Messages

I think I wanted to leave that in so it sounds less empty... it gives the accompaniment a bit more of a driving rhythm.

Ahh I see, that works yeah!

Yes, good idea! Updated~

Is there a specific reason you switched the F-A and C around in beat 4.5? It makes it harder to play than the other way around.

[Jawbreaker]

Jawbreaker
j a z z
jazzbreaker
-m7: Maybe you could leave out the R.H. G on beat 2 for easier playability? Also, maybe instead of a triad in beat 3.5, you could make this a single note Eb in a separate layer, so the player can hold the melody C in beat 3. The piano hit in the original is a bit subtler compared to the melody too.
-m8: I hear G and D in the R.H. in beat 2.5
-m14: The melody plays something slightly different from beat 2 on
-m16: The R.H. here is hard to play at speed, maybe you could prioritise one melody or arrange it a bit different? You could move the top part down an octave, or just include a few notes of that melody.
-m22: There's a (very) quick grace note F# before the G in beat 1 in the accordeon
-m25: The grace note before beat 4.5 sounds like it's a D
-m32: I think I only hear F and F# in (swung) 8ths in beat 2 in the R.H.
-m35: I don't hear the C in the L.H. on beat 3.5
-m40: I think the bass plays a G on beat 2.5 instead of an F#?

Alrighty! Feel free to re-upload your Super Mario 3D World sheet too, since it was pretty close to being accepted ^^

I have some general comments at first:
-It looks like you've arranged a shaker percussion voice in the L.H. of Piano II, but that voice isn't that overpowering in the original. I think it'd be better to leave it out and focus on some other instruments that add more to the sheet. For example, in m8 the droning voice from m1-7 starts playing a bassline, and in m17 and on, there's a new low string instrument playing a bassline in octaves.
-For Piano I, it's probably best to keep the notes you want the L.H. to play in the L.H., like in m1-7 and in other similar places. Right here it's not that hard to differentiate yet, but in measures like m22 it's hard to see what you want the player to play in which hand. In m17-22, there are some grace notes in the oboe you could add here too.
-Harmonically the piece is kinda ambiguous while at the same time tending towards C#m and G#m at the same time. I think that with all the A#'s in the piece and the fact that most of the bass instruments in the original center around G#, G#m might make more sense (5 sharps)

m25-28 LH: Is this what you mean? I have a feeling that I may still be missing the harmonies you mentioned.

Hmm I think the higher strings and the lower bassline are a bit hard to combine in just the L.H. Maybe you could let the L.H. play just the bassline instead, and add some of the higher strings in the R.H. in m25 and 26?

I don't have much to add, but I noticed you don't have a dynamic marking at the start, maybe you could add a mp or something? That's all ^^

[accept]

Awesome, then I'll accept!

I won't doubt your expertise, but what I hear as dominant in Sunny Beach is what is what is arranged. example: m5-6 there is that bass guitar(?) (that is barely heard) if it's as low as I hear it wouldn't be in reach of the surrounding notes, and I'm not sure moving it up an octave is the better decision. That held note captures what is primarily audible. Later on there is that pulsing sound in the bass which I don't want in the arrangement at all since it changes the feel of the song (or at least how I hear the song).

Not sure what your overall thoughts are on this. I think Sunny Beach captures the primarily heard parts of the song, and has a good feeling to it. The song has a fast enough tempo that the held notes don't sound "stale" at any point in my opinion. I'd like to better understand how NSM thinks about this so I can make note of what I may submit in general to NSM.

Sorry for not responding to this yet! What I mostly noticed in the Sunny Beach, is that the arrangement of the whole rhythm section of the original (so piano, drums and bass guitar) is reduced to a few chords here and there in some places. If you were to listen to the arrangement without the R.H., it'd be really empty in most places. This is because there are places with only long notes, and you're missing a whole lower part of the frequency range. Never underestimate what a bass guitar adds to a song: while it's not in the foreground, you'll definitely miss it when it's gone.

What I usually do when I arrange a whole rhythm section for piano, is to include a bass pattern that is either just the same bass as the original, or something that approaches the bass guitar + drums. The chord accents I then try to arrange in the R.H. Here's an example of m9-12 with just the R.H.:

The melody and chords are taken care of, so the L.H. can play a bass part that approaches the bass guitar. I haven't note checked this btw, but I did already hear that the bass plays some bass notes that are different than just the upper structures of the chords. For example, if the R.H. plays B major (B-D#-F#), but the bass plays a G#, it suddenly becomes a G#m7 instead, a chord that has a whole different feel, so that's another reason why having a bass part is important.

[Title Theme]

Title Theme

I omitted the percussion at the start

The C-F-Bb triad plays in those first two bars too though, so maybe you can add the two bars with just that triad? (better to add this last, so the measure numbers don't change for the rest of the feedback)

beat 1 of m8 should only play on the repeat, I added a parenthesis, but it only applied to the top note

You can add more parentheses and move them up or down, or alternatively, I can use full finale to shrink the note size so it's in-your-face?

m30 - I don't see how it's practical to play beat 3-4 RH with the Bb and d, but I added them in since I think you might be expecting them.

It's on the harder side yeah, but not impossible. My fingering for beat 3 is 1-4 and 2-5, for beat 4 2-5 and 1-3. A way to practice this is to play them like full chords (so Bb-D-G-Bb and F-Bb-C-F) and practice the jump between the two: play them staccato and fall into the next chord, without trying to check if your fingers are on the notes, kinda like jumping on a trampoline. If that goes well, then try playing the individual dyads again.

m38 b4, I simplified to a triplet, instead of a sextuplet, for playability

The sextuplet is pretty hard yeah, but maybe instead of a chromatic tuplet, you could do the last four notes of the sextuplet as 32nds notes: F-G-A-Bb to the C in m37. You can play that with a quick 1-2-3-4-5 fingering. You can do the same in m38 then

-m1-4: All the high glockenspiel notes sound like they ring on, so maybe you can leave out the staccatos/tie over the notes that can be tied over?
-m3: I don't hear this C in the R.H. on beat 1.5, I think I can only hear a delay/reverb effect on the C from m2 beat 4.5
-m6: The chord on beat 2 should be E-G-A-C for the R.H., and a D in the L.H. This D should be held into m7 too. Also, the chord on beat 1 sounds like it should be an 8th note + 8th rest, as there's a rest between that chord and the one on beat 2. You could even add a glissando up to the D on beat 2.
-m8-11: I think it may be better to add the bass in these 4 measures too, and arrange the chords in dyads underneath the R.H. The bass and drums here have this driving rhythm that is missing when just playing long notes in the L.H. The R.H. could be something like this:

You could even leave out the held notes in m9 if you want for easier playability.
-m9: I hear the G in the R.H. on beat 4 (instead of beat 3.5), and the F on beat 4.5, or on beat 1 of m10 (instead of beat 4), depending on how you hear the slide down. Also, I hear an 8th rest on beat 3.5, similar to m13.
-m14-15: There are some ornamentations on the R.H. notes in m14 beat 1.5 and 3.5, and m15 beat 1.5: these are mordents (the 8th articulation in finales articulation window)
-m20: I'd probably use F's for the open hi-hats here instead of E's, as the E's clash with the Bb major chord.
-m22 and 30: I hear a C in the L.H. whole note instead of a D
-m23 and 31: I hear an F in the L.H. whole note instead of an E
-m24: R.H. beat 3 Bb should have a staccato too
-m25-28: You could do something like this for the L.H.:

I used the bass notes as bottom notes, and arranged a part of the synth lead above that. The driving bass rhythm is technically possible, but a bit on the harder side in m25-26, so I put it back in in m27-28. You can do something similar in m33-34, but you can use the upper layer in m33 to play some of the R.H. notes instead, as they'd clash otherwise. In m34, the L.H. should start with the Eb bass notes on beat 4 already. The R.H. can take a G below the Bb-C-F chord in beat 4.
-m29: It's hard to implement the slide on beat 2 R.H., but you could do F-C (instead of A-F) here so it starts on a lower note. For the slide you could add in two grace notes D and E before beat 3, but leaving them out is fine too
-m39: Maybe you could leave out the R.H. bottom C for a bit easier playability after the run in m38? For the L.H., I think it's better to also play the quick 16th-16th-8th on a C. Also, the bass softly plays something from beat 2 on, G-A-Bb-A-G in 8ths. In beat 4, the R.H. chord should be Db-Gb-Bb, and the L.H. should be an Ab.
-m39-41: Maybe you can move the R.H. up an octave in m39 beat 4 up to m41 beat 1 (and m8 beat 1 too), for some more power? You could also add an octave above or below the L.H. then.

Lastly, since the optional ending is based on m8-10, you could try to rewrite it in the style of the new m8-10 too, but I'm not exactly sure yet what I'd do myself. Ending it on m41 beat 1 would work too, as a short but strong ending.

[approval]

i'll secretly leave an approval voor Bermuda Triangle, I didn't see anything off ^^

i should probably play this game lol
-m1-5: I hear an E instead of a D# on the bottom of the R.H. chord
-m3: I hear an E in the L.H. (instead of C#)
-m5: There's a G# on beat 3 in the R.H.
-m8: Maybe you could put this 8th rest in beat 3.5 in the R.H. too? It sounds like all instruments stop playing and only some reverb continues on.
-m10: The R.H. and L.H. play the same A# on beat 3 here, maybe you could add parentheses the the one in the R.H.?
-m18, 22 and 26: I hear an A instead of a B in the L.H. on beat 2
-m31: I hear an E in the L.H. in beat 3.75 (below the chord on beat 1 in the next bar). Also, maybe it's easier for the L.H. to take the dyads in beat 2 (and maybe 2.5)? The run on beat 1 walks up to it nicely.
-For m17-30, usually you wouldn't use 8vas in the L.H., as they get a bit counterintuitive to interpret, and in this case, some parts still go up pretty high above the L.H. It's better to switch between bass and treble clef if needed. Maybe you could also check if the R.H. can take over some runs at the end of a measure, so the L.H. has time to jump back down to the bass note on beat 1 of each measure.

[accept]

I fixed the grace note issue for you, the title/subtitle being centered is fine (that's what the formatting guidelines say), and the slurs look good to me too. So I'll accept!

[accepted]

And accepted!

- The last four notes in the last measure are G-G#-A-B instead of G-A-A#-B

Quick addition to be sure, cuz of the key signature change this will be G - Ab - A natural - B natural

Hm, I still feel like it is, perhaps quite quickly? Stylistically I think it also makes sense to reduce the crunchiness of the D-Eb minor second and highlight the melody G a bit better. Let me know if you still disagree though.

It is a stylistic thing to play some chords with a veeeeery slight delay between notes, but that isn't really similar to a roll like the other rolls in this section. It's more a way to distribute the weight between the fingers, rather than actively rolling a chord.

aaaaaaa so what I did earlier did have an unintended side effect. I assume you mean 17 and 20? There's probably a better way, but I poked them manually for now

Ah yep, looks good!

[approve]

Awesome! Maybe a cautionary accidental on the top Bb in m12 beat 3.5 would be nice, just to be sure? Either way I'll approve!