Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby & The Amazing Mirror
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Cabbage Cavern
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: tallonmetroid (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=3170)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Before I get into talking about the music, it could do with some presentation improvements.
-The composer info can go on 2 lines so it all fits nicely on the right and use '&' instead of 'and'
-The copyright info is in two different fonts (it's easier to align if you just use one text box).
-Some of the staccato markings are colliding with notes while others are high in the sky
-Align the tempo marking to the left
-Pretty much all the D flats can be C sharps
-In bar 9, you've got a dotted crotchet tied to a quaver, but in bar 25 you've got a crotchet tied to two quavers. Pick which one you like and check all the other occurrences for consistency.
-Similar thing with Quaver-Crotchet-Quaver vs Quaver-QuaverTiedToQuaver-Quaver
-Bar 32, the crotchet rests can be rewritten as a minim rest, seeing as it falls on beat 3.
-Some rests got left behind in bar 41
-Bar 42, beat 3/4 RH; this would be easier to read as a quaver tied to a quaver. Same with anywhere else it occurs
-The two quavers at the end of the last bar shouldn't be beamed
-Rewrite the A sharps as B flats
-And change the E sharps to F naturals
If there's anything I say that you can't do with notepad, just let me know.
I know it seems like a lot now, but it's pretty much all just little things that eventually you won't even have to think about.
Okay, I think I fixed everything you said except for,
"-Bar 42, beat 3/4 RH; this would be easier to read as a quaver tied to a quaver. Same with anywhere else it occurs"
and
"-The two quavers at the end of the last bar shouldn't be beamed".
I can't seem to make those changes using notepad.
Here is the updated MUS file.
MUS (https://www.dropbox.com/s/klbf44r11ckg58q/CaveRocky_Area_Final_Version.MUS?dl=0)
Okay, I just now the fixed the tied quavers. Now the only thing left is the two beamed quavers at the end, which i can't seem to change using notepad. Again, here is the mus file.
MUS (https://www.dropbox.com/s/klbf44r11ckg58q/CaveRocky_Area_Final_Version.MUS?dl=0)
I haven't played the game so I'm not sure, but would a more appropriate title be "Cabbage Cavern" or something like that? Perhaps someone who has played it can chime in.
This needs a swing marking, seeing as it's swung throughout. If you can't put one in with Notepad, I'll take care of it.
Have you considered putting the notes from the bass part (not the chords) down an octave? The change in octave would better reflect the sound of the original. I don't think playability should be too much of an issue.
The note on beat one of bar 4 should be a full crotchet because the note is held all the way until it is re-articulated on beat 2 (which obviously you've left out for playability).
I don't think the notes where you've put glissandi are too fast/hard to notate out in full. So, in other words, replace the glissandi with the actual notes. If you're using Windows Media Player you can press Ctrl+Shift+S to play slow and then Ctrl+Shift+N to return back to normal speed.
The rhythm at the start of bar 13 in the RH is crotchet, two quavers. No quaver rest.
There are lots of short notes in the melody, so some appropriately placed staccatos would fit nicely (and some slurs or tenutos too in a couple of places).
There's a missing grace note or two leading into bar 27.
Check the rhythm from bar 36 to the end in the RH. It's a little off in some places, particularly where there should be some offbeats.
That should keep you occupied for a little bit :P
Quote from: DekuTrombonist on October 19, 2014, 04:18:34 AMI haven't played the game so I'm not sure, but would a more appropriate title be "Cabbage Cavern" or something like that? Perhaps someone who has played it can chime in.
Yup, "Cabbage Cavern".
*poke*
Is anything going on with this?
Yup, I have the first half finished, but I've been preparing for college finals, so I have not had much time to work on it. As soon as finals are over, and as soon as I can make the left hand work in the latter half, then I will post the updated version. Sorry!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/24uejhiwf5x4c2m/Kirby_Cabbage_Cavern.MUS?dl=0 (https://www.dropbox.com/s/24uejhiwf5x4c2m/Kirby_Cabbage_Cavern.MUS?dl=0)
Okay here is my latest version. I think it's really looking and sounding a lot better. What do you guys think? :)
Sorry about keeping you waiting, I got a bit distracted working on sorting options. I'll try and get around to this either tonight or tomorrow night.
Edit: Don't worry, I haven't forgotten. This tune isn't as simple as it seems.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/84117653/Updates/Kirby_Cabbage_Cavern.mus
I fix up a couple of small things:
-Reduced to 2 pages
-Fixed the text alignment for formatting
-Upped the tempo 20 bpm, it was a bit under before
-Added some articulations to the melody (note lengths vary and this needs to be reflected in the sheet music)
-Fixed a wrong note in bar 26
But there are still a couple of things for you to do:
-Needs some dynamics
-The accompaniment from bar 32 onwards has the same rhythm every bar, but on the sheet it changes once in a while
-The overlapping C's in bars 36 and 40 need to be taken care of
I added a dynamic marking and I fixed the overlapping C's. ;D But, the problem that I ran into with the accompaniment's rhythm is that if I keep everything in, the reach between the bass part and the accompaniment in the left hand becomes unplayable. So, I just put in the main idea of the accompaniment while not sacrificing the bass line.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/rydchnx3mhdvru7/Kirby_Cabbage_Cavern_fixed.mus?dl=0
Ah whoops, I probably should have clarified I was pretty much just talking about beat 2 of each bar (2 eighths vs 1 quarter).
I was wondering a little about playability myself. Perhaps for simplicity you could sacrifice the chord on beat 4 when you have the eighth note pick-up to the next bar in that section? Just a thought, might make the jump down a little easier. Check it out, see if it works or not.
Okay, I equalized the rhythm. But I worry that removing those notes on beat four cripples the feel of the song a little too much.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/rydchnx3mhdvru7/Kirby_Cabbage_Cavern_fixed.mus?dl=0
Yeah that's fair enough, it was just a suggestion.
So is there anything else I should fix for this one? :D
I don't think so. I'll have another quick look tomorrow night.
Sorry, I got distracted by AGDQ. I might just take a closer look at the very ending, other than that it's all good.
Okay, I updated the files in the NSM panel to reflect the changes made to the sheet. 8)
This submission has been accepted by Deku Trombonist (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=904).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot