Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario Galaxy
Console: Wii
Title: To the Observatory Grounds 1 & 2
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: XiaoMigros (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6725)
Replacement Information:
Links to Existing Sheet: MUS (http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/mus/558) | MIDI (http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/mid/558) | PDF (http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/pdf/558)
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)
[attachment deleted by admin]
The sheet I'm replacing is interesting, because it only appears in that form in the 100% complete cutscene, in which it is followed by a special version of "Family". However it appears in a different key several times throughout the game (namely when the player returns a Grand Star to the Observatory). It also has two different endings (not included in the on-site sheet), and is listed twice in the game's official soundtrack, under "To the Observatory Grounds 1" & "To the Observatory Grounds 2". So after discussing all this with Latios212 I've decided to submit "To the Observatory Grounds 1 & 2" as a replacement to "The Gate".
Here are the audio files for v. 1 (https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/693100330279501899/970649849726918696/2-05_To_the_Observatory_Grounds_1.mp3) and v. 2 (https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/693100330279501899/970649850066632714/2-18_To_the_Observatory_Grounds_2.mp3).
As for the sheet itself, I added a performance note to make clear how to play each version, but that has resulted in some suboptimal system spacing. I'm also not 100% confident in the markings I used for the 1st and 2nd endings. Feedback is welcome (obviously)!
Just dropping in to comment on the page layout a little.
Quote from: XiaoMigros on May 02, 2022, 04:38:49 AMAs for the sheet itself, I added a performance note to make clear how to play each version, but that has resulted in some suboptimal system spacing.
One suggestion to make the first page neater would be to spread the white space across the page more evenly. There's no need for the third system to hug the url/copyright information tightly when the system separation is so large elsewhere (due to a low number of systems), so you can bring the systems closer together by adding more white space at the bottom. On the second page, I would also increase the white space at the top of the page and then space the three systems out roughly the same compared to the first page for consistency. A lot of white space at the bottom of the final page is fine. I've put a picture (ignore any weird articulations or anything like that) of how that might look down below (I also brought the composer information and performance note down a little bit on the first page).
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/492809359961882625/970652837640024134/unknown.png
Thanks! I tried that out and it worked quite nicely (albeit unlike anything I'm used to). Files have been updated.
- m6 RH beat 1: This chord should be (bottom to top) F-Ab-Bn (not Cb)-Eb. It's voiced differently in the original track of course, but that F and Ab are important (7 and b9 of the G7b9b13 chord).
- m6 RH beat 3: The Cb should also be Bn here (G9 chord).
- m7-13 LH: I'd try to preserve the bass movement if you can here, since the specific inversions of the chords gives that progression a distinctive feel there. The D#s in m12 should be Ebs. It's a dim7, so you can spell it all sorts of ways, but just go with how each individual note resolves. Eb to D, F# to G, A to G, C to C.
m7-13
(https://i.imgur.com/WQSLFD2.png)
- m14 RH beat 3: Cb should be Bn (G13b9)
- m15-17 LH: Similarly to the above, what gives these chords their character isn't just the chords themselves (C and D7), but that there's a pedal C in the bass. Try to incorporate that if you can.
- I think you could be clearer with your performance directions. You indicate to go to "repeat" sections, because that's what those numbers and brackets normally indicate, but clearly they don't in this case; there are no repeats in the score at all. I'd just put a rehearsal mark at m7 and m15 (like A and B, or 1 and 2, you can add these via the Expression Tool). Then, above m6, just say go to 1 for Version 1, go to 2 for Version 2, or something like that.
m7-13: I'm not hearing the As in m8 or the Cs in m12, but I've added them to make the voice leading more consistent.
m14: I've been looking at this as IVΔ-iv°Δ, though changing it would make it more reminiscent of m6. Fixed!
m15-17: What I opted for is somewhat lazy, but the pedal C is sustainable and not restruck, so I think it works.
As for the performance note, I attempted to write a new one and put it by m6.
Quote from: XiaoMigros on May 07, 2022, 01:14:30 AMm7-13: I'm not hearing the As in m8 or the Cs in m12, but I've added them to make the voice leading more consistent.
You can remove them if you want, I think my brain just kinda filled in the chord there as I was listening. Either way's fine
Quote from: XiaoMigros on May 07, 2022, 01:14:30 AMm14: I've been looking at this as IVΔ-iv°Δ, though changing it would make it more reminiscent of m6. Fixed!
Yeah that's one way to analyze it. With the G in the bass however, I saw it as Vsus4-V resolution, with several extensions added.
Anyway, this all looks great!
Approved (also I changed the on-site title for you)
Everything checks out, just a bunch of small comments about the presentation!
- You have ample white space between systems on page 1 but the hairpin dynamics are rather squished between the LH/RH staves. Definitely give the dynamics more space!
- The rit. markings are imported in the wrong font (default should be Times New Roman 12 italic). They would also be better off a bit higher up above the notes.
- You can add extra space at the beginning of measures that begin with a rolled chord to give the wavy line more breathing room. (Measure tool > double click measure > extra space at beginning)
- The space between the second page header and the first system is disproportionately smaller than the space between the systems on page 2, so I would suggest either increasing the space between the header and first system, or narrowing the gap between systems a bit.
- The chords in the last few measures ascend in the original, so how about inverting the chord in m. 16 beat 3 up once?
- The tempo marking for the second ending is a tad high.
Quote from: Latios212 on May 07, 2022, 09:45:07 AM- You have ample white space between systems on page 1 but the hairpin dynamics are rather squished between the LH/RH staves.
Ah yeah this is me using the page layout tool to do everything rather than the staff tool. Bumped up the space between the staves a bit, the dynamics/hairpins are also more centered now.
Quote from: Latios212 on May 07, 2022, 09:45:07 AM- The rit. markings are imported in the wrong font.
Usually I remember to manually readd those after import, but clearly I didn't this time. Fixed!
Quote from: Latios212 on May 07, 2022, 09:45:07 AM- You can add extra space at the beginning of measures that begin with a rolled chord to give the wavy line more breathing room.
Static just showed me how to do this on one of my project sheets, this looks much cleaner here now too!
The rest of the changes have been made as well :) Thanks!
Alrighty, great! I'll accept now :)
This submission has been accepted by Latios212 (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4344).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot