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Messages - Libera

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1
Cool, accepted!

2
Firstly let me say that I think this is a very tricky piece to arrange and you've made pretty good stab at it.  In general the map themes of Awakening are nightmares to arrange for piano so I hope all the criticism below doesn't make you feel bad.  I do however think this arrangement needs a bit more work in general to get it sounding/feeling right.



I'll say some general things before I get into specifics.  Overall I think this arrangement is generally quite empty compared to the original, although it's better than when I last looked at it with the additional harmony in places.  Most of my comments that aren't accuracy related are geared towards alleviating this and trying to get the arrangement to sound fuller.  I'd also like to say that I think that this arrangement could use more dynamic variance.  At the moment, the loudest dynamic is forte and the quietest mezzo piano.  I'd recommend widening this range to try and get some more nuance into the dynamics.  Some examples: 67-74 could be more starkly contrasted with 75-82, the crescendo could be bigger in 39-42 etc.

Page 1:
-I hear different notes for left hand beat 3 in nearly all of bars 1-8.  Bar 1 I hear an E, bar 2 a G etc.  Most of them are octaves and definitely not fifths.
-Bars 17-20 are very empty compared to the original.  I can see why you omitted the triplet pattern, but I'd recommend trying to include the strings here so it's not just a single line above a single note bass.  Particularly bar 20 sounds really empty, rhythmically and harmonically.

Page 2:
-There's an amazing harmony line here that mostly moves in sixths below the melody here and I think this section loses out massively by its omission.  Particularly the resolution onto A major in bar 24 is currently only hinted at by the passing C# in the left hand, but would be made completely clear by including the extra harmony here.  Again I think including this would go a long way towards making this section less empty and fuller.
-I don't think you should cut off the melody in bar 28 right on the final beat, it makes that line sound really odd.  I'd recommend instead finishing it on the correct A and then taking over with the new line at the start of 29.  You could still keep the D as harmony if you wanted, but I think you should preserve the ending of that melody.
-I think the first layer A in bar 30 beat 3 should still be an F like in bar 26.
-It'd be nice if there was a way to get across that bars 35-36's RH is not a melody part.  Perhaps a dynamic or something like that?
-In contrast to the rest of the arrangement, bars 39-42 feel way too heavy.  This is section is pretty quiet in comparison the other stuff and yet it's by far the thickest texture in the entire arrangement.  Generally I'd really recommend making this section lighter if you can, but I'll post some specifics in the next few comments.
-I don't hear anything below the top G F Eb in bars 39-40 in the original.
-I'd highly recommend removing the octaves in the melody in bars 39-41.
-I don't hear the parallel thirds in bar 40 at all.
-There's a Bb in bar 40 that moves up to a C on beat 4 (the Bb below middle C that is, although you could put it in the RH also.)
-I'd consider removing the A in the left hand in bar 41.  The A is not that low in the original and you have it in the RH anyway for harmony purposes.  I think it sounds too muddy with the lower power chord there.
-The lower F in the RH of bar 42 beat 1 should be a G.
-Missing an Eb in the RH of the second chord of bar 42.
-I don't hear a low F in the first chord of bar 42.  I'd just write that bar's left hand as octaves or single notes (the lower ones obviously).

Page 3:
-I don't hear these Ds in the left hand of bars 43-37.  It sounds pretty much the same as 55/59 where you wrote Cm.
-Not super sure about bar 45/49 but the loudest note I can hear on these backbeats is a C, which is omitted.  The third of the chord is pretty important to include I think.
-You include the countermelody in bars 55-62 but not in bars 43-50.  Is there a particular reason?  While you'll see my thoughts about including the countermelody in 55-62 further down, I do think the RH could do with a bit more here than just octaves.  Particularly in bar 50 where there is no movement whatsoever in the right hand.
-I'm hearing lots of different notes/harmonies to what you wrote in for bars 51-54.  Could you have another look over this for me?  Particularly there are no parallel sixths in bar 51 (parallel thirds instead), missing Abs in bars 52/54, G on beat 1 of bar 51 etc.  There are lots so I don't want to go through them all really.
-The crescendo in bar 54 should go through all the way to the end of bar 54.
-The top C should restrike on beat 3 of bar 54.
-I'm not a huge fan of the giant rolls in bars 55-57.  I think they are unnecessarily difficult to perform in a non-clunky way and only succeed at preserving the exact octaves of the countermelody which I'm not sure is that important all things considered.
-Speaking of the countermelody, including it in full I think makes this section very awkward and difficult to read.  I would really strongly consider condensing the countermelody into the main part wherever possible (which is in quite a lot of places), or removing it altogether and using it to fill in harmony for the RH.  Particularly places like bar 58 gain practically nothing from being written out in this way and it'd look far simpler if the countermelody was condensed into the melody.  If you still really want to keep it, I'd at least recommend messing around with the positioning of the noteheads manually so that they don't interfere with each other as much.
-Again the top C of bar 61 should restrike on beat 3.
-The rhythm in the right hand of bar 62 doesn't sound right.  I think it should go along with the triplets.

Page 4:
-Bar 63 has the same last note as bar 64 in the left hand.
-The lowest notes in bar 65-66 should be staccato crotchets like in bars 63-64.
-In general there's definitely some muddling of voices/confusion about what's going on in bars 65-66.  Let me give a picture.
Spoiler
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The melody line in bars 65-66 should have an A on beat 2 of bar 64.  (The A on beat 1 actually goes down to the F# on beat 3 and isn't part of that line, so the way it's currently written is kind of confusing voice wise but that should be easy to clear up if you move the current lower layer down to the left hand.)  I'd then move the D# on beat 1 of bar 66 into the second layer and then add the F# on beat 3 of that same voice.
-Again I think it's important to resolve that sweeping violin line in bars 65-66 when you go into 67 rather than dropping it down to some other voice.
-General comment about bars 67-74: I think you should include the part that's exactly (I think) the same as the one in bars 75-82 (but quieter).  At the moment, this section doesn't really sound much to me like the original when I listen along because it's missing that interesting melodic movement that the original (while quiet) still has.  There's also no reason to have to miss out the strings you've written in with the chords since these phrases always start on beat 2.  Definitely consider this.
-Speaking of chords: bars 70-71 I wouldn't double the D, especially not at the top of the chord.  The A should be a G and there should also be an E in here still.
-Bars 71-72 there should still be an E.
-Same for bars 73-74 and there's also more movement in the strings here than written in.  However I don't think it's more important than the line previously mentioned and currently omitted.
-Again in 75-82 you could use thicker harmony from the strings (that you haven't included yet) here like in 67-82.
-I'm not really sure what's going on with beat 4 in the left hand for bars 67-82.  I don't hear this at all and it sounds more like it should be another E or just not there at all.  I'd also suggest using something lighter than three notes on beat 3 because it's not really that heavy in the original.



I am almost certainly going to need a second look at this once the edits start coming in.

3
Submission Archive / Re: [MUL] Minecraft Dungeons - "Halland" by Zeila
« on: January 16, 2021, 08:35:49 PM »
All the changes look good.  One final thing:

I don't think the notation used in the right hand of bars 11 and 19 is very clear.  The fact that the grace is then slurred onto the E is even more confusing I feel.  I'd either ignore the detailed rhythm or notate it normally (approximately is fine).

4
Ok I've just updated the accidentals.  Accepting!

5
There is still that F sharp on beat 3 of m16, right? Because I hear one for sure.

Yes sorry I didn't notice that was a change.  I was talking about how beat 4 should be like it was before.

6
Ooh yeah, got it the high F# - I hear that. I was listening to the harmony below the melody and listening to it again, whatever is playing there sounds like it outlines an A7 chord (which makes sense going to Dm in m. 29). For that reason I think writing it as an A or A7 chord in the RH sounds better on piano. I'll leave that up to you (or the next updater to comment on) though since it's not incorrect as is.

I still don't hear the E or Gn.  I think you may just be being thrown off by the chord being in first inversion with the A in the bass.  I've left this as is again since Mael didn't mention this either.



Thanks for checking, those are some nice catches. 

m12 - I hear the counter melody descending on b2, as a G# instead of the B

I see what you mean but I also still hear the B.  I think for simplicities' sake (you're right that it doesn't do it in bar 42) I'll just keep it to the B.

m30 b2.75 - I hear a E here instead of the G. I get how this might not mesh well with the chord after it though.

I agree.  I think though to avoid the double tap of the E I will just omit that final note.

m19 b2 - I hear almost the same chord from m15 here. Maybe not the C#, but def. the B so maybe the C#could just move down a step.

I agree about the B.  Not sure about the C# but I think for consistency with bar 15 it'd be better to keep it.

m36 - If you're following the guitar instead of the bass on b4, might as well include the E on b3.5 as well.

So I'm open to changing this but one of the ways I was trying to make 5-14/35-44 lighter than 15-24 was by omitting that note.  It's so thick anyway that it's a bit fiddly to try and get the fuller sound out in 15-24 and this was one of the small alterations, as well as extra notes on the left hand chords and octaves in the melody in some places.  As I said I'm open to altering so let me know what you think.

Other things should be fixed and new files are up.

7
Submission Archive / Re: [MUL] Minecraft Dungeons - "Halland" by Zeila
« on: January 16, 2021, 12:26:56 AM »
Overall this looks pretty good, but in the section 25-48 I'm hearing a fair number of different/missing notes and voicings.  Such is the nature of resonanty (tm) solo piano I guess.

-Missing a D below the RH F# in bar 29/37.
-Missing a D above the RH in bar 30/34/38.
-I think missing another D below the RH one in bar 32.
-I think missing a D between the B and F# in bar 33.  (Why are these all Ds haha?)
-Missing a C# above the E in the left hand and an A above the F# in the right hand of bar 35.  Also I think the C# in the right hand might not be there and it's just the lower one.
-Missing a G between the two Ds in bar 40.
-I think missing a D above the left hand one in bar 41.
-I think the F# in bar 42 on beat 1 is actually an octave lower (i.e. in the left hand).
-I think missing a D above the left hand D in bar 45.
-Missing an E above the left hand C# in bar 46 and I think the C# in the right hand isn't there.
-I think missing a G above the C# in the left hand of bar 47.
-The D on top of beat 3 in bar 47 should be an octave lower.

Other things:

-Instead of using accents, I think it would be a better idea to notate the low piano notes in bars 17-24 as separate layer.  I think that would get across the idea more clearly and is visually more striking than accents.
-With that in mind I would also recommend moving the semibreve Gs in the left hand of bars 14 and 22 into the right hand.  That's how someone would probably play it also.

-m16 - I don't hear the octave harmony you have here, just the top 2 notes

I agree with this.  The other thing you mentioned I also commented on somewhere in the big chunk above.

8
-M16:


I hear this as it was written before.

-I only hear the E struck in RH m29, not the full chord.

I hear the F# and C# as well here, not just the E.

9
- Measure 13's beat 3-4 sounds strange with the top melody shifted around to fit with the lower countermelody. I'm hearing this for the original:
Spoiler
[close]
Could you use something more resembling that, potentially opting to drop something like the 16th note pickup in the lower layer?

Yes this was a simplification because the one handed polyrhythm is very awkward to play.  I can put back the E on beat 4 though if that makes it any better though.

- For m. 30 I just hear the melody play a half note D (instead of E-D)

This was me swapping the voice at the top because the guitar line is more interesting here.  I can see why that's probably confusing though so I've adjusted that section.

- I think the guitar line in m. 32-33 would sound better at its original octave, but your choice. The guitar also bends its pitch down to the next note on each beat X.25 in m. 33 and I think I would write those in, but I can see why you might not want to.

The issue I saw with this is the voicings at the end of the phase in bar 32/beginning of bar 33 (putting the guitar line down an octave hides it below the chords) and also would make the chord at bar 35 an octave lower (or you hide the resolution again).  That was my reasoning for doing it like this and I still think it's the best option here.  With regard to the bends, I can't see someone performing that in a way that doesn't just sound like a bunch of messy semiquavers.  I don't think it works on piano in this setting.

- The second chord in m. 28 sounds like Amaj (E instead of F# in the RH)

The F# is in the violin, Gn -> F# from the previous chord.  I don't hear the E.

Hopefully I've addressed your other points in my edits.  Thanks for checking.

10
Looks great!  :)  (Will fix the (two) articulations afterwards.)

11
Submission Archive / Re: [NES] Mega Man - "Ending" by LeviR.star
« on: January 12, 2021, 11:08:44 PM »
Great, accepted!

12
Ok to be clear I was just making a joke about Mael's iconic spelling.  Definitive Edition is clearly the obvious choice here.

13
You make a compelling argument, but still I'm just not sure we should go with Xenoblade Chronicles Devnitive Edition.  For some reason that I can't quite pin down it doesn't sound right to me.

14
Submission Archive / Re: [NES] Mega Man - "Ending" by LeviR.star
« on: January 10, 2021, 06:32:02 PM »
I had it that way before, but the expression shrunk down in respect to the size of the notes. Any way I can fix this?

Ah I see now why you had it as text.  But the answer is yes, this can be fixed!  Right click on the expression and select 'Edit Expression Assignment' and then untick 'Scale Expression with Attached Note'.  I think it's set up that way by default since there are a lot of expressions/articulations that you would want to scale with the size of the note, but not this one.

Other stuff looks good.

15
Submission Archive / Re: [NES] Mega Man - "Ending" by LeviR.star
« on: January 10, 2021, 12:13:16 AM »
Just some small things from me:

-The 'twinkling' indication in the final bar should be entered as an expression rather than text.  (This doesn't actually affect how the sheet looks but it's better practice to do it like this.)
-The con pedale and senza pedale should be aligned to beat 1 of their respective bars rather than the start of the staff.
-The tempo marking in bar 13 could be a bit lower (along with the 8va).  At the moment it's half way between the two systems.

Everything else looks great, nice job.

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