NinSheetMusic Forums

Important Stuff => Site News => Topic started by: MaestroUGC on April 01, 2020, 04:25:45 AM

Title: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 01, 2020, 04:25:45 AM
To Our Dear Fans and Followers

Recently we sent out a message regarding our updated policies due to the Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic. However due to the increasing threat we have decided to enact additional measures to ensure not only the safety of all of you who purchase and use our products, but also to protect our staff making said products. Below is a reminder of our previously enacted policies:

NSM's Commitment to Safety
Here at NSM Industries and Friends Co. we strive to bring you the highest quality arrangements of your favorite video game tunes. However, we are aware of the growing threat of the Coronavirus (COVID-19), and as such we will be making adjustments to our business model to help reduce risk of exposure to our employees and our loyal customers:

What We Are Doing:
  • We are retraining all of our personnel on proper hygiene techniques to minimize the spread of Colonelvirus (CLNID-19).
  • Our staff is being issued heavy-duty gloves which make daily tasks practically impossible to complete.
  • We will also cease all in-person interaction effective immediately. All personnel will continue operations via Morse code and smoke signals.
  • We have begun an intense regiment of deep cleaning our facilities, delivery trucks, delivery drivers, and delivery receivers. This will include high powered washing every hour followed by a detailed scrubbing of all surfaces and people.
  • We are also undergoing a complete disinfecting of every single sheet on our archive, as well as complete disinfecting of all of our arrangers.
  • In order to minimize risk of exposure to Carvanavirus (CARGO-19), we will be closing our retail establishments effective immediately and burning them down to collect the insurance money.
  • In the interest of safety we will start a new method of creating sheet music that will involve working in state-of-the-art clean rooms, arranging via speech to text, and holding intrusive conference calls with our full staff discussing what we are doing to help prevent the spread of Caboodlevirus (CABOX-19) every 15 minutes.
  • Should any of our employees begin to exhibit symptoms, or even mention the Carbonaravirus (CANOLI-19) we will launch them into the sun.
What You Can Do To Help:
  • Never go outside or interact with another human being in person ever again.
Hugs and Kisses,
The NSM Staff
[close]

Our Continued Efforts

In addition to the above measures, effective immediately are several new policies to our production process:
Ways you can continue to help:
Your pal and confidant,
The NSM Staff
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: Yug_Guy on April 01, 2020, 04:38:00 AM
But I don't even like salt & vinegar chips...
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 01, 2020, 04:47:11 AM
This was what was agreed upon after we finished negotiations with your union rep, Brenda.
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: squarrels on April 01, 2020, 05:11:43 PM
Hey MaestroUGC, you now have instrumentalvirus (CELLO-19). Sorry man, but I sneezed.
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 01, 2020, 06:25:33 PM
How dare you, good thing I’ve collected our entire supply of sanitizer and apply it every 20 minutes.
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: E. Gadd Industries on April 01, 2020, 07:11:04 PM
You couldn't get rid of me even if you wanted to!
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 01, 2020, 08:59:42 PM
NSM is unfair!
Latios is in there!
Standing at the concession!
Plotting his oppression!
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 01, 2020, 09:42:09 PM
Who let you past the picket line?
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: Libera on April 01, 2020, 10:48:09 PM
That shows you for firing all of the people who could have managed the picket line!
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: cashwarrior1 on April 01, 2020, 11:40:08 PM
I am glad to hear that NSM is taking such measures fo dealing with the Catanavirus (CTNID-19). I admire your companies continued effects to deliver the highest quality (and the cleanest) video game sheets possible. I take great pleasure in knowing that the filthy meat sacks will no longer be handling my pristine sheets, and that you have arranged the sheets so that they stay 6ft apart from each other. However, I do have a concern for playing the sheets, as the music itself doesn't allow for me to be a proper 6ft away from the piano. In addition to being seated away from the piano, my hands and individual fingerings need to also maintain the 6ft distance so that I am not too exposed to the keys of the piano. I look forward to seeing updates to the sheets so that it is playable by these standards, and seeing your actions upon dealing with the Citrusvirus (CRSID-19) I have great confidence that you will deliver these changes. Thank you for your continued efforts and I hope you have a clean day.

Your hand-sanitized customer
~Cash
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: mikey on April 02, 2020, 12:43:04 AM
last year was funnier
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 02, 2020, 01:23:22 AM
there ain't nothing funny 'bout coronavirus boi

nothin' funny 'bout losing jobs huh
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 02, 2020, 02:38:00 AM
I don’t see why you’re all complaining, this is for your own good.
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: Yug_Guy on April 02, 2020, 03:10:25 AM
Day 4 of unemployment: The walls are closing in...

...no, really. I ate just about everything in my house, so I started eating the insulation in the walls. Kinda tastes like a cross between cotton candy and an industrial power saw.

Anyway, can I please have my job back now? I think the demons will finally go away when I have some real food. 
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 02, 2020, 03:12:28 AM
No. I’m pretty sure you’re the one who vandalized my fondue equipment.
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: Yug_Guy on April 02, 2020, 03:22:10 AM
No. I’m pretty sure you’re the one who vandalized my fondue equipment.
IT LOOKED LIKE THE TERMINATOR, DON'T JUDGE ME I WAS SCARED
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: MaestroUGC on April 02, 2020, 03:24:07 AM
See, this is why I fired you.
Title: Re: NSM’s Continued Commitment to Safety
Post by: squarrels on April 07, 2020, 09:48:39 PM
So, with all these people being fired, does that mean that there is an open position that I can claim? Don't you dare claim that I can't simply because I'm a filthy meat sack, as I have already replaced three quarters of myself with robot parts and am officially a cyborg.