Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-You wrote in the mordent in bar 1, but there are lots of other melodic flourishes throughout the piece that you haven't written in. For example, in bars 12, 16, 20, 24, 28 and 33. (Those are the ones I spotted, I only said 'for example' because there might be others I've missed.) I'd really suggest adding these in, as they really help to give this piece its flavour.Done.
Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-In bar 4 (and similar places), I personally would have gone with something like this:I didn't do this mainly because I don't know how to do that.It's one of those things that's really easy for the performer to do and is more fitting than just a generic chord on that note (at least in my opinion).
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Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-In bar 5 (and the subsequent bars) I'd write the lower part in a separate layer exactly as it is in the original. Like this:Done.
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Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-From bar 9 to bar 24 everything is an octave too high, so remove the 8va and change the 15ma to an 8va. It also saves you from using the 8va -> 15ma transistion, which I'm not a huge fan of.Ok, so I took both of them out but I don't know how to add an 8va so there is none at the moment, if you could add one or tell me how that would be great.
Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-The Ab in bar 36 should be a G# like you have in bar 40.I thought I fixed that already... Oh well, it's fixed now, that's all that matters.
Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-More of a general comment for the whole sheet, but some of the staccatos don't feel right to me. For example, I'd remove the staccatos on the semiquavers in bar 4 and if you're going to put a staccato on the third RH quaver of bar 3 then the sixth quaver should probably have one too. There are others though; I'd have a look through the sheet and really think carefully about where you need the staccatos to go.Tried my best to fix all this, I might have missed something though...
-Another general comment about the sheet: rhythm groupings. These can sometimes be a bit tricky, especially to people just starting out at engraving, but I'll try and explain it briefly. Latios made a pretty good guide for rhythm groupings in 4/4 but unfortunately we're in 6/8 here. Luckily, the principle is the same: we want to group the first set of three quavers together, and then the second group of quavers together. You'll notice in my picture of bar 5 with the new layer added in my beaming is a little different to yours, and that's because I'm following this principle. Generally speaking, your groupings are pretty good but there are a few places (like that particular rhythmic figure that crops up all over this piece) that have incorrect groupings. The most egregious are in the left hand in bars 36-43. I'd have a check through the piece and see if you can fix it up so that the beats in the bar are shown correctly (but do let us know if you're struggling with that).
-Related to the above point is dotted rests. General rule of thumb: don't use them. There are few exceptions to that rule like dotted crotchet and minim rests in compound time (although I don't use dotted crotchet rests personally) but if you find yourself using a dotted rest (or a double dotted rest as you have in bar 45 and 49) ask yourself whether you should really be doing that, because the likelihood is that you shouldn't. For example, the dotted quaver rests in bars 32-33 should be quaver semiquaver rests.
-Bars 36-43 are a little problematic. Particularly the left hand changes parts part way through the phrase which feels very strange. Latios has already shown you his mock-up which handles all of the parts very well. Even if you don't want to use his, definitely this section needs another look at to keep the left hand consistent, if nothing else.
Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-There are more harmonies in bars 25-26 and 29-30 that not including removes the progression in those bars. Also I think they'd be better an octave lower, something like this perhaps:I don't know if you meant to include a picture here or what... But I get the idea, I experimented some and I think making it an octave sounds a little better than what you suggested.
Quote from: Libera on March 10, 2019, 05:32:55 PM-There's a lot more you could do with dynamics than simply forte for the entire piece. For example. the section bars 36-43 could definitely do with a lower dynamic, perhaps piano. I'd have a closer think about how you could use the dynamics the translate the feel of the piece over to piano better.I changed 36-43 to mezzo-piano, and you're right, it sounds a lot better now.