[3DS] Fire Emblem Fates - "Far Away" by Libera

Started by Zeta, November 13, 2018, 02:37:14 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Fire Emblem
Game: Fire Emblem Fates
Console: Nintendo 3DS
Title: Far Away
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Libera

[attachment deleted by admin]

[attachment deleted by admin]

Libera


Khunjund

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of your indication of character. While it does apply to the first couple measures, that's what your dynamics are for. Just from measure 6 onwards, "rustic" feels more appropriate to me, and clearly "powerfully" no longer applies come measure 22, for example. I think you could either give more character indications throughout the piece, or choose one that better applies to the piece as a whole.

In the opening measures, the writing is very vertical, so I strongly recommend writing the chords as they would appear in standard tertian harmony (so Fmin(maj7), C#min, A min, Fmin for measures 2–3), and maintain that orthography in other primarily harmonic sections throughout the piece (so an Fmin chord in measure 22, etc.). Besides, you even apply that principle later on: measures 32–35 have (basically) the exact same progression, and that's what you did there. Also, you use both the spellings C# minor and Db minor for chords in similar contexts, so I'd choose one and stick with it throughout the entire piece.

Is there a reason you don't repeat the C# in the triplet on beat four, measure 2, etc.? I can hear it pretty clearly in the original.

I think you can hide the half rest in measure 3 and similar areas; it doesn't really help to clarify the rythm.

I'd consider writing the Db-Ab dyad in measure 15 as Db-G# or C#-G#, since this chord resolves to A, and the preceding phrase was heavily coloured with the flat 2 and raised 7. (The Bb>G#>A movement is pretty standard, and G#-A-Bb-C# all fit into the double harmonic major scale starting on A.)

I'm under the impression that the top line drops to D on the first beat of measure 18, so you could repeat it (even if this isn't the case, I think it's sonorous enough to warrant rearticulating).

The chords in measures 16–19 are well-defined, except for Bb minor at the very end, so I'd add in a Db in the right hand just on beat 3 of that measure. (As is, the chord people will hear is Bb major, because of the previous D natural.)

The sixteenth rest in measure 22 is half a space too high. The sixteenth rests in measures 24 and 26 are a full space too high, and the half rest in 22 is above the staff.

I think you would be better off writing f cresc. in measure 38 and putting a hairpin under the last four notes of 39 than writing a ff that applies to only two notes.

Finally, I'd do a final check for courtesy accidentals (C in measure 3, etc.).
Please stop making lists using hyphens.

Libera

Huh, I guess I was thinking about the harmony in this piece completely the wrong way before.  It makes a lot more sense now.

I changed some other things as well.  Once again, if I didn't change something, it's not because I missed it.

Thanks for looking it over.

Latios212

Looks pretty good. Just a couple small things:
- Flatted mordent on the A in m. 9 similar to the previous measures?
- I think the Db in m. 15 would be better written as a C# due to the G# below. Also, the woodwind melody resolves to an E in m. 16 (first pass only) which you've excluded; could we add that back in?
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Libera


Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Maelstrom


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot