounds like a G rather than an F at the bottom of that chord.
-You could spread the Ab maj7 chord in bar 17 a bit more evenly like in the original by moving the Eb and Gn to the left hand, although that would mean you'd have to bring the low Ab up an octave or it'd sound really murky.  Your choice.  (This applies for bar 33 as well.)
-Third chord in rh of 18, Bb C Eb rather than Ab Bb Eb?
-Not sure about the rhythm in the bass in 19-26.  I'm hearing the first beat as just a single note rather than a semiquaver followed by a quaver.
-I'm hearing something a little different for the bass in bars 27-30.  Here's a picture:
Spoiler
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/607326365754064898/unknown.png)
[close]
-Bass in 35-37, 38-40: I'm pretty sure it's just the same thing every bar although the distortion on the bass kind of makes it hard to hear.  Here's another picture:
Spoiler
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/607328106503602176/unknown.png)
[close]
-Whichever you choose (D# or Eb) for the tritones in 35-41 just make sure you're consistent.  (I wrote it as a D# in my above picture but I don't think it really matters which you use.)
-Bar 23 RH the D# and En at the end of the bar should be Eb and Fb and the Bn should be a Cb.  (It should look the same as bar 19 but a minor second up.)  In fact in general bars 23-26 you can get the correct accidentals just by looking at the 19-22 and taking it up a minor second. 
-That being said, I'm not hearing a lot of the dyads in bars 19-26.  Sometimes I can hear them, like the first three in bar 20 but in other places I'm not so sure.  Are some of them being taken from the piano just to fill out the harmony?
-Although in the original bars 23-26 do just seem to be a minor second up I'm not actually hearing the Dn at the start of bar 24 (but I do hear the equivalent C# in bar 20).
-I don't hear the E -> F# -> E (F -> G - > F) motion in bar 22 (26).
-I'm not hearing the Ab on beat 1 of bar 27, it sounds just like bar 29 to me.
-Fourth chord in the right hand of bar 32, B D# E F# rather than F# B D# F#.  It's definitely got that semitone crunch to it.
-C#m7 at the end of bar 32 rather than C#m?  Obviously still with the C# on top though.
-I'm hearing a low F# G# C# roll as the second triplet in bar 33 rather than a restriking of the C# E B chord.
-The second chord in bar 34 sounds like it's missing a C#.
-I'm not hearing the An in the third chord of bar 34, maybe it's just a G7 chord stacked usually (i.e. maybe add an extra Gn at the bottom of the right hand chord in place of the An)
-I'm hearing a D above the G on beat 4 in the right hand of bar 34.
-You could add the 9th above the C on beat four in bar 39 (right hand) if you wanted to but it's a bit awkward to play (then again so is the whole piece haha.)

Ok hopefully that's the notes out of the way, time for other things:

-With the poco a poco cresc. in bar 19-26 is the intention that you slowly crescendo from mf to f for a whole 16 bars?  If so I'm not sure that's really going to end up being very effective since the listener will barely notice it.  With that in mind it might be worth bring it down to a much lower dynamic in bar 19 to give the crescendo really a place to go to over the 16 bars.  Also it does strike me as potentially confusing having a crescendo go over a repeat sign and it might be worth clarifying that somehow on the sheet.  (Unless of course the intention is to go back to mf after the repeat and crescendo again, in which case the way it's written is probably fine.)
-I'd give some extra space to the start of bar 3 so that the roll marking isn't squashed in next to the barline.  Bars 14 and 30 could also potentially do with some extra space.
-All of the 8vas (and the 8vb in bar 10) could start a little bit more to the left to better cover the notes.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on August 08, 2019, 04:10:49 AM
Really sorry about the wait on this one, I just kept telling myself "I'll do this tomorrow" or "I'll do this next weekend" and I never got round to it.  But anyway, here I am now with the whole thing fully note-checked (or at least as good a job as I can do note checking this.)
That's ok, thank you for checking it in the first place!

-You could spread the Ab maj7 chord in bar 17 a bit more evenly like in the original by moving the Eb and Gn to the left hand, although that would mean you'd have to bring the low Ab up an octave or it'd sound really murky.  Your choice.  (This applies for bar 33 as well.)
-You could add the 9th above the C on beat four in bar 39 (right hand) if you wanted to but it's a bit awkward to play (then again so is the whole piece haha.)
Thanks for the suggestions, but I'll just leave it as is

-Not sure about the rhythm in the bass in 19-26.  I'm hearing the first beat as just a single note rather than a semiquaver followed by a quaver.
I still hear more motion than just a single note on beat one. Some parts sound clearer than others, but the pattern seems to generally be like this:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/0IltNQe.png)
[close]
Although I replaced the last two sixteenth notes with an eighth for most of the measures. This version includes an extra note on beat 3.5 that I didn't include before

-Bass in 35-37, 38-40: I'm pretty sure it's just the same thing every bar although the distortion on the bass kind of makes it hard to hear.  Here's another picture:
Spoiler
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/607328106503602176/unknown.png)
[close]
When I last updated this I think I ended up making this part worse, oops. Fixed

-Whichever you choose (D# or Eb) for the tritones in 35-41 just make sure you're consistent.  (I wrote it as a D# in my above picture but I don't think it really matters which you use.)
I ended up changing accidentals in previous measures with similar melodies too (e.g. measure 3 and 5), although I am willing to change it back if it was unnecessary or if it looks weird

-That being said, I'm not hearing a lot of the dyads in bars 19-26.  Sometimes I can hear them, like the first three in bar 20 but in other places I'm not so sure.  Are some of them being taken from the piano just to fill out the harmony?
-I don't hear the E -> F# -> E (F -> G - > F) motion in bar 22 (26).
They exist in the repeated part of the original piece (~0:44), although I've omitted some or otherwise modified a few (e.g. some of the harmonies are playing one note instead of moving in fourths). I wrote it as a combination of both to save space and to make it a little easier

-Although in the original bars 23-26 do just seem to be a minor second up I'm not actually hearing the Dn at the start of bar 24 (but I do hear the equivalent C# in bar 20).
This is another one that only exists in the repeat and I opted to put it in for symmetry

-I'm hearing a low F# G# C# roll as the second triplet in bar 33 rather than a restriking of the C# E B chord.
That sounded like another voice/layer to me, but I changed it (and also added a low F on the last triplet)

-I'm not hearing the An in the third chord of bar 34, maybe it's just a G7 chord stacked usually (i.e. maybe add an extra Gn at the bottom of the right hand chord in place of the An)
I still hear the An, and if you still don't hear it or another person doesn't hear it either then I'll change it

-With the poco a poco cresc. in bar 19-26 is the intention that you slowly crescendo from mf to f for a whole 16 bars?  If so I'm not sure that's really going to end up being very effective since the listener will barely notice it.  With that in mind it might be worth bring it down to a much lower dynamic in bar 19 to give the crescendo really a place to go to over the 16 bars.  Also it does strike me as potentially confusing having a crescendo go over a repeat sign and it might be worth clarifying that somehow on the sheet.  (Unless of course the intention is to go back to mf after the repeat and crescendo again, in which case the way it's written is probably fine.)
The intention was to crescendo over the repeat, so I lowered the dynamic to mp and added '(across the repeat)' to the crescendo marking

-All of the 8vas (and the 8vb in bar 10) could start a little bit more to the left to better cover the notes.
They already were modified lol, but I guess it wasn't enough. I moved them some more, although I'm not sure how far I should go for 8va's over notes with a few accidental markings

There were a lot of small details that I missed so thank you for looking in depth!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Libera on August 11, 2019, 10:33:23 PM
I still hear more motion than just a single note on beat one. Some parts sound clearer than others, but the pattern seems to generally be like this:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/0IltNQe.png)
[close]
Although I replaced the last two sixteenth notes with an eighth for most of the measures. This version includes an extra note on beat 3.5 that I didn't include before

Hmm I really still can't hear the second note on beat 1 in the bass here, but maybe it's just me.  I'll ask for a second opinion from one of the other updaters when someone next checks this, unless someone jumps in before then to have a look.

I ended up changing accidentals in previous measures with similar melodies too (e.g. measure 3 and 5), although I am willing to change it back if it was unnecessary or if it looks weird

Not sure whether this one was changed or not, but the D# in bar 9 should probably be kept as an Eb because D -> Eb -> D seems more sensible to me than D -> D# -> Dn.  Other than that the changes look fine to me.

I still hear the An, and if you still don't hear it or another person doesn't hear it either then I'll change it

Ah yes, my mistake; I can hear it clearly now.



All of the other changes/responses look good to me!

There were a lot of small details that I missed so thank you for looking in depth!

No worries at all!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on August 14, 2019, 03:59:05 AM
Hmm I really still can't hear the second note on beat 1 in the bass here, but maybe it's just me.  I'll ask for a second opinion from one of the other updaters when someone next checks this, unless someone jumps in before then to have a look.
Alrighty

Not sure whether this one was changed or not, but the D# in bar 9 should probably be kept as an Eb because D -> Eb -> D seems more sensible to me than D -> D# -> Dn.  Other than that the changes look fine to me.
It was, and done
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
Post by: Libera on August 15, 2019, 12:56:18 AM
Awesome.  Alright, I think my work here is over.  Approved!



Note to the next updater:

Double check this:

-Not sure about the rhythm in the bass in 19-26.  I'm hearing the first beat as just a single note rather than a semiquaver followed by a quaver.
I still hear more motion than just a single note on beat one. Some parts sound clearer than others, but the pattern seems to generally be like this:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/0IltNQe.png)
[close]
Although I replaced the last two sixteenth notes with an eighth for most of the measures. This version includes an extra note on beat 3.5 that I didn't include before
Hmm I really still can't hear the second note on beat 1 in the bass here, but maybe it's just me.  I'll ask for a second opinion from one of the other updaters when someone next checks this, unless someone jumps in before then to have a look.

And when you're done, let me know so I can fix the articulations before you accept.