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NinSheetMusic => Submission Center => Submission Archive => Topic started by: Zeta on April 04, 2018, 09:26:45 AM

Title: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Zeta on April 04, 2018, 09:26:45 AM
Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Celeste
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Exhale
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: PlayfulPiano (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=5305)

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Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on April 04, 2018, 09:28:22 AM
Here's my other arrangement for Celeste, "Exhale"!

I'm pretty sure the combination of the synth pad and the right hand piano gets a little messy, so that probably needs some fixing.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Khunjund on April 05, 2018, 05:54:17 PM
Here we go:
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on April 05, 2018, 08:04:25 PM
Quote from: D3ath3657 on April 05, 2018, 05:54:17 PMHere we go:
  • "Breathe" doesn't say much as an indication of character. I believe tranquillo, semplice or even rubato would convey more meaning.
  • There was a problem with stem direction for the left hand in measures 13 and 41.
  • The second quarter note of measure 6 (and other measures with the same rhythm) should be written as an eighth note tied to another eighth note.
  • In 4/4 time, you can beam eighth notes in groups of two or four, but be consistent about it—choose one or the other.
  • As I have said previously, grace notes must be slurred to the following real notes.
  • There is no need for a modulation in measures 21–28. This section is still predominantly in major, even if there is more mode mixture than before. (In the future, keep in mind that key changes require a double bar prior.)
  • It would make the .mus file much easier to follow if you kept the piano as layer one and the synth as layer two (when both play together), or vice versa, even if you have to manually redirect some stems.
  • The ninth on the last beat of measure 42 is awkward to play, and the tenth on the first beat of 43 is unreasonable for anyone not named Rachmaninoff, so consider lower both by an octave. (On the other hand, the synth in measures 38–40 could be shifted to its actual pitch, an octave higher, and still be very much playable.
  • You should easily be able to fit the piece on three pages, whether by tinkering with margins, system height, system spacing, resize tool, or a bit of each.
  • The files are missing both the subtitle and the NinSheetMusic site below the copyright.
1. That was less of a musical suggestion, and more of an emotional suggestion. One of the game's major themes is panic attacks, and how the main character was able to deal with them through breathing. Hence, at the end of the main story, "Exhale" is the name of the credits theme, and why I chose "Breathe" next to the tempo. I mean, yeah, probably wouldn't fit well formatting wise, but maybe you know of a different wording (akin to how you can use something like Ominous next to tempo markings) if "Breathe" can't be used?

2. I seriously don't know why it keeps doing that, nor do I know how to fix it.

3. Will change.

4. I mainly just let Finale do the default beaming.

5. Will change.

6. Will change.

7. Funny enough, it started out as a separate Synth staff (https://musescore.com/user/6765551/scores/5034590), and I then copied it as a new layer, but some measures looked weird with rests and spacing so I started fusing the layers together in some measures. Maybe would keeping it as separate staves would help, even if this is still for solo piano..ish?

8. I.. mainly just tried to make it work. Could you possibly rewrite that section for an alternative appearance?

9. Yeah, probably. I'll try to figure something out.

10. God dammit, I'm usually good with this. Must've been since I first made this in musescore. I'll fix it.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Khunjund on April 06, 2018, 10:45:19 AM
The problem with "breathe" isn't that it doesn't fit into formatting, it's that it doesn't suggest anything to people unfamiliar with the game. I initially thought it meant that liberties can be taken with regard to the tempo (to "take a breath" between measures/phrases). With your explanation, I feel something like tranquillo ("calmly, peacefully") or even pastorale ("in a pastoral manner; peaceful and simple") would have a less ambiguous meaning, on top of being more significant to a wider range of people. You could also just put "Calm and peaceful" or whatnot—it doesn't have to be in Italian; the idea is that you want to write the feeling this game's ending gives you, so that even someone who hasn't played it can understand.

Sometimes, deleting and rewriting a segment fixes positioning issues. Otherwise, "L" (or "cmd+L" on Mac, I think) flips the stems of a group of notes, as long as you're currently hovering the first note of that group in the Simple Entry tool.

Using three staves when writing for solo piano is used when one voice is always separate from the others, both in terms of height and in terms of importance. Since you're intertwining the piano and synth lines, it wouldn't work here.

Here's a link (https://www.dropbox.com/s/o78vimmx9ytp2o7/Exhale.mus?dl=1) to a .mus file with most of the changes I've recommended. It's still possible that I've missed a few things.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on April 06, 2018, 11:01:36 AM
Quote from: D3ath3657 on April 06, 2018, 10:45:19 AMThe problem with "breathe" isn't that it doesn't fit into formatting, it's that it doesn't suggest anything to people unfamiliar with the game. I initially thought it meant that liberties can be taken with regard to the tempo (to "take a breath" between measures/phrases). With your explanation, I feel something like tranquillo ("calmly, peacefully") or even pastorale ("in a pastoral manner; peaceful and simple") would have a less ambiguous meaning, on top of being more significant to a wider range of people. You could also just put "Calm and peaceful" or whatnot—it doesn't have to be in Italian; the idea is that you want to write the feeling this game's ending gives you, so that even someone who hasn't played it can understand.

Sometimes, deleting and rewriting a segment fixes positioning issues. Otherwise, "L" (or "cmd+L" on Mac, I think) flips the stems of a group of notes, as long as you're currently hovering the first note of that group in the Simple Entry tool.

Using three staves when writing for solo piano is used when one voice is always separate from the others, both in terms of height and in terms of importance. Since you're intertwining the piano and synth lines, it wouldn't work here.

Here's a link (https://www.dropbox.com/s/o78vimmx9ytp2o7/Exhale.mus?dl=1) to a .mus file with most of the changes I've recommended. It's still possible that I've missed a few things.

Could you actually change that file to an xml format? I can't open it due to an older version of Finale.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Khunjund on April 06, 2018, 11:04:54 AM
Here (https://www.dropbox.com/s/7dknieah47jg2jf/Exhale.xml?dl=1) you are.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on April 06, 2018, 11:42:29 AM
Quote from: D3ath3657 on April 06, 2018, 11:04:54 AMHere (https://www.dropbox.com/s/7dknieah47jg2jf/Exhale.xml?dl=1) you are.
Made all the changes.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on May 08, 2018, 04:01:45 AM
It's been a while since somebody replied, should I make anymore changes?
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Sebastian on May 08, 2018, 11:07:02 AM
Nice job! Sorry for the late response.

- Flip layer one in M. 13 so it doesn't clash with the second layer.
- M. 28 (LH): The first eighth note on beat 3 is a D.
- M. 35 (RH): The C is not aligned with the D. You can fix this by deleting the C and replacing it.
- M. 36: The second layer rest can be moved up.
- M. 39: Same as M. 35.
- M. 47: Same as M. 35 & 39.
- I would go ahead and respace the entire arrangement. It seems cramped at some spots, especially in M. 21-28 where the notes are clashing with the 8va symbol.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on May 17, 2018, 04:12:42 PM
Fixed.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Sebastian on May 18, 2018, 07:43:53 AM
Great.

Could I get a second opinion on the layers in M. 41+? Anyone? Updaters?
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on May 18, 2018, 03:48:31 PM
Quote from: Sebastian on May 18, 2018, 07:43:53 AMGreat.

Could I get a second opinion on the layers in M. 41+? Anyone? Updaters?
Whoops, thought that measure was fixed. Gimme a moment.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on May 18, 2018, 03:50:27 PM
Just fixed that layer issue.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on May 26, 2018, 04:56:01 PM
Bumping this, hopefully someone can give more feedback.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: mastersuperfan on May 27, 2018, 09:15:38 PM
In response to D3ath3657: I personally think keeping "Breathe" is totally fine. You should see the stuff I put on my Ace Attorney arrangements...
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Latios212 on May 27, 2018, 09:44:41 PM
Ehhh after reading through and reviewing a variety of sheets, I feel like it's best to give an actual performance direction. Not everyone who wants to play a sheet is necessarily familiar with the game's context. Game references aside, think through how you want the piece to be performed, and try to distill what you want into a specific adjective or performance direction.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on May 28, 2018, 09:03:22 AM
Quote from: Latios212 on May 27, 2018, 09:44:41 PMEhhh after reading through and reviewing a variety of sheets, I feel like it's best to give an actual performance direction. Not everyone who wants to play a sheet is necessarily familiar with the game's context. Game references aside, think through how you want the piece to be performed, and try to distill what you want into a specific adjective or performance direction.
What performance direction would you recommend in this context?
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Maelstrom on June 01, 2018, 10:09:25 AM
Some general feedback because this sheet still has a bit to go.
Bassline sounds and looks great. No problems with that
Respace the systems a lot. Pg 1 has the lowest system getting way too close to the copyright, and the copyright itself is a bit to close to the bottomf othe page.
In addition, in other pages, the measure numbers are coliding with the page number and the title is wayyy too high. You are using the last page, so you might as well put more than one system on it. Also move the systems up a bit as they're close to the bottom.
On top of all this, you could resize the whole score to 90% to save some space.
I rewrote the RH of m21-28, and you can copy it down since you have a weird old version of finale and wouldn't be able to open my .mus file anyway.
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IfGGLVF.jpg)
[close]
I'm not sure how I feel about page 3's RH layer stuff. It works, it's accurate, but it feels messy. There's got to be a better way to notate it, but I don't have the time to fix it for you right now.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 01, 2018, 10:26:38 AM
Quote from: Maelstrom on June 01, 2018, 10:09:25 AMSome general feedback because this sheet still has a bit to go.
Bassline sounds and looks great. No problems with that
Respace the systems a lot. Pg 1 has the lowest system getting way too close to the copyright, and the copyright itself is a bit to close to the bottomf othe page.
In addition, in other pages, the measure numbers are coliding with the page number and the title is wayyy too high. You are using the last page, so you might as well put more than one system on it. Also move the systems up a bit as they're close to the bottom.
On top of all this, you could resize the whole score to 90% to save some space.
I rewrote the RH of m21-28, and you can copy it down since you have a weird old version of finale and wouldn't be able to open my .mus file anyway.
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IfGGLVF.jpg)
[close]
I'm not sure how I feel about page 3's RH layer stuff. It works, it's accurate, but it feels messy. There's got to be a better way to notate it, but I don't have the time to fix it for you right now.

I've never used finale before in regards to page spacing and all that, so I'm not sure how to do it. Could you explain how possibly?
I don't know why the measure numbers are colliding with the page numbers, usually that doesn't happen. I'm generally using default settings, so it's weird.
I didn't know you could resize the score, how do you do that?

Thanks for the rewrite, didn't think of using chord rolls to keep the lower octave note

It's practically two voices, so not really sure how to go ahead with page 3+.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 02, 2018, 10:02:47 AM
Ok, I fixed it up a bit.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Static on June 04, 2018, 05:33:13 PM
I went through this sheet to see if I could fix it up a bit, and I came up with this (https://drive.google.com/open?id=127ehOiquoNMkMp8ZLg5rxoEHyR9PZG1C).

I checked the notes, applied most of the changes that were previously mentioned in this thread, and took another shot at m21-28.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 04, 2018, 07:15:32 PM
Quote from: Static on June 04, 2018, 05:33:13 PMI went through this sheet to see if I could fix it up a bit, and I came up with this (https://drive.google.com/open?id=127ehOiquoNMkMp8ZLg5rxoEHyR9PZG1C).

I checked the notes, applied most of the changes that were previously mentioned in this thread, and took another shot at m21-28.

It's updated now.

Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Sebastian on June 05, 2018, 07:39:38 AM
The only thing I have for this one is the 8va in M. 21-28. It's colliding with the notes. Fix that and we should be good.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 05, 2018, 08:29:11 AM
Quote from: Sebastian on June 05, 2018, 07:39:38 AMThe only thing I have for this one is the 8va in M. 21-28. It's colliding with the notes. Fix that and we should be good.
Fixed.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 14, 2018, 05:22:39 PM
Did some small changes again, based on how I normally played the theme. Ones of note would be m40-41's right hand, might be the only one actually.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Maelstrom on June 18, 2018, 07:14:29 PM
ok, sorry this took a while.
in m23, 25, and 27, those 1st layer RH chords should just be octaves, not chords.

otherwise it looks great
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 18, 2018, 07:23:28 PM
Quote from: Maelstrom on June 18, 2018, 07:14:29 PMok, sorry this took a while.
in m23, 25, and 27, those 1st layer RH chords should just be octaves, not chords.

otherwise it looks great
Done
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Sebastian on June 19, 2018, 06:34:19 AM
A final couple things:
- The bottom page (page 1) margin is very small is the top is huge. 
- The second/third page title is very close to the top of the page.

I understand that you only have Finale Notepad, so I can get these fixed for you when I get to my PC.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: PlayfulPiano on June 19, 2018, 09:06:52 AM
Quote from: Sebastian on June 19, 2018, 06:34:19 AMA final couple things:
- The bottom page (page 1) margin is very small is the top is huge. 
- The second/third page title is very close to the top of the page.

I understand that you only have Finale Notepad, so I can get these fixed for you when I get to my PC.
Ok, thank you.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Sebastian on June 19, 2018, 07:03:14 PM
Updated. Excellent work with this sheet.

Thanks, Static, for the revisions! And Mael and Latios for the additional assistance.
Title: Re: [MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano
Post by: Zeta on June 19, 2018, 07:03:18 PM
This submission has been accepted by Sebastian (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?action=profile;u=3424).

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot