So I was thinking about my poor friend that wasn't insulting enough to some lecherous American, so I figured I'd start a thread to keep track of stuff I've picked up.
Submissions are welcome, but only do so if you are actually fluent. Meaning you don't need alcohol to be coaxed into speaking the language well. This is also a reminder thread for how I'm supposed to learn another language!
Phrases are listed with their language and name of the translator. I won't include spoken instructions for anything that google can do to save space. This is pretty much everything but Cantonese (which I can probably assist with and submit material for) although it still doesn't replace someone actually saying it for you to get the correct pitch. There is jyutping for written instructions but I think that the extra numbers won't help much to non-natives either).
General(To a friend, platonic) I love you.
German (manio): Ich mag dich.
Dutch (Bloop): Ik mag je.
Lithuanian (DrP): Man tu patinka.
Swedish (DrP): Jag gillar dig.
Portuguese (DrP): Eu ti gosto.
Spanish (DrP): Tu me gusta.
(To someone you LOOOOVE) I love you.
German (manio): Ich liebe dich.
Dutch (Bloop): Ik hou(d) van je (Can also say this to relatives)
French (Roz): Je t'aime/Je t'adore.
Lithuanian (DrP): Aš myliu tave.
Swedish (DrP): Jag älskar dig.
Portuguese (DrP): Te amo.
Spanish (DrP): Te amo.
Chinese (Insig): 我爱你. (Maybe it's because no one loves me, but I only hear this said in Mandarin?)
(To your relatives) I love you.German (manio): Ich hab(e) dich lieb. (Probably only socially acceptable to say if you're a girl -Xaoz)
French (Roz): Je t'aime.
Lithuanian (DrP): Aš myliu tave.
Swedish (DrP): Jag älskar dig.
Portuguese (DrP): Te amo.
Spanish (DrP): Te amo.
What the hell are you talking about?Spoken Cantonese (Ruto): 你講乜鬼呀? (Pronounced "nei gong mat gwai ah?")
Dutch (Bloop):Waar in godsnaam heb je het over?
Canadian French (Roz): Putain, mais de quoi tu parles? / De quoi tu parles?
French (Roz): De quoi tu jases? / De quoi tu parles?
Lithuanian (DrP): Ką tu sakai?
Swedish (DrP): Vad pratar du om?
Portuguese (DrP): O que ti está falando?
Spanish (DrP): De qué estás hablando?
German (Xaoz): Wovon zum Teufel redest du?
Shit (used whenever it's appropriate to swear)Spoken Mandarin (Kefka):哇靠 (wa kào)
Dutch (Bloop): Kut/godverdomme/godsamme/verdomme/kak
Canadian French (Roz): Tabarnak, osti, viarge, ciboire, sacrament, calice, criss, etc...
French (Roz): Putain (I'm not really familiar with France's swear words)/Merde
(DrP)Lithuanian (DrP): šūdas (pron. shudas)
Swedish (DrP): Sket.
Portuguese (DrP): Merda.
Spanish (Ruto, DrP): Coño/Mierda. (Of these two, I have heard coño used more as the equivalent of "shit!", even though it doesn't just mean that.)
German (DrP, Xaoz): Scheiße (shit)/verdammt (damn)
Go to hellChinese (Insig):去死吧!
Dutch (Bloop): Ga naar de hel/Sodemieter op!/Rot op!
Canadian French (Roz): Va chier.
French (Roz): French: Vas te faire foutre.
Lithuanian (DrP): Eina į pragarą.
Swedish (DrP): Gå till helvetet.
Portuguese (DrP): Vá ao inferno.
Spanish (Ruto): Vete al diablo.
German (Xaoz): Scher dich zum Teufel.
Whore (insult for women, usually about prostitution)Chinese (Ruto): 妓 (gei, sounds the same as "chicken")
Spanish (Ruto): Puta.
German (Xaoz): Hure (whore), Nutte (hooker), Schlampe (slut) (choose freely!)
Dutch (Bloop): Hoer (whore), slet (slut)
RestaurantI'd like to doggie bag this, please. (Pack up the leftovers to go) Spoken Cantonese (Ruto): 唔該幫我打包 (mm goi bong ngau da bao) (if you say the last two words "doggie bag", usually that's enough for the waiter. There are instances where you shouldn't do this, such as a fancy company dinner, lalala...)
Dutch (Bloop)Ik zou dit graag in een bagje willen, alstublieft.
Getting out of troubleCan I throw up in your bathroom? I'll buy something.German (manio): Kann ich mich im Badezimmer übergeben? Ich kauf(e) auch was.
Dutch (Bloop): Mag ik in je badkamer kotsen? Ik koop je wel wat.
French (Roz): Je peux vomir dans ta toilette? Je vais t'acheter quelque chose.
Lithuanian (DrP): Ar galiu vemti jūsų vonios kambaryje? Aš pirkti kažką.
Swedish (DrP): Kan jag kasta upp i ditt badrum? Jag ska köpa något.
Portuguese (DrP): Posso deitar-se em o seu banheiro? Vou comprar algo.
Spanish (DrP): Puedo tirar en tu baño? Me compraré algo.
I'm really drunk.Finnish (FSM): Olen erittäin juovuksissa.
Polish (Deku):Ja jestem pijany. (if you're male)
Polish (Deku):Ja jestem pijana. (if you're female)
Dutch (Bloop):Ik ben echt aangeschoten.
French (Roz): Male: Je suis complètement saoul.
French (Roz): Female: Je suis complètement saoule.
Lithuanian (DrP): Aš labai girtas.
Swedish (DrP): Jag är verkligen berusade.
Portuguese (DrP): Eu estou muito bêbado.
Spanish (DrP): Estoy muy bebido/borracho.
You're really sweet.German (manio): Du bist wirklich süß.
Dutch (Bloop): Je bent echt heel lief.
French (Roz): Male: T'es vraiment gentil.
French (Roz): Female: T'es vraiment gentille.
I'm taken.Dutch (Bloop): Ik ben bezet.
French (Roz): Je suis pris/prise
or J'ai déjà quelqu'un
Stop being sexy.Dutch (Bloop): Stop eens met sexy zijn.
French (Roz): Arrête d'être sexy.
[/b]I don't speak (language)[/b]
Chinese (Insig): 我不会讲
中文 [廣東話 or 白話 for Cantonese, 普通話 or 國語 for Mandarin]
Spoken Cantonese (Ruto): 我唔識講
中文 [廣東話 or 白話 for Cantonese, 普通話 or 國語 for Mandarin]
French (Insig): Je ne parle pas français.
Japanese (Insig): 日本語を話せません.
Dutch (Bloop): Ik spreek geen Nederlands
Getting in trouble/dirty stuffUndress me.
German (manio): Zieh mich aus.
Dutch (Bloop): Kleed me uit
French (Roz): Déshabille-moi.
yo ass so fineFinnish (FSM): hyvä perse.
Dutch (Bloop): mooi kontje.
French (Roz): T'as un beau cul.
How long are you? When you're not talking about heightFinnish (FSM): Kuinka pitkä sinulla on?/Kuinka pitkä se on?
Dutch (Bloop): Hoe lang ben je?
French (Roz): Elle mesure combien? / Elle est longue comment?
Can you send me a naked photo?German (manio): Krieg ichn nacktbild von dir? [Written: Kreig ich ein nacktbild dir?]
Dutch (Bloop):Kan je me een naaktfoto sturen?
French (Roz): Tu peux m'envoyer une photo de toi nu?
Regional insults/No categoryLithuanian (DrP): Tu esi slapas pukšto" or "slapas pukštas" [Literally: You're a wet fart]
Spoken Cantonese (Ruto): 仆街 or PK (puk gai) [Literally: Fall onto street]
Spanish (Ruto): ¡Pendejo! (for males), (also means fucker, pubic hair...you can use pendeja, but that's not a common insult for women)
German (Xaoz): Verflixt und zugenäht (

xD)/Arschloch (Asshole)/Wichser (motherfucker; freely: wanker)/Hurensohn (son of a bitch)/Bastard (guess)
Dutch (Bloop): Klootzak (bastard), lul (dick), eikel (dickhead)
German (Ruto/dahans): Sitzpinkler (guy who sits down to pee "not masculine")/Standgebläse (Air conditioner/someone who's so short that they need to stand to give a b******)
Please submit if you can! I'll update here.
Rule #3 ish: Don't ask me why I ask.