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m5 and m8 both sound like there's an octave harmony below b1, shouldn't make it too much harder to play if you add it in.

Oh yeah I think you're right. They're in.

Mabe give your ties a bit of breathing room? The slurs are getting awful close to them. Should be able to respace systems if the slurs need more space.

Moved all the slurs up a little bit

It sounds to me like the D "pops" more for those offbeat G major chords - thoughts about inverting them down?

I picked that inversion based on Finale's piano because the lower one sounded pretty muddy, but I tried it on a couple other pianos and it sounds alright. Changed it to D on top

That's pretty much it (although I think your staff lines are a bit thick)

Dethickened

- I think this would make more sense in 6/4 as each phrase currently spans two 3/4 bars

Ooh that's a good call. I'll take any chance to use weird time sigs

- It seems a bit spacey... you could condense the last three systems into two but I can see why you wouldn't want to and I guess that's fine by me

It's even more spacey with 6/4 measures, so I think the whole thing fits pretty comfortably on 2 systems now

Because of the relatively slow-ish tempo, I think you could add those 32nd note bits if you want. I don't think it would make it that much more difficult. Otherwise, looks fantastic.

The real deal doubles the bottom tone on each 32nd note, but I think it sounds ok split. The playability doesn't seem too bad either, just a bit of a stretch on m1b3, so I added the 32nds \o/

-I think the A# should be an An in bar 4.

You're right, good ear

-Have you considered raising the RH by an octave so that it doesn't overlap with the left hand quite so much?

I had not, but now I have and have also included the consideration :p

m28 and 44 look the same to me in the new file. Sorry if I was unclear but I meant removing the 16th notes from the LH part.
Looking at it again, I noticed some extra doubled notes (the last 16th notes in m29-30 and 45-46). This is what I'm suggesting:

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Ohh k I think I see what you were saying now. I went back over the sheet looking for overlaps and replaced a lot of notes in the RH with rests, and added couple of parentheses in the LH.
Pretty sure all the places I changed are
* m16-22, m28-21, m44-46 RH rests
* m28,44 LH parens

• You don't need the extra 16th notes in m28 and 44 because they're doubled in the RH - those measures should look just like m29 and 44.

Great point, took those out

In the spirit of consistency, I also nudged a few notes in the LH in measures 37-41 to keep those patterns similar.

- Opening dynamics!

Whoops D:

- m. 13 - Ab chord (change the top note from G# to Ab). I'd also recommend spelling the third chord as F# major.
- m. 15 - hide the rest in the lower staff, and add a natural to display on the last B (press P twice).

Nice catches! Added em all

- I think you're missing two bars between m. 35-36...

Whoops D:

- On the not-first pages, I'd recommend putting the systems a bit closer together to make a little more room for the header.

Social distanced

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I don't have anything else to add.  It looks good other than the Gb -> F#.

I think the Gb in the LH in m. 1 would be better as an F# (chromatic neighboring tone to the G in the next measure).

That's all

Sharpened

It sounds to me like there's another G on beat 1.5 in the left hand in bar 4.  Other than that, looks great!

I double checked and there's definitely just the one extended G there

Just one thing to add in addition to Libera's comment - it sounds like the F# in the RH beat 1.75 in measure 3 is actually a part of the upper layer (descending G-F#-E unlike measure 1). I think it works fine lowered to match m. 1 and have the lower line chromatically ascend, but just wanted to point that out - that I do hear it as part of the top melody.

Yeah you're totally right, that F# is just raised an octave away from the chromatic scale out of nowhere. I think I like it better musically lowered an octave, but with these straightforward NES transcriptions I like accuracy so I changed it :p