Submission Information:
Series: Castlevania
Game: Castlevania: Curse of Darkness
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Eneomaos Machine Tower
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Atcero (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4216)
[attachment deleted by admin]
[attachment deleted by admin]
Love this song, have wanted to do it for years.
HOWEVER: If this song does need too much work for this sub period or if I shouldn't attempt something this higher of a skill level than what I got, please let me know. Also shoutout to Olimar for a lotta help on it and everyone else who helped me cause this be a beast for me.
Olimar and I spoke a few days back on this sub and I cleaned up some formatting stuff. The bass clef that should've been in the beginning is now there, the treble clef at the end was removed, stems were flipped correctly, etc.
Also hopefully corrected accidentals.
This is a nice song :3
- m1-8 it sounds like the chords are being played twice in quick succession (can't tell if it's just two sixteenth notes or something faster than that)
- m4 beat 4 RH first two sixteenth notes sound like D#-E instead of E-G#
- m5-8 RH there might be a G below the low A but idk
- m9-16 what you have here is fine already, but if you'd like to add something extra then it could be nice if the string chords were included here. Or you could do both by keeping 9-12 the same and changing 13-16 to include chords as some sort of build-up. Here's an example:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/844691335025655819/865150079430295562/unknown.png - m16 you could put courtesy accidentals here if you'd like; also you could change the LH pattern a bit more by adding a dyad hit on beat 1.5 just like the snare hit, but that's just a suggestion (this would also go for m17+ since the snare is more varied)
- m17 RH missing A in first chord and C in second
- m18 RH first chord should be E-Gb-B-E to include a wider sound than just E, A, and C; the second chord is also missing a Gb, and I think it would be better if the D#'s were written as Eb's
- m19 RH both chords missing F
- m20 RH first/second chords missing E, third missing G
- m21 RH first chord missing C; second chord has the B as the high note, should be an octave lower, and sounds like there should be a G there too (and maybe C but I'm unsure of that one, but bottom to top would be B-C[maybe]-D-G-B); the sixteenth note also should be an octave lower
- m22 RH first chord missing B and the E should be a D; second and third chords missing E's and the B in the last one sounds like a C instead
- m22 LH plays E power chords on beats 1-2 and A on beats 3-4 instead of G throughout the entire measure
- m23 RH chords are the same as 18 in terms of sound, but sharps fit better here; LH plays B power chords (with an F#) instead of A; it's also possible to include the horn part here if you have the left hand play the first two notes and the RH play the last one. A picture for clarity:
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/844691335025655819/865148228143415326/unknown.png
*if you do it this way, then make sure you also hide the accidental for the last F# in the second layer/li]
- m24 RH missing F#
- m25-28 same as m17-20
- m29 RH first chord missing C, second missing D
- m30 RH first chord missing B and E should be D; for the second and third chords, instead of the notes D and E in the middle, they sound like C and Eb respectively
- m30 LH beats 1-2 bass note is E and on beats 3-4 it's Eb; this time it goes up by a 7th from the previous measure instead of down by 1 like in m22, but it works better if you just descend down anyways so that the next few measures don't interact with the middle voice
- m31 RH chord missing D
Okay that's as much as I'm willing to do at this point in time, but overall there are missing harmonies m39+ (not every measure specifically but a lot), and in measure 44 I think the eighth notes should be doubled an octave below. Just go over the song again to see if you can catch them for yourself. The rest are just formatting suggestions
- m59 I'd raise the rest up so that it's above the half note and therefore closer to the sixteenth notes
- m60 the crescendo is colliding with the second layer, so you should either increase the inner staff margin or write "cresc." instead of the hairpin
- m67 you could lower the half rest here to make it in the default position
- m81 unhide the rest and lower it so it doesn't collide with the whole notes
- use a D.S. marking instead of repeat bars mayhaps
Talked with Zelia and did kind of a mixed version of having some parts being filled after build up while leaving some others a little bit more empty. Also fixed the rests, note placement for a few things, and the formatting hopefully
I have a lot to say here, so I'm going to start with m1-32:
- m1-4: Consider moving the low A's in the RH to the LH (so the LH would play in octaves). It makes it a bit easier to transition to m4-5.
- m4 RH beat 2.25: The E sounds like it should be an octave lower, and could be played by the LH to give the RH more time to move up and reposition for the rest of the run.
- m5-8 RH: These chords should not be 8va. The highest A in the original chord is an A5 (right above the staff). This means, for m5, the C# should be the top note (the last note of that run in m4).
- m5-8 RH: There is a G underneath all the top As (as Zeila mentioned).
- Time to go through all the chords on page 2:
- m17 RH beat 1: This chord should should be E-C-E (bottom to top) - no A.
- m17 RH beat 3: A-C-E-A (bottom to top)
- m17 RH beat 4.75: 16th note should be in the lower octave as well (it's not actually that hard to play, very common rhythm in old piano music).
- m18 RH beat 1: E-F#-B-E
- m18 RH beat 3: D#-F#-B-D#
- m19 RH beat 1: D-F-B-D
- m19 RH beat 1: E-F-B-E
- m20 RH beat 1: D-E-B-D
- m20 RH beat 3: C-E-A-C
- m20 RH beat 4: E-G-C-E
- m21 RH beat 1: A-C-E-A
- m21 RH beat 3: B-D-G-B
- m22 RH beat 1: G-B-D-G
- m22 RH beat 3: C-E-A-C
- m22 RH beat 4: D-E-A-D (wow spooky)
- m23 RH beat 1: E-F#-B-E
- m23 RH beat 3: D#-F#-B-D#
- m25-28 RH: Should look exactly the same as m17-20.
- m30 RH beat 1: G-B-D-G
- m30 RH beat 3: G-C-Eb-G
- m30 RH beat 4: A-C-Eb-A
- For these above chords, I know you mentioned that you wanted to leave some parts deliberately empty, which is fine, but some of the chords were just wrong (like m18, 22-23, 25-28). In addition, the additional chord tones are important to the chord progression. My suggestion would be to remove the lower melody octaves in m17-24 if you want it to be lighter, but keep the middle chord tones - those are what make the piece.
- m17-32 LH: Why do you have the bass notes on beats 2/4 in m21-32, but not in m17-20? I'd probably add them back in, although removing them from m21 onwards could make the accompaniment less tiring to play.
- m22 LH: The bass should be E on beats 1-2, and A on beats 3-4 (I think Zeila mentioned this as well, but it looks unchanged).
- m30 LH: The bass should also be E on beats 1-2, and Eb on beats 3-4 (Zeila had also said this, I think).
- Since you have the room, it would be nice if pages 2-5 were spaced evenly to give the sheet a cleaner look. I can take care of this for you later.
As an arrangement, this is quite nice - very playable and enjoyable to play - but the accuracy needs to be just as good. I know it sounds like a lot, but really it's just a bunch of little things that add up. I also noticed a lot of my suggestions echo what Zeila said earlier, so maybe this was just an older version of the file or something.
Thank you so much! I thought I updated this sub but it seems I didn't, as I had a most of those fixes but not all of them. I removed the 2/4 beat from 21-32 because I feel it would get tiring and I was super confused on why you were talking about that when I had it fixed on my version of the file, sorry about that. I hope The formatting looks better as well, I tried to space it more evenly with finale.
Ah, awesome, yeah this looks way better! Let's continue then...
But before that there's a few other things I want to address on the first couple pages:
- Dynamics should be aligned with the center of the note (like in m5), most of yours seem a bit to the right (like in m1 for example).
- I still hear the E on beat 2.25 of m4 an octave lower, but looking at it again, I think it's fine to leave it. It makes it easier to play, that's for sure.
- Since the C in m5 fades out, you can leave it out of m6-8 or 7-8 if you so desire. If you do this, add in a low A in the middle of the staff. In addition, there is no low C (middle of staff) for any of these chords. Just A's and G's.
- For m17/25, I meant that the 16th note should be both octaves (E-E), not just the upper or lower. This also applies to the D's in m19/27, which I forgot to mention previously.
- The flats in m30 LH are clashing with the notes, if you go to Utilities > Music Spacing > Apply Note Spacing, it usually fixes the issue. Otherwise, you can manually adjust the position of the notes with the Note Position Tool (under Special Tools), but be sure to change the RH too so they aren't misaligned!
- The diminuendo in m32 is touching the B.
- You still have the lower notes on beats 2/4 of m20, 24-32. Not sure if you wanted to remove those as well or not.
Alright, let's get into some new stuff. This will cover m33-60:
- m33-60 should all be notated in E minor.
- m32 beat 4: I would add the upper F# here as well, since it's a pickup to the melody in m33.
- m36 LH: The B chord here doesn't resolve until beat 3. The chord on beat 2 would be B-E-A, then beat 3 would be B-D#-A. You could put the E-D# in its own layer and leave the B-A as a half note, if you want.
- m39 RH: This half note in the melody should not be tied. The B is restruck on beat 3.
- m39 LH: The half note chord should be A-C-Eb. In addition, the bass octaves should all be F (natural).
- m40 LH: The bass on beat 3 should be B. The chord on beat 2 should be E-F#-B, and the chord on beat 4 should be D#-F#-B
- m37-38 LH: The bass moves down every 2 beats, so in m37 for example, the quarter notes on beats 3-4 would both be D. The ones in m38 would both be B.
- m41 RH: I would recommend a G instead of (or an addition to) the B for this chord, to give it an E minor sound. With only E and B, the chord quality is ambiguous. This G goes to an F# on beat 1 of m42 - just keep this all in one layer.
- m42 RH beat 3: You could also add a B below the D here if you want.
- m43 RH: Add a Bb below the E (you could also add a C#, but 5-note chords are hard and the Bb is more important because C# is doubled in the LH).
- m43 LH: Bass should be C#s instead of Cns - keep the Gs natural. This is a C#dim7 chord.
- m44 RH beats 1-2: Resolve the Bb to Bn, keep the E tied
- m44 LH beats 1-2: Bass should be Cn (Cmaj7 chord). Middle notes should be Gs.
- m44 LH beats 3-4: The offbeat chords representing the snare should just be on beat 4 (i.e. it should look like beats 1-2). There is no hit on beat 3.5 or 4.5.
- m44 RH beats 3-4: These 8th notes should be octaves, which, while tricky to play, isn't too bad. m45-end is all octaves anyway.
- m45 LH: This is all an Em chord, so there should be no A's, F#'s, or D's here. The bassline plays an E throughout.
- m46 LH: This is a B7/D# (B-D#-F#-A) chord. Those D's should be #, and Gs should be F#s.
- m47 LH: This is a Cmaj7 (C-E-G-B). I would change the D to E or C.
- m48 LH: I think it's fine to have an LH part that mirrors the RH, but I think it would make more sense if the first note was an A, since that's the bass note of this chord. So maybe the LH could go A-E-A-C# instead or something.
- m49-51 LH should look just like m45-47 LH (Em, B7/D#, Cmaj7).
- m51 RH: You can just write this as a dotted quarter instead of with a tie.
- m52 RH: These chords are missing some inner notes. First chord is E-G-C-E, second is D-F#-A-D.
- m52 LH: The bassline here goes from A on beats 1-2, to B on beats 3-4. I would suggest making the lowest note in those chords on beat 1/3 match the bassline. In addition, the chord on beat 2 should not have a B, at least I can't hear one. It's just an Am7 chord.
- m55 RH: The F# on beat 2 should be G instead.
- m56 RH: Beat 1 should have F# instead of G, it resolves to G on beat 2 along with the A above it.
- m56 LH beat 4: I would suggest having the middle chord tone be G instead of B to continue the Em tonality (B is the 5th, so it's tonally ambiguous). This chord is Em7/D.
- m57 RH: Chord on beat 1 should be E-G-C-E, chord on beat 2 should be E-F#-D-E.
- m57 LH beat 4: Change the middle G to an A instead (D7/C chord).
- m58 RH: That dotted quarter is actually a quarter followed by an 8th, both Gs.
