[SNES] Kirby Super Star - "Cocoa Cave" (Replacement) by Yug Guy

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby Super Star
Console: Super Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Cocoa Cave
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Yug Guy


Replacement Information:
Links to Existing Sheet: MUS | MIDI | PDF
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)

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[attachment deleted by admin]

[Yug_Guy]

Correct title is "Cocoa Cave"

[Latios212]

Yay replacement! This is a good one, your sheets have been looking great lately

- Watch your margins. Your copyright into and second page header info are well outside the set regions. I'd suggest moving a system over to page 2; you have ample space there to use, so why bother squishing things onto the bottom of page 1.
- I'd suggest getting rid of the octave 16ths, since I doubt anyone will take those seriously at tempo. You can also move the staccatos above the notes since there's nothing above them. Instead of moving them manually, since in this sheet those are the only places you use two layers, you can simply go to Document > Document Options > Layers and uncheck "Freeze stems and ties" for Layer 2.
- Actually on closer inspection I'm not sure this riff is right... the lower notes are definitely not octave doubling the higher layer in the original, for one thing, and what I'm hearing is a semitone off from what you have in places. Maybe it's detuned a bit? It sounds weird when I play it back, would be nice if you could double check or someone else could weigh in.
- The last two right hand notes in m. 18 could use staccatos. Beat 1.5 of m. 15 as well. Conversely, I don't think you need staccatos on the 16th notes that follow a dotted eighth like in m. 6, 10, 16, and 18.
- F's in LH beat 4 of m. 22 and 24 are G an octave below in the original. Kind of a big jump but probably doable.
- Is there a reason m. 25-31 are half notes instead of whole notes? The noise in the original starts to fade away but doesn't just stop mid-measure.
- I'd strongly recommend some percussion notation for the last 8 bars - hands aren't busy there and it sounds really empty otherwise so why not?

[Yug_Guy]

- Watch your margins. Your copyright into and second page header info are well outside the set regions. I'd suggest moving a system over to page 2; you have ample space there to use, so why bother squishing things onto the bottom of page 1.

Tried my best to fix it; let me know what you think.

- I'd suggest getting rid of the octave 16ths, since I doubt anyone will take those seriously at tempo. You can also move the staccatos above the notes since there's nothing above them. Instead of moving them manually, since in this sheet those are the only places you use two layers, you can simply go to Document > Document Options > Layers and uncheck "Freeze stems and ties" for Layer 2.
- Actually on closer inspection I'm not sure this riff is right... the lower notes are definitely not octave doubling the higher layer in the original, for one thing, and what I'm hearing is a semitone off from what you have in places. Maybe it's detuned a bit? It sounds weird when I play it back, would be nice if you could double check or someone else could weigh in.

Kirby Super Star doesn't shy away from using non-standard tuning (see: "Trees in the Depths of the Earth"), so I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. Other than getting rid of the doubled notes, I'll leave it as-is until someone else decides to weigh in.

- The last two right hand notes in m. 18 could use staccatos. Beat 1.5 of m. 15 as well.

Uh... did you mean measure 14 or 16? There is no beat 1.5 of measure 15 (it's tied).

- I'd strongly recommend some percussion notation for the last 8 bars - hands aren't busy there and it sounds really empty otherwise so why not?

Added. It's not perfect, but I believe it's suitable enough for the piece.

Otherwise, everything else should be fixed.

[Latios212]

Spacing looks good; you could move the systems a bit closer together on page 1 to make more room for the copyright, but don't have to. Your composer info is a bit high relative to the arranger info, however.

I did mean beat 1.5 of m. 15, the G in the right hand. (While I'm here looking again, perhaps the A on beat 4 of m. 17 could use one as well).

Percussion is fine too, though you could definitely add more to it if you want, similar to the bass rhythm in 21-24.

Looking good (still pending another opinion on those oddly tuned notes).

[Brassman388]

I feel the notes are right. They are detuned and harmonized oddly. But the line is there and it is correct from what I found.

Other than that, I'm not a big fan of 8vb's, but that's just because I'm a bass player so I can read down there with no problem.

No other things from what I saw or heard.

Good work.

[mastersuperfan]

This is what I'm hearing (with E naturals):



Since it's not terribly feasible to play all those dyads at this speed, this is what I'd notate:



You might be hearing something different, but let me at least say: hearing a Db, instead of a Dn, right before the C, hurts my ears. Like ow.

(I also tried replacing the B's with C's since I thought that the B's might have been a little jarring, but I don't think it sounded any better. Personally I'd just use what I heard and transcribed, but it's your call.)

Delete the extra forte marking in m23.

I'd suggest putting courtesy naturals on the E's in m19, m21, and m23 (m21 because the LH plays an Eb at the same time). The E in m11 may or may not also want a courtesy accidental. Depends on whether you think it needs one when the last Eb was two measures, but I could see myself accidentally thinking it was still Eb if I were playing it.

The tied quarter notes in m15 would probably look better as a half note. I used to notate half notes over beat 3 like that, but I remember reading somewhere that generally it's not desirable to do that with half notes. Doesn't really make a difference though.

Finally, I recognize that adding much more extra percussion in m25-32 would mean transcribing that whole crazy drum pattern or those bird chirps,  but there's also a "pop!" sound on beat 3 of m25, m27, m29, and m31. I think you could at least capture that somehow, like through a clap, or some other sound.

Otherwise, the sheet looks great to me! A much-deserved replacement for that KSS section we have on site...

also woe to the unlucky souls who actually try to play m21–24

[Yug_Guy]

This is what I'm hearing (with E naturals): ~snip~

Since it's not terribly feasible to play all those dyads at this speed, this is what I'd notate: ~snip~

Unfortunately, your example doesn't sound at all like the riff to me. While my interpretation probably isn't 100% correct because of the non-standard tuning, I'm still gonna keep it that way, since that's what sounds most correct to me.

You might be hearing something different, but let me at least say: hearing a Db, instead of a Dn, right before the C, hurts my ears. Like ow.

Sounds fine to me lol. Although, that could be because I like Phrygian quite a lot.

The E in m11 may or may not also want a courtesy accidental. Depends on whether you think it needs one when the last Eb was two measures, but I could see myself accidentally thinking it was still Eb if I were playing it.

I usually only notate courtesy accidentals if the accidental appears in the immediate measure prior to it. I added the other courtesy accidentals you suggested, though.

Otherwise, I fixed most of the other stuff you mentioned. Thanks!

[Brassman388]

Unfortunately, your example doesn't sound at all like the riff to me. While my interpretation probably isn't 100% correct because of the non-standard tuning, I'm still gonna keep it that way, since that's what sounds most correct to me.

I would agree with this. All I hear is tritones, which I think is what was written in the first place.

[Latios212]

Aw, the playback is messed up in m. 26+. Other than that, looks great with the last few pieces of feedback!

[Latios212]

Huh, never mind, playback seems to be working fine. Approved

[Maelstrom]

Aw, the playback is messed up in m. 26+. Other than that, looks great with the last few pieces of feedback!

This was my comment until I realized it's actually right. It's kind of wonky, but it's great at the same time.
Accepted.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot