It does sound really good and faithful - it's obvious you put a lot of effort into it. But there are a few things keeping it from that next level of quality.
- It is best to not obscure the beat division - both beats in 6/8 time need to be clear. For this reason, half-notes should not be used in 6/8 time (unless the accentuation is momentarily 3/4, which is never the case in this song). Rewrite each of them as a dotted quarter tied to an eighth.
- The B-naturals in 31-36 should be written as C-flats. Look at the RH chord in 32 for example: it's actually a root-position triad, but it looks like a second-inversion one. C-flats will reinforce that intervallic relationship properly.
- Temporary part splitting, such as in 9 and 10, should be done beatwise - you should not hide rests that complete the beat. For example, either the eighth rest in 9 be made visible, or the quarter note be extended to a dotted quarter (I would do the latter).
- 7 could be taken a step further by combining the secondary voices of both staves into a double-stemmed beam.
- Trailing rests of a beat in compound time, such as LH 13 and 14, should show all subdivisions. Instead of eighth note then quarter rest, it should be eighth note followed by two eighth rests (but quarter note followed by eighth note is acceptable).
- I would avoid using ff everywhere because it loses its power - save it for the most dramatic moments of the piece, use f elsewhere.
- Grace note groups should be connected to the principle note with a slur.
- I'm not sure how, but you somehow put a staccato on rests in 13 and 16.
These are just notation points; I haven't thoroughly investigated the arrangement's accuracy (but I noticed a few notes in LH 11-12).
I'm looking forward to the next iteration =)
