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Messages - Libera

#62
Bump for arranger.  Do you think you might get to this anytime soon?  Otherwise it might be worth archiving for when you're ready to come back to it.
#63
I'm going to archive this for inactivity.
#64
Great, will accept.
#65
Quote from: Bloop on January 28, 2023, 07:59:47 AM-m19: The jump down from the end of m18 to this chord is quite large and fast, maybe you could alter the ending of m18 or do some octave displacement magic on this first chord?
-m43: Kinda the same as above with the small run at the end of m42. This one is a bit easier to play, but still pretty hard to consistently fall on the right chord.

Yeah the first one is very hard, so I moved the chord up an octave.  The second one I feel like is very doable with a little bit of practice so I left it as-is.

Quote from: Bloop on January 28, 2023, 07:59:47 AM-m67: You could flip the inner two ties in the R.H. so they don't clash with each other.

Oh no that's awful, sorry about that.  Fixed.

Quote from: Bloop on January 28, 2023, 07:59:47 AMAnother idea to differentiate between the choir and strings (not necessarily with dynamics) is shrinking the noteheads of the strings like in the part at m43-52. They're not that hard to play of course, but making them an optional extra voice also makes clear it's different from the choir part.

I thought about this when making the arrangement actually and I narrowly decided against it, but if you're suggesting it I'll do that.  I don't really mind and this definitely makes the voicing clearer.

Thanks for the feedback!  Files updated.
#66
Just double checking the pdf for articulations since they're all off when I view the musx and noticed the staccato of beat 1 of bar 16 is on the wrong side.

Otherwise I think everything looks good and will accept when that's fixed!
#67
Looks good, just some small comments from me:

-I feel like the RH in bar 16 could be a bit bigger.  Maybe add in the octave below, and I'd definitely add the D# as well on the last one like in the original.
-Any reason for omitting the F in the chord in bar 16?  Similarly for the E and D for the chord in bar 17.
-I think the En on beat 1 of bar 23 should be a Eb/D#.
-I wasn't 100% sure but I was also leaning towards the LH beat 4.5 of bar 24 being a C rather than another B, then I noticed Bloop said it as well.  Beat 1.5 also sounds to me like a D rather than an F, but I can hear that one more clearly.
#68
Honestly, as surprised as I am by this, I don't really have anything to say about this sheet.  It's pretty weird, but everything here makes sense to me.

The only thing I would say is that I think the performance note would look a lot better at the bottom of the page, rather than visually breaking up the music between the systems.  Also, 'should be played' reads a lot better than 'are played' in the first line of the note.
#69
That all looks great, so I'll approve!  Just make sure to update the musx as well.
#70
There's still a bunch of things Bloop mentioned that haven't been fixed.  Maybe the wrong file is currently up?  I'd have another look and check that this is definitely the right file, but I'll point out stuff anyway.

-What Bloop said about bar 10 above.
-Beat 1 of bar 12 should be a Bn, not a Bb.
-Beat 1 of bars 17/25 should be an An, not an Ab.
-Extra Ab in the left hand of bar 26 that is surely an accident.

Some other things:

-I think there's a bunch of places where courtesy accidentals would be useful here, like beat 1 of bar 16 RH, beat 1 of bar 26 RH (when the An is added in bar 25), and beat 1 of bar 32 LH.
-The a tempo in bar 9 looks a bit tight with the beam from the sixteenths, so just move it up a little bit.
-In general I think the cresc. hairpins should follow through to the end of the barline a bit more.  They stop a little early at the moment.
-I'd recommend removing the G in the RH on beat 3.5 of bar 32 because it obscures the melody pretty heavily there.  It will be almost impossible to not hear that as G -> F rather than the Eb -> F which is actually the melody in the original, and I don't think the G on the top adds that much anyway.
-Have you considered moving one of the composers from the second line to the third and then moving the composition by down to kill a line?  I think the hanging 'composition by' looks a little weird at the moment and it's not that important to keep the space to the left of the info clear.
#71
Quote from: Code_Name_Geek on January 21, 2023, 10:51:34 AMThis is the one thing I don't fully agree with. I'm hearing the bass jump down an octave in bar 11, but stay on the same pitch in bar 15. The bass is an octave lower than where I have it written, but I think taking it down would be too low on piano.

Ah I see what you mean now.  Looks good then.

Quote from: Code_Name_Geek on January 21, 2023, 10:51:34 AMIs that on beat 1? I'm not hearing an obvious roll, but maybe there's a really subtle roll in the mallet instrument. I wouldn't be opposed to adding some more rolls, just not sure exactly where to put them.

I guess I'm thinking about the guitar strumming in terms of rolls, and the one in bar 10 just stood out to me most of all.  Like beat 3 bar 2, beat 1 of bars 3, 4, 5 etc.  As I said, I don't really mind that much but including them is probably what I would have done.

Quote from: Code_Name_Geek on January 21, 2023, 10:51:34 AMThe only other question I have is whether there's a neater way to write m10, especially with the two rests? But it's probably fine the way it is too, just wondering.

Maybe this?  This is a little neater maybe since it has no rests, but I don't think what you have now is that big of an issue.

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#72
Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 19, 2023, 09:54:09 AMFormatting
- You could widen the first system a bit so the cresc. isn't so close in m3
   - the cresc. could also be lined up to center a bit more with the piano this way as well, but both somewhat insignificant things

I fiddled with the hairpin in the beginning a little.  I don't want to widen the staves for that; it's unnecessary.  This also wasn't really that much of a deal anyway and looked fine. 

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 19, 2023, 09:54:09 AM- m4, m11 and m24 RH upper layer quarter rests could go a little lower.
   - I see that they could be this way to have a consistent height with m26 and thus all upper layer rests, but m26's RH upper layer rests could also go a little lower as well.

I didn't change the rests because I want to keep them consistent (you couldn't really lower most of them by that much anyway, and my general feeling is that unless you can place it in the usual position there's not much to gain from moving it that much and you might as well keep it out of the way and consistent).

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 19, 2023, 09:54:09 AM- are the double lines in m8 and m18 there to illustrate key changes?

Not really.  The piece is clearly split into three sections in terms of melody/texture/harmony and I chose to split those sections up with double barlines.

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 19, 2023, 09:54:09 AM- m5 another small visual thing the rit. and the dim. are ever so slightly out of alignment from eachother. Either move the rit. to the right some or the dim. to the left.
- m25 the dim. could go a bit to the left under the note head to be more consistently aligned with other expressive text in this arrangement (ex. m13-14).

Sure I can adjust those, but it really doesn't matter that much.

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 19, 2023, 09:54:09 AMNotes
- m4 LH I think there's an Ab as opposed to a G. Also in this measure, I hear the lower RH layer make a movement on beat 3, where the C and Eb go up to D and F on beat 3, meaning these notes are half notes. I guess you could make a third layer in the RH? I don't think a third layer is necessary here.  Not sure about the D, but I can add in an F on beat 3 under the RH.  I can add in an Ab as well, but I'm pretty sure there's a G in there as well.
- m5 RH the F sounds like it is only held first two beats so it could go in the 2nd layer, but it's probably fine to keep as is tbh I'm not being very careful with note lengths in this arrangement because I think you get a bigger sound by just pedalling everything together which reflects the original better.
- m8 LH I hear a G in this cluster Sure.
- m12 LH I do not hear an Eb, I think there's a G instead, like in m13 I can add the G in as well, but I'm confident on the Eb.  Remember, not everything has to be in the correct octave, it's just about spreading it across the hands effectively.
- m14 RH lower layer beat 4 I hear a D instead of Eb Not convinced on this.
- m15-16 LH there is an Ab next to the upper Bb in this chord. There's also a C technically above the LH higher Bb as well but I don't think it works out on piano given current/proposed notes, and it doesn't sound great up an octave in the RH. Currently these chords are a little brighter in texture than they could be by adding the Ab.Ok yeah I've rewritten this now, thanks.  My bad.

After seeing those last two bars I went back and rewrote everything after 18, so some subset of your comments no longer apply.  I'll go through them all anyway, though.

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 19, 2023, 09:54:09 AM- m18 I hear the F# above the RH D as opposed to below, but I suppose this is a good arrangement decision considering the ascending portion of the RH I think originally I inverted this down to keep it from being too far above the melody notes, but I think it makes more sense to present this in the correct voicing, and is also more consistent with bar 22.
- m18-19 The held notes technically terminate at beat 4 as a dotted half note rather than continue through as whole note, so you could reflect that difference between these measures and subsequent ones See above about note lengths.
- m19 LH There's an A above the D here Fixed in my edits.
- m20 LH I hear an E above the A as well I don't think that's necessary and would make that bar unbalanced compared to those around it.
- m21 LH there's a G up an octave from what's present as well creating a little dissonance with the F# That's a really risky thing to do when the melody immediately descends by a minor 2nd.  It can really sound confusing to listen to that way and since we have the F# anyway, I don't think it's worth it.
- m22 LH there's another B that would be next to the A, but I think this is one worth omitting unless you move the low A currently in the RH to the left. Fixed in my edits.
- m24 RH the F# doesn't seem to fit in this E minor chord. I think I hear a D in this though so could replace the F# with it Fixed in my edits.  Although, you could use 'x note doesn't fit in y triad' to justify excluding all extensions, so I was a bit confused by what you wrote.  I mean, does the D 'fit' in an Em chord?  It fits in Em7...
- m25 LH I hear an A that's held until the triplets in m26. Maybe put m25's B in layer 2, or just have the A in m25 and restrike in m26, but as a part of layer 1. I think this is fine as is.
- m29 I hear a second G that is up next to the RH A. Perhaps put the currently present G down in the LH. I don't think we need to double the G hear and I like this open voicing quite a lot.



Phew, that sheet is denser than I remember.  I should have looked through that again before submitting it, my apologies.  Thanks for checking!
#74
Thanks for having a look!  Responses inline and files updated.

Quote from: XiaoMigros on January 08, 2023, 06:34:24 AM
  • From m9 onwards: I think you could incorporate those accented piano notes somehow; either with a corresponding marking or having those places play in octaves, for example. Yeah sure I can add in octaves at the start of each bar, that works.
  • m19-34: Do you think it's worth differentiating between the volume of the choir and strings? I'm currently leaning towards no, though maybe if everyone feels otherwise I'll think about it.  It seems kind of messy/confusing for not much gain.
  • m35-42: While this section sounds fine as is, might there be a way to incorporate some of the choir part so it's more harmonically interesting? I think the octaves are already enough for the performer to focus on, and with the pedal you're going to get a full sound anyway.  The only thing you're really missing is the F# in the second half of bars 36 etc. but I don't think it's that big of a deal.
  • m53-end: I get wanting to have a strong contrast in the LH between this section and the preceding ones, but by making it too static it does lose some of the original's grandeur. Below is an example I came up with, accenting the downbeats with low notes, though obviously feel free to do whatever you like (or none of this, if you disagree)! I like having the extra space that this section currently has and I don't really think it needs anything else for the left hand to do on top of what is already there.
    m53-54 LH
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#75
A few things from me, just some cleanup with regards to voicings mostly.

-I don't hear this low An in bar 2 beat 3.
-The octaves in 3-5 etc. might be a little overkill compared to the way you've written the rest of the piece.  Otherwise I feel the harmony gets a little lopsided (E is tripled and then one of each B D# F# etc.)
-Pretty much everywhere you have this low B-D# dyad (bar 6, 12 etc.) I think it would sound stronger/more balanced as B-F#.
-The second first layer note in the RH of bar 9 sounds like an F# to me, not an A#.
-I think the end of bar 10 should be an octave lower in the left hand, running into the E on beat 1 of bar 11 being an octave lower also, like in bar 15.
-Maybe more of the chords could be rolled, like in 10, but I don't mind that much.
-Could we have the second layer offset to the left slightly in bars 11-12, 15 etc. where it's directly on top of the first layer.  It would look a lot neater that way.
-I'm not sure there's too much purpose to the second layer in bar 14.  You could get rid of the rest by merging the layers there.
-The voicing gets a little confusing in the final bar because the bass has been put up the octave.  The bass sounds like it's playing an A# on beat 3 (and then descends as a Bmaj7 chord, so the En should be a D# I think) but the Gn from the upper parts now crosses underneath that note.  I don't think it would be that big of a deal to put at least from beat 2.5 back down the octave to avoid this voicing confusion.  Maybe there's another solution as well.