Sorry for the wait on this one, I took a look through and this looks pretty solid. Just have some additional notes and a spacing comment as my current feedback
- m8 RH 4.5 and all beats of m9 I hear an Ab underneath the Fn's.
- m14 LH 2.5-3.0 sounds like Bn which is restruck on 3.5
- for m16 the run looks fine to me.
- m20 LH hearing some harmonies you could add above the current notes, would lead into the RH part of m1. Hearing Fn at 1.0 , beats 2, 3 and 4 hearing Ab's
- I think you could space the bottom two measure systems out a bit more to the bottom, or widen the 4th system a little.