- m59 RH: This is an F#sus4 chord moving to an F#maj chord. So, the first chord should be B-C#-F#-B. The second should be A#-C#-F#-A# (leave out the C# for playability). Normally, for chromatic runs, I'd agree that you should use flats when going down, but just for this specific beat (beat 2), use A# instead of Bb.
- m60 RH: The last 3 8th notes should be octaves just like in m44. Also, remove the top G on beat 3.5 LH because it overlaps with the RH.
- m60 LH beats 3-4: Just like m44, the offbeat chords representing the snare should just be on beat 4 (i.e. it should look like beats 1-2). There is no hit on beat 3.5 or 4.5.
- m59-60: Plenty of visual cleanup to do here: Several accidentals are colliding with nearby notes, the rest in m59 RH should be nudged a bit to the right so it's not touching the stem, the beam in m60 beats 3-4 should be shortened and/or that entire system should be spaced apart more so that the beams don't overlap.
Again, I know this is a lot, but it's a lot of little things. Take your time going through all this, no rush.
Updated it and formatted it correctly hopefully
Looking good! Once again, I'll go over a few things and then carry on with the last chunk of the sheet:
- m4 RH: I guess I just missed this earlier, but that low A on beat 1? You can remove that since it's doubled in the LH.
- m5-8 RH: Sorry if I was unclear about the C# moving to the A, etc. The octaves should still be there, I just meant something like this:
(https://i.imgur.com/uMJrRgl.png)
The C would stay on the top voice only for m5, since that's part of that voice from the run in m4. In the original, that voice fades out, so then you can go back to having the A's on top for the following measures. Hope that makes sense, but lmk if you want more clarification. - m32: The diminuendo is now a bit too close to the LH. You can make it a bit skinnier by adjusting the middle handle (the little diamond one, not the square one) with the Smart Shape Tool. Maybe also just move it up a little bit.
- I think you accidentally put some of these chords in one measure before where they're supposed to go:
- m38 LH: This half note chord should be E-G-B (same as m34 and 37).
- m39 LH: The chord should be a half note (like m38), and this chord should be A-C-Eb (top of staff so it sounds less muddy). Beat 4 should be an octave Fn like beat 3.
- m40 LH: This measure should have the same chords on beat 2 and 4 that you previously had in m39 - that is to say, E-F#-B and D#-F#-B.
- m41-42 RH: The G in the middle should not be tied, it should move to F# on beat 1 of m42 (just keep this all in Layer 1 for simplicity).
- m44 LH beats 3-4: This should be a B chord, so B-F# here. (beats 1-2 is still a Cmaj7 chord)
- m45 LH beat 3: Maybe change that A to a B to keep the Em powerchord here. It's not an Esus4.
- m47 LH: Even though I said this is a Cmaj7 chord, I actually wouldn't recommend putting a B in this lower register (leave it in the RH) - it kinda clashes with the C's sometimes. I suggest making the chord on beat 3 E-C-E, and the one on beat 4 C-G-C.
- m49-51 should look just like m45-47 as described above.
- m55 RH: Beat 2 should have G instead of F#, beat 3 should have F# instead of G.
- m56 LH beat 4: I would suggest changing the B to G, but it's up to you.
- m58 RH beat 3: I know I said D here, but maybe change it to A instead (so E-F#-A-E). I think it sounds a little bit better.
- m59 RH: The quarter rest is still touching that stem.
- m60 RH beat 3: The natural sign is touching the 16th notes next to it.
Alright, let's finish this one up! m61-end:
- m61-end should all be notated in C minor, not just m76-end.
- m61 LH: This is a Cm chord, so I would suggest changing beat 3 to G-C-G, and beat 4 to Eb-C-Eb.
- m62: This is a G7/B chord, so all those Bbs should be Bns.
- m63 LH: Bassline should be Bb instead of Ab, middle note can stay Eb or change to G (Cm7/Bb chord).
- m64: This is an Fmaj chord, so I think the bassline should start on F rather than C (starting on C implies an F/C chord and alters the feeling of the chord a bit). In addition, the RH chords should just contain the notes F-A-C in various orders.
- m65 LH: The bassline should be Ab for the entire measure. The chords in this measure are Abmaj7 (beats 1-2), and Bb7/Ab (beats 3-4). For the chord hit on beat 2, try using Eb, G, and/or C. For the chord and middle notes on beats 3-4, stick to D's and F's like you have.
- m66 RH: Chords here are Gm (beats 1-2), then Cm (beats 3-4). I'd suggest changing the middle notes to match these chords (move F to G, Bb to C).
- m66 LH: Bassline should be G (beats 1-2), then C (beats 3-4). Chords are Gm and Cm.
- m67: This entire measure is a Dm7(b9) chord, that is to say D-F-A-C-Eb. LH looks good, but for the RH I would change beat 1 to be G-C-Eb-G, and beat 3 to F-C-Eb-F (or alternatively F-A-C-F).
- m68: This measure is a Db9 chord (Db-F-Ab-Cb-Eb). The important notes to bring out here are the F and Cb, the 3rd and 7th of the chord. For RH beat 1, I'd suggest Eb-Ab-Cb-Eb, and for beat 3 try Db-F-Ab-Db (or Db-F-Cb-Db).
- m69 RH: To show the resolution to Cm from m68, I think you should add a G and/or Eb to the half note chord in the RH.
- m69-70 LH: While the bassline descends, the chord above it remains Cm. The middle notes in m70 LH would probably be better as C or Eb.
- m70-72 RH: This melody is actually harmonized in 6ths rather than octaves. The lower voice in m70 for example is Ab-G-F-Eb, you can figure out the rest (though if you want some help lmk). m72 beat 3 onwards is all in octaves, so you don't have to change anything there.
- m73-74 LH: Same deal as m69-70; Cm chord over a changing bass. Adjust the middle notes accordingly.
- m76 RH: Chord should be G-C-F-G.
- m76 LH: Since this chord is a Csus4, I would suggest changing the middle note to G instead of Bb.
- m77 RH: Chord should be G-B-F-G.
- m77 LH: Bass should be Db instead of D, middle note would probably be better as G (G7b5/Db chord).
- m78-81: These chords are the exact same as m5-8, so you should just copy/paste to keep the same voicing (see the screenshot near the top), but leave out that top voice. The top note in all the chords should just be C.
- m82-88: This is that classic James Bond chord progression. That middle note in all the LH chords? It should move from G to Ab to An to Ab to G, instead of G-Ab-Bb. Similarly, for all those RH chords on beat 1, I would suggest (starting in m83) C-Eb-Ab-C, then C-Eb-A-C, then C-Eb-Ab-C, C-Eb-G-C, etc.
After this, I'll just have a few general formatting/layout suggestions and then I'll be done. This is coming together quite nicely!
Updated with everything and then what we talked about in discord, thank you so much for helping me with this.
Awesome, just a last handful of things to clean up:
- I would move the composer/arranger info down a bit so it isn't right next to the game title. There's enough space to do so without the music getting in the way.
- m6-8 RH: The lowest note in these chords should be A (middle of staff) instead of C (refer to the screenshot in my post above).
- m17, 33: I would move these dynamics just a bit to the left so they're more centered with the notes.
- m32: The diminuendo is touching the B in the RH, and the barline, at least on the PDF. Are you using the default Finale PDF exporter? Sometimes that can cause some issues with alignment in the PDF (and the PDF is all I can really see right now).
- m38 LH: I would move this chord up an octave (so it looks like m37). In this low register, closely-voiced chords can sound pretty muddy.
- m39 LH: I would also move this chord up an octave for the same reason.
- m59 RH: Actually, now that I look at this measure again, the quarter rest would make more sense if it was above the staff (next to the 16th notes) There's plenty of space up there anyway.
- m60 RH: That natural sign still seems a bit too close to the note next to it. Try using the Note Mover Tool (under Special Tools) to nudge the 16th note a bit to the left, and/or nudge the half note a bit to the right - though if you do this, you should also move the 8th rest underneath it as well as the LH so everything's vertically aligned.
- m68 RH: The Cn in that first chord should be Cb instead.
- m78-81 RH: I don't hear the high G's in any of these chords, they should just be C-Bb-C.
That's it!
Should be all updated, thank you!
After discussing a few final things in Discord (adjusting (de)crescendo placement, re-hiding the rest in m59, adjusting m60 beat 3 LH), I have nothing else to say here. Approved
I'm tired right now so I'll just post the notes I took when checking the notes/chords: https://www.dropbox.com/s/jo99xgmn5bmp61f/Eneomaos%20Machine%20Tower.pdf?dl=0
Some clarifications:
- To unbold the tempo marking you'll probably have to remake it in Finale as a new tempo expression.
- Ignore the circle on m24 LH beat 3.5.
- The text under m44 says "courtesy natural" and is referring to the Cn.
- m64 RH beat 2, it is true that the C fits with the chord; I just felt that the A was more prominent.
- In m71-72, I recognize that the bass jumps up in the original; I just don't think writing it this way is effective on piano because making the bass part so high up in the arrangement gets rid of the driving force in the low register. I'd suggest keeping the bass down the octave.
- If I circled a note and wrote a letter next to it, that means that I hear the note/chord differently from how it's currently written and would replace it with that note instead.
Let me know if there's anything you have difficulty reading/understanding.
There's a few things here I still hear as it was before (this is just copied from the discord convo I had with msf the other day so it doesn't get lost):
- m19: I still hear the B in these chords, but the B on beat 1 could still be swapped for F, doesn't really matter
- m28 beat 4: I still hear the G here
- m29: No E here, it's just Fmaj instead of Fmaj7
- m40: I don't hear the C#
- m41: The B doesn't move to A here
- m44: I still hear the Bn here (Cmaj7 chord)
- m48 beat 1: I still think the E is on top here, the chord voicing is the same as beat 3
Some additional things:
- m30 LH: Bb should be Bn (you could also change the Ebs to D#s, but it's an augmented 7th chord here - it can be spelled many correct ways - Eb is fine I think)
- m58 LH: bass sounds like E here
This is just what I'm hearing at least
Finally Updated, but a couple things:
For M30 RH, that B sounds completely off for me. Bloop helped me and they said they couldn't hear it either but for me that chord in playback sounds wrong.
For M48 LH, I did not hear that C# for the base and when I checked on the piano, it sounded like E-A-E-B
M50 LH, the D-A-D chord also sounded wrong. I removed the A just so it wasn't so dissonant.
For M60 I kept the C octave as when Fitkah played it, he was able to do it. With that, if people can't play it, they can always just not play it imo. For 83-89, I kept the chords the same as Static and I discussed it.
Thank you both!
- I see what you're doing with the voicings in m32 RH, but the layering is a bit confusing and it hardly changes the way that someone would play it (not to mention that I think the voicings are arguably ambiguous in the original too)—I would strongly suggest condensing the RH into a single layer.
- Same goes for the layering in m37-39—it's really confusing because it looks like it's a single layer with five beats per measure. Also m40 LH beat 2 should be flipped down.
- The struck note on m42 RH beat 1 should probably be in its own layer; otherwise it's extremely easy to miss.
- Move the dynamic in m53 a little to the right (to be centered with the notehead) and a little down (so it's not so close to the RH beam).
- Dynamics in m69 and m73 are too close to the barline. Also, space could be widened between the staves in both places because there are near-collisions happening here (mp and stem in m69 and crescendo and beams in m72).
Quote from: Atcero on September 07, 2021, 10:56:45 AMFor M60 I kept the C octave as when Fitkah played it, he was able to do it. With that, if people can't play it, they can always just not play it imo.
- How did he play it? The problem is that it's physically impossible to play it as written, which makes it notationally ambiguous. If he only held it down for the duration of a sixteenth or eighth note then it might be more accurate to represent it as such.
I can get the tempo marking afterward.
Also, if there are any other suggestions that you chose not to incorporate besides the ones you mentioned in your previous post, it might be helpful if you could indicate which ones they were.
Updated
All right, one more check for the road. This should be everything, barring any minor issues that pop up as a result of the edits you make now.
- Maybe raise m5-8 RH up an octave? That sounds more accurate to the original to me.
- The half note m24 RH beat 1 would probably look better with the stem upwards, to be consistent with beat 3.
- Courtesy F natural on m27 RH beat 1?
- On m29 RH beat 1, the F in the chord sounds like it should be an E instead (A minor chord in RH, F in the bass).
- Any reason why m32 LH beat 4 is different from LH beat 2? The B makes more sense to me on beat 4 because the F# is already in the RH, and the third is pretty muddy down that low.
- m32 RH beat 3 should be flipped up. After you do that, make sure to move the crescendo up too.
- m39 LH beat 2 sounds to me like there's a C# on top instead of an F# in the middle. The F# sounds fine though if you want to keep it that way though.
- For m43 LH, it might be better to use Bb instead of G to avoid having a dissonant tritone in the LH.
- IMO the end of m44 LH (beats 3-4) is abruptly
too thick compared to previous beats; I wouldn't include a fifth on every single note. Up to you though.
- There should be an 8va over the RH from the end of m44 to m52.
- On m46/50 LH beat 2, I would suggest using F# instead of B. The B is already held by the RH, and the B feels too high to me, i.e. it sounds like the low register is lost. (Might also apply to m62 LH beat 2 if you want to use D instead of G, but I think this one is also fine as is because it's lower than m46/50.)
- Courtesy natural on m47 LH beat 1?
- m47 LH beat 4 seems like it should use G instead of F#; F# isn't part of the chord here.
- On m55 RH beat 1, I would strongly suggest changing the F# to a D#, or including a D# in addition to the F#. The D# is really important to the chord here (more important than the F#). I would also suggest including D# on beats 2 and 3 too.
- m56 RH beat 1 should use D# instead of D.
- For m54-58 RH, I think it would make sense to fill out of the chords since this is a pretty powerful-sounding part of the track and the LH is only playing single notes most of the time. This would mean adding F# to m54 beat 3, A to m54 beat 4, the aforementioned changes to m55, B to m56 beats 2-3, G to m56 beat 4, F# to m58 beat 1, and B to m58 beat 3.
- m59 would look cleaner condensed into one layer, which wouldn't sacrifice anything because it's not possible to hold that half note during the chromatic scale anyway.
- For m60 beats 1-2, it would look better and more consistent with beats 3-4 if Layer 1 were flipped up and Layer 2 were flipped down (and the Layer 1 rests were placed above the staff).
- Crescendo in m67 could be lowered a bit.
- The crescendo/decrescendo should extend all the way to the barline in m59 and m67 since they continue into the next system.
- Forte in m61 should be moved up a bit so that it's aligned with the crescendo in m60.
- Dynamics in m69 and m73 should be moved a bit right; right now they're really close to the barline.
- On second thought, I think m69 would look clearer with the half rest shown... that's what I'll suggest now, but either way is okay.
- Courtesy flats for m63 LH?
- It sounds very abrupt for the octave to jump so suddenly from m62 LH beat 4 to m63 LH beat 1. I would suggest either raising m62 LH beats 4-4.5 an octave or lowering m63 LH an octave, i.e. pick an octave and stick with it.
- m64 RH beats 1-2 should use An instead of Ab.
- If you wanted to give m64 LH some more punch, you could add an F to LH beat 2.
- Just like m62 beat 4 to m63 beat 1, same note about being consistent with the LH octave from m64 LH beat 4 to m65. I would move m64 LH beats 4-4.5 down an octave; right now it sounds much higher than m65.
- Seems like m65 LH beat 2 bottom note should be Ab instead of G? Not sure where G comes from anywhere.
- m65-67 LH would be a looot easier if you transposed down the top notes on beats 2/4 down an octave...
- Any reason why m67 LH beat 4 doesn't have a D on top?
- m69 LH is inconsistent with the LH pattern in the surrounding measures... is there a reason for that? The low register sounds like it plays the same pattern throughout in the original, so it would make sense for these places to be like the other measures (e.g. single notes except for beats 2 and 4 which have octaves + fifth).
- m70/74 LH beat 4 sounds like it should use D instead of C; I think G is the root of the chord here, instead of it being an inversion of C minor.
With all that said, let me address this:
Quote from: Atcero on June 28, 2021, 07:25:22 PMHOWEVER: If this song does need too much work for this sub period or if I shouldn't attempt something this higher of a skill level than what I got, please let me know.
Ultimately, I think this ended up being the case. This one is on us for not recognizing and acknowledging this at the start when you mentioned it in your post, but in general I think it would be better to focus on sheets that are less complex (especially ones with less hard-to-identify chords and more well defined accompaniment patterns, since chords and improvised accompaniment patterns are challenging in general). Sometimes your sheets have received a lot of feedback close to an update deadline, and it's true that it is on us to provide feedback in a timely manner, but it's also important to be cognizant of how much work some sheets might require if you attempt something above your skill level (and to be honest, a lot of tracks in general are above almost everyone's skill level). Looking back at the volume of feedback that Static and I gave on this sheet, I think it would be healthier and more productive for both you and us if you arrange tracks that are more accessible and can provide a better learning experience for you.
Ok got everything updated but these:
Quote- On m46/50 LH beat 2, I would suggest using F# instead of B. The B is already held by the RH, and the B feels too high to me, i.e. it sounds like the low register is lost. (Might also apply to m62 LH beat 2 if you want to use D instead of G, but I think this one is also fine as is because it's lower than m46/50.)
- m47 LH beat 4 seems like it should use G instead of F#; F# isn't part of the chord here.
-It sounds very abrupt for the octave to jump so suddenly from m62 LH beat 4 to m63 LH beat 1. I would suggest either raising m62 LH beats 4-4.5 an octave or lowering m63 LH an octave, i.e. pick an octave and stick with it.
For that B, I can hear it and it sounds not as full without it, so I just added F# and kept the B.
For m47, I still disagree. I relistened to it and I still cant hear that chord resolving properly.
for m62, I raised the 4.5 an octave but kept 4 the same so its not as much of a jump. Let me know if this works cause for me at least I think the lower octave for beat 4 sounds really nice and still is playable.
Thank you!
Quote from: mastersuperfan on October 04, 2021, 08:46:26 PM- m47 LH beat 4 seems like it should use G instead of F#; F# isn't part of the chord here.
Quote from: Atcero on October 13, 2021, 09:39:53 AMFor m47, I still disagree. I relistened to it and I still cant hear that chord resolving properly.
I would go with MSF's recommendation here. If I understand correctly, the goal of the harmonies in the left hand here is to outline the chord, and that doesn't change mid-measure here; it stays as a G. Having B-F#-B as a power chord leading into the E looks right at a glance but it doesn't represent what is actually happening harmonically - m. 47 is a G chord and m. 48 is an A chord, despite the E octave you've written in on beat 1 that presumably represents another non-bass voice. The F# is out of place, and one other thing to consider is that if you're playing this with pedal the F# will clash with the G played earlier.
While I'm here looking at this section, m. 51 sounds like an A major chord, so I think the left hand should have C# instead of C and A instead of G.
Just skimming the rest, there are a few weird spacing issues here and there. I recall last time you having difficulty getting Finale to apply the default spacing? Some places to point out are:
- Accidentals in b4 of m. 12
- Accidentals in b3 of m. 43
- m. 60
And some more purely visual pointers:
- In m. 4 and 81 you should show the quarter rest in the lower layer. It would also help to flip the group of16th notes on beat 2 upwards because there's nothing directly above it - this would allow you to not have to push the crescendo so close to the bottom staff.
- Is there a reason why the 16th notes in m. 59 aren't flipped downwards?
- You have extra space on the last page and in the last system. By contrast the first system on page 5 has 6 measures in it. I would suggest pushing m. 81 down to make the last three measures more evenly spaced.
All updated, thank ya!
Edited the files with a couple of spacing/formatting fixes... and I think it looks good!
This submission has been accepted by mastersuperfan (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=3561).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot