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NinSheetMusic => Submission Center => Project Archive => Topic started by: Libera on June 13, 2020, 11:59:50 PM

Title: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on June 13, 2020, 11:59:50 PM
I did not manage to complete all of the replacements I wanted to due to health issues, unfortunately.  All of the below sheets should now be in the dropbox folder.  Note that all of these are challenge replacements.

Final Fantasy VIII - Don't Be Afraid
Original
[close]
Final Fantasy VIII - Force Your Way
Original
[close]
Final Fantasy VIII - The Loser
Original
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Final Fantasy VIII - Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
Original
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Final Fantasy X - Bravely Forward
Original
[close]
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on June 17, 2020, 01:44:30 AM
The Loser
Just two things, everything else looks great:
- Beat 1 of measure 5 should either have its voices separated or be flipped downwards (right now it looks like there's something missing beneath)
- It would be nice to write in a high Bb in m. 14 to capture that high chime in the original.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Zeila on June 24, 2020, 02:15:04 AM
Don't Be Afraid
It looks great! Just a few things that you don't necessarily have to add:
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on June 28, 2020, 09:20:12 PM
The Loser
Just two things, everything else looks great:
- Beat 1 of measure 5 should either have its voices separated or be flipped downwards (right now it looks like there's something missing beneath)
- It would be nice to write in a high Bb in m. 14 to capture that high chime in the original.

Should now be fixed.

Don't Be Afraid
It looks great! Just a few things that you don't necessarily have to add:
  • I think it's worth adding the pickup
  • That pattern in m10 and m18 sounds like there's a B and F on beat 4.5, but it is understandable if you intentionally omitted that

I've added the pickup; I hope you're happy because I had to redo the distribution for the whole sheet because of it.  In all seriousness I think it looks better now so thanks for making me do that haha.

Also I added those extra notes in 10 and 18; I'd just missed them when I was writing it down earlier.



Thanks for checking, you two.  It's much appreciated!

Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on June 28, 2020, 09:37:30 PM
The Loser
No problem, looks great ^^ Approving!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: mastersuperfan on July 08, 2020, 06:46:47 AM
The Loser
Great! Accepting!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 09:19:53 PM
Bravely Forward
Awesome! Just a few minor comments on this one.
- I think m. 3/24 beat 2 has an Ab instead of a Bb in it.
- Something looks a little funny about the top tie in m. 34... maybe it's because they usually don't conflict with ledger lines? In any case, i think moving the right end left and maybe up a tad might look a bit better.
- I'd suggest moving the staves on page 2 down a bit so there isn't as much whitespace at the bottom.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on July 11, 2020, 09:56:50 PM
- I think m. 3/24 beat 2 has an Ab instead of a Bb in it.

Listening again, I think its an F.

Other stuff should be fixed, thanks for checking!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on July 11, 2020, 10:00:23 PM
Ah yeah yup that sounds good. No problem, approved!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on August 20, 2020, 07:12:42 PM
Bravely Forward
- The D.C. should be a D.S.
- m17 RH should have an F in every chord, along with the other 2 notes.
- m26-33 sounds like it should be an octave lower. There's room to move it down without it running into the LH part.
- m34-38 sounds pretty weak compared to the original. I think some lower octaves in the LH might make it pop some more. (Maybe also some kind of stomp or something on beat 1 of 34? up to you)
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on August 23, 2020, 01:13:54 PM
- m26-33 sounds like it should be an octave lower. There's room to move it down without it running into the LH part.

Maybe 26-29, but I'm hearing the melody in 30-33 as being higher.  It might be doubled lower down in places but when I put it down the octave it sounded too low.  I wasn't sure about 26-29 but I decided to put it down anyway.

Other stuff should be fixed also.  Thanks for checking!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on August 23, 2020, 04:25:37 PM
Sounds good to me, and everything else looks great too... accepted!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on August 29, 2020, 04:37:38 PM
Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
- I'd suggest breaking the inner beam between the two triplets in beat 4 of m. 19. (Something else to think about - maybe flipping the melody up so the 3's aren't so close to the lower part.)
- There's more rhythm on beat 4 of m. 28-43 that you could use to fill out the LH accompaniment better. Any reason why you didn't include it? (Something like eighth notes everywhere except quarter notes in m. 31 and 39.)
- I'm a bit confused by your right hand part in m. 40-43. I'm hearing the voice ascend A-B-C-D (as everywhere else) and a harmony line on top of that ascend E-F#-G-A. The top moving voice written in the sheet now (while it fits the chords) is neither of those voices and sounds a bit different from the original when you write it that way I think.
- In m. 48 I'm hearing the grace note Bb (instead of G) before the Ab - descending to the melody.
- Is the last A in the RH of m. 51 supposed to be natural?
- Melody re-strikes the E on beats 2/4 of m. 56
- In m. 58 the eighth rest should be on the staff, and the tie should be flipped.
- The last couple parts could use a little more articulation in the melody. Specifically m. 48-54 could use some slurs/staccatos and m. 56-58 could use staccatos.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on September 06, 2020, 07:38:20 PM
Don't Be Afraid
- I know this is kinda nitpicky, but if you're going to beam this piece in 3+3+2+2, the time signature should be 10/8. With that said, you could keep it as 5/4 and change the beaming since this is a really common 5/4 groove anyway.
- Maybe it's just me, but the beaming across m14-15 barline is more confusing to read than if it was just written normally.
- The beaming in m15 (and 13) itself kind of bothers me too because you wrote it in 5/4, when the rest is in 10/8. But, unlike the above, I think this actually makes it easier to read, so I think it's fine.
- The left side of the tempo marking should be aligned with the left side of the time signature.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on September 10, 2020, 06:53:47 PM
Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec

- There's more rhythm on beat 4 of m. 28-43 that you could use to fill out the LH accompaniment better. Any reason why you didn't include it? (Something like eighth notes everywhere except quarter notes in m. 31 and 39.)

I didn't include it because it's just percussion rather than actual notes.  It feels unnecessary to me to include it here.

- I'm a bit confused by your right hand part in m. 40-43. I'm hearing the voice ascend A-B-C-D (as everywhere else) and a harmony line on top of that ascend E-F#-G-A. The top moving voice written in the sheet now (while it fits the chords) is neither of those voices and sounds a bit different from the original when you write it that way I think.

I still hear what I wrote in but yes the other harmony you mentioned is there.  I rewrote it anyway to keep the vocal part on top.

I should have got all the other stuff.  Thanks for checking.



Don't Be Afraid

- I know this is kinda nitpicky, but if you're going to beam this piece in 3+3+2+2, the time signature should be 10/8. With that said, you could keep it as 5/4 and change the beaming since this is a really common 5/4 groove anyway.
- Maybe it's just me, but the beaming across m14-15 barline is more confusing to read than if it was just written normally.
- The beaming in m15 (and 13) itself kind of bothers me too because you wrote it in 5/4, when the rest is in 10/8. But, unlike the above, I think this actually makes it easier to read, so I think it's fine.
- The left side of the tempo marking should be aligned with the left side of the time signature.

I went with this beaming because it's what Latios suggested but I've changed it back to normal beaming since it actually looks fine.  (Let me know if any of the beaming is still messed up).  I fixed the tempo marking positioning as well. 

Thanks for looking it over.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on September 10, 2020, 08:19:44 PM
Don't Be Afraid
I went with this beaming because it's what Latios suggested but I've changed it back to normal beaming since it actually looks fine.  (Let me know if any of the beaming is still messed up).  I fixed the tempo marking positioning as well. 
Looks good except for m9 LH and m14 RH (last note should be an 8th).
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on September 10, 2020, 08:22:10 PM
Oops, fixed.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on September 10, 2020, 08:26:10 PM
Nice, I'll approve now.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Maelstrom on November 29, 2020, 10:46:01 PM
Force Your Way
-8th note beaming feels inconsistent. Some places the beams over rests are broken (m34), and in many others they aren't (m36 has the same phrase) I personally always recommend breaking them, but that's up to you, of course.
-Why note just make RH m37-38 an octave lower to prevent the octave jump down between m38 and m39?
-m76 LH - Rhythm here seems to be like m4, not m2.
-m75-76 LH - no staccatos? These are far more disconnected than the ones on page 1.
-All over the piece are pairs of 8th rests that could and should be combined into quarter rests.

Everything else looks pretty great
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on December 02, 2020, 10:14:20 PM
-8th note beaming feels inconsistent. Some places the beams over rests are broken (m34), and in many others they aren't (m36 has the same phrase) I personally always recommend breaking them, but that's up to you, of course.
-All over the piece are pairs of 8th rests that could and should be combined into quarter rests. 

I have now tried to be more consistent and also broke some more beams.  Fixed the rests as well.  I think that was a holdover from when I was beaming the sheet completely differently that I forgot to fix.  Nice catch.

-Why note just make RH m37-38 an octave lower to prevent the octave jump down between m38 and m39?

Fixed.  Honestly not really sure why it was like that to begin with.

-m76 LH - Rhythm here seems to be like m4, not m2.

If by rhythm you mean pitches, fixed.

-m75-76 LH - no staccatos? These are far more disconnected than the ones on page 1.

Sure, can do.



Thanks for checking, files updated!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Maelstrom on December 02, 2020, 10:26:47 PM
There's still some funky stuff, mostly in m29 and 30. 8th rests can be combined and the b3-4 8ths of m29 really should be split. That's it, though.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on December 02, 2020, 10:38:20 PM
Fixed.  Sorry about that.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Maelstrom on December 03, 2020, 01:33:53 AM
Np, approved
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on December 10, 2020, 01:17:19 AM
Don't Be Afraid
- I know this is kinda nitpicky, but if you're going to beam this piece in 3+3+2+2, the time signature should be 10/8. With that said, you could keep it as 5/4 and change the beaming since this is a really common 5/4 groove anyway.
I went with this beaming because it's what Latios suggested but I've changed it back to normal beaming since it actually looks fine.
Sure, this works fine too. One thing you may want to consider is putting accents on beat 1 and 2.5 in the left hand to imply the 3+3+2+2 rhythm a little more noticeably, but you don't have to.

Not much else to say here; this looks pretty good.
- m. 11/19 beat 5 in the original sounds like it holds the C for the beat rather than playing C and B staccato.
- One thing I find odd is that the ascent in m. 33 doesn't end on the upper E like it does in the original, leaving it sounding somewhat unresolved.


Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
stuff
Ah... I missed responding to this post somehow, sorry. I've approved this one ^^
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on December 10, 2020, 08:43:24 PM
Sure, this works fine too. One thing you may want to consider is putting accents on beat 1 and 2.5 in the left hand to imply the 3+3+2+2 rhythm a little more noticeably, but you don't have to.

Yeah I'm not sure this is needed due to the right hand (or left hand) patterns making it obvious in most places.

- m. 11/19 beat 5 in the original sounds like it holds the C for the beat rather than playing C and B staccato.

I still hear it going down to the B, but I've put it in as a slur rather than two staccatos since the articulation is definitely longer here.

- One thing I find odd is that the ascent in m. 33 doesn't end on the upper E like it does in the original, leaving it sounding somewhat unresolved.

I guess I was trying to keep the melody at the top but it probably makes sense to swap them here to complete that run.

Thanks for checking!

Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
Ah... I missed responding to this post somehow, sorry. I've approved this one ^^

No worries!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Latios212 on December 12, 2020, 05:35:19 PM
Don't Be Afraid

Accepted :)
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Maelstrom on December 15, 2020, 02:02:05 AM
Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
-Courtesy accidental in m46 LH?
-Should there be parenthesis around the naturals in m20-21 or is that intentional or finale exports being bad? Not against there not being parenthesis, just wanted to check.
-m39 RH - b1.5/2.5 should be a Bb and Ab, respectively. 
-m42 RH - Pretty sure the middle note in the chord is an A, not a G.

m48+ - kefka, is that you?

Otherwise, looks fantastic. That's all from me.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on December 15, 2020, 09:37:39 PM
-Courtesy accidental in m46 LH?

It's a new system and so the (lack of a) key signature is right there so I don't think it's needed.

-Should there be parenthesis around the naturals in m20-21 or is that intentional or finale exports being bad? Not against there not being parenthesis, just wanted to check.

Yep those are meant to be missing.  I don't usually put them in for courtesies.

-m39 RH - b1.5/2.5 should be a Bb and Ab, respectively. 

Fixed, nice catch.

-m42 RH - Pretty sure the middle note in the chord is an A, not a G.

There is a G in that bar (at least I can hear one) and I included it over the A since the A is already in the bass.  Although I think omitting the A for that reason was the wrong call so I've put it back in.  If you leave out the G in that chord you kind of lose all the tension you've just built up in bar 41 and so it sounds a bit flat I think.



Thanks for checking!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Maelstrom on December 15, 2020, 09:48:02 PM
No problem, accepting
Great work!
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on December 19, 2020, 08:15:32 PM
Force Your Way
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Libera on December 21, 2020, 06:01:00 PM
m4, 8, etc. RH: You can make that tied note just a dotted quarter. You have the LH beamed in groups of four 8th notes anyway.
m49 RH: All of these chords sound like they should have 3 notes instead of 2.

Should be fixed now.

m29-36 RH: I'm going to bug you about the beaming again... You sometimes have the notes beamed in groups of 4, sometimes in 2, and it's not consistent even within a single measure sometimes (like m30).

I actually think this is pretty consistent.  Everything is beamed in fours except things like beats 3-4 of bar 29 and beats 3-4 of bar 30 where beaming these together would either make it visually look a bit triplet-esque or just looks ugly (imo).  This was following the general principles I try to use when beaming in general so I hope it's not that much of a problem.

m29-36: You have staccato 8th notes on downbeats in the RH that line up with staccato quarter notes in the LH, but in the original track all the staccato notes sound about the same length to me. I think you could clean up this entire section by doing this:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/8AOlL7X.png)
Everything lines up between the hands so the rhythms are very clear and easy to read.
[close]
Yeah that's probably a neater way to write it out.  I think though I wanted to emphasise the lightness of the RH here and keeping all of the dyads the same sort of weight.  I think writing it out like above puts more weight on certain ones which I guess was what I was trying to avoid.

I like the slur in m47-48 but honestly I think just having it go above the notes would look better. That way you don't have to try and squeeze it between the clef and surrounding notes.

Maybe I should say something about my rationale with regards to this weird slur, although feel free to still disagree with it after reading it.  I wanted to connect this big sweeping phrase up visually, but found that the normal slur positioning (just above the notes) doesn't really work all that well for that purpose.  Because the phrase is a whole system, the slur ends up just sitting above all of the notes and is kind of out of the way for most of the phrase so I don't think it really serves that much of a visual purpose.  The clef change part way through the bar makes this worse because the notes suddenly drop down the whole staff half way through, so the slur doesn't follow the contour of the notes at all past half way.  My weird slur was an attempt to rectify this, so that the slur stays relevant throughout the whole system and also follows the contour of the whole phrase better (starts low, ends high).



Thanks for checking and I've updated the file.
Title: Re: Libera's Replacements
Post by: Static on December 21, 2020, 06:24:39 PM
Hm, yeah I think what you said makes sense for all those things. I still think the slur looks weird, but the other changes look great and I'll be accepting it.