Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Yoshi's Crafted World
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Main Theme
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: FiveNineSquared (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5296)
[attachment deleted by admin]
I've had this lying around for ages...
Stuff that's bad:
- m6/m14/m23, beat 3: the last two 1/4 notes in the group should be small as well (see below)
(https://i.imgur.com/dEUXfhQ.png)
- Copyright text overlaps stuff
(hold on, i'm going to reupload the file with measure numbers and header text, i forgot)EDIT: fixed
if you're gonna add them tiny notes, i'd still add a Db dotted half note in places like m.6 just to clarify the direction of the flute line.
There's really no need to add a staccato to a dotted quarter like in m.8 and so forth, a dotted quarter would show the same information with less clutter
Did a preliminary check and most things seem goo,d
M.21 's Gb in bass should be F#
for m.27 and likewise, you could preserve the linear motion in LH by using an Fb there instead of an E
I can help with the formatting once the above stuff is resolved.
Quick question though, is there a reason you wrote this in 12/8 instead of swing?
Just popping in to say I very much agree that swing would be more appropriate and readable than 12/8.
I think the reason why I wrote this in 12/8 was because of some of it using triplets (eg, m8, m20 beat 4) but in retrospect those two occurrences don't really warrant 12/8. Redoing this one!
*poke* how's it going
Whoops. I'm back and changed everything to 4/4 (and tweaked what Insig pointed out) - sorry it took so long. The swing didn't transition over from the xml.
No worries :) I can handle the formatting and swing marking in Finale for you.
Before that though, some passing comments as I'm looking at it:
- Try and condense the tempo marking and performance direction at the beginning a bit
- Should be in F major
- You've got ample space on page 2. Dunno if this is something you can do, but give the music a bit more room to breathe by using 4 measures per system and only putting 4 systems on page 1.
- Include the developer (Good-Feel) in the copyright info
- Rhythm grouping is incorrect in the last measure
- Make sure your rests are placed correctly when using multiple layers
So, unfortunately, I'm unable to shift the tempo markings around without moving which notes they anchor to (so I left it like that) but I've fixed:
+ the key sig from Cmaj --> Fmaj
+ the spread of the staves across the two pages
+ developer info
+ last measure's wrong rhythm grouping
+ the overlapping rests
(edit: also there's a problem involving the second voice in m6, m14, etc. having a (probably) redundant flat that I can't remove without changing the pitch)
Okay, sorry for the wait... I went through the first half of it at least. Did the Finale formatting and stuff.
Things I changed aside from miscellaneous visual stuff:
- m. 5/13 beat 1.5 LH is D-F instead of D-A
- Hearing beat 1 LH of m. 8 as G-Bb-D
- m. 12 is missing a bass C# on beat 4
Here's the file: https://www.dropbox.com/s/djaqh6a0hw0z78g/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme%20edited.mus?dl=1 (https://www.dropbox.com/s/djaqh6a0hw0z78g/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme%20edited.mus?dl=1). Let me know if anything's off!
Question before I finish up checking the rest of it: I'm not sure I exactly follow the harmonies below the melody in the m. 18-21 section. Regardless, this is one of those places where we should definitely use two layers due to having countermelodies as well. Thoughts?
So I listened through the piece again and I think we can remove a few things from m18, and shift the countermelody to a second voice like you said:
(https://i.imgur.com/HmfrrQO.png)
(this is done in musescore)
might be a problem at m20 where the last note of the second voice should align with the last note of the first voice, so an alternative would be this:
(https://i.imgur.com/Yh2q07v.png)
when you check the rest of the score you can add this in, if you don't mind :D
I gotcha! Here's a new file: https://www.dropbox.com/s/z9gdckug39pfpzu/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mus?dl=1 (https://www.dropbox.com/s/z9gdckug39pfpzu/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mus?dl=1)
Aside from your edits, I
- flipped the second half of the RH of 23 as there's nothing under it
- added a missing D in m. 21 beat 1.5 in the second layer
- changed Gb to F# in m. 21 LH (D7 chord)
Last couple of things for the second page:
- Is beat 2 LH of m. 23 an addition of yours? I don't hear it in the original
- The octave registers for some of the notes for m. 24-31 sound a bit off, like some things are higher/lower than they actually are. Compare what I sketched out in the file above to what you wrote and see if it makes sense.
- For that part, I would suggest not using the pedal as there are some noticeably staccato notes in the original I think.
For m23, the rhythm section in the back plays D/Bb on both 2 and 3. (But I wrote it as D/G for some reason - changed it). I think I excluded the D/Bb on 3 because it would've been hard to stretch a ninth (D/Bb/low C) like that.
I think your mods to m24 sound closer to the original than mine, yeah. Iirc I made lowered and raised the octaves of some parts because I wanted to create a softer sound with the piano. Still I think your one's a bit easier to play so we'll keep it :p
(though you forgot to remove the bass clef after on m32)
Modified-modified mus: https://www.dropbox.com/s/6w046zekja2zt1s/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mus?dl=1
Alright, looks good! I removed the extra clef and updated the submission files.
Approved!
for m4 LH, I hear this:
(https://i.imgur.com/IrmYPSB.jpg)
-m6 LH b3.5 I hear a Bb below the Db.
-Your inclusion of the 2nd voice here (the somewhat out of tune piano) is sporadic. It appears in m8, but not m7 when it plays on b2.5 and 4.5.
-Since you moved everything down an octave, why did you leave out the last 3 notes of m6 out of where it repeats in m14? The Bb is here too.
-The chords in m7/8 are here too. I suggest you add them in everywhere, or take them out of m8.
-Maybe move the expressive text closer to the tempo mark? Definitely alight them better.
I think that's it. Looks pretty great.
- I think that's what's being played, but it sounds real nasty in that octave (and worse down one more). So maybe I'll add that but remove the D.
- I'd argue that the Bb there isn't very important because of the Bbs on beat 2.5 and the right hand. It's also because having the extra Bb would make it hard to hear the countermelody clearly, especially with the pedal. The (accented) Bb on 2.5 is already sustained and hitting the same note again causes a very 'murky' texture. I'd rather change the accents to be on 2.5 and 3.5 if we need to preserve the rhythm.
- I went ahead and added the detuned piano part (to m7/8/15/16), but omitted the F on m7/15 beat 2.5 because it sounded a little awkward. Anyway, there's an accented F on the right hand on that beat (albeit the two together are not gonna be recognised as an explicit chord/interval).
- When the A section repeats, the piano plays a slightly different bassline. The low F on m14 was a new addition, and so I decided writing that over the detuned piano would add to the variation in the second A section (i'd also rather not change it because that countermelody in the lower octave sounds very slurred with the pedal.
- I'll shift that expression text to be in-between the staves instead (the alternative would be to just write "Playful swing" instead of only "Swing" in the tempo marking, but I can't change it on my end).
Changes I've made are here:
mid: https://www.dropbox.com/s/qhaldux45tehx9u/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mid?dl=1
pdf: https://www.dropbox.com/s/u1g33rngss1vjba/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.pdf?dl=1
mus: https://www.dropbox.com/s/xzz4ss0p1b64y9z/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mus?dl=1
m4 is supposed to sound nasty. That dissonance was intended by the composer and I think it should be included.
Aside from that, I'd say it's good.
Except for the expression text. That doesn't belong between the staves. It was fine the way you had it before, it just needed to be aligned better. For example, the beginning of the text in each line of the test didn't start at the same place and it looked sloppy. Here's (https://www.dropbox.com/s/pzi3maav205q05n/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme%20mael%20edit.mus?dl=1) an edited version.
I was trying to say that the detuned piano in the original had quite a mellow timbre and so the small intervals within that chord didn't sound as nasty as on a regular piano. On hindsight, it might just be midi playback that makes the thing sound so bad...
Thank you for changing the expression text -- notepad doesn't really have a snap function so I can't align things exactly.
Updated the submission files!
Looks good. Accepting now.
This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4119).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot