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NinSheetMusic => Submission Center => Submission Archive => Topic started by: Zeta on November 02, 2017, 11:23:00 PM

Title: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeta on November 02, 2017, 11:23:00 PM
Submission Information:

Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby's Epic Yarn
Console: Nintendo Wii
Title: Vs. Meta Knight
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4766)

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on November 02, 2017, 11:23:48 PM
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: mastersuperfan on November 03, 2017, 07:25:58 AM
yass finallyyy
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Latios212 on November 03, 2017, 09:26:36 PM
Nice! This seems really very solid, great work. Let's take a look at that intro for now...

(https://i.imgur.com/MxBOWBP.png)

- It needs MORE POWER! It's pretty rare to happen upon something of this intensity, so I would recommend at least three (or, even four!) f's here for the opening dynamic.
- Related to the above, the LH absolutely needs more than single notes. I think octaves are present in the original, so you can go ahead and add them in here as you can see in the picture above. I'm not 100% sure about the third left hand attack (the two eighth notes), but I think I have it correct here. See if that sounds okay to you. (Also might want to put that in 8vb.)
- Wow, these clusters of notes are all taken right from the whole tone scale and aren't random fist-slamming as it sounds like! You've transcribed them perfectly, except the second cluster seems to be missing a C (that I wrote in above).
- Make sure the ties don't overlap each other for the third cluster of notes.

Looking ahead, it seems like you're missing a RH chord on beat 2.5 in m. 9-10, similar to what you included in the following couple measures. But that's all I've got time for now.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on November 04, 2017, 12:53:13 PM
Quote from: mastersuperfan on November 03, 2017, 07:25:58 AMyass finallyyy
^.^ up next is Halberd

Quote from: Latios212 on November 03, 2017, 09:26:36 PMNice! This seems really very solid, great work. Let's take a look at that intro for now...

- It needs MORE POWER! It's pretty rare to happen upon something of this intensity, so I would recommend at least three (or, even four!) f's here for the opening dynamic.
- Related to the above, the LH absolutely needs more than single notes. I think octaves are present in the original, so you can go ahead and add them in here as you can see in the picture above. I'm not 100% sure about the third left hand attack (the two eighth notes), but I think I have it correct here. See if that sounds okay to you. (Also might want to put that in 8vb.)
Thanks!! I decided to go with four f's, and what you wrote sounds good. I added 8vb's too

Quote from: Latios212 on November 03, 2017, 09:26:36 PM- Wow, these clusters of notes are all taken right from the whole tone scale and aren't random fist-slamming as it sounds like! You've transcribed them perfectly, except the second cluster seems to be missing a C (that I wrote in above).
- Make sure the ties don't overlap each other for the third cluster of notes.
Oops, done

Quote from: Latios212 on November 03, 2017, 09:26:36 PMLooking ahead, it seems like you're missing a RH chord on beat 2.5 in m. 9-10, similar to what you included in the following couple measures. But that's all I've got time for now.
It just sounds like C's, but I added it in anyways

Aside from that, I lowered the LH aside from the staccato'd quarter notes down an octave in m17-22
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on December 24, 2017, 04:34:45 PM
Bump
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: LeviR.star on January 24, 2018, 08:35:20 AM
Bump for Zeila. Looking at the .pdf, Zeila, I notice that some of the dynamic markings overlap w/ barlines, crescendos, etc., and they sometimes are located too close to the above staff, which could lead to some confusion. If I were you, I'd go back and adjust them accordingly, along with that copyright info, which is just a bit too close for comfort, imo.

Regardless, this is a super sheet, Zeila! I'm impressed that you decided to take on such a tricky song. Great work!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on January 27, 2018, 09:50:52 PM
Quote from: LeviR.star on January 24, 2018, 08:35:20 AMBump for Zeila. Looking at the .pdf, Zeila, I notice that some of the dynamic markings overlap w/ barlines, crescendos, etc., and they sometimes are located too close to the above staff, which could lead to some confusion. If I were you, I'd go back and adjust them accordingly, along with that copyright info, which is just a bit too close for comfort, imo.

Regardless, this is a super sheet, Zeila! I'm impressed that you decided to take on such a tricky song. Great work!
A super (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k3zVA4zX8g) sheet you say? Thanks! I fixed the overlaps and stuff
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Olimar12345 on February 11, 2018, 09:27:03 AM
Lotta notes in this one. some things:

-Might want to adjust the left margin a bit. It's really big and that space could probably be put to good use elsewhere, especially when we're using two beams.
-Watch your rolled chord lines. Measures 8 and 10 looks a tad too far to the left, measure 9 looks a tad too far to the right. etc.
-Measure 11's RH doesn't look like what I'm hearing from the recording you posted. The Db sounds down an octave leading up to the following Bb. I don't really even hear an Ab above it. The last three Eb's also sound an octave lower there. I also think the first and second Eb should be tied.
-Measure 12's RH third chord (Db Ab) sound like they should be down an octave.
-There is a prominent G missing from the RH on beat 5 in measure 15. I'd substitute the Ab for it.
-The ascending line you have in 18 doesn't quite reach the notes in the recording. Last two chords sound more like an Eb-Bb to F-Eb (P4 higher than that Bb) to me.
-Courtesy natural might be nice on the D natural in measure 21 since it comes from that flat in the previous bar.
-Measure 29, RH: you've got quartal harmony going on (the stacking of fourths instead of thirds). This needs to be shown in the notation. For example, the first set of pitches is written correctly, because C-F-Bb are all P4's away from each other. However, when it moves up a half step you break this pattern for an augmented third in the upper half (Gb-Bn). That should be written as C#-F-Bn (ascending), respelling the Gb and Db as C# and F#. Ascending like this makes it easier because you will need to apply less accidentals later on. Imo, you don't have to worry about the right hand being enharmonically different from the LH, because they are executing two completely different ideas, one ascending chromatically while the other repeats an ostinato underneath. The next two collections of notes are correct, but the last one in measure 30 is actually hitting a wrong note. The F on beat 2 should be an E natural, as is sounding in the recording.
-Measure 31 isn't technically wrong, but it should be said that the RH part you have is an octave higher than both instruments are playing in the recording (piano and xylo). Personally, I'd prefer it down.
-The figure you have at 34 is also not quite what the recording is doing there. The grace notes are actually an octave leap, not a second.

Mostly looked at the RH since that was the meat of this. Below is a file containing the listed things above (sans the last point just because that will take some major work to do) in case I was unclear about something.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/o8km5gmn0f7086j/Kirby%27s%20Epic%20Yarn%20-%20Vs.%20Meta%20Knight12345.mus?dl=0
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Latios212 on February 13, 2018, 02:08:04 PM
Couple passing comments while glancing at the updated file:
- I'd recommend against the courtesy naturals in m. 26-28 - I don't feel the C's in the middle of each measure would be misread.
- I think the absence of the bass in m. 34-35 is jarring and hurts the flow of the piece. You'd lose a bit of the power from the melody but keeping the bass there is more important. This is in direct contrast to measure 37 where the focus changes to highlight the left hand doubling the melody.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on February 14, 2018, 12:42:03 AM
Thanks guys! I modified the files, but I disagree with m11. Yes the Db is an octave lower (and is part of a voice/layer similar to the bass part), but the Eb's don't sound an octave lower to me. Also, I still hear an Ab, but ultimately I decided to go with Db & C (which I also think is present too)
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Sebastian on July 02, 2018, 11:42:18 AM
I'll check notes when I get home.

A couple things other than note accuracy:
- The accidentals in M. 32 are colliding with the notes.
- Some spots seem a bit cramped formatting-wise (looking at the top of page ones near the composer/arranger names. Maybe downsize the pages a bit. You have some room on the final page that you can work with.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on July 08, 2018, 07:48:56 PM
I messed around with the formatting
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on July 20, 2018, 12:21:56 AM
I did some more formatting changes. Also bump
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Sebastian on July 20, 2018, 06:02:19 AM
Sorry about the wait with this one! Static is currently looking over it. And then I'll double check when he's finished.
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Static on July 20, 2018, 12:53:45 PM
Sorry for the wait! I delved deep into this one to try to get all I could find, and here's what I got:

- m5-8 LH beat 5: I hear 2 8th note chords here instead of just one held quarter note chord.
- m11 RH beat 3.5: I would probably put the upper Ab here instead of the Db, because its not anywhere else in either hand here.
- m12 RH beat 5: There should be an F here (bottom space).
- m16 RH beat 1: There should be a G in between the Eb and Bb in this chord.
- m18 RH beat 1: There should be an Eb below the F in this chord.
- m18 RH beat 4.75: The dyad here should be Eb-G instead of Eb-Bb.
- m18 RH beat 5: There should be a Bb between the F and Eb in this chord. This chord should also have a rolled chord marking.
- m19, 20, 22 LH: These measures should all look like m17 LH.
- m22 RH beat 2.5: The bottom Anat in the chord should not be there.
- m22 RH beat 2.5: If you only want the RH to crescendo on this line, then you should move the forte above the chord here. If not, the way it is now is fine, I just wanted to make sure this is what you meant.
- m22, 23, 24: The notes/durations you have are all correct, I would adjust some of the time signatures a bit: I would put m22 in 5/4, because the bass and percussion lines are the same as the bars before it. I would then make m23 a 4/4 bar (like it currently is, just the notes will be shifted to account for m22), and m24 would be 2/4 (this is when the little drum break is). This is how I would notate it, personally (note this version of the sheet is an older version than the re-spaced one you currently have):
m22-24
(https://i.imgur.com/bEAGXt3.png)
[close]
- m21, 23, 24: Generally, you don't need a double barline for changing time signatures, especially if they change in rapid succession like they do here. I would just leave the 3rd double barline at the end of m24 because that one indicates a new section and change of style compared to the bars before it.
- m23: I would un-hide the forte at the end of the crescendo here; I think it's good to tell the performer how much to keep getting louder here.
- m25-28 RH beat 5: Each beat 5 here should be D-Ab-Ab-Db instead of G-Ab-Gb-C#. However, playing 2 16th note Abs in a row at this tempo is cumbersome, to say the least, so what I would do is raise the 2nd Ab (2nd to last 16th note in each bar) up an octave so it's above the staff. Keeps the same kinda sound but it's easier to play.
- m32 RH: This rhythm is really weird, and I'm not really sure myself how it goes lol. This is what I came up with, but some other people's thoughts would be helpful I think:
m32 RH
(https://i.imgur.com/iHK2mbP.png)
[close]
- m32-35 RH: Overall sound reasonably correct, accurate, and well-written, but like I said before, an extra look or two from someone else here might go a long way.
- m37: The double barline here is unnecessary due to reasons I explained above.
- m37, 38: I would instead make m37 a 6/4 bar and m38 a 5/4 bar, because thats when the 5/4 rhythm picks up again.
- m38 RH: The final pair of 8th notes I hear as ever so slightly faster than the 8th note percussion line before it. I would write this is an 8th note triplet (an 8th note F followed by a quarter note Eb under a triplet bracket).



Sorry if this sounds like a lot lol, but really most of these are very miniscule issues. This sheet is absolutely insane, and you captured it on piano really, really well, so yeah. Great sheet!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on July 21, 2018, 12:14:44 AM
Quote from: Static on July 20, 2018, 12:53:45 PM- m32 RH: This rhythm is really weird, and I'm not really sure myself how it goes lol. This is what I came up with, but some other people's thoughts would be helpful I think:
m32 RH
(https://i.imgur.com/iHK2mbP.png)
[close]
I don't think this way is correct because it sounds like the two triplets (sixteenth and eighth at beat 3.5) are at the same speed. Also, when I slow it down it sounds like they start on beat 4. I did change beat 5.5 to the two sixteenth notes though

Everything else was fixed. Thanks for the feedback!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Static on July 25, 2018, 06:48:26 PM
Quote from: Zeila on July 21, 2018, 12:14:44 AMI don't think this way is correct because it sounds like the two triplets (sixteenth and eighth at beat 3.5) are at the same speed. Also, when I slow it down it sounds like they start on beat 4. I did change beat 5.5 to the two sixteenth notes though

Everything else was fixed. Thanks for the feedback!

Alright, sounds good, and you're welcome!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Latios212 on July 30, 2018, 04:06:50 PM
Nice work you two, looking much better now.

From my end before we finish up here:
- Give the first system a bit more space both above and below - the tempo and pedal markings are a bit crammed in between stuff. You can move everything down on the page a bit.
- Similarly reconsider your spacing between LH/RH staves - dynamics are given very little space in the second system but there's ample room in the last system on the first page.
- I'd watch your 8va usage in m. 18, the chord is not easy to read (my recommendation would be to keep beats 1-3 of m. 18 non-8va)
- Tie flipped the wrong way in LH of m. 22
- Perhaps just consider writing the tremolo on the top staff instead for m. 22-23?
- Courtesy natural (non-parenthesized) would do nicely on the D's at the beginning of m. 26, 28. Conversely the natural on the C in m. 29 is unhelpful.
- Not sure how I feel about the tie in the triplet in m. 33 - consider making it a dotted eighth?
- Accent flipped at the end of m. 34
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeila on August 06, 2018, 02:21:41 PM
Thanks! I updated it
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Latios212 on August 06, 2018, 04:06:55 PM
Awesome!
Title: Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila
Post by: Zeta on August 06, 2018, 04:06:59 PM
This submission has been accepted by Latios212 (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4344).

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot