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Messages - Hawkward

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Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 26, 2018, 02:53:23 PM »
Something a little different this time.....

Touhou Project 10.5 - Scarlet Weather Rhapsody - Broken Moon

(I'm sorry it's not a video link, I hope this is okay here, it not a proper improv, I'm just messing around on an inspiration high)


Yesterday I was in town, looking at pianos and thinking about future plans, and I aim to get a Yamaha Clavinova CLP-675 hopefully next year.

But... I was desperate for something different sounding, and I couldn't use my piano for MIDI... which is where a friend brought up ASIO4ALL, which has reduced latency to about 10-15ms. So immediately I downloaded a demo version of a Piano VST to try out, and the above link is just a rushed improvisation of Broken Moon from Touhou Project :)

I'm not sure if this sound is better than my current piano, it costs about €90, so if it goes well, I might invest in it?

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 17, 2018, 01:45:43 PM »
New upload....

Pokémon DPPT - Pokémon League (Day)
Arrangement by: QWERTYkid911 (adapted slightly)

This could technically go in the NSM Performances thread but I didn't want to spam the board with topics just in case... Also i wasn't too sure if I should link their arrangement page on the main site or look for their relevant thread here on NSM so I chose to do the former on this occasion, if I do anything wrong/stupid with my formatting, please do correct me!  :)

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 16, 2018, 03:11:15 PM »
Updated OP just there :) I'll find a format eventually, but what I have will do for now lmao.

Thank you! Hope you enjoyed what you watched, I think the anime had a lot to live up to, it needed to find a certain pace, certain changes needed to be made, I can understand you not having watched more yet - for example, in the anime, there's a female character you see in the first episode "Yarei" who is actually originally a male in the light novels, a change made to try make them more relevant as a rival I guess....

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 16, 2018, 12:18:43 PM »
Fresh out the oven....

Spice and Wolf II OP - Mitsu no Yoake (蜜の夜明け) - Piano Cover
Arrangement by: Zacky the Pianist

Do you guys think I should update my original post each time I upload a new video to share here?

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 13, 2018, 02:47:08 PM »
Yeah! In terms of music, parts of Mega Man 2, 3, allll of 9 (We Are The Robots! <3), and just Nitro Man's stage from 10. Though you're totally right, because of the limitations of the hardware, I can imagine the music kind of HAD to be crazy and all over the place, which definitely played to its strengths.

If you haven't already 20XX offers some really freaking insane/catchy music. It released on consoles a few days ago and has been on Steam for some time, highly recommended if you're still into Mega Man style games. I plan to also pick up Mega Man X at the end of the month as my first proper attempt to get into the X series.

Sadly, I've never played any of Yoshi's games, but i checked out that theme, and it just... puts this huge smile on my face? :3 Thank you for sharing ~

As for Touhou... I'm mostly attached to Touhou 10.5, 11, 12.3 and 13 - despite Suika being my favourite, I haven't really dove into anything as much as I have from 10.5 onwards. I was a bit conflicted with Touhou 14, because ZUNpets started disappearing, but I love it almost as much now as well.

I'm kinda burning out for now sorry, let's just say I intend to be around, and try to expand into other threads at some point, see how it goes :) Maybe we'll now have Broken Moon 2018, 2019, 2020  ;D 

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 13, 2018, 01:54:02 PM »
Thank you.... I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to reply to what was essentially a wall of struggles and some insight into myself.

For some amount of time... I generally just didn't want to be seen as someone who only did Touhou, or only did the same stuff over and over.

I have this comfort area - Broken Moon - When I play piano, I always, always play Broken Moon in Gm, though try to play it differently each time... I never think about what I'm playing much, I'll 'feel' the mood to play it in 3/4 or 6/8, or feel the mood to play it in staccato to break up any monotony, or maybe I'll want to just thunder down with octaves on the chorus segment, or even try to beef up the octaves into chords etc etc. Recently I've been having moments where I'll hit anything during a grace period in the song on the left hand so long as it's in key, I worry that if I cover it on YouTube again people will be all "ugh, not THIS again".

Broken Moon to me, is like Dearly Beloved to Kyle Landry. It's one of those themes that I feel a lot of attachment to, hence my avatar of Suika Ibuki, and the tshirt I own, and my figures.... you get the point xD

I have found recent inspiration in the form of Mega Man 9 and 20XX, but sadly, I feel my lack of ability to either play the amazing arranges on here, or to try make my own arrangement of something from 20XX - it's too fast, even if I slow things down or try to strip it down there's so much going on in the background.... I can hear how amazing it would sound if an amazingly talented person were to arrange it, but I can never reach out fully to grab onto that inspiration and try to pretend to be that amazing person because I feel completely out of my league, largely down to my left hand (I BLAME CASIO CHORDS IN HIGH SCHOOL GAAHH!!), but I don't want to dumb it down to just the same octaves....

But yeah, thank you again, it felt good to get some stuff out in the open... and thank you so much for checking out the Soundcloud link!! It was largely inspired, and took the main flow from intro of The Capital City of Flowers In the Sky, I was going more for a title screen feeling, but it does actually sound like it could also be more like an ending, or score entry screen now that i think about it :)

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 13, 2018, 11:48:20 AM »
Thanks Latios! Also congrats on the promotion recently :)


So... this might be weird but I want to write about criticisms on myself, and why I chose to share the videos that I did.

This is a format I've never tried before but I want to try illustrate the reasons I feel something qualifies as worth sharing, but also my stance and approach to uploading on YouTube, if this is better to belong in a different thread, then please do let me know

My thoughts might jump from topic to topic, but I'll try and piece it together as best I can


So... I wish I could have shared other videos in my thread, though I feel the need to hold back as I have over 80+ videos of me playing piano since 2008, my first upload literally being the first thing I learnt for myself. While I could flood this thread with my videos, I felt that would not leave a strong impression.

I've always had this need for constructive, honest feedback which I would struggle to get, I don't want to come across as complacent with my achievements because as I'm sure everyone else here might, I look at myself very critically even down to the camera angle. My family wouldn't care much for what I did, my mum just new I played piano and had a channel, and ultimately, she would praise everything and anything I do.

One thing that I could almost never do on YouTube, was provide a flawless performance.... it got to the point that these flaws would eat at me, and they still kind of might depending, but I settled at being able to share something if I made a mistake or two. But this need to be perfect or else I'm doing bad ended up having a negative impact, and as my channel slowly went to trying to pander to my viewers wants, my pace slowed down, and I found it difficult to pick myself up.

Here is my first ever piano video on YouTube, Zelda's Lullaby....

In 2011, I had quit school because I was sick of being bullied, I didn't have anything going for me, and I just wanted out of it, but I got a new piano, and so I would dedicate more, and eventually revisit the same piece of music....


The videos I shared at the start of this thread with the exception of Touhou, were moments where I picked something to learn by ear, and try to copy it as close to the original as possible, which is similar to the MIDI videos I shared.

But to be honest.... I don't really know where I'm at now.....

At one point I resigned to the thought I couldn't play anything on YouTube ever again, but to give up all of my hard work, I didn't feel happy at that. I would learn new things, that would immediately feel boring as soon as I tried, I would listen to a piece of video game music and want to make something of it... but then come crashing down as I feel it's beyond me, and felt hopeless, I would look at my older videos and think "look at this amazing guy I'm not", it was despairing.

This mindset is partly why I had uploaded more improvisations, I would do more of my own things, I would put my own spin on what I learn, and that worked a bit better. But it has been an emotional rollercoaster as my difficulty with piano has deeper roots tied to my day to day life, largely inspiration and motivation.

The whole purpose of me uploading so much in the first place, was to have a story to tell, to show people where I am in a years time, five years time, etc etc, but I feel that since I had stopped uploading four years ago, I hit the pianists version of writers block.

A bit before improvising mostly on piano, I also wanted to make my own Touhou inspired music which I shared on Soundcloud.... (I never managed to finish this)

Thankfully this year has been more positive already, I have been more optimistic, and I have been looking at my older videos instead as accomplishments I'm proud of, my wife also being supportive, listening to me criticise myself every time I play something, being a strong support for me... I eventually set my eyes on something I wanted to learn, and for the first time in years, I had overcome a barrier, which I will share as an upload soon when I can record it.

Though I continue to be fearful that I'll fall back into depression and doubt myself, fear I can't find anything I want to learn, etc etc.

I don't know if that'll ever change... but yeah....


I'm really sorry for rambling on ><.... I feel there's more I want to put in, but I just hit a wall and can't think of anything right now.

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 11, 2018, 06:03:38 PM »
On topic.... and rather embarrassing actually.... I did try dab into creating sheet music once before in musescore... in 2011

Persona 3 FES - Brand New Days, The Beginning - Piano Tutorial

I probably did EVERYTHING wrong back then, probably wrong key, probably wrong impossible to get wrong stuff, but I felt pressured admittedly by my own followers at the time, and pushed myself to try make a sheet seeing as I had so many people at the time messaging me "where's the sheet music?".

Once I started covering Persona... EVERYONE WANTED PERSONA... so I felt I had to do more persona, etc etc....

..... and then I took my four year hiatus soon after.

BUT!! I tried making a sheet! That's what matters, no matter how shit it turned out, I tried and I wanna try again soon so.... whoo!

Other Performance Videos / Re: Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 11, 2018, 04:42:48 PM »
Thank you for the positive responses!

I've seen there's a good amount of Touhou Project in the miscellaneous section (and lots more on the arrangement pages?  ;D ), so it was wrong of me to excuse it as relevant so quickly! I'm definitely going to check out everyone's other arranges not present on the NSM main site <3

My pace atm is a bit weird, since my daughter being born, it's hard to allocate time to learn stuff. I do have a couple of things in the burner that I've already learnt but just have to play, but getting a time where I'm on top form at the same time as as not having to be 100% there for Marisa (yes, fight me), has been challenging to say the least.....
- Pokémon DPPT - Pokemon League (Daytime)
- Spice and Wolf - Mitsu no Yoake (Season 2 OP)

I hope it's okay to include any covers of anime related music here as well.

Might grab a trial for finale when I feel able to dive in, is it easy enough to work with on a laptop (no MIDI controller smaller than my piano OTL)

Other Performance Videos / Hawkward's YouTube Channel
« on: July 11, 2018, 02:38:25 PM »
Most recent uploads....

Pokémon DPPT - Pokémon League (Day)
Arrangement by: QWERTYkid911 (adapted slightly)

Spice and Wolf II OP - Mitsu no Yoake (蜜の夜明け) - Piano Cover
Arrangement by: Zacky the Pianist


First post here! I can't believe it's taken me so long to sign up here, I love what you guys do and wanted to make an account.

I wasn't sure what to do for my first post, I could have commented on the introduction thread, but I felt I couldn't properly convey who I am, or what I like etc.

For the past 4 years or so, I had taken a hiatus from piano videos (depression, not believing in myself etc etc), when I started getting back learning things just this year, I visited here a lot more, got intrigued in particular by the Pokémon DPPT project, which led me to soon after sign up  :) I hope to upload more stuff again!

In the past, I've done piano performances, and MIDI work, I'll showcase a couple below....

Firstly, my first piano video in a few years.....

Touhou Project - Lullaby of a Deserted Hell (Piano Improvisation)

Symphogear G OST -  Kyoushitsu Monochrome (piano ver.)
(I can't show the piano original to compare because of copyright, sorry!)

Brentalfloss - Introspective Ducks In Space

Persona 4 Arena - Yukiko Amagi's Theme

BlazBlue Continuum Shift Extend - Soukyuu no Hikari (ignore my annotation at the chorus, I made no sense)

I also have a lot of interest in Touhou Project music, but I know that has much less relevance here.

I would like to one day get into making sheets and using either finale or sibelus, but it looks too daunting for me right now... if I could do something like that with more confidence, I would absolutely look to transcribe some Metroid Prime (Particularly Rundas battle theme from Metroid Prime 3 Corruption).

But yeah.... that's it for now I guess?

Sorry if my post is a bit choppy, my 4 month old in the background recently discovered the power of her lungs, hahaha.... save me...... :'(

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