Submission Information:
Series: Xeno
Game: Xenoblade Chronicles
Console: Nintendo Wii
Title: The God-Slaying Sword
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Maelstrom (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4119)
[attachment deleted by admin]
This has been
heavily revised multiple times and is now, after 4 years, in a submittable state.
If you want, you could make the first section unmetered, since it gives me that sort of medieval chant vibe.
Hearing an E in the last chord of m.16/first chord of m/17
m.24 treble cfirst hord sounds like it should be F min,not/ C
m.70 treble needs b on first G
Did that to the intro and it looks great now
- I can't hear it at all for m16, but added it for m17. I assume you mean the RH chord?
-m24 - that's what I write it as, but I added in a few notes to avoid ambiguity and since the intensity of the song goes up a bit there. Also added notes to the quarter note chords in m23
- There is no m70?? ?? ??
Ah. I meant 59
I realized after I posted that m70 existed before I ruined the measure count by changing the first section to unmetered. Speaking of which, I should also change the first section so it only counts as one measure in the measure numbers
Huh, for some reason that flat was there but not showing at all. Idk why. It's been fixed and the measure number regions have been adjusted.
and the files have been updated.
Sorry for the wait! I've gone through this now pretty in-depthly and here's everything I found:
-In the opening you're missing the perfect fourth harmony below the top note. I'd say this harmony is really important to include because it's what gives this opening its plainchant-esque feel. It also gives the really nice contrast between D#s in the first two phrases, followed by Dns in the second two etc. I really recommend this change.
-I think that the top note in bar 2 should be a Dn rather than a Bn.
-The B-C#-B-C# chords at the end of bar 2 and the start of bar 3 are kind of impossible for me to play. Is the intention that the left hand takes these?
-In the original, the bass lowers is much lower on the final chord before the key change in bar 4, whereas you have the bass staying the same throughout that whole section. It might be worth dropping that chord down the octave, or messing with the preceeding stuff.
-The Eb on beat 3 of bar 7 should be an En. Also I don't think that the Eb/n -> Dn -> C movement in the next half beat is a good idea because it doesn't really exist in the original and sounds kind of weird to me. I'd just drop the fifth from those two semiquaver chords.
-Have you considered swapping the parts around in the left hand of bars 6-10? It's easier to play this way and also I think it puts the bass movement at the lowest register which I think is important, especially for the runs at the end of bar 7 and 9. Something like this?
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/636275151264284672/unknown.png
-Also I think that the 3rd semiquaver in each set in bars 6-10 (left hand again) should be made into a quaver. They don't sound like they're cut off or shortened to me.
-The first two chords in bar 10 should be Ab rather than C and then the next three should be Gdim/Bb -> Ab/C -> Bbm/Db. At least that's what I hear anyway.
-The last two notes in the left hand of bar 10 I'm hearing as G -> C rather than Ab -> En.
-In bars 11-15 I'm hearing all of these as full chords in the right hand: Fm -> Ab -> Gdim -> C -> Fm -> Ab -> Gdim -> C. Also I think the top note of the second chord in bar 13 should be a G and the same for bar 14/15. The line you seem to be following there doesn't go down to an E as far as I can tell.
-I think the tremolo En in bar 14/15 should be a tremolo Cn. It's how it is in the original but also root position will give a much stronger sound there.
-The Eb in the chords in bar 22-23 should definitely be an En. Also the first chord should have an Ab rather than a G in it (it resolves down on beat 2).
-I'm hearing something different for the run at the end of bar 23.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/636287990032760832/unknown.png
-Again the texture of the left hand in bars 16-23 is kind of muddy. I think it might be better to double the bass in octaves rather than tripling the melody so low down.
-Some of the reaches in bars 19-20 are quite difficult and could probably be alleviated via revoicings.
-The texture in bars 24-31 is once again extremely muddy. I think you could keep you're general idea but with octaves instead of chords in the left hand, perhaps like this?
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/636293618445058078/unknown.png
-Another thing related to the left hand in bar 24 particularly is that it'd be a good idea to have the F from the previous bar's run get to play, rather than jumping up an octave. You could just have those first two octaves stay at the same height in bar 24 and then go to your high -> low pattern from bar 25 onwards. I just think it'd make more sense musically as well as being easier to perform.
-Also in the left hand I'm hearing some different bass notes, at the end of bar 27 I think the tremolo should be Cn rather than En and the first two notes in bar 33 should both be
Gbs rather than Ab -> Gn.
-Another thing about this section (24-31) is that bars 28-31 have more instruments than the previous four bars and I think it'd be nice to try and get some sort of contrast between these bars.
Perhaps you could try three/two note chords in 24-27 (like you already have) and the go to four/three note chords in 28-31? Just a thought.
-I hear Bbs in bars 26/30 rather than Bns.
-In 32-34 you're missing the fifth in all of these melody notes and in 35 you could add Cs onto all three of those octaves to emulate the voicings in the original. (It ends on a giant open C chord).
-In bars 36 and 38 the chord on beats 3-4 should be Gdim, not G (although it is a G chord in beats 3-4 in bar 40).
-In bar 39 there's a 6-5 resolution on beats 3-4 so ideally there should be a Ab somewhere on beat 3.
-I don't mind the voicings in this section (36-41) too much but I feel like having an open tritone (C-Gb) on beat 3 of bar 41 sounds a bit strange. There's still a Db on that beat as far as I can tell.
-I don't hear the Gb -> F -> Eb movement in bar 42.
-The build up from 44 to 47 sounds kind of empty, but I'm not entirely sure what the best thing to do about it is. Although you could definitely add in the En -> F -> G movement in the final bar.
-I'm hearing some different rhythms and notes for the left hand in bars 48-59. For example, here's what I hear for the timpani in bars 48-49:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/636307418472513536/unknown.png
That particular rhythm and note pattern seems to be reused all the way up to bar 56. Another thing is the tremolo in bar 57 which I think should be an F rather than a C.
-The chords here are generally more clashy and dissonant than you have them. Particularly I think there should be a G in the chord on beat 2 in bar 49 and a the last two chords in this section should be C7 chords. I'm also hearing 54 with Bbs rather than Abs like it was before. (I guess Bbmadd9 rather than Bbm9). If you could double check these chords again that'd be great.
-Visually speaking, I think everything is a bit cramped and crowded at the top of each page. You've got quite a bit of white space at the bottom of every page that you can move into to spread things out more and bring stuff away from the headers/page numbers.
-The tempo marking in bar 6 and bar 16 could do with a bit more space, which will be easier with the above suggestion implemented.
-The D.S. loops to the wrong point, it should be bar 16 (which is where your marking is so I assume this is just an accident).
-I'm not 100% sure on this, but would it make more sense to start the bar numbering from the 4/4 considering that we haven't really got bars before that?
>Also I think the top note of the second chord in bar 13 should be a G
Are you sure you have the right measure? There's no Gs here, nor should there be....
I disagree with m20 being hard to play, but I fixed m19.
>-I don't mind the voicings in this section (36-41) too much but I feel like having an open tritone (C-Gb) on beat 3 of bar 41 sounds a bit strange. There's still a Db on that beat as far as I can tell.
I honestly don't know how to change this to avoid the tritone.
>-The build up from 44 to 47 sounds kind of empty, but I'm not entirely sure what the best thing to do about it is. Although you could definitely add in the En -> F -> G movement in the final bar.
Changed it to octaves. if I knew how to fill it in I would have already done so.
everything else fixed and files updated.
Quote from: Maelstrom on October 22, 2019, 05:55:38 PM>Also I think the top note of the second chord in bar 13 should be a G
Are you sure you have the right measure? There's no Gs here, nor should there be....
Whoops I meant bar 12.
Quote from: Maelstrom on October 22, 2019, 05:55:38 PM>-I don't mind the voicings in this section (36-41) too much but I feel like having an open tritone (C-Gb) on beat 3 of bar 41 sounds a bit strange. There's still a Db on that beat as far as I can tell.
I honestly don't know how to change this to avoid the tritone.
It's fine, you sorted it out; I just wanted you to add in the Db so it wasn't a bare tritone, that's all.
Quote from: Maelstrom on October 22, 2019, 05:55:38 PM>-The build up from 44 to 47 sounds kind of empty, but I'm not entirely sure what the best thing to do about it is. Although you could definitely add in the En -> F -> G movement in the final bar.
Changed it to octaves. if I knew how to fill it in I would have already done so.
Yeah I think you've probably got the best we're going to get now, it's just one of those places that doesn't translate over to piano terribly well.
In addition to that, some stuff that you missed before (not your fault really, I should have probably broken up the massive text wall a bit haha.)
-The last two notes in the left hand of bar 10 I'm hearing as G -> C rather than Ab -> En.
-The Eb in the chords in bar 22-23 should definitely be an En. Also the first chord should have an Ab rather than a G in it (it resolves down on beat 2).
Also, I still think the music could be spread out a bit more to the bottom margin on pages 2-4. Conversely, you could probably squish the first page in a bit to stay away from the url/copyright info.
Quote from: Libera on October 22, 2019, 02:00:53 PM-The chords here are generally more clashy and dissonant than you have them. Particularly I think there should be a G in the chord on beat 2 in bar 49 and a the last two chords in this section should be C7 chords. I'm also hearing 54 with Bbs rather than Abs like it was before. (I guess Bbmadd9 rather than Bbm9). If you could double check these chords again that'd be great.
Let me not be so lazy and actually work out what I'm talking about. Here's what I can hear for that final section in the RH chords. Some of them are kind of awkward to play, but definitely playable.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/636658609895243796/unknown.png
A lot of what you've written in has m7 chords which I don't feel really give the right sort of dissonance. What I hear is mostly densely voiced madd2 chords which is what I've written in here. The harmony becomes a lot more standard from bar 56, although I still heard a few differences (like the Gbs and extra Dbs in 58 and the Fsus4 on beat 3 of bar 57.)
Another thing is that now you've moved some of the parts around you can align the fortissimos in bars 6 and 24 correctly without colliding with notes.
Finally, bar 31 was still sounding strange to me so I had another look at it and came up with something like what I have below. (I also realised that the Gbs in the left hand made more sense as F#s because they resolve up to a Gn and also they clash with Gns in the right hand.)
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/636660939545903145/unknown.png
I hope that helps, and thanks for being so speedy with edits!
Sorry to keep you waiting. It's done now, and every one of your changes were implemented, as they were pretty great.
Changes look good. Just some final things:
Quote from: Libera on October 23, 2019, 01:25:07 PMAnother thing is that now you've moved some of the parts around you can align the fortissimos in bars 6 and 24 correctly without colliding with notes.
^This still, although it's not hugely important.
-Have you considered lowering the LH margin to 0.7ish or just smaller than 1 in general? I think there's quite a lot of notes and such going on that having some additional horizontal spacing would be helpful for. Also the music isn't aligned to the RH margin on the final page for some reason.
All fixed.
Really nice work, you two! Giving this one a look over before accepting. Just a bit of final polish.
- Spaces around the = in the tempo marks (m. 1, 6)
- Eighth rest normal height in first system (RH)
- Maybe consider putting the first page in a Bm key signature? This makes it a bit more confusing to read by introducing more accidentals in the cadenza, though, so I'm fine with leaving it as is
- Maybe flip the LH notes downwards starting past the eighth rest in the first system? There's nothing below it anymore
- backslash at the end of the URL
- I think a rit. at the end of m. 10 would be nice, it's not an abrupt tempo change
- LH rests at normal height in m. 20, 23
- Watch the pedal break alignments in m. 25-26, 29-31
- Courtesy Db in m. 27/41 would be nice?
- A mf direction at m. 32 doesn't seem... powerful enough? This whole section is pretty climactic and the way you've written it suggests that it should be louder as well
- I'd suggest breaking the second beam between the triplets in m. 33/35. (To do this, first use / on the first note of each tuplet to link the beams and then use the Beam Break Tool and select Break Through 16th notes on those same notes.)
- The cresc. is a bit wide at the end of m. 47... maybe narrow it a bit?
- Maybe consider a courtesy Gn in the last measure?
All fixed
The only thing I'm not really a fan of here is with m.33-36 with the brass and the choir, since as is there's no real indication that they're separate voices. Otherwise, I like it!
Cool, aside from what Insig mentioned it looks all good except for:
Quote from: Latios212 on December 21, 2019, 10:12:07 AM- Spaces around the = in the tempo marks (m. 1, 6)
needs space to the right of the = too
I slurred the choir parts in 32-35 and split the 16th triplets from the 8th. I think it's fine if I don't indicate it in m36 because it was indicated pretty clearly in m33.
Files updated.
Awesome. Approved!
Yep everything checks out here now. I'm glad to see this one finished!
This submission has been accepted by Libera (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5291).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot