Submission Information:
Series: Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons
Game: Harvest Moon
Console: Super Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Star Night Festival
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Code_Name_Geek (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5670)
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Can't say I've ever played Harvest Moon, but I've liked the music I've heard. Thinking about doing some Magical Melodies arrangements someday.
-The tempo seems a bit high, a result perhaps from the overall system distribution on page 1. Decrease the distance between systems a small amount so that moving the first one down won't put the last system too close to the copyright.
Some things from me in addition to what Kricketune said, although you could probably achieve what he is suggesting without decreasing the space between systems since you don't need to move them down very much.
-The main thing here is that the second layer in bars 1-8 is not correct. It should go Gb -> Gb -> F -> Gb -> F -> Gb -> Ab. In bar 6, the second note in the second layer sounds like a Bb rather than an Eb.
-The second interval in bars 3/5/7 causes the two Gbs to be too close together and it looks cramped. I would recommend manually adjusting the first and second layer notes away to the left a little bit so to alleviate this problem.
-In bars 21/23/25 you could rewrite the layer 1 held note as eighth tied to half tied to eighth which may look neater, especially in bar 25.
-You may also want to move the D.C. slightly to the left so that its fully on top of the system.
-The composer/arranger information is horizontally aligned to the left margin incorrectly.
I hope that helps!
Quote from: Kricketune54 on December 20, 2021, 02:33:30 PM-The tempo seems a bit high, a result perhaps from the overall system distribution on page 1. Decrease the distance between systems a small amount so that moving the first one down won't put the last system too close to the copyright.
Done, thanks!
Quote from: Libera on December 27, 2021, 05:57:58 AM-The main thing here is that the second layer in bars 1-8 is not correct. It should go Gb -> Gb -> F -> Gb -> F -> Gb -> Ab. In bar 6, the second note in the second layer sounds like a Bb rather than an Eb.
For some reason both what I had and this version sound ok to me, but I think it might just be that the recording is slightly off-pitch and it's throwing me off. I think you're right though, so I changed it to what you suggested.
Quote from: Libera on December 27, 2021, 05:57:58 AM-The second interval in bars 3/5/7 causes the two Gbs to be too close together and it looks cramped. I would recommend manually adjusting the first and second layer notes away to the left a little bit so to alleviate this problem.
Done, hopefully that's better.
Quote from: Libera on December 27, 2021, 05:57:58 AM-In bars 21/23/25 you could rewrite the layer 1 held note as eighth tied to half tied to eighth which may look neater, especially in bar 25.
Did this, but in doing so I noticed that Finale groups half notes and dotted half notes under the same notehead (as in m. 24/25, beat 2). Is that the correct way to write that?
All the other alignment fixes should be done as well, thanks to both of you for taking a look!
Quote from: Code_Name_Geek on January 12, 2022, 11:50:58 AMDid this, but in doing so I noticed that Finale groups half notes and dotted half notes under the same notehead (as in m. 24/25, beat 2). Is that the correct way to write that?
I'm not sure, though I think it is perhaps a little confusing at the moment. You could make it clearer by writing in an eighth note on beat 4 that the layer 1 half can be tied to (like in bars 25). I don't really hear a noticeable lift on beat 4 anyway, so I think it won't affect how it reflects the original.
Everything else looks good, nice work.
Quote from: Libera on January 13, 2022, 03:18:47 PMI'm not sure, though I think it is perhaps a little confusing at the moment. You could make it clearer by writing in an eighth note on beat 4 that the layer 1 half can be tied to (like in bars 25). I don't really hear a noticeable lift on beat 4 anyway, so I think it won't affect how it reflects the original.
Yeah, I thought it was confusing too. I'm good with this solution, at least it's consistent throughout the passage. Files have been updated!
Cool, approved.
Quote from: Code_Name_Geek on January 12, 2022, 11:50:58 AMDid this, but in doing so I noticed that Finale groups half notes and dotted half notes under the same notehead (as in m. 24/25, beat 2). Is that the correct way to write that?
Quoting from Gould's Behind Bars: "It is acceptable for the dotted note to share a notehead with a note without a dot as long as the rhythm of both parts is absolutely clear." That's pretty much the case here, so it should be fine!
I don't have all that much to add either, just one very small thing: in m8 and 10, I don't hear the bottom layer being lifted on beat 4 (where the 8th rest is). Maybe you could tie this note to this beat? It's not a big deal either way, just something I noticed :p
Quote from: Bloop on January 15, 2022, 12:07:44 PMQuoting from Gould's Behind Bars: "It is acceptable for the dotted note to share a notehead with a note without a dot as long as the rhythm of both parts is absolutely clear." That's pretty much the case here, so it should be fine!
That's good to know, thank you!
Quote from: Bloop on January 15, 2022, 12:07:44 PMI don't have all that much to add either, just one very small thing: in m8 and 10, I don't hear the bottom layer being lifted on beat 4 (where the 8th rest is). Maybe you could tie this note to this beat? It's not a big deal either way, just something I noticed :p
Makes sense, done.
Apparently the two Eb's that are tied to in m8 have become hidden Ebb's, but I fixed them for you so I can immediately accept!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174892746108988/BloopApproves2.png
This submission has been accepted by Bloop (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1023).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot