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Hurray for writing competitions.
The scene takes place in a cafe/restaurant, with up to 4 people of specific genders having a dinner conversation.

In this round there are two guys and one girl at the table.
To enter, have your chapter sent to me by private message by 5/28/11 11:59 PM.
All chapters will be posted the day after, for you to vote on.

Is this going to be continuous, or a collection of short stories?

EDIT: Also, can I enter two chapters for submission?

Yes, I was also wondering if it was collection of short stories (in the manner of O'Henry) or a continuos story broke into chapters.  Also - how long should it be?

More like a collection of short stories. However long you think a chapter should be.

So should this submission be more on the line of a short story or a chapter? Should the submission tell the entire story or only a small part of it?

More on the line of a short story.

Quote from: SlowPokemon on May 14, 2011, 09:43:53 AMEDIT: Also, can I enter two chapters for submission?

Just one, sorry.

Almost done with mine. Anybody else actually doing this?

if nobody's doing it, I can maybe do one in a day.  SFK'd win for sure, but I'd be too late to make it good anyway.

I wrote the whole thing tonight. Hopefully it matches up to the others.

An Afterthought: Originally I was considering doing a follow-up to TWTGO, with the two boys and a girl being Aaron, Will, and Karen, in the coffee shop in Mahogany. Like a "one-year-later" type thing. I started it and may finish it if I am ever up to it.

Quote from: Raymondbl on May 26, 2011, 05:10:49 PMif nobody's doing it, I can maybe do one in a day.  SFK'd win for sure, but I'd be too late to make it good anyway.

When you're right, you're right! ;)

Sooo when did I say the deadline was?

QuoteTo enter, have your chapter sent to me by private message by 5/28/11 11:59 PM.

TWO DAYS LEFT GOGOGO.

Didn't have time to work on it today because of my Flash movie. I'll do it tomorrow. I've got my entire idea, I just need to put it down.

These better be posted at midnight. XD

He's going to need to judge them though, so you would most likely have to wait a few days after for him to do so.

If you'd read the first post, you'd know that he posts them all and we vote on them...

Oh, whoops, my mistake.

I am an A+ reader.

Trust me, I know. You can't get as good as you are in TWG by being a poor reader. :)

Ok so I don't know if Jub is actually extending it or not but apparently I was the only one who submitted?

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.kotaku.com.au%2Fwp%2F%2F2010%2F10%2Fphoenix-wright-objection.jpg&hash=ac12506a0bea14a7583a88e321210bc9453f43e5)
I submitted one too.

A day late, though. :P

Place your votes.

---

Entry #1

   I, already a sad sight as a seventy-six-year-old man, made worse by the fact that I was solitary, watched from a lonely table in the corner as the three teenagers entered the small café. A few flakes of snow fell inside the door before the last one in slammed it shut hurriedly.

   The first teenager was a tall, lanky boy. He sat down at a table, smirking, as he spoke loudly: “So who’s gonna go order?” The boy already knew it wouldn’t be him. This was someone, I decided, who was used to getting anythingâ€"and everythingâ€"he wanted. He yawned exaggeratedly and leaned back in his chair.

   The second adolescent was a girl, thin and very pretty, with long, effortlessly sleek brown hair. She scowled and said indignantly, “Not me! I don’t think so!”

   â€œWell, then what about you?” said the first boy, asking his other companionâ€"another boy, more serious and less impressive than the first boy, with a very resigned look on his face.

   â€œI don’t think so, Jake,” this other boy said irritably, glaring at the first. “I always go.”

   â€œOh, come on,” whined Jake. “Come on, James. Pleeeeaase?”

   â€œI don’t think so,” James said, annoyed.

   â€œPlease, James?” the girl said, looking up at him slightly and mock-pouting.

   James’s eyes softened and his pupils dilated slightly as he looked at the girl, and although his expression didn’t change from its irritated state, I could see he loved this girl, perhaps even more than he realized.

   â€œNo, Kelsey, stop,” he said angrily. “I’m not doing it.”

   Kelsey looked imploringly at him and said, “Please? For me?”

   The seventeen-year-old gritted his teeth and muttered, “Fine. But just because I feel like it.” He walked to the counter angrily, mumbling to himself.

   â€œSure,” said Jake sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Just because he feels like it.”

   â€œOh, leave him alone,” said Kelsey dismissively.

   â€œDefending the loser who loves you, are you?” said Jake, smirking again. “Okay…be that way…”

   â€œHe’s not a loser,” Kelsey said, blushing furiously. “And he does NOT love me. At least not any more than a best friend would.”

   â€œIf you say so,” said Jake with that annoyingly handsome smile on his face. “Here he comes now.”

   James came back, and then a waitress followed him shortly afterwards with a tray of drinks.

   â€œOkay, so first Kelseyâ€"” James said absently, handing her a drink.

   â€œOf course,” Jake said with the same smile.

   â€œThen Jake…” James muttered through clenched teeth.

   â€œThank you sir,” said Jake, smiling, in a voice that was polite…except it wasn’t.

   â€œAnd finally, me,” James sighed. He said nothing more, but his face said it all: I’m always last...

   None of them drank; rather, they stared into their coffee cups.

   â€œSo, James,” inquired Jake, “how long have you known my girlfriend?”

   James looked up from his drink at Jake with dislike. “Since we were in the fourth grade together.” Longer than you have, his face said.

   Jake whistled.

   â€œFourth grade…that’s a long time.”

   â€œYeah,” said James shortly.

   â€œI remember the first time we met,” laughed Kelsey. “I wore this dress to school…”

   â€œâ€¦a red-and-white dress…” joined in James.

   â€œâ€¦yes, with a cute little bow in my hair, do you remember?”

   â€œOf course…”

   â€œâ€¦and James,” continued Kelsey, smiling at the memory, “threw a bucket of water all over my new dress.”

   â€œYou didn’t!” said Jake in feigned shock, still smiling.

   â€œI did,” laughed James. “It was awful.”

   â€œI was drenched from head to toe…” Kelsey said, shuddering.

   â€œâ€¦I think you’re exaggerating…”

   â€œI’m not! I really was wet all over!”

   â€œIf you say so.”

   Kelsey stuck her tongue at James.

   â€œI was, Jake, I was covered in water, and my dress was ruined.”

   â€œYou could’ve worn it again,” said James.

   â€œIt was completely and totally ruined, Jake, not good for anything, and I was crying so hard that my mom had to come and bring me some new clothes.”

   â€œYeah…” said James. “Except she decided to take it upon herself to lecture me for ruining the dress she had bought…she yelled at me and made me feel like TOTAL crap…”

   â€œOkay, now you’re exaggerating…”

   â€œAm not….and at the end of the lecture she just looked at me with disgust and said, ‘You little wafflecake…you’ll never amount to anything.’”

   â€œAnd James BURST OUT laughing…”

   â€œâ€¦I mean, who calls someone a wafflecake?”

   â€œâ€¦and then I burst out laughing, and we’ve just been friends ever since.”

   â€œHow sentimental,” said Jake, smiling. Maybe I was the only one who heard a trace of sarcasm.

   Jake finally sipped his drink, and gagged. “What IS this crap?” he sputtered. The barista glared at him stonily.

   â€œIt’s coffee,” said Kelsey. “A little trace of cinnamon in it, that’s the way James and I always get it.”

   â€œUgh…cinnamon?” Jake said. “Seriously?”

   â€œYes,” said James. “Seriously.” He glared at Jake.

   â€œOkay, to each his own, I guess,” said Jake, shaking his head. “Cinnamon…”

   â€œIt’s not that bad!” said James, standing up.

   â€œCalm down, James,” said Kelsey. “He can have an opinion.”

   James sat down. Fine, James was thinking, I’m sure. Defend him, like all the other jerks you go out with.

   â€œHey Kelsey, we need to go!” Jake said suddenly. “The movie’s in ten minutes!”

   â€œOh my God, you’re right!” said Kelsey. “James, want to come? You’re welcome to join us.”

   â€œNo, I’m good,” said James moodily. “Go have fun. I’ll stay here and pay.”
   
   â€œYou sure?” said Kelsey, looking genuinely concerned, but Jake said, “Okay, bye!” and rushed out the door.

   Kelsey followed a second later. I really wish she could have seen the wistful way James stared after her…

   â€œ$6.21,” said the waitress, snapping James out of his stupor. He absently handed her a credit card. She came back with it a few minutes later. “I’m sorry, sir. That credit card only had $5.96 left on it. You’re 25 cents short.”

   â€œSeriously?” James moaned, and slumped forward. “You don’t think you could, like, cut me some slack here? Maybe?”

   â€œI don’t think so,” said the barista unflinchingly.

   Getting up to leave, I handed James a quarter.

   â€œThanks, man,” sighed James.

   â€œYou’re welcome,” I said sincerely. “You deserve it.”

   â€œI just don’t know what I deserve anymore,” said James, shaking his head.

   â€œYou deserve the girl,” I said. “You love her far more than he...or anyone else...ever will.”

   I bid him goodnight and went back to my house. My lonely, sad, little house…

---

Entry #2

Gray Sky
   
     I used to have thoughts of hope. Joy even. But, that was a long time ago. Before the war. Before the bombings. But in the short time I have been on this Earth, I have learned that there are but three ultimate truths. There is no such thing as hope, there is no such thing as justice, and there is no such thing as a happy ending. Only in some twisted fantasy dreamed up by the minds of optimists do these  any exist. But, I’m not sure if there is even a single human being left that could even be remotely classified as an “optimist”. Because looking up at the dark gray sky, it’s hard to have any feeling that could resemble hope. Now you’re probably wondering who the hell I am to tell you what is truth and what is fantasy. My name is Jack Stephens. And I know damn well what I’m talking about.
   
     Loud speakers blared throughout the city,” There is forecasted to be a high concentration of hazardous airborne particles within the city. Citizens are advised to stay indoors or risk serious health hazards. If you must go outdoors, is advised you wear a protective mask at all times.”
   
     â€œThree days and no winds to sweep the dust particles out of the city.” My partner Greg Baker said as we walked into a small café in the middle of the city. “Things better clear up soon or I’m getting the hell out of this place. Good ol’ New York, New York for ya. Nothing here but crime, filth, and cancerous material raining down from the goddamn sky. What a beautiful place we live in, eh? “
   
     â€œJust get us a table already.” I said.

     Greg was an officer. So was I. Members of a special force whose job was to deal with cases of the highest priority. Why I joined the force, I’m still unsure of.  We were coming to this café in order to meet an informant inside a possible terrorist organization located within the city.  She went by the name Ms. Smith, a code name obviously. As we walked through the café to our table, she was already there. She was very tall from the looks of it, had black hair, and very pale skin.
   
     As we sat down she began to speak, “Hello gentlemen. We don’t have much time so let us get right to it. After much work, I managed to be initiated into the terrorist group known as the American Freedom Alliance.  They are separatist, opposed to the New American Way Party. “
   
     â€œAre they violent at all? Responsible for any of the recent attacks?” I asked.
   
     â€œAs far as I can tell, no. But they may become very dangerous. This organization is huge, boasting over 10,000 members in the state alone.
   
     â€œSo this thing is national? Damn it, this is way over our jurisdiction.” Said Greg.  He continued, “How in the hell are we supposed to take down a group this big? No, we can let the military deal with this shit!”
   
     â€œHe’s right.” I said. “When we were given this assignment, the group was speculated to have, maybe, a couple hundred members at most. But ten-thousand just in New York? This information needs to be taken to the feds right away.”
   
     The artificial lights within the cafe suddenly went black. Only a faint light penetrated the windows. The air was still, silent.  The manager came out from the back of the restaurant. “Sorry folks, just a minor glitch in the power grid! Everything should be back on in a few minutes.”
   
     â€œIt’s not a glitch.” Ms. Smith whispered. “This is so we can’t be heard by any microphones the government may have set up within the restaurant.”
   
     â€œWhat are you talking about? You did this?”
   
     â€œNo, members of the AFA did” She said. “Now it’s safe to discuss the true nature of the organization.”
   
     â€œThe American Freedom Alliance was originally formed as an opposition group whom protested against the war. But once the war was over, and the New American Way Party had seized control of the government, AFA became much more…radical. Yes, they are responsible for bombings in New York and D.C., but it must be understood that they have no intent to hurt the citizens of this nation. Only it’s tyrannical oppressors.”
   
     â€œHoly shit.  You’re a serious member of this organization, aren’t ya?” Said Greg. He got up from his seat, walked to the other side of the table, where Ms. Smith was sitting and sat down.  Then Ms. Smith grimaced and her torso moved a little. Greg had shoved his 9mm into her side.  The gun clicked as he cocked it.
   
     â€œNow listen here princess, we’re all going to take a nice walk down to the police stat-“
   
     â€œWait, Greg.” I interjected. “I want to hear what else she has to say. Why have you done this to yourself? Why have you become an active member of the AFA?” I asked her.
   
     â€œYou want to know why? Is it really that hard to figure out? Our country is experiencing its greatest crisis in its history. Eighty-five percent of our citizens live in total destitution, our nation is now in two, and the sun had been blocked out in the aftermath of our own bombs! And you want to know why I became a full time member of the AFA? Who has done nothing to help the quality of the citizens’ lives since it took over? Who’s treating our former western states like dogs and using them for weapons test and radioactive dumping? Who took it upon themselves to end the war with the Russians by launching STAG missiles and thus effectively killing 200 million people across the globe and putting us in twenty years of darkness and counting?! Maybe it’s you who should be questioning the reasons you pledge you allegiance to whom you have.”
   
     She never felt it.  The shot illuminated the room with such brilliance one could have almost considered it beautiful. Almost. The reasons he did it, I may never know. Maybe it was because she was forcing him to confront the faults in his own beliefs, or because he felt it was the right thing to do. Either way, Ms. Smith was no longer an active member of the AFA or the human race, and Officer Greg Baker would be named a hero. He extracted information from a traitor who had become a terrorist and then effectively ended her. When the truth was, a young innocent woman with a strong set of beliefs against an oppressive, who was risking her life to spread her message was murdered by a man whose sole duty was to keep order. And the worst part is, she was right. She was right about everything. There is no such thing as a happy ending.

I THINK I LIKE ENTRY NUMBER ONE.

I THINK I LIKE ENTRY NUMBER ONE. wait a minute...

Lol I'll post reasons later but

I THINK I LIKE ENTRY NUMBER TWO.

Also, it was very obvious who wrote which one. 

Lol yeah I agree.

Anyway entry number two reminded me too much of this friend I have who is so depressing it's annoying.

Entry 2

A+++++++++

One. :D

I'm not sure who wrote which... I liked both, but number 1 stood out more for me. Well done on writing both of these fine pieces! :)

Number one appealed to me more than the second one. I almost dozed off in the second one. I enjoyed the word choice in 2 a lot more than 1, but after finishing, i still remembered the plot of number one the best.

Only 1 problem. WHY OH WHY do both male characters have names that start with a "J"??

Confused the **** out of me.

Overall, I THINK I LIKE ENTRY NUMBER ONE.

Hmmm... we're all using different ways to vote :P  It's going to be hard on Jub...

Entry one was a little bit more interesting, but there was no definite "high point".  It was not as well written, but still good. 

Entry two was a little less appealing, but the way it was written makes up for that, I think.  There is a definite point of suspense, and I liked how he included the facts of how we're polluting the earth, and some philosophy.  It was also shorter than the first, which is a negative.

This is really hard - they both have their good points and bad points.  On the overall, - well I've already voted :P Don't want Jub to count it as another vote, like how Slowpokemon did in TWG

I wouldn't be talking because you've been infinitely banned...TWICE

Anyway back on topic.

Actually, I don't remember being banned from a year before.  I think Dude mentioned something about banning me, and then everyone thought I was banned. 

You never said anything on topic in your post though -.-

My story is actually part of a bigger full-length kinda story I plan on writing in the future. But I thought this would be a good way to keep myself from procrastinating on it and actually writing something down.

^I hate how everyone who hates writing assumes writing is easy if you like to do it. No. There are always times when you have to force yourself through things like that.

Yes, I know how hard it is to write.  I've tried before, but couldn't put it on NSM because I'd embarrass myself. Once you run out of ideas or are stuck on how to make a certain part right, it's just torture. 

OKAY, NOW THAT I HAVE FREE TIME, EXCEPT NOT REALLY SINCE I SHOULD BE STUDYING, TIME FOR A PSYCHOANALYSIS.

Story 1:
Pros-
Good diction.
Style of writing keeps the reader interested.
Decent description of main 3 characters and their backstories.

Cons-
The old man shows some aspects of an Omniscient 1st Person Narrator, which should not be the case.
Purpose of the old man is not explained and his impact at the beginning and end of the story is not very strong or profound.
Not very in depth about how Jake and Kelsey met, or why they're dating.

Psychoanalysis:
The story begins with the introduction of the 76 year old man and how he's observing James, Kelsey, and Jake.  The age seems to have been placed for emphasis, though I'm not entirely sure at the moment.
The three young adults begin a casual conversation about which one of them would pay for the drinks, which was initially began by the tenacious Jake.  The narrator decides, that by the way he portrayed himself at this moment, Jake was very spoiled.  James, after being cajoled by Kelsey decides to buy the drinks and leaves to get them.  Jake shows his aversion to this when he rolls his eyes, he believes that James is in the way of his relationship with Kelsey, because James seems to dote her and Kelsey likes him as well.
James returns with the drinks.  He gives one drink the Kelsey with a smile on his face, then to Jake, whilst having his teeth clenched, and finally to himself.  He pities himself, since he seems to be always be last; which is odd, since he was in control of the order he gave the drinks and could have easily given himself his own prior to being the last one to receive a drink.  Perhaps he coerced himself to follow this status quo, though this is only my speculation, but hey, what do I know?
After an awkward silence, Jake asks James how long he has known Kelsey.  A rather arbitrary question considering the situation, but one that gives insight about what Jake is feeling.  Though, it makes me ponder why Jake feels the need to ask this question now; apparently, with what James had said before (That he always buys the drinks), these three characters have known each other for a while, so I would only presume that Jake know his history involving his girlfriend and James, but I digress.  I would surmise James is growing jealous of James after he asked his question, which is why he inquires as to how James had met his girlfriend.
James and Kelsey begin to recite their anecdote, leaving Jake in some shock on learning of the circumstances they've met.  Although his disposition says that he's smiling, he's in shock, and probably not in a good way.  After finishing their story, Jake makes a small comment, "How sentimental", though, with a hidden sarcastic tone.  He's definitely vexed after hearing that story.
They finally begin drinking their coffee.  Jake states how he thinks cinnamon in coffee is disgusting.  In response, James seems to take it a bit personally; he stands up, affirming his opinion that cinnamon in coffee isn't very bad.  I have no clue why he would feel so profound about this, though to conjecture, I believe that since adding cinnamon to coffee was an act he and Kelsey seemed to share when drinking coffee, he felt that Jake violated him and Kelsey.  Kelsey settles James down and James begins muttering in his thoughts.  Apparently Jake is one of various boys Kelsey has dated.  So it's obvious that Kelsey is very imprudent and seriously your best friend is in love with you how do you not notice ambivalent when it comes to love.  James, of course, does seem to have an aversion towards this.  Once again, his love for Kelsey is discerned.
Jake and Kelsey leave to see a movie.  James proceeds to pay the bill, but to his dismay, learns that he's a quarter short.  The old man gives him a quarter.  He tells James that he deserves Kelsey more than Jake.  Apparently, the old man wants this adolescent to keep his love and make sure that Kelsey doesn't flutter away from him.  With the small description involving the old man at the beginning and end of the short story, I would surmise that the old man seems to have had a love in his youth as well, who had fleeted away from him for an unknown reason.  And because of this, the old man does not want James to suffer a similar fate.  However, the manner he does so is not to my liking (And when I say this, this is merely my own bias and opinion).  I feel that the old man is too direct in his statement and does not have enough information to be able to state any facts about James love and himself.  The old man doesn't seem sage-like or wise like a stereotypical old man should be like.

So in the end, I feel this story has large potential, but just doesn't leave very much impact on the reader.  The reader only says to himself/herself, "Oh, this was a nice story to kill some time with".  There are no conspicuous motifs or symbols that make the reader think very much, so after reading, the reader doesn't learn anything.  Though, for all I know, this could just be a story meant for entertainment with no symbolism (Which it probably is I suppose, because symbolism is the worst thing everrrrrrrrr).


BUT ANYWAY, I'M JUST A FRIVOLOUS YOUNG BOY WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT ENGLISH SO WHAT DOES MY OPINION MATTER... No, seriously.
Though, even so, I'll post my view on Story 2 tomorrow most likely.

Holy poots that's in depth

Psychoanalysis? That's a psychological term, not for investigating which story is better. :P

He used it for humorous reasons. Also STOP SPAMMING THE TONGUE SMILEY

It doesn't work after every comment, just saying

Quote from: SlowPokemon on June 02, 2011, 07:43:01 PMHe used it for humorous reasons. Also STOP SPAMMING THE TONGUE SMILEY

It doesn't work after every comment, just saying

you sound like a pokecharms mod

Quote from: SlowPokemon on June 02, 2011, 07:43:01 PMHe used it for humorous reasons. Also STOP SPAMMING THE TONGUE SMILEY

It doesn't work after every comment, just saying

:P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P
Most. :P

I have no opinion on this matter :P :P

I :P do, :P but :P you :P wouldn't :P want :P to :P hear :P it :P :P

Quote from: Shadoninja on June 02, 2011, 07:57:58 PMyou sound like a pokecharms mod

lolz I've banned from that website, twice.

I was banned for being the same as I am here...better even. I disagreed about a Pokemon with a mod, and I got a warning for not being accepting of other's opinions. I got banned for the same reason. Lololol

You disagreeing jerk.

Quote from: SlowPokemon on June 03, 2011, 06:41:43 AMI was banned for being the same as I am here...better even. I disagreed about a Pokemon with a mod, and I got a warning for not being accepting of other's opinions. I got banned for the same reason. Lololol

That mod deserves a thumping.

I read that as something else....

lolz, soooooo are we going to proceed with some kind of voting process or what?

How long is voting going to continue? It's been a week :P

ONLY A WEEK HAS GONE BY SHEESH CALM DOWN ALREADY.


okay then. Entry Number 1 wins.
A winner answers the door quite slowly.

The next contest will be announced tomorrow.

Quote from: Jub3r7 on June 05, 2011, 03:41:01 PMI read that as something else....

Did you miss the t? :P