Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Doki Doki Literature Club!
Console: PC
Title: Play With Me
Instrumentation Piano Duet
Arranger: NPbus_ (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=5388)
[attachment deleted by admin]
Only hit me until much later that I should post the original. My bad!
Hi, welcome to NSM! Glad to have you here ;D
It looks like you've done a careful job of transcribing, which is great! Now, let's discuss the arrangement itself. It starts out promising, with piano 2 taking the lower piano parts and piano 1 taking the higher piano part and the super-high chimes. The sheet runs into problems, though, when you hit measure 17 and start cramming all the parts in a way that doesn't work - for instance, measure 19's piano 1 left hand part isn't doable with just one hand.
So what you need to do is take a look at the parts, which all seem to be transcribed out quite clearly, and try and re-distribute them so that a total of four hands would be able to play them. One potential solution I spot could be (still in the m. 17+ section) to have piano 1 take the chimes and high piano part, and incorporate the pizzicato strings (currently written out in piano 1 left hand) into piano 2's right hand, which would be largely empty aside from the strike on beat 1.5. This would make all four staves have a piano-friendly part written out in them!
There's a lot more I have to say, but most of that is largely just explaining how to clean things up. Address the main issue, and I look forward to seeing the result! Feel free to reach out with any questions~
Thanks for the welcome! Glad to be a part of NSM!
I've fixed the main issue with the measures you've specified. Thanks for the feedback! I've put an 8va at measure 27 (was thinking about it for m. 15 LH piano). I also added in some slurs at m. 27 where they're needed to (more or less) imitate the flute part. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have to say.
Nice, this looks much better!
I don't have the time to check everything right now, so I'll just fire off some things I notice: (please mind the bluntness!)
- Rhythm groupings can be fixed in a bunch of places. When something cuts through the middle of a measure (between beats 2 and 3), it's often best to split it up to show the performer where beat 3 lies. So for instance the rests in measure 1 piano 2 left hand would go quarter, quarter, eighth instead of half, eighth. Measure 11's piano 2 left hand should go quarter, quarter-tied-dotted-quarter, eighth. Let me know if you need any clarification.
- Staccatos look well-placed for the most part, but the very first note of the piece probably shouldn't have one. Likewise for the beat 1 quarter notes in similar places.
- In measure 11 onwards, you're substituting the pizzicato strings for the piano in piano 2's right hand like I suggested, which is good. However, you can still keep the piano strikes on beat 1.5 - just write in two notes for piano 2's right hand there.
- I'd get rid of the key change. It modulates a little bit for the last couple pages but doesn't really stick to one key.
- I'll have a look at the combining/overlapping layers in the bass part of m. 11-14 another time.
Alright, I've managed to make those new fixes.
Regarding the overlapping bass part (piano 2 LH), I'm not entirely sure if I should keep the F as a pedal throughout the bar or just have it on beat one. I've kept it the same way for now, though.
Great!
Alright, got some time, checking notes, here we go!
- The piano plays full major chords. So measure 1 should have an E between the C and the G, and measure 2 should be F-A-C. Likewise elsewhere this figure appears.
- The pizzicato strings play two notes simultaneously in places. There's also the occasional stray note here and there in that layer, try this for m. 11-12:
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/342163633339629568/409168064383418379/unknown.png
- Measure 14. The low F in the bass register is just the piano playing a quarter note. Since we're combining layers everywhere else here in piano 2 LH, I think it would suffice to write that as a quarter note under the A. Now, you wrote in an F here for the right hand, but it's actually an A (see highlighted note). That would overlap with the left hand here which is sustaining notes, so I would recommend either changing it to a C (F major chord here) or omitting it entirely.
Spoiler
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/342163633339629568/409165790496161812/unknown.png
- The run in m. 15 piano 1 left hand starts earlier. You're missing a few notes there.
- Measures 19-23 are repeated. We can save space by putting them inside repeat brackets, and resultantly using a D.S. for the main repeat.
- If two tied eighths occur on beat 1.5 or 3.5, it's fine to write them as one quarter note.
- I would suggest a 6/4 bar instead of 4/4 + 2/4 for that part near the end.
I've made most of the above changes in the file present [here] (https://www.dropbox.com/s/czh0a7gbk5vedsc/playwithme%20%282%29.mus?dl=1): check it over to make sure everything's right and decide what you want to do with the overlapping A I mentioned above. Don't worry about the layout right now; I just distributed the measures like that to easily see the different sections of the piece.
Now, there's one last thing I would like to discuss before we optimize the layout! Right now, this is a two piano sheet. But everything up to the last 12 measures works perfectly fine on just one. So my recommendation: try moving some things around towards the end so we can make this viable on one piano. The harmonies are correct there, but perhaps you wouldn't mind moving them around a tad so everything could fit on one piano.
Once the arrangement is all settled, we'll polish it up visually. As always, if you require assistance, do feel free to ask!
I've made those new changes. Thanks a lot for the help!
My only problem now is rearranging it for one piano while still keeping it intact. At the beginning of the piece it would be easy to arrange it for one piano but after that, I come at a bit of a problem with rearranging when I need to add in the extra parts (pizzicato, the bells part being played with the main piano part such as in m.7 piano 1, etc.). Since I wanted to include all of the parts of the original piece into this version, while keeping accessibility in mind, I went with the two piano route.
So now I'm at a bit of a mental block as to what to do when rearranging it for one piano. I'm going to have a look at it and see what I can do.
No problem! Happy to help, as always. :D (Did you forget to reupload the new files...?)
Anyway...
Quote from: NPbus_ on February 03, 2018, 04:45:02 PMAt the beginning of the piece it would be easy to arrange it for one piano but after that, I come at a bit of a problem with rearranging when I need to add in the extra parts (pizzicato, the bells part being played with the main piano part such as in m.7 piano 1, etc.). Since I wanted to include all of the parts of the original piece into this version, while keeping accessibility in mind, I went with the two piano route.
I don't see anything causing collision or overlap in measure 7 - each of the four hands plays in a register far away from the others. The only potentially problematic thing I see is two hands concurrently playing the C above middle C, like in measure 4.
Er, as I'm typing this I think we may have miscommunicated - I meant to suggest that this sheet could be written as a
one-piano duet, not a solo for one person to play. As such, the only thing that will need to be adjusted is what I have written below.
The section that needs work is the last twelve bars, where the string harmony overlaps the staccato eighths. To get us started, in measures 23-28 (in my version with the edited repeats), a possible way to keep the harmony intact would be to move it down an octave to where the whole notes are currently; that way it will be below the staccato eighths.
Yeah, I may have forgotten to re-upload the fixes... my bad. However, the versions with edits (including harmonies down an octave at 23-28) are now up instead of the mess of transposing errors that I forgot to fix in the previous version.
Also, in the submission panel, should I change the title to "Play With Me (Duet)," or just keep it the way it is?
Great! Yeah, you can just change the instrumentation field to "Piano Duet" in the NSM Panel.
Now, the harmonies in m. 23-38 need to be played by the left hand of the second person to avoid reaching over. You can move them to the staff with the bass clef.
Lastly, the last four measures need to be updated in a similar manner. Take the harmonies and move them down into the bass clef.
Sorry for so many posts, but I want to ensure that your sheet is as perfect as possible. :3
Okay, those harmonies were changed! Also, the amount of posts is fine; I really appreciate all the help I can get!
Alright, glad I'm not bombarding you too much xD
It looks like 23-28 haven't been changed yet? And as for the last section, the top whole note is being played staccato in the other hand, so I'd say it's fine to just remove it to avoid overlap.
Sorry, I was unaware of the fact that 23-28 didn't follow suit to the end, so hopefully, I've fixed it correctly time. The top whole notes in piano 2 LH in the last 4 measures have also been removed!
Perfect!
Now, layout. The arrangement's all here, time to space everything out nicely! Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Space between staves. There's quite a bit of extra space between left/right hand staves, and between the two parts. We can bring those closer together to...
- Fit three systems on each page. This will help reduce page count while still allowing everything comfortable space.
- Number of measures per system. With the sixteenth note runs being prevalent we want to be sure not to squish them too much horizontally. Three measure systems work out quite nicely, allowing all the notes some breathing space without being too stretched out.
Other last passing comments:
- Measures 17-18 get a little high for piano 1 left hand, so we can alleviate that somewhat with cross-staving.
- The overlapping A's in 14 and 18, perhaps it'd just be best to remove them in the right hand.
Here's a file you can use that addresses the above. Hopefully it helps you get a good idea of how to optimize the layout (feel free to use it)!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/3fkc50skpei6n9i/Play%20With%20Me.mus?dl=1 (https://www.dropbox.com/s/3fkc50skpei6n9i/Play%20With%20Me.mus?dl=1)
I've almost completed editing the layout, but there's just one problem regarding the cross staving. When playing it back in Finale, the notes that are cross staved are played like their actual note (ex: the first A that is cross staved sounds like the A two ledgers below the staff, the same pattern goes for every note up until the last cross staved note) instead of the intended notes that should be two octaves above. How can I fix this?
(also this file helped me out a lot so thank you very much!)
No problem!
If you don't mind, could we use the file I provided for your submission? Everything's already done there. (Besides the playback issue, I'll see if I can get back to you about that sometime tomorrow.)
Alright, I've changed the files to the ones you've provided!
I've updated the submission files with a fix for the playback issue - I kept the notes in the same layer on the lower staff, and put an invisible 15ma marking over the section that's cross-staffed. Now it plays back correctly!
Alright, glad that's fixed. Thanks again for all the help!
Looks and sounds great!
This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4119).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot