[05:11:23] <Sauce> Okay:
[05:11:29] <Sauce> So there's this girl named Bella
[05:11:43] <Sauce> she's like "Omg I luv phoenix, oh well I'll leave and go to this redneck hick town in Washington"
[05:12:47] <Sauce> She was like "ok i'm in washington, wut do I do"
[05:13:02] <Sauce> And her dad who divorced her mom is liek "live with me and cook
"
[05:13:08] <Sauce> So she's like "lulz k"
[05:13:21] <Sauce> So she's like "omg I'm nervous about this new school, omg! D: "
[05:13:38] <Sauce> But then her dad's like "Don't worry, I bot u a truck :3 "
[05:13:42] <Sauce> So she takes her truck and goes to school
[05:13:46] <Sauce> Oh, and the truck is loud and stuff.
[05:13:50] <Sauce> And fat and red and old.
[05:13:52] <Sauce> Like santa.
[05:13:56] <Sauce> ANYWAYS
[05:14:01] <Sauce> She goes to school, and everybody is like...
[05:14:05] <Sauce> "*stare*"
[05:14:10] <Sauce> They all stare at her, you see.
[05:14:17] <Sauce> And so she's like "omg nervous D:"
[05:14:29] <Sauce> But these people are like "lol ur gud, sit with us at lunch
"
[05:14:36] <Sauce> So she sits with these people
[05:14:44] <Sauce> And they're like "lulz be frindz wif us"
[05:14:47] <Sauce> So she's like "lulz k"
[05:14:59] <Sauce> And then there are these sexy dudes and chicks on the other side of the lunch foom
[05:15:08] <Sauce> And she's like "wtf, who are teh pale sexy peepz?"
[05:15:22] <Sauce> And this one chick's like "Ohay, they're the cullens. They're all hawtness, but emo and hate the world"
[05:15:26] <Sauce> So she's like "lulz k"
[05:15:33] <Sauce> But this one guy, Edward starts to stare at her.
[05:15:40] <Sauce> And she's like "omg hawtness, but scary"
[05:15:44] <Sauce> He has black eyess
[05:16:04] <Sauce> Anyways.
[05:16:18] <Sauce> So she's like "zomg"
[05:16:22] <Sauce> Anyways, she goes to biology
[05:16:28] <Sauce> And her lab partner is teh hawt guy with black eyes.
[05:16:52] <Sauce> She sits down next to edward
[05:17:05] <Sauce> And he's like "OMG I HATE YOU *STARE* I HATE YOU GET AWAY!"
[05:17:10] <Sauce> So he leans away from her.
[05:17:18] <Sauce> And doesn't breathe and clenches his fists.
[05:17:24] <Sauce> Shes like "omg this hawt guy hates me"
[05:17:30] <Sauce> Anyways, she goes home.
[05:17:36] <Sauce> And she sleeps and cooks dinner
[05:17:39] <Sauce> (not in that order)
[05:17:43] <Sauce> Then she wakes up.
[05:17:46] <Sauce> And goes to school again.
[05:17:53] <Sauce> And she's like "Omg where's teh hawtness guy"?
[05:17:58] <Sauce> And her friends are like "lol idk"
[05:18:04] <Sauce> So she is super mad and confused
[05:18:14] <Sauce> "omg did I make him leave omg so sad sorry confused :? omg"'t go on a hunting trip
[05:19:29] <Sauce> So, she meets this guy, mike
[05:19:39] <Sauce> And he's lik "Omg bella u teh hawtness, hav sex pl0x?"
[05:19:47] <Sauce> And bella's like 'n thx maybe l8r"
[05:19:59] <Sauce> And she meets this girl, Jessica
[05:20:04] <Sauce> She's like "hay2u"
[05:20:09] <Sauce> And bella's like "lol hi"
[05:20:13] <Sauce> ANYWAYS
[05:20:18] <Sauce> A week later, edward comes back
[05:20:40] <Sauce> And then edwards like "lol hi, I'm teh edward. I'm hawtness"
[05:20:55] <Sauce> And Bella's like (mentally) "ZOMGZOMGZOMG HE"S TALKING TO LITTLE OLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!one!"
[05:21:01] <Sauce> So she's totally horny
[05:21:09] <Sauce> And then they do this lab on mitosis
[05:21:16] <Sauce> And he's like "lulz prophase"
[05:21:20] <Sauce> And she's like 'lulz interphase"
[05:21:30] <Sauce> And everybody's like "lulz they are having intellectual sex"
[05:21:33] <Sauce> Anyways.
[05:21:41] <Sauce> She thinks he's cool and stuff, and he doens't hate her as much.
[05:21:50] <Sauce> They start talking and what not.
[05:22:05] <Sauce> And eventually he's liek "lol come sit wif me"
[05:22:18] <Sauce> And she's like "lulz k"
[05:22:18] <Sauce> And they talk.
[05:22:18] <Sauce> Blah
[05:22:18] <Sauce> And then she goes home and like masturbates or something.
[05:22:19] <Sauce> idk
[05:22:27] <Sauce> Anyways, soon it starts to snow and stuff
[05:22:32] <Sauce> And she's like "hoshit ice"
[05:22:39] <Sauce> But her dad's like "hoshit snow chains on teh truck"
[05:22:48] <Sauce> So she's like "hoshit tankz"
[05:22:59] <Sauce> So she goes to school and totally wtf parks in a parking spot.
[05:23:14] <Sauce> And then all of the sudden some guy in a cars comes right at her!
[05:23:17] <Sauce> hoshit!
[05:23:22] <Sauce> And then it's like slow mothion
[05:23:26] <Sauce> And the car spins around!
[05:23:28] <Sauce> *spin*
[05:23:39] <Sauce> And she sees Edward far away
[05:23:48] <Sauce> And she's liek omgomgomg car
[05:24:03] <Sauce> But then out of nowhere Edward's liek "ohay, *shove out of way of car*
[05:24:16] <Sauce> And then the car like ... comes back to try and get her again.
[05:24:26] <Sauce> But Edward's like "i dun think so *super strength*"
[05:24:32] <Sauce> And then he blocks the car with his shoulder
[05:24:38] <Sauce> And it's like *crunch*
[05:24:51] <Sauce> He's like 'hoshit u almost got pwnt, u k?"
[05:24:56] <Sauce> And she's like "lolno, ow"
[05:25:11] <Sauce> She's then like "wtf, how did you get here and save meh, u wer over dere *point over dere* "
[05:25:21] <Sauce> And he's liek "i dunno, shaddup"
[05:25:25] <Sauce> So she does.
[05:25:33] <Sauce> Then she goes to the hospiaa;l\
[05:25:48] <Sauce> And the surgeons are like "lol u be fine"
[05:26:08] <Sauce> And then the one head doctor, who is Edward's adoptive father (also pale 'n' sexy) is like "lol X-RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[05:26:14] <Sauce> And she's wtf fine.
[05:26:17] <Sauce> So she goes home
[05:26:31] <Sauce> But the kid who hit her, tyler, is like "OMGOMGOGOMGOGMOGMO SO SORRY! D: D:D: I LUV U! "
[05:26:38] <Sauce> He's all bloody so she leaves though.
[05:26:52] <Sauce> Later she's like 'edward, how u do that, u gat super powrz"
[05:26:55] <Sauce> And he's like "lolno"
[05:27:08] <Sauce> She's like 'u got bit by a radioactive spider, huh?"
[05:27:17] <Sauce> And he's like "lolno" again.
[05:27:20] <Sauce> So she's like "k"
[05:27:35] <Sauce> Then her friends mike and jessica are like "come to teh beach wif us, it'll pwn"
[05:27:40] <Sauce> So she's like "k"
[05:27:48] <Sauce> She gets all pissy though since it's cold, but they don't care.
[05:28:00] <Sauce> At the beach, she's like "whoa this is on an indian reservation or somting"
[05:28:18] <Sauce> And so this dude, jacob black is like 'ohay, i r indian"
[05:28:26] <Sauce> She's like "zomg i got sum truck from yo daddy!"
[05:28:31] <Sauce> He's like 'neato'
[05:28:37] <Sauce> Then she gets all flirty with him
[05:28:42] <Sauce> Wait, not yet, scratch that.
[05:28:52] <Sauce> Mike's all "ohay, why didn't edward cullen come"
[05:29:03] <Sauce> And some indian guy is like "THOSE CULLENS DON'T COME HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[05:29:04] <Sauce> "
[05:29:09] <Sauce> So Bella gets hella bella suspicious.
[05:29:24] <Sauce> She decides she wants some info, so she gets all flirty with Jacob
[05:29:35] <Sauce> "Hey there *bat eyelashes* i hurd the cullens dun come here. y? "
[05:29:57] <Sauce> So Jacob's like "lol vampires. Our tribe is werewulvz and we dun like teh vampies"
[05:30:03] <Sauce> Bella's like "orly?"
[05:30:26] <Sauce> He's like "yarly. Old tribal legend says that they want teh blud. But they're nice vampies, so it's k. They still cant come on mah land though. lol superstitions"
[05:30:34] <Sauce> So bella's like "wtf haxx"
[05:30:41] <Sauce> ANYWAYS...
[05:30:50] <Sauce> She gets all interested in vampire crap
[05:30:57] <Sauce> She googles it, but gets crappy information
[05:31:01] <Sauce> She's like "lol this sux"
[05:31:08] <Sauce> Anyways...
[05:31:17] <Sauce> She and Edward talk more.
[05:31:21] <Sauce> She's like "hay u"
[05:31:27] <Sauce> And he's like "want sum sex?"
[05:31:32] <Sauce> And she's like "maybe l8r"
[05:31:42] <Sauce> So they get all lovey dovey
[05:32:00] <Sauce> Eventually, Jessica and her bitchy friends are liek "u wanna go shopping in this shady town"?
[05:32:04] <Sauce> And she's like "lulz sure"
[05:32:20] <Sauce> But she's totally a nub, and looks for a bookstore while her girlfrinds by sexy clothes.
[05:32:25] <Sauce> But she can't find one.
[05:32:34] <Sauce> She goes to come dark alley and she's like...
[05:32:38] <Sauce> "Bookstore, where u b?"
[05:32:49] <Sauce> And these mean people are like "ohay little girl"
[05:32:55] <Sauce> And she's like "omg rapists!"
[05:33:05] <Sauce> So then edward comes out of nowhere and is liek "nup"
[05:33:08] <Sauce> And saves her.
[05:33:22] <Sauce> She's like omg edward u saved me twice, i want your vampenis"
[05:33:29] <Sauce> And he's like "What do you mean "vampenis"
[05:33:36] <Sauce> So she explains what she knows about him.
[05:33:43] <Sauce> And he's like "damn I've been found out"
[05:33:51] <Sauce> So he explains to her that he can run fast, be strong, and read minds.
[05:33:59] <Sauce> And that he eats animal blood instead of peepl blood.
[05:34:15] <Sauce> She's like 'orly, ur eyes are dark and ur pissy, is that cuz u hungry for blud"
[05:34:18] <Sauce> And he's like "zomg yeah"
[05:34:25] <Sauce> So they talk.
[05:34:30] <Sauce> Turns out that Edward is 100 years old
[05:34:44] <Sauce> He was born in 1901 but was dying from the spanish influenza in Chicago
[05:35:07] <Sauce> And then, his adoptive father, the head guy at the current hospital was like "lulz, u gat no family, u gonna die"
[05:35:14] <Sauce> He was like " D: "
[05:35:39] <Sauce> So the doctor guy (Carlisle Cullen) was like "hay2u. wanna be vampire?"
[05:35:48] <Sauce> So Edward Cullen was like "FUCK YEAH!"
[05:35:55] <Sauce> So bam, vampire
[05:36:00] <Sauce> Anyways...
[05:36:06] <Sauce> Edward brings Bella home.
[05:36:12] <Sauce> And she's like "omgomgomg vampenis"
[05:36:20] <Sauce> She probably masturbates
[05:36:29] <Sauce> Back at school, edward and her get nice and flirty
[05:36:35] <Sauce> "Hay bella"
[05:36:38] <Sauce> "hey ed"
[05:36:43] <Sauce> " *make-out* "
[05:36:51] <Sauce> Eventually, edward decides to take her on a date.
[05:36:59] <Sauce> He's like "lets go to this meadow. it'll be sunny"
[05:37:07] <Sauce> And she's like "lol I'm clumsy, oh well lez go"
[05:37:13] <Sauce> So they go, and it's far away.
[05:37:18] <Sauce> And he gets naked and sparkles
[05:37:22] <Sauce> Then they get flirty again'
[05:37:35] <Sauce> He tries to be all deep and says like "I left because I wanted to protect you :| "
[05:37:38] <Sauce> But they just make out more.
[05:37:48] <Sauce> Then she gets on his back, and he runs at super speed back to her house.
[05:37:50] <Sauce> The end.
[05:37:55] <Sauce> (that's where I am at least)
- - - -
TO BE CONTINUED - - - -
[00:16:10] <Sauce> Alright, so they go back to what’s her face’s house…… Oh yeah, Bella. And then edward’s like “lol I wach u win u sleep :3â€
[00:16:12] <Sauce> So bella’s all “OMG NO! BITCH!â€
[00:16:14] <Sauce> And edward’s like “no, it’s gud. ur like ‘omg sex me Edward!’
[00:16:16] <Sauce> Bella’s like ‘omg embarrassingâ€
[00:16:17] <Sauce> And he’s like “o wellâ€
[00:16:19] <Sauce> Anyways… when Edward finally leaves, her dad comes home and iz like “make me dinnur bitchâ€
[00:16:20] <Sauce> And she’s like “lulz aightâ€
[00:16:22] <Sauce> He’s like “u had sex with any boys at skewl?â€
[00:16:24] <Sauce> And she’s all “eew cootiesâ€
[00:16:25] <Sauce> He’s like “how bout dat mike kidâ€
[00:16:27] <Sauce> She’s like “he’s sexing with Jessica nao, nthxâ€
[00:16:28] <Sauce> He’s all “oâ€
[00:16:30] <Sauce> She’s then like “lemme sleep, k?â€
[00:16:31] <Sauce> He’s like “kâ€
[00:16:33] <Sauce> But in her room, edward’s like “hay uâ€
[00:16:35] <Sauce> “omg wut r u doin in mah rum! D: scary! “
[00:16:36] <Sauce> So he’s all “I dunno, lolâ€
[00:16:38] <Sauce> And then they have more dumb ushy-gushy flirty talk
[00:16:39] <Sauce> Edward’s all “u b drivin meh crazyâ€
[00:16:41] <Sauce> So Bella’s liek “omg yeyâ€
[00:16:43] <Sauce> Then he’s all “I cant tayk ur smell, it r 2 gud, lemme bit jewâ€
[00:16:44] <Sauce> And bell’s like “nthxâ€
[00:16:46] <Sauce> Edward’s all “okay I’ll try not 2 bit jew, but It b hard ï‹ cuz u r gud smelly “
[00:16:47] <Sauce> So they talk more.
[00:16:49] <Sauce> Blah.
[00:16:51] <Sauce> “oh bella, u maek me feel liek a hooman :3 “
[00:16:52] <Sauce> Bella’s like “kewlâ€
[00:16:54] <Sauce> Edward’s like “lolololol u smell like fudâ€
[00:16:55] <Sauce> Bella’s like “shaddap! D: “
[00:16:57] <Sauce> Edward’s all “wanna tok bout creation, evolution and baby seals? ;3 “
[00:16:58] <Sauce> Then Bella goes crazy and wants to get married to Edward.
[00:17:00] <Sauce> “HAY LETZ GIT MARRIED! :O :O :O “
[00:17:02] <Sauce> But edward’s like “nthx maybe nevur. u too fragile. u liek teh baby sealâ€
[00:17:03] <Sauce> Then Edward goes crazy. “BITCH GO 2 BED!
“
[00:17:05] <Sauce> Anyways…
[00:17:07] <Sauce> She wakes up and, zomg edward’s there
[00:17:08] <Sauce> Edward’s liek “hay2uâ€
[00:17:09] <Sauce> And Bella’s liek “I haz a hungry
“
[00:17:11] <Sauce> So edward’s like “git sum fud. I dun eat though, I r vampireâ€
- - - -
TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN - - - -
