Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Radiant Historia
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: An Earnest Desire of Grey
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Maelstrom (http://forum.ninsheetm.us/index.php?action=profile;u=4119)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Just some aesthetic things, I can't listen to it at the moment.
- Needs a tempo marking
- Don't use the ottave clef in bar 11. Just use a normal treble clef and add 8va lines as necessary. Those clefs aren't used in piano music.
- What's with the double barline right at the start of the 4th line on page 1 and page 2?
- Rhythm grouping in bar 21, RH. It needs to fit with the 3+2 thing
- Bar 24, suddenly two dotted crotchets appear! But seriously, stick with what you did every else with the ties
- Rhythm grouping in 35 onwards in the RH. It's probably best to be consistent and stick with the 3+2 subdivision (unless there's something in the original that would indicate it should be otherwise)
- Uhh...no-one holds the pedal down for 8 bars straight
- Overlapping parts in bar 43. Also, rhythm grouping
- Plenty of rhythm grouping perils here
- Instead of using 8vb in treble clef in bar 50, change the clef to bass clef for that one bar. But putting that aside, those overlapping parts aren't very friendly
- Bar 58, that ottava clef again
- Same thing in bar 64 as in bar 50
- More rhythm grouping fun in bar 71 onwards with the long notes
Fixed, including the overlapping parts. Sorry for the wait.
yaybump
If no one wants to look at this, I can put up another....
I'm almost done revising Serpent Devouring the Horizon......
Current count is 130 measures, 6 pages, 7 key changes, 5:37 without repeating the entire song. Or would you rather do this one?
post a youtube link and I'll check it out.
A couple of things right off the bat:
-Remove the excess double bar lines. They should only be used to mark a key, time, or tempo change. (And to clarify: not for regular time changes in the form. For example, if a piece in 4/4 changes to 3/4 every two bars, you don't need to put a double bar line at every time change. You would only use it for significant time changes.)
-The rule for slurs are that if they end on a tied note, they should extend to the end of the tie.
Fixed
.mus updated.
-Get rid of the double bar lines to the left of the measure in 34 & 70.
-The RH in measures 43-57 needs to bu up an octave. BTW, you can only get away with that thing you did with the parenthesis while using the pedal.
-Delete the excess 8va lines in 35-42 and only use one. If you can't extend it in the page view, use the scroll view (Ctrl + E)
-The LH accompaniment you have throughout the piece is not quite matching what the original does. Instead of long full-value notes, try changing them to shorter notes (eighths or quarters) and adding accents.
-Move the piano marking in 35 up to be between the staves.
-In addition to the octave change in 43-57, harmony is missing in the RH throughout that section.
Quote from: Olimar12345 on December 15, 2014, 12:36:09 PM-Remove the excess double bar lines. They should only be used to mark a key, time, or tempo change.
They can be freely used to indicate new sections in the music.
Sometimes you see that, but in this arrangement he was using them more frequently than you'd see in jazz. d:
Edit: though, you should use a rehearsal mark if you want to mark a new section that stays at the same key, time, and tempo.
A rehearsal mark in solo piano music? No doubt it's to make rehearsing with the conductor easier :P
But seriously, to force someone put in rehearsal marks just because they want to throw in some delineated sections is too much. If someone wants to use them, that's cool, they can go ahead and do so but if someone doesn't want to, that's ok too.
Perhaps it is taught differently there, but it doesn't really matter. Just as long as it isn't over crowded like it once was d:
Well, now that I think about it, to be honest, how many "new sections" don't have a time/key/tempo change?
What is a section? How long is a piece of string?
exactly.
Regardless, it is updated. With everything and then some. :P
In that case, so what if someone wants to use double bar lines. Let them.
Quote from: Deku Trombonist on October 01, 2014, 04:02:04 PMRight... This place needs fewer rules and more fun
I guess to sum up all of that, just try to gauge if something is significant enough to need a double bar line.
Ninjad
Quote from: Deku Trombonist on December 18, 2014, 06:10:11 PMIn that case, so what if someone wants to use double bar lines. Let them.
To clarify, I said that initial comment because he used them more than you would normally see them. A double bar-line is used in music to draw attention to the reader. They are significant because they SHOW significant spots of music. If you used them every two bars, they become ordinary and lose their significance.
In this instance, they were losing their significance. This is why, for example, we mark significant time changes with double bars and don't mark common time signatures with them. Ever see a score to the rite of spring? d:
All of this is classically speaking, of course.
Psht, it's just in 4/4, right? :P
Quote from: Olimar12345 on December 18, 2014, 06:21:54 PMIn this instance, they were losing their significance.
Then that needed to be explained to the arranger. It's not a case of "there are too many, so never use them aside from key changes blah blah etc" which is where this started from.
Quote from: Deku Trombonist on December 18, 2014, 08:17:14 PMThen that needed to be explained to the arranger.
I thought I made it clear. Guess I'll type more next time.
Quote from: Deku Trombonist on December 18, 2014, 08:17:14 PMIt's not a case of "there are too many, so never use them aside from key changes blah blah etc" which is where this started from.
He used too many to start with, so I thought I'd make it simple to understand by saying time, tempo, and key changes were considered appropriate places. If I had gotten into a discussion about what is and is not significant enough, well...
Quote from: Deku Trombonist on December 18, 2014, 05:50:22 PMWhat is a section? How long is a piece of string?
We can let the arrangers decide that, we don't run a NinBootCamp here lol
Yes you do, and I'm here to free everyone from your oppression!
You know, I'd welcome any feedback.....
You are a tolerable person.
Oh, you mean feedback on your arrangement...
The Great Escape as led by Captain Maestro Hilts.
Quote from: Deku Trombonist on December 18, 2014, 08:48:05 PMWe can let the arrangers decide that, we don't run a NinBootCamp here lol
Yes, but 'round these parts we get a lot of people at the beginner-intermediate level. Early musicians often don't have an opinion of this caliber built yet, and need to hear this sort of thing. Setting these sort-of "rules" helps build a strong foundation for the future.
Rules are for the weak.
Things that aren't widely accepted 'rules' or conventions and are generally left up to an individual's decision or interpretation should be treated as such. That doesn't mean we shouldn't guide or inform arrangers, of course we need to do that. But there's nothing wrong with personal preferences.
Besides, most of those things are superfluous. What most users care about are right notes and we seem to have enough trouble getting on top of that.
Quote from: maelstrom. on December 18, 2014, 06:01:40 PMRegardless, it is updated. With everything and then some. :P
Back to this:
-The dotted half to half figure in measures 9 & 10 should be D to C, rather than G to F.
-The pick up in measure 14 (last three eighth notes) should be Eb - F - G This happens again at measure 30
-The pick up in measure 18 (last three eighth notes) should be C - Eb - D
-You're missing the harmony at 27 - 34, and at measure 57
-A courtesy accidental on that Db in measure 35 would be coll (not required, but it'd be courteous of you ::) )
-Your slurs still need to be extended in measures 23 & 24
-The odd double bar line to the left of measure 74 still exists for reasons unknown
-The slur in measure 73 collides with the music
-The slur in measure 75-76 collides with the title
-Try to avoid one-measure systems like the one you have in 74. You can manually move measures around by highlighting them with the selection tool then pressing the up and down arrow keys.
More:
-Raise the ottava alta in the last system on the second page. It is running into the music.
-The held notes in the second layer of measures 68 & 69 should be raised from Bb to F in 68 then G in 69
-The eighth rest in measure 71 should be raised
Thank you so much for taking the time to look at this.
But I don't think there is a D flat in measure 35....
And everything is fixed.
Quote from: maelstrom. on December 19, 2014, 01:09:18 PMBut I don't think there is a D flat in measure 35....
Sorry, D natural.
Fixed. Is it finished?
Quote from: Olimar12345 on December 19, 2014, 09:36:51 AM-A courtesy accidental on that Db in measure 35 would be coll (not required, but it'd be courteous of you ::) )
Quote from: maelstrom. on December 19, 2014, 01:09:18 PMI don't think there is a D flat in measure 35....
Quote from: Olimar12345 on December 19, 2014, 01:10:59 PMSorry, D natural.
Sorry! I had this all wrong-Courtesy Db is correct, but in measure 45* (you can return the D to normal in 35 d: ).
Also:-Change the rhythm in measure 9 (LH) to match the rhythm in measure 11. Then copy measure 9 over to measure 10.
-Move the long tones in the RH part measures 9 & 10 to the second layer, then add the rhythm of the LH into layer one (RH). make the pitches (above the D) Bb - Bb - A - A | Bb - Bb - C - C I think this will sound more authentic, and actually be easier to play then the previous LH part d:
-Lower the LH part at 35-42 an octave, but keep it in treble clef. Also, add a courtesy clef in the measure before the system break.
-We could use some dynamics in the ending, around starting 63 to the end.
-That last page seems silly to have for only two measures. When I shrink the page scaling to 85% (it's currently at 90%) it seems to have no problem fitting on four pages. It looks really nice this way when you put four bars per system, making the last two systems three measures each. ^^
I know it can seem discouraging to keep coming back with lists like these, but we're really putting it under the microscope now! It is a fine arrangement, and it's only getting better!
Quote from: Olimar12345 on December 20, 2014, 10:01:14 PM-That last page seems silly to have for only two measures. When I shrink the page scaling to 85% (it's currently at 90%) it seems to have no problem fitting on four pages. It looks really nice this way when you put four bars per system, making the last two systems three measures each. ^^
Sorry to butt in, I've always been curious as to why you use page scaling as opposed to staff or system scaling ?
It keeps everything nice and uniform. I always thought it looked unsettling to have a huge title and tiny music. That's the way I was taught, at least.
Fixed, but haven't uploaded yet.
edit: Uploaded.
I fixed some small detail stuff as well as added a couple things, such as crescendos and music spacing (I updated the links on the op). I did edit one part though: I changed the first note of every measure in the LH in measures 35-42. It was a trade off: The harp part isn't perfectly accurate now, but in exchange we have the harmony that the bass added, which I think was a great deal on our end. I have really enjoyed working on this piece with you, and if you're ready, I'm ready to accept it. :J
Looks good. I added a crescendo and a forte in 26 and 27, but left the rest unchanged. Is it finally finished?
Nice addition, great work. Accepted.