Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby's Epic Yarn
Console: Nintendo Wii
Title: World 5: Snow Land
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=5007)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Such a pretty song. Glad I was able to take on a non-chiptune arrangement from one of my favorite childhood games.
Some feedback:
- You could put a cresc. in the beginning
- m9 is missing a G (RH 2nd layer)
- m17 I think you should also put a lower octave G (RH)
- m20 it sounds like there should just be an F as a dotted half note (RH)
- m21/22 I don't hear a B (RH)
- m25 I think you should put a C in the 2nd layer to complete the voicing from the previous measure
- m29 just put the B in the 1st layer (both chords)
Nice work :3
Quote from: Zeila on September 25, 2017, 08:37:29 PMSome feedback:
- You could put a cresc. in the beginning
- m9 is missing a G (RH 2nd layer)
- m17 I think you should also put a lower octave G (RH)
- m20 it sounds like there should just be an F as a dotted half note (RH)
- m21/22 I don't hear a B (RH)
- m25 I think you should put a C in the 2nd layer to complete the voicing from the previous measure
- m29 just put the B in the 1st layer (both chords)
Nice work :3
Thanks for the feedback, Zeila! I fixed mostly everything, but I have to respectfully disagree on steps 3 and 5; I hear the differences.
I agree, Levi. Very beautiful song! There are just a couple things I want to address and this sheet should be good to go.
- For sake of ease and aesthetic, get rid of layer two in M. 3 & 5 and change the dotted half notes to half notes.
- Bring the p down in M. 5 and put it in between the staves. Same with the mp in M. 7. If you want to keep the p which is currently there then neatly put it under M. 7.
- The notes that are denoted as pp in M. 3-5 are staccatoed in the original.
- The second page title is slightly off alignment. Go ahead and center align that.
- Zeila is correct about the G needing added in M. 17. It's the exact same notes as the next tone in M. 18.
- And you are correct about the b in M. 21 & 22. There is a B.
Nice work, guys!
Quote from: Sebastian on September 30, 2017, 08:54:20 AMThe second page title is slightly off alignment. Go ahead and center align that.
I don't know how you always notice that. To be honest, I can't think of how I might have messed that up.
Quote from: Sebastian on September 30, 2017, 08:54:20 AMNice work, guys!
Thanks so much, Seb! I fixed the files, and this should be good to go!
Quote from: LeviR.star on October 01, 2017, 12:11:32 PMI don't know how you always notice that. To be honest, I can't think of how I might have messed that up.
Check the template you use?
Last couple quick things:
Lower the pps a bit in the second system. They're kind of floating between the first two systems right now.
Where are your pedal markings? I only see pedal release markings.
Since you're using double barlines to break sections, it'd be best to insert one at the end of measure 6.
In measures 7, 23, and 31, I would suggest getting rid of the dynamic below the staff. The dynamic between the staves functions perfectly, and it's already implied to bring out the RH more than the accompaniment.
Measure 13 is missing a G in the RH, like in m. 9.
Measure 25 - I would hide the quarter rest and flip beat 3 downwards in the RH.
Once again, great work. This is a terrific sheet.
Thanks, Lat! All files fixed (with proper .pdfs).
great!
(https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/fantendo/images/2/27/Yarn_kirby_ssbf.png/revision/latest?cb=20141108140454)
This submission has been accepted by Latios212 (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4344).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot