Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Doki Doki Literature Club!
Console: PC
Title: My Confession
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: NPbus_ (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=5388)
[attachment deleted by admin]
(Updated it with the correct URL at the bottom of the sheet)
Nice job!
A few quick things:
-Slur all grace notes.
-m9 - Use an articulation instead of a smart shape to indicate the rolled chord
-A bit of resizing could go a long way. Shrinking the entire score to 90% would let you fit another system on page one and cut down on the empty space. If you do that, you'll need to redistribute measures in groups of 4, which will leave you with 2 left over systems. You can bring the ending barline left to compensate for that.
-RH m6+9 - You split up the half note into 2 tied quarters in m6 and left it as a half note in m9. I'd recommend making both half notes, because the beat is simple enough.
-RH m23 - since the first beat is the previous voice, why not just apply the 15ma to everything after it.
-m19-22 LH - those chords are much fuller than you have them. Take a listen again.
I arranged this recently (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=6703.msg393505#msg393505), and while I haven't submitted it yet, you can feel free to use it for reference in regards to formatting and notes.
Aside from Maelstrom's above comments, I'll have more to add later.
Alright, the updated files have been put up.
Maelstrom, thanks for the comments! Hopefully, all the edits are in accordance with what you've said. Some comments you mentioned are things I had in my original version of it (like the 15ma comment and the m 6&9 comment) but I changed them around before submitting just to be a bit more on the safe side. Thanks for clarifying all of that.
Latios, thanks for linking your arrangement! It helped out with formatting and a few note quirks that were in the previous one. I've kept some things the same in my arrangement that appeared different in yours (8va that I wrote in on beat 4 of m 11, chord voicings in m 19, etc.), but if these need fixing then I'll get on it right away.
Are you afraid of ledger lines, by chance? The 8va section could just be written an octave higher, especially since measures 12 and 13 are in the same range, but one is currently written with 8va and the other isn't. Also, I've never seen a 15ma line in a professional music edition, and would personally move everything up one octave and use the more conventional 8va line.
For measures 19-22, maybe you could have the left hand play the flute part on the third beat of each measure? The D in measure 19 is pretty significant to the harmony. Just a suggestion.
There's really nothing wrong with a 15ma line here. It's perfectly appropriate where used.
As for m. 19-22, I think the disparity from the harmony comes from having it incorrectly written in the first place - when I arranged this I got a G minor chord for m. 19 and 21 instead of Eb major.
Quote from: NPbus_ on February 09, 2018, 05:13:59 PMI've kept some things the same in my arrangement that appeared different in yours (8va that I wrote in on beat 4 of m 11, chord voicings in m 19, etc.), but if these need fixing then I'll get on it right away.
I'll go double check sometime soon (pretty busy today).
Measure 19 is an Eb major 7 chord. The flute plays a D just above middle C.
Sorry the late reply, I've been pretty busy recently.
As for m 19, although there's a D that the flute plays to complete the chord, I figured that it would be a bit of a spread for LH, going from Bb in on the 2nd line of bass clef all the way up to D above middle C. If the melody in that measure was an octave lower, then it might have been better to write in that D so that RH can cover both notes, but the melody says otherwise. As for the chord in LH, I can't help but hear an Eb in the voicing there.
Like I've said, if any of this is wrong/needs fixing, I've got no problem with that!
Whoops, sorry. I'll have another closer look at this at my earliest convenience, perhaps this weekend.
You're absolutely correct about the Eb voicing in the bass. (The original voicing is Eb first line under the staff, Bb second line, and G fourth space played by the piano, with the flute playing D above middle C, but your voicing is more accessible—many pianists aren't able to play a tenth with one hand.) I was merely suggesting you make what are currently whole note chords into half notes and complete the chord with the flute part as another half note on beat three of measures 19-22. The tempo is definitely slow enough to allow it, and the pedal would hold the chord underneath. Another option would be to add a D fourth line to the right hand, even if it is and octave higher, just to give that major 7 colour.
Thanks for your suggestions!
I tried out your 2nd option of placing the D in LH and, although all the intended harmonies were there, the sound of it was a little awkward. The first option sounds better overall since it has the correct octave written down (despite the harmonies coming in on beat 3), and there's no case of a D and an Eb being played as a minor 2nd apart (in bass clef at that). So right now, the sheet I have up has flute harmonies on beats 3 in LH from m 19-22.
I would advise against making the chords half notes here. The score gives the wrong impression that the low chord is not sustained through the whole measure, even though the pedal will do it for you. If you want to include the flute harmony, it's best to do so in a separate layer.
Another recommendation - try making the tied eighth notes from m. 23-end just eighth rests - the sustain in the original from those is just from echoing and not holding the note longer than the other eighth notes around it.
Other stuff: You could also just change the dynamics in m. 19-23 to mf instead of using accents. Condensing half-tied-quarter notes into dotted half notes wherever they occur would also help de-clutter the piece a bit.
I've opted to go against adding the flute harmonies in the end since I ultimately want to keep it accessible, so now I've reverted the chords back to whole notes with no flute harmony. I've also made the other changes you've mentioned (along with re-beaming the eighth notes from m 23 to the end so that they look less like a triplet).
m. 22 RH dyad is F-C not F-D
As said before, omitting the D in m.19 causes that chord to lose its *oomph*. Normally, I'd advise against inverting those chords there (hides the 6-7-1 in the bass), but it's your choice.
I approve of his inverting the chords, because an Eb major triad starting on the third space lacks impact, one starting on the first line under the staff is too muddy, and an open voicing going from first line under to fourth space would most likely required rolling the chord, which would weaken the effect.
But remember that 6/4 chords have a tendency to resolve. When you invert it, you introduce more harmonic tension, so you can't simply invert a chord and call it the same as the root position chord - they have different functions. You also disrupt the bass movement when you do so. I do agree that other spellings are rather problematic here, though.
All that being said, I'm just giving some things to think about when you arrange in the future. While I'd personally go with an open voicing here, it's not my job to convince someone else to use that voicing if their voicing is also valid.
One thing I experimented with was changing the Eb to a fully voiced Ebma7 in root position from the 3rd space, which ended up losing the impact from the low end, and caused another problem of making the flute harmony go somewhere; it's normal from m 19-20, but then 20-21 did become a problem spot for adding in the rest of the flute harmony.
I understand that sometimes you have to cut back on one thing in order to bring something else out, in this case being a matter of retaining the original sound vs. adding the harmony. I'd prefer going towards the accessible option for this one.
Also fixed the dyad, thanks for pointing it out.
Back!
About the chords:
Omitting the seventh (D) aside, the first chord does a fine job at emulating the original. However, the following three lose a lot of the punch that the first one has (and that the original has) because they suddenly jump up in pitch. To alleviate this, I would suggest inverting downwards to make the chords sound heavier.
Other small things:
- Missing piano staff name.
- Dotted half in m. 20.
- m. 22 beat 1 (RH) should have an E under the A.
- m. 23: to better delimit the right hand's change between section and the intent for the beat 1 note to be held longer, you could put a tenuto marking around the melody note, and perhaps bump over the dynamic to the right a bit to demonstrate that it's for the following right hand section.
- You could space out the systems a bit more on page 2 to allow more room for the ottava lines.
Edits were made (hope I caught what you meant about inverting downwards...)!
Awesome, chords look better.
(Sorry if I wasn't clear - just have the staff brace say "Piano" for the first staff, and nothing for the rest. Lastly, the header on page 2 could use a bit more space both above and below, and keep "composition/arrangement" or "composed by/arranged by" consistent.)
Great job!
Alright, those small fixes were made. Thanks for all the help!
Nice work!
I only have two comments on this one:
- The composer/arranger are slightly misaligned. You can highlight those with the text tool and right align them.
- The 15ma markings are a little high. They should at least be closer to the staff they're affecting than the one above it.
Okay, that's all fixed. Thanks!
Sweet!
This submission has been accepted by Latios212 (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=4344).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot