I wasn't sure if either of these were simple enough to warrant a possible third arrangement, but I thought I'd mention the interest in case they were. Here are the two sheets I've chosen:
Main Submissions:
[NES] DuckTales
"The Moon" (Replacement) | MUSX (https://www.dropbox.com/s/ey8vfhbwjh4i77v/DuckTales%20-%20The%20Moon.musx?dl=0) | Source (https://youtu.be/K4t_3wc2jJU)
[PS2] Silent Hill 2
"UFO Ending" | MUSX (https://www.dropbox.com/s/9fwcqo1ii83sfow/Silent%20Hill%202%20-%20UFO%20Ending.musx?dl=0) | Source (https://youtu.be/N3WDdxN3OAI)
Extra Submission:
[SNES] Star Fox
"Macbeth" | MUSX (https://www.dropbox.com/s/orts1ndw42oug1n/Star%20Fox%20-%20Macbeth.musx?dl=0) | Source (https://youtu.be/uSnRbS5RCKc)
Unfortunately, there isn't an audio-only source for the Silent Hill 2 piece that I could find, but I think the one listed is of good enough quality.
UFO Ending- m1-2, 4-5 RH: Missing an Eb voice between the Cs and Gs/Abs.
- m2-3, 5-6 RH: The 32nd notes should be An-Bb instead of G-Ab.
- m7-13 LH: I think it was a good idea to remove some of the extra chord tones from the accompaniment part, since you put it in the LH; this helps avoid a more muddy texture. However, I think it would be better to prioritize the bass and third of each chord - these are the backbone of any chord and tell you its quality. Take a look at this:
m7-13
(https://i.imgur.com/1wyrB6H.png)
- m9-12 RH: This is admittedly a subtle difference, but the melody I think would better be written explicitly as triplets rather than swing. Writing "swing" implies a swing feel, not just in terms of rhythms, but in performance and style, and this piece definitely does not have that. It's more of a march. Alternatively, you could write the whole sheet in 12/8.
- m9 RH beat 4: Gb should be F# (this is in Gm and borrows from the major, creating a sort of GmM7 sound).
- m14-15: I know it's all out of tune, but the Ebs sound a lot more like E naturals to my ear.
- m14-15: This sounds a bit faster to me than q=60. It's not much slower than the previous bars.
- m16 LH: The lowest voice here should be F.
- m17-18 LH: This chord sounds completely different to me, I'm hearing (from bottom to top) Db-Ab-Bb-F. It's a wide stretch for one hand, but it can be rolled easily. I'd also recommend a double barline before m17 to separate this section too, as you do with all the others.
- m25-28 RH: There should be Gs between all the Fs and Abs - it's not just out of tune, there actually is some minor 2nd dissonance going on there.
- m29: This final chord is a Bm9, voiced (bottom to top) B-F#-A-C#-D. It's fine to keep this original voicing since both hands are available to play it here.
- I would recommend changing keys where appropriate (Gm at m7, Fm at m19), since you're treating each segment is its own entity anyway.
- The rest in m6 could be written as a 2/4 bar to mirror m13, but you can leave it if you'd like. The measure numbers in the feedback above assume you didn't add any extra measures.
Sorry this probably seems like a lot for such a short piece, there's a lot of subtleties going on here. Let me know if you need clarification on anything
Everything should be updated correctly. If I missed something or something new came up though, let me know.
Quote from: Static on May 02, 2022, 08:12:30 PM- m14-15: This sounds a bit faster to me than q=60. It's not much slower than the previous bars.
I took another listen and I think the tempo is closer to 80bpm for both the attack and abduction sections.
Yep, this all looks good! Tempo seems right too. Approved
The Moon- I don't understand why you start in 5 sharps and then change to 6, isn't this in F#M all the way through? In m24 too I would keep it at 6 sharps.
- I would write all of ms. 1-7 RH under the ottava, it seems a bit inconsistent how you have it currently and some notes are still quite high.
- If I remember correctly the high synth in ms 1, 23 and 32-33 is staccato.
- for ms. 6-22 in the LH, I'd consider using treble clef. It's readable as you have it currently, but this would help reduce the amount of ledger lines (since the bass never goes that low in this section).
- m25 b4 RH: Instead of the triplet you could a trill marking instead (with an accidental above it).
- ms. 24, 26 & 28: You can beam over the rests on beat 4 here. This is optional, but I think it would then be more in line with other sheets on site.
- System spacing: Your measures look good, but I think it would be best to have 4 systems on the first page and 5 on the second. You also have lots of empty space at the bottom of page 2, spreading systems more evenly would get rid of that.
- Also, while the meter changes, the tempo stays the same throughout the entire track. To reflect this you can add this marking (https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/844835144242298910/971675889282723890/unknown.png) in front of the second bpm marking (which you can then put in parentheses).
- The invisible mf in m2 LH can be removed.
Some of the above has been changed, but I do have a couple of comments.
Quote from: XiaoMigros on May 05, 2022, 12:35:55 AM- m25 b4 RH: Instead of the triplet you could a trill marking instead (with an accidental above it).
- System spacing: Your measures look good, but I think it would be best to have 4 systems on the first page and 5 on the second. You also have lots of empty space at the bottom of page 2, spreading systems more evenly would get rid of that.
- The invisible mf in m2 LH can be removed.
For the first comment, I don't think it sounds or feels like a trill nor a mordent for that matter.
For the second, the first 5 measures sort of make that hard to look nice given their notation and having the first four part of one system makes them look squished.
Third, the invisible dynamic is mostly just so both channels are the same volume, since I split them in the template for convenience. Some other arrangers do similar, like they duplicate the dynamic and delete the letters. I prefer to just simply hide it, since it's a few less clicks.
Quote from: NineLives on May 05, 2022, 08:02:06 AMFor the first comment, I don't think it sounds or feels like a trill nor a mordent for that matter.
Fair enough, leaving it works too.
Quote from: NineLives on May 05, 2022, 08:02:06 AMFor the second, the first 5 measures sort of make that hard to look nice given their notation and having the first four part of one system makes them look squished.
I can't quite tell if there was some misunderstanding; I was trying to refer to systems per page,
not measures per system (which looks good as you have it).
Third point is new to me, but sounds like it's worth keeping then lol
Quote from: XiaoMigros on May 05, 2022, 10:31:46 AMI can't quite tell if there was some misunderstanding; I was trying to refer to systems per page, not measures per system (which looks good as you have it).
OH... Sorry. I getcha now. Should be fixed up.
In case we had the time and resources for it, I put in my extra submission up just in case.
The MoonI just checked over this again and realised I made a mistake; because the tempo stays the same you'll want to reflect that with a marking like this:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/844835144242298910/972460014897868830/unknown.png
The other marking I (wrongly) suggested is used to switch between simple and compound time to show that the underlying tempo is the same (i.e. a dotted fourth in 12/8 being played the same speed as a regular fourth in 4/4).
Quote from: XiaoMigros on May 07, 2022, 04:30:44 AMThe Moon
I just checked over this again and realised I made a mistake; because the tempo stays the same you'll want to reflect that with a marking like this:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/844835144242298910/972460014897868830/unknown.png
Fixed. I also changed the tempo to 180, since I figured the 80 was a typo.
UFO Ending-m2 and 5: You can flip the staccato dots in the R.H. on beats 1-3, since there's nothing underneath.
-m2-3 and 5-6: I think you can write these 32nd runs as grace notes too ^^
-m8-11: It seems you wrongly copied over from Static's feedback, the L.H. here should be a third higher (so G and Bb instead of Eb and G).
-m10-11: I hear the R.H. on beat 3 of m10 and beat 1 of m11 as straight 8ths, not as triplets.
-m12: The triplets in the L.H. on beat 1 should still be G-Bb, the bass doesn't change until beat 2.
The Moon-oh god i still don't know how to listen to this intro rhythmically
The way you've written it now is in 5 beats of three 8ths length (or a dotted quarter length), but that's not really how I hear it. It sounds like it's supposed to be 2 bars of 4/4, but missing an 8th somewhere. However, I feel the missing 8th in a different part of the bar in m2-3 than in m1 and 4-5.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/974762787769303040/unknown.png
m1 and 4-5 Are like 4/4+7/8 (missing an 8th on the end of the bar), but m2-3 are something like.. uh.. 9/8+3/4, except the 9/8 is divided like 2+2+2+3? Maybe it's more like 4/4+7/8, except the 7/8 is divided like 1+2+2+2. I usually tend to add the 1 to the previous beat though as a lengthened beat.
Anyway, I'm just sharing how I hear this part. I'm just doubting if you meant having this as a triplet 5-beat bar, so maybe this gives some insight in how you hear it.
-m1: Maybe you can add a slur over this 8th note pattern like you did in m23, so there's a connection between these two bars. Same with m32-33.
P.S. after writing this and seeing m32-33, you could even decide to write m1 like this:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/974767806153375795/unknown.png
Since the C# in beat 3.5 of m32 is technically missing from the first bar.
P.P.S. you could even do that 4+3+4+4 thing in m2 and 3 too actually
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/974770301890080788/unknown.png
Both files have been updated!
UFO Ending
Looking better!
-m3 and 6: For the grace notes, we usually use 16th notes instead of 8ths when you have more than 1 grace note. Also, we usually add slurs to grace notes too:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/863709312067829811/975004719636418590/unknown.png
-m10 and 13: I do hear the 8ths in beat 1 and 1.5 of these two bars as a triplet though, just not the others.
The Moon
Also looking better! Just a few things about the new rhythmic stuff:
-m4-5: The R.H. and L.H. in these two bars are notated a bit inconsistently: I'd notate the L.H. of m4 like you did in m5, and notate the R.H. in m5 as a whole note tied to a dotted half note.
-About the tempo mark, currently the dotted quarter note doesn't make much sense anymore, since the beats aren't all equal anymore. I think either "8th = 360" or "q = 180 (8th = 360)" would work best. If you go with the second one, you could remove the "q=180" in m6 and just leave the 8th=8th, but you can leave it too.
Think I got it! Don't think I missed anything, but if I did, you know what to do.
For The Moon, I meant leaving in the 8th=8th at m6 regardless of if you deleted the tempo mark or not, but otherwise it looks good!
And UFO Ending looks good now too!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174785795522560/BloopActuallyApproves.pnghttps://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895351643024015360/906174892746108988/BloopApproves2.png
The Moon
Looking good! The rhythm grouping in the intro is... a bit odd, most notably m. 4-5 being different than m. 2-3 even though the left hand is playing the same rhythm. That said, I don't really have any bright ideas and I think this works alright.
- You can flatten the slur a bit in m. 1, it arcs really high. The 8va can be lowered accordingly after that. Same for the last couple measures.
- m. 22-23 need to be respaced (just click on them)
- Space out your systems on page 2 a bit more to better fill up the white space near the bottom.
- Staccato on beat 1 LH of the last measure?
I believe I got it. Does it look better or do I still need to adjust a couple things?
All's good, just not sure if you meant to miss this last one:
Quote from: Latios212 on May 19, 2022, 03:41:34 PM- Staccato on beat 1 LH of the last measure?
Ah. I mixed the last and second to last measures up. Should be good now!
Cool, I'll accept!
Hi NineLives. Since your first two submissions were substantial enough on their own, and your third extra sheet wasn't drastically simpler, we thought it would be fairest to stick with the first two for this project. I'll be closing this topic now.