Happy 20th Anniversary, NSM?
Wow
Yes, I'm alive! K-NiGhT DM'd me on discord to let me know that the Nuzlocke story is being revived- you should totally go read that. But also, apparently it's a good time to poke my head in and maybe talk about where I'm at in life, if you feel so inclined to hear it.
Most of you who know me might know that I never finished college and bombed my last semester, nearly ruining my high school graduation in the process. While I went on to get a technical certification at a random school that I never ended up using, I still haven't completed my 2 year degree, even after several halfhearted attempts to finish. Those years were difficult for me, and I so desperately wanted and needed help that nobody in my life seemed capable of giving at the time. My presence on this forum dwindled for a couple reasons- first, because I never really felt like I belonged here (not a unique feeling); second, because I felt inadequate at the arranging side of the forums; and third, because the discord was killing the forum activity anyway and the gradual decline also made my checkups less frequent.
Regarding music, I'm so happy to say that I can still play piano to a reasonable level. I almost have Maple Leaf Rag down to memory, something that I was trying to do the whole time I existed on the forums- the reason it's finally got there has to do with where I'm at in my life now, and I'll explain that in a bit. I still wish I could do more with my music, composing, arranging, performing, but I think I just need to accept that music will be a casual passion of mine and nothing more. I've always been dazzled by the ability of so many of the arrangers here, and I hope y'all take care to let your passion show.
Regarding life, I've been through so little but so much at the same time. I can honestly say I never expected to still be here on the eve of my 26th birthday back when I was a reedy little high schooler pretending to be a big kid. At the end of my junior year of high school and freshman year of college, my dad vanished from my family's life without a trace. It's something that I wish I could blame all of my shortcomings and failings on, but I don't think I can. It just isn't something I've thought about a lot and I think it's not as traumatic of an event for me as it can be for the many other kids who go through the same thing. But afterwards, my family spent a lot of time moving around, and I think that part of it slowly got to me, even though it shouldn't have since I was about to graduate and move out anyway. I still miss Minnesota a lot, but I'm learning to deal with Utah. I even met up with Bespinben once!
After a while, I started to develop some kind of trauma from working new jobs constantly, and the idea of work, especially full time, is now a great source of anxiety for me. I tried therapy for a bit, and while I don't think it helped all that much, the therapist did give me a lifeline that eventually put me where I am now. He told me to make a list of my dream jobs, and just... go apply for them. Filling out job applications is excruciatingly difficult, and I've developed the attitude of "if I have to apply for your job you don't actually want me", which probably isn't a great attitude to have. Even so, I managed to fill out some applications for "dream" jobs, one of which was working in the local high school as a SPED paraprofessional. I did not get called back after the interview.
In the same summer, I happened to notice an ad at the local swimming pool to teach swimming lessons to children aged 5-10. In a moment of extremely out-of-character decision making, I immediately signed up for the lessons, where I learned, or maybe accepted, that I really enjoy working with kids. Around the same time, my childhood friend crucially called me up and asked if I would be interested in renting out an apartment with him for a year. I immediately agreed and began to look for jobs up near Salt Lake City. I thought about how much fun I had teaching swimming lessons that summer, and I just felt that working in a school would be good for me. I applied for a few similar SPED jobs based on the proximity to the apartment we were planning on renting, and to my utter shock I actually got a job offer.
That brings us to this year, where I still can't believe I have the best job in the world, hanging out in a classroom with the best kids in the world for 25 hours a week, working with and for some of the best teachers in the world. And I'm ready to be fired at any minute, to wake up from this lovely dream. But I'm still here somehow. Also, one of my coworkers and I have started giving each other piano lessons as a way to keep ourselves motivated. It's been working pretty well, as evidenced by my earlier progress with Maple Leaf Rag! It hasn't been easy the whole way through, unsurprisingly. One of my students, the one I was most close to, died unexpectedly one Monday morning, and I struggled with that, for a lot of reasons. But my sister introduced me to this kid's show called Bluey and it's unironically been helping me with handling trauma and maybe even a little bit of being forced to acknowledge some of my childhood trauma. I still miss you, my friend, but everything goes on.
As far as my own health goes, I've been doing better, I think. I don't know if I'll ever figure out exactly what's wrong with me, but that's OK. Some nights I still curl up into a ball and wish I could just run and hide from all the pain, but the school I work at is such a positive environment that I can pretend to be a stronger person while I'm there, and that does make it easier. I'm about 30 pounds overweight at the moment. The most weight I lost was down to 190 (~86kg) until I lost my will to diet. I've started up again recently but this time I'm running to get back in shape on top of the diet, and to help revitalize the leg I broke about a year ago, then sprained again a month ago.
Anyway, so much has happened in the time I've been afk that I can't really mention it all in just one post, but if anyone ever wants to reminisce about the good old days or catch up with what's new, feel totally free to message me on discord or on ZeldaDungeon where I'm a bit more active at times. And if you're ever traveling in Utah, I've got a couch with your name on it.
Happy 20th Anniversary, NSM!
