[GBA] Hamtaro: Rainbow Rescue - "Hamtaro Time" by Altissimo

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Hamtaro: Rainbow Rescue
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Hamtaro Time
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Altissimo

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[Altissimo]

for those of you on the updating team who don't know, just to avoid getting hounded about it, the reason there's a title discrepancy between the arrangement and the video is because I uploaded the youtube videos and chose the names for every track, and used as much detail as possible to facilitate search results there, but this is literally just a game arrangement of the Hamtaro anime's theme song which is called "Hamtaro Time" so that's why this one is only called that

[Libera]

I am simultaneously impressed and scared by your dedication to Hamtaro.

Before I check notes, there are some visual things that I think could be improved upon.
-With a staff size change and some general fiddling with measure distribution you could get this onto two pages.  Also at the end of the piece there are two extra bars that removing would give you some more space to work with.
-Bars 27-28 some of the staccatos aren't on the note-head side.
-I'd drop the 8va in bars 32-34 and just move those notes onto the bottom clef.  If you want to keep the voices separate you can still do that there by putting them in different layers but I don't personally think that's necessary.
-Bar 28 you have the glissando colliding with the clef change. 
-Bar 10 you have the second layer rest showing.

I'll give it another look once you've had a go at these things.

[Altissimo]

I am simultaneously impressed and scared by your dedication to Hamtaro.

Before I check notes, there are some visual things that I think could be improved upon.
-With a staff size change and some general fiddling with measure distribution you could get this onto two pages.  Also at the end of the piece there are two extra bars that removing would give you some more space to work with.
-Bars 27-28 some of the staccatos aren't on the note-head side.
-Bar 28 you have the glissando colliding with the clef change. 
-Bar 10 you have the second layer rest showing.

fixed

-I'd drop the 8va in bars 32-34 and just move those notes onto the bottom clef.  If you want to keep the voices separate you can still do that there by putting them in different layers but I don't personally think that's necessary.

I moved it to the bottom clef but still kept the voices separate and in fact cross-staffed from the RH since I want to make it clear that's better done as a RH motion than LH, "that can be inferred" but this makes it more clear

[Libera]

I like a fast response, good job!  As promised I'm back with feedback on notes:

-The section bars 11-17 is missing harmonies.  Generally the glockenspiel (? I'm not sure exactly but the instrument you're arranging as the lower voice in the right hand in this section) is playing two notes rather than just one. For example in bar 12 it's playing a D and a B, but you've only got the D.
-The high part at bars 27-28 sounds like G E G E etc. to me.
-In bar 4 and every subsequent bar like it (6,8, etc.) the glockenspiel or w/e gets a bit of action that looks something like this:
You cannot view this attachment.
(Once again it's also two notes here but the G probably won't fit in well.)  Worth thinking about whether you'd want to include this; I'm easy either way.
-In bar 5 you notate that phrase correctly but every other time it shows up you cut the minim short, is there a reason for this?  I don't think keeping it as a minim makes it hard to play or anything like that.
-The gliss in bar 28 starts a quaver earlier than you've written, (i.e. the and of three rather than four.)

More things not on notes:
-In bars 9 and 25 you use a minim rest in the right hand but in bars 29 and 31 you use two crotchets.  For consistency's sake I'd pick one and stick with it.
-We're eating into the margins a little on the top and bottom of page 2; I'd decrease the white space between systems a little bit and bring everything in a little.
-Slur in the right hand of bar 15 -> 16 is colliding with the staccato.

[Altissimo]

fixed things, ran 11-16 by olimar so bc i trust him im pretty sure whats written is what is

[Libera]

Sweet.

-The high part at bars 27-28 sounds like G E G E etc. to me.

This still.

Other than that:
-The gliss in 28 is colliding with the dot on the preceding note.
-A few first layer rests could do with some more space; I'm looking at bar 10, 12 and 26.

That's all I've got I think now.

[Altissimo]

k

[Libera]

I meant the G E below, the notes you've written in are too high for piano to play.

Also in bar 16-17 RH the staccatos look strange on the notehead side because of how the layers are interacting.  I'd move them onto the stem side for this section (also that's where the tenuto is anyway.)

[Altissimo]

ok I'll fix it when I get home but like is this the actual last thing you want me to change, it wastes time for the both of us for me to have to edit the same file multiple times and not in one go especially when the issue (like the staccatos) wasn't actually caused by the previous edit (the one I made this morning) when you already said "that's all I think I have"
before I fix that is there ANYTHING ELSE, from you at least, that needs adjusting

[Libera]

So far I don't think there has been any unnecessary posting on my behalf since every time I've posted I've had something to say in response to something you've done.  But with regards to the staccatos ... I really don't remember them being like that before but maybe I missed them in a previous look over, sorry.  I'm definitely not purposefully splitting up my feedback (well apart from the first two posts, but that was because I hate writing massive feedback walls because I personally find them intimidating.)

Regardless, I intend to approve this once you make those two changes.

[Altissimo]

I prefer to get all the feedback at once personally cause then I can take care of it all at once but eh different strokes i guess

anyway fixed. There is a possibility the staccatos of mm. 27-29 may be off again because I had to reposition some of them manually after fixing the other ones you mentioned. This is a problem I have had before and last time it occurred I spent like 2 hours trying to fix it and could not for the life of me figure out a solution. If that occurs again there isn't anything I can do about it on my end. There just isn't.

[Libera]

Looks good!

I prefer to get all the feedback at once personally cause then I can take care of it all at once but eh different strokes i guess

I'll try to keep this in mind when giving feedback to you in future, everyone's different after all.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot