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I'm posting the first chapter of a story that, while I'm far more proud of it, probably isn't as good as "Coulrophobia". Which I didn't think was that great, either.

It really has nothing to do with Nintendo, other than a reference in chapter five or six.

Note that I spaced out the paragraphs in my pasted version. If you don't like that, please tell me and I won't anymore.

Please comment and criticize as you see fit. ;)

Without further ado...

Random Madness: A Madventure by SlowPokemon

Chapter One
We Meet Mad and the Ghosts

Once there was a man named...well, it doesn’t really matter what his name was, because everyone called him Mad. Not as in crazy; they all thought that was his name. Mad Scientist, to be precise. It wasn’t his name, of course, but, as aforementioned, that does not really matter.

   He always wore a yellow lab coat over a black shirt. His round head had two long purple stalks of hair that stood straight up and several thin gray hairs. One hair was longer than the rest, because by the time he would get to that hair during his self-haircut, he’d normally think of something more important he could be doing.

   Mad lived by himself in a house in the heart of Doodle City, in a middle-class neighborhood with few neighbors; he knew not many of their names.

   On the day this story starts, he was working out a drink that would make one grow taller (Mad was fairly short for his age of twenty-six). He added the final ingredient and cautiously took a sip. After a moment, bright green sideburns popped into existence on the sides of his head.

   â€œIt gave me sideburns?” he asked incredulously of no one in particular. Standing there for a moment, he realized that no one was going to answer him. He sighed, tore out the sideburns, and threw them in the trash. He sadly walked out of the room.

   A moment later, the trash can began rattling violently. The top shot off and three beings zoomed out of it. They were long and thin with huge, round heads (like balloons), and they hovered a bit off the ground. Two of the ghosts â€" that’s what they were, ghosts â€" were bright green. The third ghost had fangs and a forked tongue sticking out of his mouth, and he was a dank gray. He looked more like a snake than anything.

   This third ghost glanced slyly at his siblings and, when he knew they weren’t looking, darted away through the wall and out of sight.

   â€œHa!” shouted one of the Ghosts. His sister picked a purple banana peel off of her head and put it back into the trash can. She glared at him.

   â€œHa?” she asked icily. “What do you mean, ‘ha’?”

   â€œUmm…” the Boy Ghost said, faltering. “…Just…well…oh, lighten up, would you? We’re in a completely different dimension. Some defenseless person probably summoned us accidentally again. I hope Blot doesn’t mess things up this time…”

   â€œWhere is Blot?” said Girl Ghost sharply, but before he could answer, Mad walked back in the room. The Ghosts froze.

   â€œUmm…who are you?” asked Mad interestedly.

   The Ghosts looked at each other and then made their faces all creepy.

   â€œWe’re the ghosts of your sideburns…” the said eerily.

   He stared at them for a second.

   â€œThat’s interesting.”

   Mad walked to the other end of the room and sat down at a table, taking notes furiously in a small pad. He got up suddenly and ran to another room, where several strange machines were buzzing and whirring loudly. The Ghosts followed Mad. He advanced to a shoe, in which was a neon orange-colored liquid. He ripped out the page of notes he had just taken, crumpled it up, and threw it in the shoe. The liquid turned a dark shade of gray. The gray disappeared, to be replaced with bright green.

   â€œAlso interesting…” murmured Mad to himself.

   â€œUh, aren’t you…freaked out?” said Boy Ghost.

   Mad looked up as if he had forgotten they were there.

   â€œUmm, no. Should I be?” he asked distractedly as he dashed back into the first room, sifted through the trash, and pulled out the purple banana peel that had been on Girl Ghost.

   â€œI don’t know. Not necessarily,” said Girl Ghost, frowning as Mad put the banana peel into a pair of tweezers and set it gingerly on a metal countertop. He took several steps back and added a small drop of Mrs. Butterworth’s Maple Syrup to the banana peel. The banana peel exploded, violently knocking over what appeared to be a large bookshelf next to it.

   Girl Ghost straightened the bookshelf up again and picked up a battered copy of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis that had fallen to the floor. She opened it to a random place in the book, but quickly slammed the covers together again when she heard a deafening roar erupt from the pages.

   â€œSpontaneous combustion…” muttered Mad, brushing soot absentmindedly from his gaudy, yellow lab coat. “Hmm…I wonder if I’d get the same result with sugar free…” He suddenly turned and looked sharply at the Ghosts. “Why are you here?”

   â€œUh, we were going to haunt you,” explained Boy Ghost. “But, umm…it looks like you’re pretty bad off on your own…”

   â€œOkay, this is just a random hunch,” Mad began, “but did you two come from another dimension?”

   â€œWell, yes!” said Girl Ghost, startled. “We were summoned here from the signals that were sent out by…”

   â€œYeah, yeah, didn’t ask for your life story,” said Mad, rolling his eyes. “Well, you two will have to stay here, at least for a while. This could prove a theory I’ve been working on for some time… By the way, out of curiosity… Who was with you?”

   â€œUmm, ahh…” said Boy Ghost.

   Mad nodded, no longer interested.

   â€œYour rooms are upstairs,” said Mad. “One on the left, one on the right. Mine’s straight ahead.”

   Boy Ghost smiled widely.

   â€œGirl Ghost,” he said enthusiastically, “do you realize what this means?”

   â€œUmm… we’re staying with a lunatic?”

   â€œNo. Well… yeah, I guess. But I was looking for this: WE HAVE A PLACE TO STAY!”

   It dawned on her.

   â€œOHMIGOSH, WE DO!” she squealed.

   They zoomed around the kitchen, knocking pots and pans off the wall and spoons from drawers. They banged the silverware on the upholstery, the pots and pans they had knocked over, Mad’s head, and anything else they could find around the house.

   Needless to say, by nine o’ clock, Mad was slightly regretting the decision he had made earlier.

   â€œEr â€" Ghosts?” he called to them.

   They faithfully came in front of him.

   â€œWell…I don’t know how to say this,” Mad began.

   â€œI do,” said Girl Ghost.

   â€œYou do?” said Mad, caught off guard.

   â€œYeah,” said Girl Ghost, shrugging. “I can say ‘this’. This. See?”

   â€œThat’s not what I…” Mad said angrily.

   â€œYou can’t say ‘this’?” said Boy Ghost, feeling bad. “Look, it’s the ‘t-h’ sound. Th-, th-, th-…”

   â€œI can…” said Mad fruitlessly.

   â€œâ€¦-is. â€"is. â€"is. Now you try. Put them together. Th-, -is. Th-, -is. This.”

   â€œI’m trying to say go away!” shouted Mad in frustration.

   â€œBoy Ghost, I think we should!” gasped Girl Ghost.

   â€œFinally, some sense,” grumped Mad.

   â€œWouldn’t that be fun?” asked Girl Ghost. “To go on vacation?”

   Mad moaned behind his hands.

   â€œWe could go to Disney World!” said Boy Ghost happily. “Visit our cousins in the Haunted Mansion!”

   â€œNo, family trips are boring…” frowned Girl Ghost. “We could go to the Bahamas again. That was beautiful!”

   â€œYes, she was…” said Boy Ghost dreamily.

   â€œWhat?”

   â€œNothing.”

   â€œWe could go anywhere!” cried Girl Ghost. “Paris!”

   â€œTokyo!” laughed Boy Ghost.

   â€œOr Key West!” said Girl Ghost wildly.

   â€œOr Wyoming!” said Boy Ghost, shouting.

   Girl Ghost stared at him incredulously.

   â€œWyoming?”

   â€œI don’t know,” he said sheepishly. “It was just an idea… What do you think, Mad?”

   But Mad was gone. He had darted into the kitchen and grabbed a kitchen knife. It never got to his chest. Girl Ghost yanked it from his grip.

   â€œWhoa, he has more mental problems than we thought…” muttered Boy Ghost.

   â€œYeah,” agreed Girl Ghost. “We should look after him PERMANENTLY…”

   Mad blacked out.

Interesting... Very Interesting. I'm not really into the whole Sci-Fi stuff (but I am part Chemist - so reactions I see are amazing)

The writing is OK, not necessarily publisher worthy, but you tell a good story  :)

Kudos to you

(and the part about the ghosts and "this"... funny stuff)

Thanks so much! :D
I don't think it's publish-worthy either, but it's a pet project of mine that I've always wanted to get done.

And it was interesting to see your comment, because I've never viewed this story as science fiction. The only chemical reactions you see are in the first chapter, and they weren't always there. They were added because I felt that my first chapter was too short.

So I think you will come to see it's not sci-fi. ;) Or maybe that's my delusion.
Will post the second chapter tomorrow.

Ill post my Pokémon fanfics when I have time to edit everything!

And I'll have to see another chapter to determine if it isnt sci-fi

I also wrote the first chapter of a Pokemon Leafgreen/FireRed story, but it would pretty much be the same as the game. So I never finished it. I might when I finish this. If I ever do.

And the spacing out of paragraphs - better or worse? :P

I have one similar, but I moved it around a bit... but I do have a completely NEW Pokémon Journey story

i like the second chapter! especially the dialogues! Very realistic :D! I also love the pun madventure ;), well done!

I can't post the second chapter yet because the internet went down again.

o_-

I was like, "What was the point of going up?!"

Quote from: dahans on July 10, 2010, 02:24:19 AMi like the second chapter! especially the dialogues! Very realistic :D! I also love the pun madventure ;), well done!

in english, this isn't a pun. it requires it to be actually a word. in this case, it's called a portmanteau, or the combining of two words together

Guys, when my internet goes back up... Would you rather me post new chapters as I go, or keep deleting the previous chapter in my first post, replacing it?

^Well, the second solution makes it kinda hard for new readers. If I was writing a story here, I would just post every chapter as a new post. Oh, wait, I do.

Got it, thanks. ;)

yep, so people can see the entire story! you dont want a reader to jump in there (unless you start the story like that)

my story's first chapter should be up by friday (if I can sit down and finish it, that is!)

Looking forward to it!
500th post, guys! Woo!
First day as a Star Fox Salsa lol

who knows? i might finish it today!

Surprise! Here are the long-awaited (but not so long) filler chapters, two and three. I will post more soon. :)

Chapter Two
A Really and Truly EVIL Neighbor
   Meanwhile, in the house next door, Mad’s neighbor was taking it upon herself to personally plan Mad’s demise.

   His neighbor was a fat old woman with one glass eye and one real one. On top of these she wore glasses. She had ridiculous spiky red hair, and an even more ridiculous name â€" Mrs. Pattybuns.

   â€œThe nerve of that man!” Mrs. Pattybuns said, scandalized, peering out of her window into his through binoculars. “Laboratories! Machines! Sideburns! Ghosts! And who knows what else!”

   She was leaning out of her window, and so retreated, muttering to herself. She walked into her kitchen. Upon coming to a locked drawer, she looked around nervously. Nope. No one was there. She pulled a key out of her pocket and inserted it into the lock. Mrs. Pattybuns reached into the drawer and pulled out…a chocolate chip cookie. She shoved the cookie into her mouth and swallowed it quickly. Her fat hands grabbed another cookie. And another. And another. She ate them all with relish, then shut the door and slipped the key back into her pocket, glancing around guiltily.

   â€œWell, I’ll take care of that lunatic,” Mrs. Pattybuns mumbled to herself, spraying the immediate air with chocolate chip cookie crumbs, “or my name isn’t…” (Here she put on her best and most practiced evil face) “..MRS. PATTYBUNS!”

   Her window cracked. Glass tended to break when Mrs. Pattybuns’ name was spoken aloud. She silently cursed herself.

   Suddenly, through the wall â€" yes, through the wall â€" came what looked like a large, gray balloon with fangs and a snake’s tongue. This was Blot, the older brother of the twin Ghosts.

   â€œWho…who are you?” Mrs. Pattybuns squeaked.

   Blot noticed her for the first time and gave a little shriek. (This was the normal reaction of people upon seeing Mrs. Pattybuns for the first time.) He regained his senses.

   â€œMy name is Blot,” he hissed in a somewhat smooth voice. “Blot the Vampire Ghost. Evil older brother of the Sideburn Ghosts.”

   â€œWhy are you here?” Mrs. Pattybuns demanded.

   â€œI’m not here, not necessarily. I just got out of that place as quickly as I could.” His tone became edgy as his eyes narrowed. “I want revenge on my siblings; that complete idiot, Mad; and anyone else who dares to side with them…”

   You’d never guess Blot was sixteen years old.

   â€œHold up, hold up,” interrupted Mrs. Pattybuns. “I want revenge on Mad, too!”

   â€œWow,” said Blot. “You don’t say. Umm, why?”

   â€œHe’s ensuring that my house will never be sold,” grumbled Mrs. Pattybuns. “But, I suggest that we work together, not particularly as friends, but to get towards a common goal. What do you say?”

   â€œSounds like a deal!” said Blot as he took a glass from her cupboard without asking and got a drink of water. “What did you say your name was?”

   â€œMrs. Pattybuns.”

   The glass Blot was holding broke.

Chapter Three
We’d like to file a Missing Ghost Report, Please
   â€œSo, isn’t this great?” said Boy Ghost enthusiastically.

   â€œIsn’t what great?” snapped Girl Ghost, irritated as always. They were in her room.

   â€œThat we’re haunting some guy!” said her brother. “Duh.”

   â€œUmm, I don’t know. It’s kind of strange, to tell you the truth. He doesn’t seem…”

   â€œFrightened?” suggested Boy Ghost.

   â€œYes!” said Girl Ghost. “That’s exactly it! Of course, we’re not very intimidating on our own. We’ve always relied on Blot to be the scary ghost. He has fangs, and a freaky tongue that’s always hanging out of mouth.” She sighed. “Where the heck did that vampire ghost go?”

   â€œI don’t know, and I don’t care,” sniffed Boy Ghost. “I never got along with him, anyway.”

   Girl Ghost bit her lip. “That’s kind of harsh. He is your brother.”

   â€œYeah, but I like my other brother better,” grinned Boy Ghost.

   She glared at him. “This is NOT the time.”

   â€œSorry,” muttered Boy Ghost. “But it’s true. Not about the brother part,” he added quickly, seeing Girl Ghost heat up. “About you being a better sibling.”

   â€œWe’re twins. I think you’d get along better with a twin than a regular sibling,” pondered Girl Ghost. “What do you think? Do you understand what I mean?”

   â€œI don’t understand anything,” grumbled Boy Ghost.

   Girl Ghost opened her mouth, and then closed it. His words were true.

   â€œStill,” she pressed on, “it can’t be us that made him leave.”

   â€œOf course not,” said Boy Ghost dismissively. “That’s delusional thinking on your part, sister.”

   â€œYeah, whatever,” she said, not completely convinced. “But, we should tell someone. Like, file a missing person report to the police?”

   Boy Ghost rolled his eyes.

   â€œYeah, that would work out fantastically,” he said sarcastically. “I can see the conversation right now.” He held up an imaginary phone to his head. “Hello? Police? Yes, ma’am, we’d like to file a missing person report. …Yes, ma’am. He’s thin and gray with… yes, ma’am, gray… with fangs and a forked tongue that sticks out of his mouth. He looks sort of like a balloon with his huge head, and…Hello? Ma’am? HELLO?”

   He turned back to his sister.

   â€œI may not be the smartest person around, but even I know that’s a bad idea.”

   She laughed. “I guess you’re right. Alright, then, but I still feel guilty.”

   â€œDon’t,” suggested Boy Ghost. “It’s not that big of a loss, anyway.”

   And on that note, Boy Ghost rose and exited the room, unable to see his sister’s worried face…

Next chapter

Chapter Four
Blot Out the Sun
   Everyone in Mad’s house woke up feeling slightly better. Well, if everyone means the Ghosts.
 
   â€œI feel REALLY refreshed! Don’t you, sister?” shouted Boy Ghost past Mad across the dining room table. He then looked at his plate and frowned down at his waffle. His mouth got wider and wider as he looked at his plate until it was somehow bigger than his head. He picked up the whole waffle with a fork, shoved it in his mouth (fork and all), and swallowed without chewing. The other two watched him.

   â€œI think I just lost my appetite,” muttered Girl Ghost, pushing her plate away.

   â€œHey, guys,” began Mad, trying to sound enthusiastic. “I was thinking that maybe you should go outside!”

   â€œWhy would we do that?” said Boy Ghost thickly. He was trying to talk while eating his plate.

   â€œYou know, fresh air, things like that,” said Mad hopefully.

   â€œIf anyone needs fresh air,” said Boy Ghost through the tablecloth, “it’s you. Me and my sister…”

   â€œMy sister and I,” corrected Girl Ghost.

   â€œMe and my sister don’t need fresh air,” continued Boy Ghost as though she had said nothing. “We ARE air. We’re ghosts.”

   Mad glared at them.

   â€œHow do ten dollars sound to get you out of the house?” he said grudgingly.

   â€œNow we’re talking,” grinned Boy Ghost. “Ten dollars…each.”

   Mad groaned.

   â€œYou had better be gone for at least an hour.”



   Mrs. Pattybuns looked with eager but puzzled eyes upon the large…the large…what do you call it?...the large…hot air balloon, yes…that Blot had spent all night making. It was standing next to the cannon he had also built.

   â€œIt’s…” she began.

   â€œAmazing?” inquired Blot in his smooth, hissing voice.

   â€œIt’s…”

   â€œAwe-inspiring?” suggested Blot.

   â€œIt’s…”

   â€œOut with it, woman! What?!”

   â€œIt’s…got your face.”

   And so it did. The giant, red-and-blue-striped hot air balloon was impressive, but it had large, snakelike eyes that blinked and swiveled and a wide mouth with two sharp fangs and a forked tongue. It was created in the image of Blot, and the effect was startlingly creepy.

   â€œSo?” Blot asked anxiously.

   â€œSo…I love it!” yelped Mrs. Pattybuns. “Let’s go inside and work out a battle plan. I have cookies!”

   Blot stared at her.

   â€œâ€¦Fine,” she sighed. “No cookies.”

   She waddled back into her house and Blot, rolling his eyes, followed suit.



   The Ghosts were just setting out on their walk.

   â€œBeautiful day, isn’t it?” said Girl Ghost, her eyes shining.

   â€œYeah, whatever,” grumbled Boy Ghost, yawning. “Just hurry up so we can go back to the house.”
   They started walking â€" er, hovering â€" and had just reached the first house when Boy Ghost noticed something in that first house’s backyard. He stopped Girl Ghost.

   â€œWow, what is that?” Girl Ghost said, furrowing her eyebrows.

   â€œI don’t know…” Boy Ghost said. “But it looks like…our brother.”

   â€œYeah, great job, genius,” Girl Ghost snapped. “I’m wondering who put it there. Wondering who the person was who built it…”

   â€œOh, there’s no doubt about who put it there,” said Boy Ghost dismissively. “Blot’s such a narcissist; he would put his face on a balloon…”

   â€œWhatever,” said Girl Ghost. “We have to tell Mad.”



   Mad, relaxing in the time before the Ghosts returned, was in his chair when the doorbell rang. And rang. And rang.

   God, who rings a doorbell that many times? thought Mad irritably as he finally got up. Someone had better be dying…

   He opened it to find the Ghosts.

   â€œHi!” said Boy Ghost happily.

   Mad glared at him. Oh, there would be be death involved…

   â€œI am not amused, nor do I have time to play these silly little games,” he said flatly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, you promised an hour, and it’s been…” (he checked his watch) “…three and a half minutes. Goodbye.”

   â€œBut Mad!” Girl Ghost said. “We found a hot air balloon in your neighbor’s backyard!”

   â€œThe Dodgsons have a hot air balloon?” Mad said, walking back inside and craning his neck to the house eastward of him. “But I don’t see any…”

   â€œNo, the other neighbor,” said Girl Ghost dismissively.

   The blood ran from Mad’s face.

   â€œThe one on the…other side of the house?” he asked weakly. “But that’s where…” he looked around nervously. He continued at a very quiet whisper. “See, glass breaks when her name is said too loudly… That’s where…Mrs. Pattybuns… lives.”

   â€œWho’s Mrs.…?” began Boy Ghost very loudly.

   â€œShut up,” hissed Girl Ghost.

   â€œShe’s my evil next-door neighbor,” Mad explained.

   â€œOh, everybody thinks their neighbors are evil,” said Boy Ghost with a knowing smile.

   â€œNo, she seriously is evil,” Mad confirmed. “I think she’s a retired criminal… Anyway, she hates weird neighbors and has sworn to make my life miserable… and then cancel my life altogether.”

   â€œOhhh…” the Ghosts said as one.

   â€œWell, if she has a hot air balloon, she’s probably forming another evil plan,” said Mad resignedly. “We’d better go check this out.”

   He led them outside to behind Mrs. Pattybuns’s house. She was in the middle of a heated battle debate with Blot (“I get to fire the giant cannon!” “No, I do!”) and so didn’t notice.

   â€œWhoa…” muttered Mad in awe. “That’s a big balloon…Well, I think there’s only one thing we can do at this point. Let’s do some balloon-stealing!”

   â€œUmm, okay…” said Boy Ghost, a little surprised.

   The Ghosts followed him into the oddly roomy basket below the balloon. It was as big around as the balloon â€" perhaps even a little bigger. There were dozens of little blinking buttons, most of which could not be proven to have a purpose. There was a small hole that looked up right into the balloon itself. Boy Ghost was standing directly under this hole. He looked at a button interestedly.

   â€œOoh! What does this button AAUGH!”

   As he pressed it, he was sucked into the balloon like dust into a vacuum cleaner.

   â€œGET ME OUTTA â€" oof.”

   For, as quickly as he was sucked in, he was immediately spat out of the Blot Balloon’s mouth. He opened the basket’s door and entered again. He went fiercely silent and turned red.

   â€œYou don’t taste good,” boomed the gargantuan face.

   â€œSh-shut up,” Boy Ghost muttered.

   Mad looked at a suspicious button that read “UP”, and rubbed his chin. He decided it was worth the risk, but before he could press it, Blot and Mrs. Pattybuns walked out of the house, still bickering.

   â€œYou know, as I was the one who built the cannon, I think I should be the one to fire it…” Blot was muttering, looking dejected.

   â€œOh, fine,” Mrs. Pattybuns pouted. “But I…” She fell silent as she looked in the balloon’s basket. “Um, Blot? I think we have some unwanted guests…”

   â€œI’ve figured that out for myself, thanks!” snapped Blot.

   â€œWell, you don’t have to be so…” Mrs. Pattybuns said indignantly, but Mad, who had heard enough, pressed the “UP” button, sending the trio indeed up, up, and away.

funny stuff, dude!

Chapters Five and Six

Chapter Five
More Ridiculousness

   â€œWho is THAT ghost?!” shrieked Mad, grabbing Boy Ghost’s neck and shaking it violently. “You’re not telling me there are MORE of you?!”

   â€œJust one more…” said Girl Ghost quietly. “And he’s not exactly…one of us.”

   â€œHow does he know you siblings?” Mad demanded.

   â€œHe is our sibling. He’s one year older than us,” corrected Boy Ghost distractedly. “But I’ve never considered that he would be working against us…”

   â€œThen he can’t be EVIL,” Mad said, relieved. “Annoying, maybe, but not EVIL.”

   â€œWrong again,” sighed Girl Ghost. “He’s not like us. He was a bad egg. He came out with all sorts of birth defects. He had fangs… He was gray.”

   â€œHe was mean and evil,” Boy Ghost said spitefully.

   â€œHe IS shooting a cannonball at us!” screamed Mad.

   â€œWhat?!” shrieked Girl Ghost.

   They both leaned over the edge and saw a cannonball making its way quickly toward them.

   Mad looked around the basket frantically, looking for some sort of weapon, or anything. There was a box labeled, “MASTER CONTROL. EMERGENCY USE ONLY.” He reached inside and pulled out what looked like… a Wii Remote?

   â€œOh, I used to love my Wii!” said Boy Ghost ecstatically. “First, you put on the wrist strap…”

   â€œI don’t need a wrist strap,” grumbled Mad. With a long, sweeping motion, the Blot Balloon’s immense mouth opened, and the cannonball flew into it. Boy Ghost quickly stepped out from under the hole.

   â€œMmm…jawbreaker…” said the Balloon Blot. His face turned sour. “Ugh, I HATE this flavor!” And with that he spat out the cannonball back to Earth.



   â€œSo, do you think it hit them?” Mrs. Pattybuns asked Blot, searching the skies anxiously.

   â€œHard to tell,” frowned Blot. “We could always…”

   Suddenly, the cannonball flew at a high speed back toward them and, before anyone could realize what was happening, hit Mrs. Pattybuns square on the head.

   Blot looked up to the heavens, frustrated, and shouted, “Oh, come ON!”

   He felt a small drop of rain on his head. He rolled his eyes and, leaving Mrs. Pattybuns where she was, unconscious, went back into the house to plan the next phase of the plan.



   â€œDid you see her face?” laughed Mad. “All…passed out! HA!”

   â€œYeah, it was amazing,” Boy Ghost smiled, rolling his eyes.

   â€œWatch this move,” said Mad, twirling the Wii Remote. All of a sudden, the Remote flew out of his hand and fell down to Earth. Mad and the Ghosts peeked over the edge and watch it fall. Everyone was quiet until Boy Ghost broke the silence.

   â€œShould’ve worn your wrist strap.”

   Mad did his best not to murder him.



Chapter Six
Down to earth

   A few minutes later, Balloon Blot landed on Earth. Mad and the Ghosts departed the basket.

   â€œBoy Ghost and I will go this way,” Mad said, pointing, “and, Girl Ghost, you go that way. We’ve got a Wii Remote to find.”

   â€œRight,” she said, nodding importantly.

   They split up and ran. They had a mission.

   It was too bad that two people were so intent on not letting them carry that mission out.



   In a very rich part of Doodle City, a snotty old woman was walking her cat. This woman’s name was Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney. Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney was very well-to-do. She may have thought she was fashionable. She wasn’t. Her hair resembled that of Marge Simpson’s, except it was piled up so high that it drooped over in front of her face. And it was a steel gray, not blue. She lived in the wealthy district of town and made sure that she â€" and her cat â€" always had the very best of everything. Speaking of the cat…

   â€œSnookums!” called Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney. “What are you chewing on? Is that…a Wii Remote?”

   Snookums was extremely annoyed with being called Snookums, as you’d surely imagine. And every time he’d find something interesting to play with â€" be it a mouse, a licorice straw he’d find in the street, a dead bird, a pencil, or, in this case, a Wii Remote that had fallen out of the sky â€" Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney would snatch it away from him and reprimand him about something called “dizz eeze.” He slipped the Wii Remote under his surprisingly large tongue and opened his mouth wide.

   â€œGood,” sniffed Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney. “I don’t want you to go picking up something in the street and getting some nasty disease.”

   Snookums wondered what exactly this “dizz eeze” was. It sounded dangerous â€" and exciting.

   â€œI’m going to buy some new pet food today,” announced Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney as she rather strutted down the street. “We’re almost out. We only have three jumbo-sized bags left, but you eat such a large amount…”

   Snookums ate about one ninety-ninth of a jumbo-sized bag every day, but he saw no point in discouraging his owner.

   Soon they reached the pet store. There was a new woman behind the counter today. She wore a tacky flowered shirt, had scandalous hair, and had a large bruise on her forehead.

   â€œHow in the world did you get such a nasty injury?” asked Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney, repulsed.

   â€œUmm…cannonball incident. Don’t ask,” replied the woman behind the counter.

   â€œWhatever,” shuddered Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney. “One bag of Snooty Petty Cat Food at once,” she ordered.

   â€œWe do not sell that anymore…there has been a…recall,” said the woman behind the â€" oh, let’s face it, Mrs. Pattybuns. “What we do have is this replacement, made by the, uh, same creators. It’s a new product that they say will guarantee your…”

   â€œSnookums,” said Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney.

   Mrs. Pattybuns stared at her.

   â€œâ€¦Snookums…to grow up big and strong.”

   â€œSnookums is always talking about being bigger, aren’t you, my little lima bean?” Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney cooed to her cat. Snookums had never shown an interest in being any bigger than he was (let alone being called “my little lima bean”), and he had never spoken a word (at least in human language). “Okay, then,” said Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney. “I’ll take that.”

   They walked out of the store and came to Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney’s favorite bench of the park. There were two little children laughing happily on the bench. Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney leaned her face very close to theirs and whispered spookily, “GET…OFF…” The children shrieked and ran to their mother. Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney sat down and smiled happily at Snookums, pulling the new brand of cat food out of the shopping bag.

   â€œSo, let’s see how you like this…” muttered Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney, wrenching the package open. She gave Snookums three little brown pieces. “Let’s see how much you grow…”

   No…this wasn’t right…Snookums was shuddering, twisting in ways no one should twist…his fur was changing colors… and before Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney knew what was happening, she was staring at a full-grown TIGER chewing on a Wii Remote.

   â€œYou certainly grew,” whimpered Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney.

   The fat old woman and a gray balloon-like creature watched on in glee.

Mad and Boy Ghost rushed into the park in their search. Mad ran frantically up to the mother of the children who were sitting on the bench, grabbed her purse, rifled through it, and threw it back at her.

   â€œMad, I found the master control!” shouted Boy Ghost gleefully.

   â€œReally? Where?” asked Mad ecstatically.

   â€œIn the jaws of that…tiger…” whispered Boy Ghost, realizing their situation.

   â€œâ€¦Oh.”

   â€œUh, don’t worry about it, said Boy Ghost with a painful grin. “I…I got it.”

   â€œWhat are you going to…?” said Mad suspiciously, but before he could finish, Boy Ghost shouted “AAAAAAA!” maniacally and leapt into the tiger’s surprised mouth. Two teenagers that happened to be loitering about the park ran to Mad. They were obviously siblings, a boy and a girl, despite their slight age difference. Mad would hazard a guess that the boy was fourteen, and the girl was around sixteen. The boy was clad in a black hoodie sweatshirt, the girl in a blue color of the same outfit. They both had blonde hair with blue eyes.

   â€œWhat the heck is that?” shouted the girl wildly. “Why is that tiger eating a balloon?”

   Mad sighed. “It’s not a balloon. I mean, HE’S not a balloon. He’s a ghost,” he mumbled, realizing how weird that sounded.

   â€œA…ghost,” repeated the girl cautiously.

   â€œYes,” said Mad, going red. He covered his face with his hands. “A…sideburn ghost,” he whispered sheepishly.

   â€œExcuse me?” said the boy incredulously. “I don’t think I heard you… A…sideburn ghost?”

   â€œYou heard me,” said Mad glumly, wishing he had gone with “balloon”.

   â€œAnd this…sideburn ghost… is with you?” asked the girl more gingerly still.

   â€œUnfortunately,” said Mad.

   Suddenly they were all distracted by a series of retching noises from the tiger. It turned a nasty shade of green and Mrs. Whiney-Bhiney quickly stepped back. Just in time, actually: the tiger puked up Boy Ghost, who was looking rather traumatized â€" he was covered in blobs of tiger barf â€" but he flopped over and held up the Wii Remote.

   The entire posse (Mad and the two kids) cheered loudly.

   â€œWow, that was amazing!” said the two siblings happily. “So, what are you…really?” the girl asked.

   â€œA sideburn ghost,” said Boy Ghost proudly.

   â€œWow, you aren’t crazy!” said the girl, looking at Mad. “I’m Liz McLean, and this is my brother Luke. And you are…?”

   â€œMad,” said Mad pleasantly.

   The smile dropped off of Liz’s face.

   â€œâ€¦Mad,” she said disbelievingly. “Really.”

   Before Mad had time to sigh, Girl Ghost ran into the park with a tiny, pink, rounded, triangular…thing with swirling antennae, two tiny arms, and two tiny legs. It was about the size of…a head.

   â€œWhat is that?!” inquired Mad.

   â€œI don’t know,” frowned Girl Ghost. “It kept following me around.”

   â€œWhy?” Mad asked.

   Girl Ghost frowned again. “I don’t really know.” She turned to it. “What’s your name?”

   â€œArnold,” said…Arnold…almost immediately. “I’m from a distant planet.”

   They all stared at him.

   â€œRight,” Mad said. “Well, um, you can go now.”

   â€œNo,” said Arnold defiantly. “My instincts tell me it’s best to go with you.”

   Mad rolled his eyes. “Alright…Arnold…I’ll let you go with me…if you can tell me what kind of transportation we’re using.”

   â€œA hot air balloon,” said Arnold, scoffing. “Duh.”

   â€œWhatever…” said Mad, more than a bit freaked out. “Just come on.”

   Liz gasped. “Did you say hot air balloon?”

   â€œNo, but he did,” said Boy Ghost, gesturing to Arnold.

   â€œI mean, is it true?” she said, rolling her eyes.

   â€œYeah,” said Mad, shrugging his shoulders. “But we kind of have to leave…” He looked past Luke’s head and saw an angry-looking gray ghost and his fat companion. “…Right now, in fact,” he said more hurriedly.

   â€œCan we come?” begged Luke.

   â€œNo,” snapped Mad. “I have enough on my already-small plate with those bozos and puffball here.”

   â€œPleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase,” drawled Luke very loudly.

   Mad covered his ears in disgust.

   â€œFine, fine, whatever! Just SHUT UP!” shouted Mad. “And come on already!”

   â€œGladly,” said Luke sweetly.

   They filed one-by-one onto the Blot Balloon.

   â€œWhat’s with the freaky snake on the front?” Liz asked, looking strange.

   â€œOh, nothing,” said Boy Ghost airily. “It’s a, um, giant mural of our evil brother Blot, who is out to get us and built this giant balloon in an attempt for an aerial attack.”

   Liz frowned and raised one of her eyebrows. Luke looked at Boy Ghost as though he were mentally unstable.

   â€œUmm…that doesn’t sound like nothing…” pointed out Luke.

   Boy Ghost sighed. “Yeah, it’s actually the whole reason we’re up here. You see, he’s working with Mad’s neighbor who is actually evil and is plotting to kill him. Or at least seriously injure him.”

   â€œAnd her name?” Liz asked, already regretting the question.

   â€œMrs. Pattybuns.”

   Liz rolled her eyes.

   â€œSo, lemme get this straight,” she said sarcastically. “He’s Mad, you and your sister are Boy and Girl Ghost, your brother is Blot, his accomplice is Mrs. Pattybuns, and that…is Arnold?”

   â€œUh…yep.”

   Liz groaned and walked to the far side of the basket.

meh... kinda glanced over... not really my type of story, really. Don't get me wrong, it's good writing and creative, just not really for me!

Quote from: SlowPokemon on July 13, 2010, 10:44:40 AMLooking forward to it!
500th post, guys! Woo!
First day as a Star Fox Salsa lol

Damn, in 5 months, you posted 2000 times... I'm only quoting this because I just realized... this is MY 500th post.

Woo!

I missed Termina Tango though :( I wanted to stay there forever cause I like Zelda. Alot.

mhm.

Now as to make this less spam-like, since you yelled at me in the other thread for going off topic XD, about  a month and a half ago I did read through a few chapters -maybe the whole thing- I can't remember.

I read it cause I'm the type to finish what I start, I'm not gonna read it twice, but from what I recall there was a lot of dry humor and my mom kept asking me why I was giggling in the corner, but the writing style was a little awkward with all the dialogue and whatnot.

WOW my comp says that dialogue is not a word.

I admire the fact that you can write (and continue writing) that is where my problem is, I'm not all that bad but after like a paragraph, I'm out of spark :p

I coulda sworn I already posted here but I guess not. I think I just lurked for the first few weeks here.

500!!!

Yeah, I dunno if I'm gonna finish it. I've finished it on paper, but I don't think it was quite popular enough to keep posting.

I might continue it when I finish TWTGO--which unfortunately will be soon. Ish.

At least write one more chapter of TWTGO, you did invite the chatacters to New Years.

Strange Boy, You MUST have the will to go on!

:D

Yeah, there's gonna be an epilogue.

And if you notice, I made it so that if I feel like it, I can always go back and write some of the stuff they did during those two weeks, and also throughout their journey.

And I could write those things from Aaron's point of view. Or Karen's. Or Eusine's, I never did him, although I meant to.

I think writing from Will's perspective gave it an interesting feel.

Also, there has to be an epilogue; Will's father has only made one appearance. :-\

I was definitely surprised when Aaron got the gym challenge, and Will got relatively nothing. I'd elaborate on his Psychic ability too.

Give him a girlfriend!

Wow, I really enjoy your stories. I wouldn't mind reading the rest of it...

Wow, if you had not said that, I would have deleted this thread and forgotten about it. But I suppose I can finish it for you--then comes the fun part, which is writing the rest of them.

Wait, didn't you already finish it on paper? XD

I'm sure WinterKid wouldn't mind reading the rest either, though. He just hasn't said anything.

I have written up to number four, but the first draft of this one was awful and needs some serious revision. I was happy with the second and third, though. ;) The fourth is about three-fourths through if I remember, and pretty different.

Blot is my favorite character.

Oh, and don't worry about the Strange Boy popping up; this book is strange enough without me in it.

You are already in it, aren't you?

No. :P I'm in all of my characters, at least a little bit, but not wholly myself in this one. I guess I'm most in Blot, but perhaps not the Blot you see in this installment. That might be why he's my favorite. I'm also rather fond of Liz, I must say. The Ghosts are awesome, too, and then there's Mad himself. As DrPamplemousse will also tell you, my main characters really don't know that they are the main characters, because they're really not as interesting as some others. :P

Mrs. Pattybuns is hilariously fun to write for, along with her accomplice introduced in book two. Also, there's someone in book three that came from a sort of silly fear I have, that now has lessened. And in book four things really start to get...insane. It's all very confusing.

That's all very interesting. Also, I thought at first that Liz might have been someone that showed up in TWTGO.
And Luke was with her, so that's why I asked that last question.

And also, I know what you mean by being all your characters, it should make perfect sense to anyone who has written a story before.

I need to push myself to keep writing. Dx

PUSSSHHHH!! Alright, I need you to concentrate. Just take a deep breath, and~

Thanks for that--this chapter sets things up for the next story to be even more awesome than I had originally written it as. You're just gonna have to bear with me for this book...I promise you the next one(s) will be good.


   Blot watched in an irritated fashion as his hot air balloon rose into the air, his own super-sized face sticking out his own super-sized tongue out at him.
   â€œHurry up, you tub of lard,” he snapped at Mrs. Pattybuns. “I thought you said we had to get somewhere.”
   â€œI will not hurry up,” she said indignantly. “I am far too…old…for that kind of thing.”
   â€œYou mean fat,” Blot said.
   â€œI am not fat!” she cried nervously. “I’m…pleasingly plump!”
   â€œWhatever makes you feel better,” Blot said, rolling his eyes.
   â€œOh, really!” she said, her eyes flashing. “At least I’m not the one who builds a hot air balloon based on myself, which is quickly stolen by our mortal enemy!”
   Blot narrowed his eyes.
   â€œCookie-gulper.”
   â€œWimpy do-gooder.”
   â€œFatty.”
   â€œThinny.”
   â€œThat doesn’t even make sense!” Blot cried triumphantly.
   â€œThat doesn’t even matter!” Mrs. Pattybuns said. “The place we need to go won’t be open in the daylight hours. They’ll want to avoid suspicion.”
   Blot’s eyes became narrower as he wondered what she meant.
   â€œWhere exactly are we going?” he said suspiciously.
   She just smiled and waddled back to her car.

   It was late at night. A thick and steady rain was falling on Doodle City. No one was awakeâ€"and even if they had been, it is unlikely that they would have seen the two figures walking briskly to a small and dingy shop. The shop was so unimportant-looking that, even had it not been raining, and had been daytime, very few people would have seen it.
   One of the two-a self-described pleasingly plump old womanâ€"knocked very softly on the door. There was no response. There were no lights on inside.
   The other one carefully tried the shop door and found it unlocked. They entered.
   A small, bald man sat behind the counter. He had several long wrinkles on his perfectly round face and appeared to be even older than the old woman who had knocked.
   â€œWe are closed,” he hissed.
   â€œThe door was unlocked,” said Mrs. Pattybuns with a joyless smile.
   â€œYou don’t say,” said the old man, and, quick as a flash, darted behind them to lock the door. He peered out the window, looking both ways, and shut the curtains. He returned to his spot behind the counter and lit a candle. “What can I interest you in?”
   â€œWell,” said Mrs. Pattybuns, “I have some knowledge that you sell certain very rare, very illegal substances.”
   â€œI don’t sell no drugs,” growled the man. “Goodbye.”
   â€œNo, no, no, my good man,” said Mrs. Pattybuns. “I would never suggest that. You misunderstand me. The very idea! I was inquiring about…” (here she paused) “…viruses.”
   â€œViruses?” said the man. He appeared puzzled, but he was scrutinizing her with his eyes as if summing up in his head how rich she was, and how much he might be paid for something. “I don’t do that kind of thing. If you wish to hack into another’s computer program, there is an electronics shop next door. There you may inquire.”
   â€œI don’t mean computer viruses,” said Mrs. Pattybuns patiently. “I mean flu virusesâ€"you know. Get people sick. REALLY sick.”
   â€œI’m sorry, ma’am, but you seem very confused,” he said darkly. “I will now ask you to leave my shop.”
   â€œReally,” said Mrs. Pattybuns, grinning. Her grimy teeth reflected the candlelight in the near darkness. “Blot, show him our offerings.”
   Blot lifted a small but heavy suitcase onto the table. He opened it with a little clicking noise. Inside were thousands of hundred-dollar bills, Benjamin Franklin pursing his lips disapprovingly from each one.
   The man stared at the hundred-dollar bills for a long time, then, as quickly as he had locked the door, snatched the suitcase and set it carefully on the floor behind the counter.
   â€œWhat kind of viruses did you folks have in mind?” he asked in a sinister way.
   â€œWhat is the most deadly virus that you carry?” Blot retaliated smoothly.
   â€œWell,” said the old man mysteriously, “I believe you know of the Influenza outbreak of 1918, correct?”
   Blot nodded his head.
   â€œI have just received a large sample of that very same virus,” he said, grinning wickedly. “I have enough so that if it infects one personâ€"just one, mind youâ€"it will multiply and spread across the entire cityâ€"perhaps the entire country!”
   â€œIndeed?” said Blot, smiling, his pure white fangs glistening. “I think we have found what we are looking for.”
   â€œWe have indeed,” said Mrs. Pattybuns. “How much will you take for them?”
   â€œYou have already paid,” said the man, smiling viciously. “You will find them at your house by tomorrow morning. Be sure not to leave them out too long…things could get nasty.”
   He laughed cruelly and ushered them out of his shop back into the rain.

:O

Thanks for that, Jub. I really understand your opinion. xD

I'm gonna finish the review before finishing reading this ;)

sorry

Haha, that's fine! :)

Huh. I need to force myself to finish this so I can move on to other things. I always promise myself that when I begin a project, I finish it. Well, since I'm altering the plot drastically from my original draft...

INTERACTION TIME.

What do you guys think should happen next? I know what happens in a little bit, as far as some new characters go, but I want to lead up to that so it doesn't look short and rushed. :P I probably need to include some more assaults from Mrs. Pattybuns and Blot. Maybe. I don't know.

EDIT: PM me ideas if you have them so there will be no spoilers (for the one other person xD)

Okay, first off, after this chapter, the story is going to seem very, very rushed and not fully fantastic. That's because both of those things are true.

This is definitely my least favorite story I've written, ever, but I really need to post this so you can kind of have an understanding of the characters, etc.

And besides, mediocrity seems to be popular here. So I hope you don't mind.

---

   â€œSo, who is this Blot person?” Liz inquired. “He sounds…interesting.”
   Girl Ghost looked at her suspiciously and said, “Why would you say something like that about a person who’s trying to kill us?”
   â€œI’m just saying,” Liz said, shrugging, “that while a green ghost is unusual, a gray vampire ghost is out of this world.”
   â€œTrust me,” said Boy Ghost, putting his long tail-esque body around Liz’s shoulders, “when I say that you want nothing to do with that guy. He’s pure evil.”
   â€œAnd what, she should be around you instead?” snorted his siter.
   â€œThat doesn’t sound so bad,” Liz said, smiling. Boy Ghost’s cheeks turned blue.
   â€œWell,” said Mad, “I think they might be letting up for a while. After that defeat, they’ll be stinging hard. We might have a day just to…dare I say it…enjoy ourselves.”
   â€œWhere should we go?” exclaimed Girl Ghost excitedly.
   â€œWe should go to Disneylandâ€"” said Boy Ghost.
   â€œNo, Coloradoâ€"” said Girl Ghost.
   â€œYou guys aren’t having this argument again,” said Mad sharply. He turned to Arnold, Luke and Liz. “Do you guys have any ideas?”
   They stared blankly at him. There was a short silence.
   â€œI like Disneyland,” said Liz encouragingly.
   â€œToo expensive,” said Mad.
   â€œBut I love ‘It’s a Small World’!” cried Boy Ghost in despair.
   Everyone turned to look at him incredulously.
   â€œWhy?!” Luke said, mortified.
   â€œIt’s so uplifting,” Boy Ghost muttered, turning blue again.
   â€œI know where we can go,” said Arnold, a devious light gleaming in his eye suddenly. He whispered something to Luke, who turned bright red and laughed in excitement.
   â€œI don’t even want to know what you just said to him,” said Mad flatly.
   â€œWell…” said Liz slowly. “I don’t know why we can’t just enjoy ourselves in a hot air balloon.”
   â€œThat is true,” admitted Girl Ghost.
   â€œHot air balloon?!” cried Boy Ghost, horrified. “THAT’S what we’re in?!?!?!”
   â€œYes, you idiot!” shouted Girl Ghost. “You’re the one that pointed it out to me in the first place!”
   â€œDon’t speak to me,” said Boy Ghost in a sick voice. “I am terrified of heights and may puke.”
   Everyone groaned, except for Liz, who laughed.
   â€œWhy are you laughing?” he said angrily.
   â€œI think you’re funny!” she giggled, and walked away to the other side of the basket.
   Boy Ghost raised his eyebrows in surprise.
   â€œI say we play video games!” shouted Luke suddenly.
   â€œDo you have a console on you?” asked Mad dryly.
   Luke pulled from his pocket no less than six Nintendo DS systems, each in a different color. Everyone stopped staring at Boy Ghost and began to stare at Luke.
   â€œDo you have a game, then?” Mad said finally.
   â€œHa!” laughed Luke. “‘Do I have a game’…Let’s just see!” he said, popping in Mario Kart, and they all chose characters: Boy Ghost chose Mario, Liz chose Peach, Girl Ghost chose Daisy, Luke chose Luigi, Arnold chose Toad, and Mad picked R.O.B.
   â€œOf all the people to pick, he picks the least Mario-like one,” muttered Luke, rolling his eyes, and proceeded to whoop their asses.

   When they were finished, everyone but two went to sleep on some handy sleeping bags found in a compartment on the Blot Balloon. Boy Ghost went to the edge andâ€"he had promised himself not to look downâ€"gazed up at the stars.
   â€œHey,” said a tentative voice, scaring him into jumping.
   â€œWhat?!” he gasped, breathing hard.
   â€œI didn’t mean to scare you,” laughed Liz.
   â€œI wasn’t scared,” he said, trying to appear nonchalant with his heart leaping out of his chest.
   â€œOkay,” she said, smiling. “Just came to tell you that you should probably get to bed. It won’t stay warm out here for long.”
   â€œGot it,” he said, but stayed out a few minutes longer. The stars were flickering into different shapes before his eyes and he was interested to see what they would eventually become. Unfortunately, he looked down before long, out of boredom, and immediately fainted backwards and started snoring.

:D

Quote from: Jub3r7 on December 05, 2010, 01:18:38 PM:O

Quote from: Jub3r7 on January 22, 2011, 10:25:44 AM:D

WOULD YOU GIVE ME SOME CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK PLEASE.

FINE

The chapter was good in helping to develop character and stuff.

Although that's pretty much it.  :P

Hurray!  :)

...Well obviously that wasn't happening... -_-

I'm not sure how long till the next chapter... I just want to be done with this so I can get to revamping the sequels...

This chapter/scene was not in my original draft, but it makes more sense with it in. After all, where in the world would Liz have met--? But that's getting ahead of myself; enjoy this because I will be working on a theme for Blot sooner than chapter ten, unless someone REALLY wants it.

---

   The next day, Mad finally brought the balloon down to Earth. (“We need to clear our heads,” he explained.) He informed them that he would be in his lab, and that they could all do whatever until three o’clock, when they would go into the air and prepare to fight Mrs. Pattybuns and Blot into oblivion. He had gotten an idea last night, he said, so he needed to be alone to think.
   Liz knew how he felt. She was walking slowly near the fountain in the park where they had met the previous day, and suddenly Boy Ghost showed up and started talking…and talking…and talking…
   â€œHey,” she interrupted his telling of a story.
   â€œAnd then I said, ‘That’s not a whale, that’s my mother!’” said Boy Ghost.
   â€œHey!” she said, slightly louder.
   â€œAnd the sailor said, ‘That’s not a whale…that’s a dolphin, you numbskull!’” Boy ghost continued, oblivious.
   â€œHEY!” she screamed.
   â€œWhat?” Boy Ghost said, irritated. “You don’t need to shout.”
   â€œUmm, no offense, but I really need to be alone right now,” Liz said hesitantly. “I know you really want to talk about your days with Captain Ishmael…but I really need some time to think.”
   Boy Ghost looked a little wounded-she felt a small pang of regretâ€"but said “Okay…yeah, I understand…” and disappeared dejectedly.

---

   â€œThey are out of the sky!” Mrs. Pattybuns said, scandalized.
   â€œYes, I realize that fact,” said Blot irritably. “It’s not a big deal; we just heard them say they were going to be back in the air at 3 o’clock.”
   â€œAnd who are these Luke and Liz people?” demanded Mrs. Pattybuns.
   â€œJust some homeless kids they picked up, I think,” frowned Blot. “Why?”
   â€œWell, Mad and the others may not have brainwashed them yetâ€"into believing that they’re good people, I mean,” said Mrs. Pattybuns. “Maybe if we meet with them while we have the chance…they could be…let’s say….sympathetic to our cause.”
   â€œWell,” said Blot hesitantly, “I don’t know about the male. Teenage boys are typically weak and very gullible. If we reveal himself to him and he doesn’t take the opportunity…it could be bad for us.”
   â€œWell, talk to the girl, then,” Mrs. Pattybuns said impatiently. “But be sure to do it before three.”
   â€œI will…” said Blot, “but I’m still doubtful that she’d take our side over theirs.”

---

   Liz wandered past the park to a deserted playground that nobody used anymoreâ€"not even the Bad Side of Town. She sat down on a swing to think.
   Suddenly, the swing next to her began rocking gently, even though there was no wind. She sat up straight quickly, her heart fluttering a little.
   â€œWho’s there?” she said sharply, but her voice slipped and it came out as a tiny squeak. She turned a bit red as she realized how childish that must have sounded.
   The air seemed to ripple in front of her, and all of a sudden there was a Ghost leering down at her. She shrieked and fell backwards on the ground.
   He was indeed a frightening sight on this gray day. He was like the Ghosts, Liz decided…but different. He was a deviation from the normâ€"that is, almost a negative version of them. He was longer and a little thinner than his siblings, and in place of the Ghosts’ wide, round, friendly eyes, there were eyes that were still big…except with a hungry look in them. His fangs gleamed despite the lack of sunlight, and his forked tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth.
   â€œHello,” he hissed, smiling.
   â€œHello,” Liz said nervously.
   â€œRelax a little,” said the teenage vampire ghost soothingly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
   â€œWell…” said Liz, more than a little terrified, “umm, I think that if you don’t need anything with me, then I’ll just be…”
   â€œHold on,” said Blot haltingly, positioning his tail around her without actually touching her. “I didn’t say there’s nothing I want with you.”
   Liz gulped.
   â€œYou’re…Blot…aren’t you?” she said slowly.
   He bared his fangs in a wide grin.
   â€œAt your service,” he said, making a mock bow.
   â€œWhy are you here,” she said, after a deep breath. She wished she had not been so eager to come to the one place in town which everybody else avoided…
   â€œWell, Liz, let me ask you a question,” said Blot, looking out into the distance. “How do you know that Mad is really in the right in this game?”
   Liz opened her mouth slightly and blinked her eyes.
   â€œHow do I…what?” she said. “Of course he’s in the right! You can’t be in the right…you’re a…a…”
   â€œA what?” he asked dangerously.
   â€œâ€¦a….vampire ghost?” she said, her voice suddenly high pitched.
   â€œOhhh, right…. A vampire ghost… I couldn’t possibly be good, now… could I?”
   Liz remained silent, fearing that she had said too much.
   â€œI hate being judged!” spat Blot suddenly.
   â€œYou…what?” said Liz, not sure she had heard him right.
   â€œBeing judged! I hate that! Just because I’m a vampire ghost, and my skin is gray, and I have sharp fangs and a forked tongue, and…” he continued, struggling to get the right words out. He took a deep breath and continued. “…My parents… they hated me. Those other two… those horrible Sideburn Ghosts ruined everything. They were always better than I was. In elementary school, I was shunned by my own brother… and he was a grade lower than me. They’re not smarter than me, or better, or anything else. But for some reason, they are ALWAYS seen as good.”
   â€œYou acted pretty evil towards them so far,” Liz pointed out.
   â€œSo what?!” Blot shouted. “So what if I’m a little evil? I can assure you that that’s not my doing! I’m not evil because of the color of my body, or my fangs, or any other…other…defect…that I have! If I’m a horrible person…it’s only because society made me that way,” he finished darkly.
   Liz stared at him in disbelief for a moment. She hated this horrible…thing. She hated him with a burning passion…or did she? She suddenly found that she was able to…dare she even think it…sympathize with him.
   â€œI think that I understand what you’re saying,” Liz said hesitantly. “But you still haven’t told me what you want with me.”
   Blot stared at her suspiciously for a moment.
   â€œWe want you to join up with us, against them,” Blot said finally. “We won’t know where to attack the balloon unless we have someone…on the inside.”
   Liz looked at him incredulously for a second.
   â€œâ€¦Well…I haven’t really been through enough with them to make it wrong toâ€"to go against themâ€"right…?” she said uncertainly.
   â€œRight!” said Blot eagerly. “You’ve barely been with them at all!”
   â€œAnd… it’s not like you’re actually going toâ€"to hurt themâ€"right?” she said sharply.
   â€œCross my heart,” he said honestly.
   â€œYou only want your balloon back, right?” she asked.
   â€œAbsolutely!” Blot said heartily. “Soâ€"are you in?”
   He offered the end of his tail apprehensively. Liz stared at it for a full thirty seconds, then reached out her hand and shook it.
   Blot’s smile was as honest as his answers had beenâ€"that is to say, not at all.

First

Quote from: SlowPokemon on January 22, 2011, 11:49:08 AMWOULD YOU GIVE ME SOME CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK PLEASE.

I WOULDN'T CARE SO MUCH IF OTHER PEOPLE READ THIS THREAD.

XD, you know I'm only joking.


This is an intriguing twist, and I'm interested in what will happen next...
Good description with the actions and scenery, I guess.

Keep up the good writing!  :)

I only respond without critique at first because I know it annoys you.  ;)