Wow
Wow
Yes, I'm alive! K-NiGhT DM'd me on discord to let me know that the Nuzlocke story is being revived- you should totally go read that. But also, apparently it's a good time to poke my head in and maybe talk about where I'm at in life, if you feel so inclined to hear it.
Most of you who know me might know that I never finished college and bombed my last semester, nearly ruining my high school graduation in the process. While I went on to get a technical certification at a random school that I never ended up using, I still haven't completed my 2 year degree, even after several halfhearted attempts to finish. Those years were difficult for me, and I so desperately wanted and needed help that nobody in my life seemed capable of giving at the time. My presence on this forum dwindled for a couple reasons- first, because I never really felt like I belonged here (not a unique feeling); second, because I felt inadequate at the arranging side of the forums; and third, because the discord was killing the forum activity anyway and the gradual decline also made my checkups less frequent.
Regarding music, I'm so happy to say that I can still play piano to a reasonable level. I almost have Maple Leaf Rag down to memory, something that I was trying to do the whole time I existed on the forums- the reason it's finally got there has to do with where I'm at in my life now, and I'll explain that in a bit. I still wish I could do more with my music, composing, arranging, performing, but I think I just need to accept that music will be a casual passion of mine and nothing more. I've always been dazzled by the ability of so many of the arrangers here, and I hope y'all take care to let your passion show.
Regarding life, I've been through so little but so much at the same time. I can honestly say I never expected to still be here on the eve of my 26th birthday back when I was a reedy little high schooler pretending to be a big kid. At the end of my junior year of high school and freshman year of college, my dad vanished from my family's life without a trace. It's something that I wish I could blame all of my shortcomings and failings on, but I don't think I can. It just isn't something I've thought about a lot and I think it's not as traumatic of an event for me as it can be for the many other kids who go through the same thing. But afterwards, my family spent a lot of time moving around, and I think that part of it slowly got to me, even though it shouldn't have since I was about to graduate and move out anyway. I still miss Minnesota a lot, but I'm learning to deal with Utah. I even met up with Bespinben once!
After a while, I started to develop some kind of trauma from working new jobs constantly, and the idea of work, especially full time, is now a great source of anxiety for me. I tried therapy for a bit, and while I don't think it helped all that much, the therapist did give me a lifeline that eventually put me where I am now. He told me to make a list of my dream jobs, and just... go apply for them. Filling out job applications is excruciatingly difficult, and I've developed the attitude of "if I have to apply for your job you don't actually want me", which probably isn't a great attitude to have. Even so, I managed to fill out some applications for "dream" jobs, one of which was working in the local high school as a SPED paraprofessional. I did not get called back after the interview.
In the same summer, I happened to notice an ad at the local swimming pool to teach swimming lessons to children aged 5-10. In a moment of extremely out-of-character decision making, I immediately signed up for the lessons, where I learned, or maybe accepted, that I really enjoy working with kids. Around the same time, my childhood friend crucially called me up and asked if I would be interested in renting out an apartment with him for a year. I immediately agreed and began to look for jobs up near Salt Lake City. I thought about how much fun I had teaching swimming lessons that summer, and I just felt that working in a school would be good for me. I applied for a few similar SPED jobs based on the proximity to the apartment we were planning on renting, and to my utter shock I actually got a job offer.
That brings us to this year, where I still can't believe I have the best job in the world, hanging out in a classroom with the best kids in the world for 25 hours a week, working with and for some of the best teachers in the world. And I'm ready to be fired at any minute, to wake up from this lovely dream. But I'm still here somehow. Also, one of my coworkers and I have started giving each other piano lessons as a way to keep ourselves motivated. It's been working pretty well, as evidenced by my earlier progress with Maple Leaf Rag! It hasn't been easy the whole way through, unsurprisingly. One of my students, the one I was most close to, died unexpectedly one Monday morning, and I struggled with that, for a lot of reasons. But my sister introduced me to this kid's show called Bluey and it's unironically been helping me with handling trauma and maybe even a little bit of being forced to acknowledge some of my childhood trauma. I still miss you, my friend, but everything goes on.
As far as my own health goes, I've been doing better, I think. I don't know if I'll ever figure out exactly what's wrong with me, but that's OK. Some nights I still curl up into a ball and wish I could just run and hide from all the pain, but the school I work at is such a positive environment that I can pretend to be a stronger person while I'm there, and that does make it easier. I'm about 30 pounds overweight at the moment. The most weight I lost was down to 190 (~86kg) until I lost my will to diet. I've started up again recently but this time I'm running to get back in shape on top of the diet, and to help revitalize the leg I broke about a year ago, then sprained again a month ago.
Anyway, so much has happened in the time I've been afk that I can't really mention it all in just one post, but if anyone ever wants to reminisce about the good old days or catch up with what's new, feel totally free to message me on discord or on ZeldaDungeon where I'm a bit more active at times. And if you're ever traveling in Utah, I've got a couch with your name on it.
Happy 20th Anniversary, NSM!
Wow
