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Messages - Libera

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1
The same comment about the margins applies over here too.

Other than that...

-The bass in bar 1/3 should look like this I think:
Spoiler
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-You might want a courtesy natural on the first left hand C in bars 2/4.

2
Submissions / Re: [PC] Undertale - "Mysterious Shrine" by Th3Gavst3r
« on: April 20, 2021, 08:03:37 PM »
I guess these are Switch exclusive tracks or something?

-All those three beat left hand chords should be written as dotted minims/halves.
-I'd recommend standardising the top, right and bottom margins all to 0.5.
-Any reason the final RH note is a quaver?  I'd at least write it as a minim.

3
I'm a little confused by this feedback: are you saying you hear at as I do/as I have it and that I should bump it up an octave?

I mean I think it's fine as it is.

Can you give this another listen? I am pretty sure this is a G; it's so buried and the organ is so abrasive that it comes off as a very flat G from my interpretation.
I tried and tried and could not hear this.
I also do not hear this, it sounds to me as if the only F other than the held trumpet is the bassline.  In fact, as I listen again, I'm really not hearing a Eb at the top either but rather just the C and Ab on those beats as I had originally.  I guess as a means of deviating from the original transcribed F, I could just add it to the 1, 1.5 and 2.5 of bars 5-8 as recommended.

I had another listen and I'm still hearing all of these as I said.  Here's a picture of bars 5-6 with my suggested changes:
Spoiler
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The Gb on beat 4.5 of bar 6/8 is very clear to me.  The Bb on beat 4.5 of bar 5/7 is less audible, but I hear it as descending from the Cb.  I think it also makes sense for it to be another three note chord there.  For the Gb, I think it's easiest to see the lower two notes as parallel minor thirds (Eb -> Dn - > Eb + Gb -> Fn -> Gb).  When I listen to these 2/4 bars as you currently have them it sounds off compared to the original.

I'm not sure if I can do anything about the tie with notepad.  I'll do the best I can with regards to the other horizontal alignment stuff but with Notepad I'm just eyeballing.

I can fix these for you if needed.  There are also some other miscellaneous things that need fixing like the tie in bar 10 that I can fix.

Do you have any ideas/issues with the song name on this?

I have absolutely no idea.  I'll ask Latios.

4
I'd probably write it all out, but from what I recall NieR does some pretty strange stuff when presenting and looping its material so I'll just leave that up to you what you want to do...

One thing I did notice is different the first time and second though:
- The G in the lower voice of m. 7 (second note) only plays the second time without the voice

So it really is just them trying to present a combination of the two mixes (one without vocals and one with) in a pleasant manner for the OST (like with all of the tracks).  If I remember correctly the non-vocal version doesn't even play in the game...  I think it's better like this, personally.  I think the sheet would get a lot longer and more complicated for little benefit.

Relatedly, I'm pretty certain everything except the vocals is identical between the two versions.  I couldn't work out or spot the difference you were referring to.

- I don't hear the upper E in the lower voice in m. 3.

I'm not quite sure what you meant here, but I'm hearing all the Es I wrote in here...

- In measure 1 I hear the 16th note line ascend to an A like in the following two measures, but it's not super important since you already have two A's playing there.
- Maybe move the mp to the right in m. 33 so it takes effect after the final vocal note?
- Thoughts about getting rid of the upper D in the dyad in the LH of m. 13? It forms a minor second with the C# and also gets restruck right away.
- I hear the LH figure in 36 descend from the E - 16th notes E-B followed by a quarter note A, paralleling the RH. Did you omit that intentionally? I think there are a couple of other extra LH notes in the second half of the measure for a few of these last few measures, though they're pretty soft and inconsistently present so I don't mind it staying as is.

These should be fixed.  I decided on adding in the extra A in bar 1, why not.  Also I couldn't really hear what extra notes you were referring to towards the end, but I think it's probably better left as is.

- The triad in m. 14 sounds more like a G major triad in the original rather than a Gmaj7.
- Maybe move the mp to the right in m. 33 so it takes effect after the final vocal note?
- Thoughts about getting rid of the upper D in the dyad in the LH of m. 13? It forms a minor second with the C# and also gets restruck right away.
- I hear the LH figure in 36 descend from the E - 16th notes E-B followed by a quarter note A, paralleling the RH. Did you omit that intentionally? I think there are a couple of other extra LH notes in the second half of the measure for a few of these last few measures, though they're pretty soft and inconsistently present so I don't mind it staying as is.

Hmm, I'm still hearing the maj7 sound here with the F#.

Thanks for checking, and I've put new files up.

5
I can't make out the part you have (at least for beats 1-3), but I still do hear the Bb-C-Bb motion from beat 3.5-4.5 of all four of those measures. Hopefully someone else can weigh on this part.
Anyway, if you're going with this bassline, make sure the layers are aligned (the whole notes are too far to the right). You can fix that by just deleting and re-entering the note.

It's really hard to hear at the normal octave but if you put it up I think it's reasonably clear.  I'm happy to for it to stay in.

Other feedback:

-The Gn on beat 4.5 of bar 6 and 8 sounds like a Gb to me.
-I hear an additional Bb with the Ab and C on beat 4.5 of bars 5 and 7..
-I don't really hear the Ebs at the top of the chords on beat 1, 1.5 and 2.5 of bars 5-8.  They sound like Fs to me.
-Especially if you take the above feedback, I think you could ditch layer 1 entirely in bars 5-8  (changing the final three chords in 6/8 to the other layer).  I think it'd look a lot cleaner this way, and I don't think the held F adds much really. 
-It won't be necessary anymore if you take the above feedback, but the tie is intersecting the accidental in bar 5 and 7.  Maybe you can bend it up more so that it misses?
-Title, url/copyright and game name are all misaligned horizontally.
-Systems aren't correctly aligned to the left margin.

6
This is getting into some really nitpicky territory, but I hear that pickup in m29 as normal 32nd notes - they sound about the same length as the 32nd notes in m30 and appear to come in right after beat 4.5 instead of on beat 4.75.

I still hear this as it is currently written, based on my earlier feedback.

But yes I'm finished with this.  Really great sheet. Approved.

7
Hm listening again I think I hear a B an octave below so I suppose it's fine here... it just sounds a bit denser than the original. Up to you I suppose.

Not the octave below, it's a B a major second below the C#.  The sound is very distinctive in my opinion.
This one I'm pretty sure of - don't really hear the figure jump up and play D-E-D there.

As I said, I can hear what you're talking about.  I just left it as is while I was thinking about it.  I had another listen and I think it's more likely the A, so I've changed it now.

- Do you want to include rests for the vocal line in m16 like you do elsewhere? It is a bit unwieldy to write here, though, with the Layer 1 stems...

I think you've answered your own question with this one.

- In m64 RH, there's an Eb grace note before the C grace note on beat 4 that you might consider including.
- In m65, the En is doubled an octave up on beat 1, if you wanted to include that in the RH.

I think that's from the little guitar strum beforehand.  There's also a Bb just before the Eb.  I wanted to leave this stuff out to keep this section lighter in contrast to the subsequent section.

- In m69, I hear the guitar melody play an additional F# on beat 2 (right before the F# you already have written in). Also, to my ear the D on beat 4.5 sounds like it's held, not re-articulated on beat 5, but it's hard to make out exactly, so there's room for interpretation there.

Sounds good to me.  I think it makes more sense with the D rearticulated and that's what I hear so I left it.

- Ehh, I don't like the way m78 is written out... From a glance, it looks like the dotted quarter and the eighth in the second half of the measure belong to the same line. Maybe flip the dotted quarter down?

I wasn't sure about this but tried it and it looks good to me.

- Obligatory have-to-mention-at-least-once: I think the m81 dynamic could be moved up slightly to be better centered with the crescendo.

No you really didn't but I moved it up one pip anyway.

One last thing I forgot to mention earlier...

Since that video you linked says English version, I figured there was a Japanese version and it is indeed on the OST. Since you don't have lyrics, it might be a good idea to include the extra melody notes (or mark the missing notes) that are in the other version(s) cuz sometimes the syllables are different. From the listing on VGMdB, it looks like there's an instrumental version too. Up to you I guess, idk how much that would overcomplicate your sheet, but it's something to think about.

Yes I'm aware of the Japanese version haha.  I think generally speaking with all of the FE stuff with dual language songs we've stuck to the English versions so far and I think that's the best course to take.  If you compare the differences in syllables I think you'll quickly see that notating the differences (not that much) doesn't really justify the visual mess we're going to introduce onto the sheet by trying to convey both.  It's bad enough in choral music where it's the sung parts are the only things on the staves.  Conveying the instrumental version would require a whole new sheet, since the right hand choices would be completely different (although actually I have a voice + piano sheet lying around so it'd be no extra effort really for me, but I don't think it needs tacking onto this sheet.  It's already long enough.)



Thanks for the feedback guys!  New files up.

8
Heyyy great work. Lovin' this song.

Thanks.  And thanks for giving it a look.

- I would recommend courtesy accidentals on these notes:
M. 12 (RH; second layer; beat 1) F#.
M. 13 (RH; second layer; beat 2) A natural.
M. 18 (LH; last note) A natural.
M. 21 (LH; third note) A natural.

Hmm, I'm not really sure about any of these.  In bar 12, you already have the F# in bass so I think it is unlikely to get confused.  In bar 13, you similarly have already played an An in the left hand so it is unlikely to me mistaken, especially since there is a rest between the notes.  Again in 18 there is the low An before the note in question.  The one in bar 21 is the one I'd be most likely to add, but even then I think it's unlikely to be mistaken.  I generally only add courtesy accidentals when I think the accidentals are particularly confusing (although I was uncharacteristically nice in bar 30, but even this one I think is more likely to be mistaken than 21 as the note in question is the first of the bar).

- Last measure - I would recommend adding a little bit of a bracket to the 8va to give a tad more clarity. Like this:

I don't recall seeing 8vas used like this in any published music, but that's just my exposure to published music. No doubt there are some with 8vas used in this fashion. Either way, it's totally up to you.

I don't really mind either way.  I'll change it.

New files are up.  I also adjusted a bunch of other miscellaneous things that I spotted.

9
I'm going to archive this for inactivity.  Feel free to resubmit when you've had an opportunity to go over Latios' feedback.

10
I'm going to archive this for inactivity.  Feel free to resubmit whenever you have the time to work on this again.

11
Bump for arranger.

14
I'm going to archive this one for inactivity.  Feel free to resubmit after taking account of Static's feedback.

15
Bump for arranger.

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