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Submissions / Re: [Wii] Super Mario Galaxy - "Purple Comet" (Replacement) by XiaoMigros
« on: Today at 04:20:47 AM »
Sorry for the wait! This looks great overall!
- You don't need the forward repeat bar at the beginning.
- Lower bass notes in m. 40/48 sound like they stay as Db instead of moving back down to C (they move in the next measure)
- Staccato placement in m. 53 where there are two layers
- I think the last RH note in m. 28 (pickup to the next phrase) is a Dn rather than Eb
- I think the dyads at the end of m. 32 and 34 would be better inverted downwards to maintain the upwards contour of those notes to the ones following them at the beginning of m. 33/35.
- m. 37 beat 4 RH should be an octave up to match the octave register of the following octave in the melodic line?
- The way the melody resolves to F in m. 6/10/18/22 suggest to me that the piece should be written in F rather than C up to m. 28. (Actually about that, I think maybe it would be better to withhold the key change to Ab until m. 37? Maybe not, looking at it again...)
- (not strictly necessary but) I tend to suggest using 8vb to denote an octave down just so there's no potential confusion
- That's quite a big jump between the end of m. 16 and the beginning of m. 17, might you want to lower m. 15-16 an octave, effectively extend the 8vb below what's already written?
- In contrast to the above, I'd recommend keeping the 8vb going through m. 23-24 but keeping the notes at the same pitch (so writing them an octave up similar to m. 11).
- The short one below m. 31 only probably isn't necessary; Ab isn't that far below the staff and it'd be perfectly readable without the 8va there.
- The right hands 8vas look good.
- You don't need the forward repeat bar at the beginning.
- Lower bass notes in m. 40/48 sound like they stay as Db instead of moving back down to C (they move in the next measure)
- Staccato placement in m. 53 where there are two layers
- I think the last RH note in m. 28 (pickup to the next phrase) is a Dn rather than Eb
- I think the dyads at the end of m. 32 and 34 would be better inverted downwards to maintain the upwards contour of those notes to the ones following them at the beginning of m. 33/35.
- m. 37 beat 4 RH should be an octave up to match the octave register of the following octave in the melodic line?
- The way the melody resolves to F in m. 6/10/18/22 suggest to me that the piece should be written in F rather than C up to m. 28. (Actually about that, I think maybe it would be better to withhold the key change to Ab until m. 37? Maybe not, looking at it again...)
Ottava PlacementOverall it looks alright, but a few things in particular:
- (not strictly necessary but) I tend to suggest using 8vb to denote an octave down just so there's no potential confusion
- That's quite a big jump between the end of m. 16 and the beginning of m. 17, might you want to lower m. 15-16 an octave, effectively extend the 8vb below what's already written?
- In contrast to the above, I'd recommend keeping the 8vb going through m. 23-24 but keeping the notes at the same pitch (so writing them an octave up similar to m. 11).
- The short one below m. 31 only probably isn't necessary; Ab isn't that far below the staff and it'd be perfectly readable without the 8va there.
- The right hands 8vas look good.
DynamicsYeah, there's definitely some buildup and release of tension in the original you can incorporate into the dynamics here! mf at the beginning is good. You might want to increase that to f at measure 13 or where the melody picks up at the end of 16 to differentiate the second iteration of this part from the beginning of the piece. There's also a noticeable decrease in energy in the m. 29+ section, so maybe an mp at the end of 28 where the melody pickup is. And lastly the piece builds up to its climax around m. 35-36, so you could use a crescendo there ending on f (or ff). Lastly, you'll probably want an mf (and maybe dim. before it) somewhere shortly after the last RH chord strike to return back to mf before the beginning of the loop.
Some notes in the Bass might be off, as I had trouble hearing them in some placesThis is kind of a comment about the whole thing, but it sounds like the bass does a little flourish kind of thing on beat 4 of most measures. For the intro it sounds something like writing in an F on beat 4.25 in between the C and the G. Wondering if this was something you thought about? (I'm also fine with simplifying it as you have it written now.) If you're having trouble hearing the notes clearly, I'd suggest raising the music an octave and running the audio through something like AudioStretch.
