LH first:
m1+ on the top note of every shape, I hear a shorter note. Maybe a staccato would work?
m41+ - I'd recommend a staccato on b2 and b4.
m41 and similar - b3.25 is a G, not an F.
m42 and similar - b3.25 is a A# rather than a G.
m44 and similar - b4.5 is a D and higher than the A it is right now. No staccato on b4.
RH:
By closely following the harmony, I get this for m49-52. It is doubled, both above and below what was the melody note and I think it works best this way:

You mostly got it in m53+ but it's still very present
-speaking of m53, b1 D should be an E and b4 B should be an A
this is what i hear for m55-56 (no 8va):

Maybe throw a repeat around m9-16 and delete 17-24? Note that this will throw the measure numbers above off.
Fix this up and then I can touch up the formatting.